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How Did We Survive?


Guest Elizabeth K

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Guest Elizabeth K

Teenage and transsexual - or a cross dresser - or androgynous - or...

How did we survive?

God help me I could never try to do that again!

Lizzy

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  • Admin

Lizzy, as a teen age cross dresser, I remember feeling a sense of adventure

as I explored my mother's closets and drawers, as well as the thrill of

"living on the edge" of getting caught. I think most teenagers thrive on

that sense of danger, real or imagined.

Then of course there was the intellectual exercise of trying to figure out what

some of the things I found in those closets were for. :blink:

Trying to figure out how to wear a bra - hmmm. As Mr. Spock would no

doubt have said - fascinating. :rolleyes:

Survival just meant not getting caught - I never did (sort of) and so I survived! :)

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Donna Jean

Lizzy....Very good question!

I survived mostly by pure and simple denial!

All of the cross dressing ...feelings of who I should be....dreams...meltdowns...

"Heck! I can handle this MYSELF!"

"I don't need no help!"

"People will think that I'm mentally ill or even worse...perverted!"

"I'll just do MAN things! THAT will fix me!"

Naw.....denial...the all purpose cure.....

Use it liberally.........use it often.....

Donna Jean

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Guest gentleman1

I suppose as a FTM, I didn't really have the hassle of "cross-dressing" since society tends to accept a female dressing in masculine ways to an extent. I got away with dressing that way until my parents joined a Pentecostal church that did not allow me to wear pants anymore. Then i used to day dream about being able to wear pants, etc. I really didn't realize I was trans at that time, didn't even know what it was so that actually helped me to cope in many ways as well. For all of you who are MTF, I feel you have steeper hurdles to climb than we FTMs do in my honest opinion, but for those of you who do and make it, I am in awe and admiration! You are all very beautiful people and I wish the whole world could see and recognize that! - S.

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Guest Jean Davis
Lizzy....Very good question!

I survived mostly by pure and simple denial!

All of the cross dressing ...feelings of who I should be....dreams...meltdowns...

"Heck! I can handle this MYSELF!"

"I don't need no help!"

"People will think that I'm mentally ill or even worse...perverted!"

"I'll just do MAN things! THAT will fix me!"

Naw.....denial...the all purpose cure.....

Use it liberally.........use it often.....

Donna Jean

Same as Donna Jean

There was always someone at home so there was no exploring

But there always seemed to be more than enough work around to keep those feelings buried .

Jean

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I survived it all for one very simple reason, I lose or come in second in every sport or competition of any kind that I have entered and I hate to lose all of the time - I refused to lose in this instance.

My survival and never getting caught while cross dressing never being on a suspect list of guys who were a little off was my way of winning, I did it for 56 years - that has to be the longest winning streak in history.

But in year 56 Sally said that all of this hiding and sneaking around and not being me was winning a few battles but losing the war, she took over and I have never been happier - pretty sad when you consider that no one in my real life supports me at all.

But I will win in this too because I am just plain to stubborn to lose!

Love ya,

Sally

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The funny thing is when I was "dressing" and hanging around my mom's closet and hamper and staying home from school so I could dress and look at myself in the bathroom mirror with the door locked I never thought of myself as different I just figured it was something all teen age boys did when they went through puberty..it wasn't till I was married the first time and got "caught" by my wife with her pantyhose on that I realized that I was different and some one who was special..I've gone through periods of denial and periods of acceptance since that day in 1974 and still every day of my life I wonder who I am and every day forget who I am.

I must be truly androgynous because for me it is moment to moment..and to answer your question of how we survived to quote you my dear friend "I don't know."

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Guest DeniseNM

How did we survive, I think it was partly like Donna Jean said partly denial and partly because the only other choice is to much to really consider (although I know I did consider it at times and I am sure others did too). So it came down to a choice between survival and death, and we took the survival path. Well at least that is my opinion.

Denise

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Guest darlene lynn

Im 53yrs old now,and Ive survived.And if I live long enough I plan on surviving the next 53yrs.

I was raise in a very close net rural sitting,some called us hillbillies.And in many ways they were right.Many in my family thought of me as being queer,(and queers grow up to be bad people,if thier not controlled).So most of my childhood I was forcefully drug around by all the males older than me, and made to compete with them(of which I always lost).I was froced to fight,chew tobbaco,hunt animals,look at nudie girl mags(which was terrible because not getting excited by them, I would cry because that was what I was supposed to look like) and left out in the woods to find my way home.

I did crossdress as a child. It was easy I had four sisters. So I would steal thier clothes and wear them. I did get caught a few times and got the tar beat out of me.

But as an adult I would while on my travels,crossdress then I would stand in front of the mirror,(sigh)I would cuss,at Darlene and tell her how ugly she was.How she was a sleeper and I hated her.And I wish she would leave me alone forever.I would abuse myself afterward always careful to do it where noonelse could see the injuries.

