Practical Issues Of Gender Role...

[Guest Jeannine Bean]

I always wonder what does, "Confirmation from a therapist of the person's mental status and intention to live 24/7 in the desired gender [...]" effectively means. Really, what does "living full time as a woman" or "living full time as a man" mean? If you define it as "everyone thinks you're that, then most transwomen will be excluded, in my opinion, until years of hormones, and maybe facial surgery. If we define it as "dressing and behaving like a woman" or "dressing and behaving like a man" then as a practical matter, everyone everywhere is already doing it -- for either gender (I can find examples of cissexual cisgendered people of any stripe who behave and dress in any range of manners).

So, to me, there's no meaningful standard set by any of this. No one is going to question a really butchy lady or a really femme guy who says that they're CisGendered. Anyhow, my doctor seems to want me to be more femme and concentrate on passing. Basically, and I feel like I'm already acting more femme, in a lot of ways, than cisgendered female me from a magical demiplane in a parallel universe is acting. Jeabus, I don't want to wear a skirt every day! Sometimes jeans and a T-shirt just make sense. For me or any other women. And yes, I'm completely bald and have big shoulders and hands. I work on my voice a lot and am constrained in my fashion choices by what will fit my frame, or buying custom. So I'm taking more and more of a libertarian attitude about it as I feel the social resources for me are inadequate.

I'm glad that my docs of choice will do surgery if I only have a doctor stating that I am of sound mind and understand the consequences of my actions.

Likewise, I'm not being denied hormones.

Still, I resent the sensation of being pressed into a tighter gender straightjacket than CisWomen. Nor do I have the slightest intention of ever accepting such a straightjacket. I feel more and more sure of that the older I get (I felt similar when I started transition about six years ago as well)

Though I understand the idea of trying to make others feel less bothered. . . But is that really my responsibility? I went years worried that I had back hair. People really acted as if I was imposing something dreadful on them if I went swimming or something. . in my younger days, I had some friends and acquaintances who were quite rude. Now am I going to let the same things happen because I'm really skinny and have more and more boobage happening? No.

I guess I'm dealing a lot with boundaries. Maybe people just get to choose what they want to call me and I don't really need to worry about it or judge them with regards to pronouns and stuff. Maybe also a boundary is that I do as I please so long as I'm not hurting anyone else and they get to figure out whatever distress it causes them and deal with it.

--Jeannine

[Guest rachael1]

You have made some good points there Jeannine,

I don't believe that you need to dress in skirts everyday as part of "being more femme and concentrating on passing"?

People are visual creatures and take their cues from what they see, so if you are having trouble "passing" then dressing in more feminine clothes may help. However you shouldn't dress or change your behavioural patterns simply to keep other people happy at the expense of your own principles and happiness.

After all isn't this what a lot of us have been doing most of our life in order to fit in?

I like admire your determination in being yourself and not to let outside influences affect this.

Good luck with your fight to be yourself.

Rachael

[Guest My_Genesis]

Well the first part, about "confirmation from a therapist..." makes sense to me. Just means that from what they can see, this is something you really want and you aren't going to end up "changing your mind" when it's too late. as has happened in the past with trans on hrt. or maybe even people on hrt who weren't trans and that's what the problem was with the course of action they took...

the second part, i think is a really good point, and i actually have never thought of it in that way before. i think your criticism of it is a valid one (hey, i'm all for libertarianism ) however i would not define "dressing and behaving like a woman" as wearing a skirt every day, because as you said many other women are just as happy wearing jeans and a tshirt (just go to my college campus they're all wearing jeans and sweatpants to class with the guys ) anyway, I guess another way to look at living full time as a man/woman, just being comfortable with yourself, and, like i mentioned before, being comfortable at all times (full-time) with any transitions you've made. I don't see why you should feel pressured to act more feminine than any cis-female, unless of course you just happened to be. But living full time, doesn't necessarily mean anything about fitting a gender role, more like being consistent with what you are doing. not like "i want this, i don't want that, no i don't, yes i do..." I wouldn't consider that "living full time as a woman/man", which is why you need someone objective (i.e. a therapist who knows how your mind works almost as well as you do ) to verify that you know what direction you want to take with your life. We aren't sponges so we can't switch from one sex to another on cue. or whatever other animals do that. Anyway that's just another interpretation of it, though I do agree that it isn't quite right to feel you are being pressured to conform your doctor's, therapist's, and anyone else's "gender expectations."