But glory she never left.Darlene persevered,through it all,in 1993 I started slowly to look inside to see who I was. Came into contact with Jesus in 1996. And dug into the bible,this lead me to more soul searching.And in 2000 started to understand Darlene and I were one mind.So I came out completely to my wife of 24yrs.Many family out side of the woods know, And the left there can stay there Ill never be back nor will Darlene.

Crossdressing, I crossdress 24/7 now,With female clothes that are more masculine but still female,some times light makeup,nail polish(clear),eyebrow pencil.But crossdressing validates Darlene is always and forever ME.

Sorry this went from crossdressing to my life in a nut shell.(NUTCASE) not really!!

Well maybe sometimes..

Lots of Love

Darlene Lynnette

p.s. I understand if this doesnt get posted..

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Guest Jackson

My therapist once told me that the way that I survived as well-adjusted as I am was because I thought everyone else went through the same thing I did and that it was totally normal. It wasn't until the last ten years when I realized that it wasn't normal.

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Guest StrandedOutThere
My therapist once told me that the way that I survived as well-adjusted as I am was because I thought everyone else went through the same thing I did and that it was totally normal. It wasn't until the last ten years when I realized that it wasn't normal.

Ha!! That's almost exactly what my therapist said to me!!

I mean, all we have to judge from is our own experience. How were we supposed to know that we were different? It's like discovering you are color blind. A lot of time other people tell you that. How else would you know?

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Guest androgynous

Hm. interesting.

For the most part I lived it inwards without knowing it for the most part. Then you see that you think of-beat from most males, then questions arose, years and years, until I found it! but looking backI always liked both male/female stuff, and I used female products from my ex girlfriends all the time, with here knowing it.

Yeehaaaa! ^_^

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Lizzy i have no idea how i survived as long as i did, like the river in Egypt, it is called de-nile. When i was growing up they would put you in a mental hospital and do shock therapy if you said you felt like a girl inside, my grandfathers brother died in one so i pushed Paula deep inside and tried to be what everyone wanted me to be, but the years took a toll on me and cracks in the Armour appeared, trying to keep Paula at bey i started piercing my ears, at first just one then the other then started piercing them myself till i had 18 total, even this show of my feminine side didn't hold Paula in check. There were many thoughts of suicide but when i really thought things thru it was the cowards way out and if i failed i could be disfigured or a vegetable for the rest of my life. Finally at the age of 56 the bell rang big time and i finally let Paula out for all the world to see.

Lizzy like you i will not go back to the way it used to be.

Paula

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Guest rachael1
Naw.....denial...the all purpose cure.....

Use it liberally.........use it often.....

Donna Jean

That pretty much sums it up for me!

Had some fun in my early teens, got caught once, then tried to put it all behind me, pretend it was just a phase.

Rachael

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Guest AllisonD
Teenage and transsexual - or a cross dresser - or androgynous - or...

How did we survive?

God help me I could never try to do that again!

Lizzy

I survived because I had my identity. I rallied around my own name, and pushed back. Continually, repeatedly, took the lumps and kept pushing back. It was just that, a matter of survival, I could not let the [expletive deleted] people kill Allison.

Allison

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Guest Elizabeth K

I think it was a combination of denial, luck and our dual nature making us able to handle about anything. I thought everyone has SOMETHING that made them unhappy. I knew I did - I was really someone else than what I presented - but I wasn't sure why people seemed to ignore me after while. They seemed to feel I was different and they couldn't relate to me. I guess I survived because people never really saw me as male OR female... they looked right through me.

lizzy

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first:I am trying for looking kind for people because 90% of them

they are not understanding,,

and rare to Find , open mind people.

The big mistake of people when misunderstanding coming up,not looking from

another side ,only fix something in mind and running to prove,,

that will be horrible way to communicate at anything,if that only Kind of

food,how than such deep feeling problems like this.

yeah there are Ill mind people what they fill by hatred

those are different to deal with.

it is something for them, like some people still

not accept that Earth is Ball-shaped.

second to survive we need strong stubborn mind as sally Donnaand,and AllisonD said

we must think:

if we live for 2 times than there are chance to us to live as people want for one time

and another as we like,

(for me I will live that 2 time as I like and feel it is true)

but if we live once, than this our life must live as our souls need to peace.

yeah we can give our best to improving people and helping them and looking kind for them

but no need to kill our reality for them.

when we find ourselves we can give our best to ourself and lovers than people also.

for how many long some people will live as slaves for people what they want from them,at

wearing,looking etc.

If we not cross another freedom or hurting another

what the use to care for any stupid poor thinkers and live hiding from eyes.

thanks honey to asking that question.

Love ya

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  • Admin

Dear MYNW,

Your sentiment is lovely. It is true that kind and understanding people are rare and

hard to find. That's why this site is so valuable and important. Because it is filled

with just such people.

We are survivors here. Troubled souls, yes many of us are. But survivors just the same.

We need to help each other and show compassion and understanding, because few others

will.

Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. I know English is difficult for you,

but your meaning does come through, as does your love.

Carolyn Marie

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Dear MYNW,

Your sentiment is lovely. It is true that kind and understanding people are rare and

hard to find. That's why this site is so valuable and important. Because it is filled

with just such people.

We are survivors here. Troubled souls, yes many of us are. But survivors just the same.

We need to help each other and show compassion and understanding, because few others

will.

Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. I know English is difficult for you,

but your meaning does come through, as does your love.

Carolyn Marie

what you said about site,and helping each other is great and true Carolyn,,

I am grateful for all here.

thanks to good thinking about your sister :blush:

with love

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Guest gwenthlian

Hmm well this thread kind of assumes its all past and I am still in the middle of surviving but anyway ^^

I couldnt really say how I managed to get where I am now, with HRT just a short school year away and everything unfolding nicely. Luck had a part to play I think, a new kitten the day I planned to kill myself, not finding a razor when I needed one. I guess I just kind of skitted over the surface of death, trailing my fingers in it but never quite falling in. School work distracted me a great deal, various sports I did, the love and attention of my family, moving countries and seeing new things.

It's a minor miracle im still here really :)

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Hmm well this thread kind of assumes its all past and I am still in the middle of surviving but anyway ^^

I couldnt really say how I managed to get where I am now, with HRT just a short school year away and everything unfolding nicely. Luck had a part to play I think, a new kitten the day I planned to kill myself, not finding a razor when I needed one. I guess I just kind of skitted over the surface of death, trailing my fingers in it but never quite falling in. School work distracted me a great deal, various sports I did, the love and attention of my family, moving countries and seeing new things.

It's a minor miracle im still here really :)

dear gwenthlian: if we harm yourself,or more worst kill yourself the result will be:

-your enemy will be happy that you give them great gift,by your give up and ending your life!!

- you will making all your lovers suffering from losing you!!

- you will end all your chances to live and achieving your dreams.

I am so happy that your are happy and here with us,,

as you did is great some time we need to change the place and moving to another

that will be more kind and give breath of life.

and life is not only that war with poor thinkers,,

there are many faces many good things we can do,to create pleaser for us and another.

I know you are great as all here,so they all take away to survive

many of us still struggling some past another are only not start

together we can do miracles,what no one can think one day,it is possible

by simple way:

when one asking help,another give hands as they can

no one here asking any one more than they can

there are for any one limit,believe me we will literally

astound our selves.see this site at start may no one can think will work

like this and gathering all those nice people but now how is it,and I believe

afterwords we can do more.If we do that by sake of love not for waiting reward

from our lovers if we think like that selfish will be better to sit and do nothing

when many of of us continuously end them selves..and order will coming to one of close one

may son,my daughter or friends.

with love

Your sister

we all take care for another because we understanding each other.

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mynw has once again stated what we all need to remember, none of us are alone and what happens to us does effect others no matter how alone we may feel.

Survival is easier when you know that people care and we do.

So take with you the strength of the massive membership of Laura's and know that you will never be alone again, even after you have left you wil always be in the hearst of those who remain.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest AllisonD
I think it was a combination of denial, luck and our dual nature making us able to handle about anything. I thought everyone has SOMETHING that made them unhappy. I knew I did - I was really someone else than what I presented - but I wasn't sure why people seemed to ignore me after while. They seemed to feel I was different and they couldn't relate to me. I guess I survived because people never really saw me as male OR female... they looked right through me.

lizzy

Interesting, they saw you as neither and so ignored you. They saw me as both, and I was NEVER ignored! At least, I don't think I was. And they didn't look right through me either. Constant appraisal of what I was wearing, waiting for what I might do next.

"They seemed to feel I was different and they couldn't relate to me." Um, yeah, I certainly got that too. But it only caused them to look closer.

I think their curiosity helped save me rather than hurting me. At least until I was 20, by which time most of the excitement was over. I was beginning to blend in too well.

I have to wonder if being trans is common/familiar enough now that it doesn't cause as much noise as it did in the 60s.

Allison

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Guest S. Chrissie
Hmm well this thread kind of assumes its all past and I am still in the middle of surviving but anyway ^^

I couldnt really say how I managed to get where I am now, with HRT just a short school year away and everything unfolding nicely. Luck had a part to play I think, a new kitten the day I planned to kill myself, not finding a razor when I needed one. I guess I just kind of skitted over the surface of death, trailing my fingers in it but never quite falling in. School work distracted me a great deal, various sports I did, the love and attention of my family, moving countries and seeing new things.

It's a minor miracle im still here really :)

Omg sis :o I am grateful you didn't do it :o *hugs*

For me..I guess it's a whole does of attitude cupped with the fear of handling sharp objects. Offing myself with a sharp object is a no-no because of that >.< Though I had a death wish, as stated in another thread "Suicide vs Death Wish". But most of the time, I was awfully optimistic. :huh: I am not sure what held me together, but I was positive that I can make a change in my life, get out of my country and stuff. I do feel depressed at times, but most of the time, I can't seem to feel negativity, partly I guess was because I was in a concert and marching band, which actually filled up my time. And ever since I started HRT, I feel even better! :D

I will survive. I MUST survive!

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