Who Is Justine Paula Howard

[Justine Howard]

I am 34, I live in Durban, South Africa.....

Durban is a city on the east coast of South Africa, in the Province of KwaZulu-Natal....

WHAT IS MY FIRST MEMORY OF WHO I WANTED TO BE

I remember being very young in the early 1980's and watching a tv show called E.N.G., and one of the characters was a video editor, and she was female. I am living part of that memory now, as a video editor, and soon I will be female and be working as a female video editor, I cannot believe this.... how could this have happened, but I am about to be a woman, and a video editor... How cool is that!

WHO DOES JUSTINE PAULA HOWARD WANT TO BE:

This is going to sound crazy, but a medical doctor, and at age 34 I am not sure about how to go about getting this solved, given the fact I have very little money, but hey I never thought I would be able to pay off a brand new car and I have done this working part-time... so I believe it will happen, this might take some help from my friends...

So in order to understand Justine Paula Howard. We need to start at my early history...

MY HISTORY:

I have always known since I was three years old that I was not a boy, when I started using shirts as skirts, as I knew this was right for me, and I hated going to school dressed as a boy, I so longed to wear the girls dresses as then I would be a girl, from the time I was very young I have always been a crossdresser, wearing my mom's clothes and driving my brother mad....

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OR NEARLY BEING OUTED

When I was still in very junior school, I would come home and "borrow" clothes from my moms room, and I was caught by the maid we had, and she asked me: "Do you want to be a girl?"

My response as a 7 year old was "Yes I do".

The maid never told my mom about me, but this did not stop me from crossdressing.

On this end, I never did any of the boy activities at school, the sports I never played, and when I had to, I was hopeless, hopeless at cricket at primary school... But I did notice that the girlfriends and sisters of the boy's in my class were cricket scorers, and so my love of cricket scoring was born...

At high school I could not understand why I could not do the girl activities such as home economics, why o why did I have to do woodworking..... and then to make the situation even worse, I was sent to boarding school...

LIfe was hell at boarding school, this ruined my life from an academic point of view, I could not do my school work and concentrate on keeping Justine private.... But here I developed the love of the theatre and working in television, I was responsible for filming events, rugby games, and prize givings... I also become involved in cricket scoring as it was a way to get out of playing and being in the boys locker room.... Something I hated as I was so afraid that the boys would discover my secret, and that did happen in the biggest way,....

Well in my Grade 11 [standard 9] year 1992 I was away for the weekend and some of the boys in my dorm went through my school bag and found a book I used to draw dresses and ideas I had about this, this meant I had to go see a therapist and I was diagnosed transexual, but my mom was for some reason not tld about this diagnosis and so for the next 17 years it was a secret I held onto....

LIFE AFTER SCHOOL:

After leaving school at the end of 1993 , I went to study a diploma in entertainment technology, but I was not a good student, fall out from my school years, I had not had time to process what TRANSEXUAL meant to me, I got involved in the the editing of sound effects for live theatre and this awoke in me a very long dormant dream, and that was to be a video editor for tv news...[more about this later]...

I re-enrolled for a new diploma in video technology and I was somewhat successful, and through manipulation I was able to get out of filming or using the camera, something which haunts me to this day, for some reason that has been lost to the mists of time, I am scared of using a professional video camera....

So from the end of 1993 until 2009, I was crossdressing at home, with the blessing of my mom, as we were able to establish a period during which it was alright for me to crossdress...

WHEN DID I DECIDE TO TRANSITION:

It was this year 2009 after a discussion between my brother and my mom, that my mom approached me and said it was alright for me to crossdress at home when I want and for how long I want... at first I went mad and did it all day, but I felt something was wrong, something had been awoken in me, and that was to be the first time I wanted to be Justine Paula Howard

WHY DO I WANT TO TRANSITION:

Justine made her presence felt for the very first time on Justin's 34th Birthday, which was a watershed day, a milestone day, this was the first time I, JUSTINE had ever been anywhere dressed as a girl, and in all my 34 years this was the 1st time I realized that I was really and truely becoming a woman, and that this is what I really wanted for my life.

All the money or fame would not be enough, that day 27 May 2009 when I left the house as Justine Paula Howard I knew that there was no longer anything going to stop me from being me, a woman called Justine Paula Howard !!!!

And so within a short period of just 6 weeks I went from crossdressing to, on the 13 July 2009 at 11 09 am I started my HRT and ANTI ANDROGEN treatment....

WHAT DO I DO FOR INCOME:

I am a video editor for the national broacaster called the South African Broadcasting Corporation [sABC]...

I have been a video editor for 10 years..

I started out as a tv studio cameraman on a live tv show called KZN 2 Nite, which was a 30 minute program broadcast only in the KwaZulu Natal region, and then very quickly moved onto the audio control desk, which I still do from time to time, and it seems less as I am a freelancer... more about this later.....

I love what I do..... For me there is nothing like the high I get when the deadline is approaching and I am the responsible video editor and I have to edit 3 inserts [1 story in 3 languages] in less than 1 hour... It is such a rush..

I do not mind the long hours, the endless sitting around waiting for something to happen. This is not the best part of the job, but it sure beats working underground or digging trenches...

COMING OUT AT WORK AND TRANSITION AT WORK:

I told everyone I work with, on the 13th July 2009, and a few were shocked, most had no idea I was transgender, even what the word meant, so I spend a hour or so explaining the whole way forward for me as I see it unfolding..

I am still going to work very much as a male, I still wear the same clothes, nothing about me has changed, I am hoping that my transition does not offend anybody, or that at some point in the near future I will be using the ladies loo...

WHAT ABOUT THE NEAR FUTURE:

As a freelancer I am last in the food chain, and in a desperate attempt to cut expenses, the SABC has decided to make less use of freelance crew, so I am not sure, what is going to happen. I know that the SABC is wrong in renewing my contracts for 10 years with 1 year contracts, so I am hoping that the freelance crew unite to fight this...

I am hoping that my legal problems will be sorted out, soon

[Sally]

Well that is a very complete introduction.

Justine, do come in and sit down.

I have a tray of fresh baked cookies and some cocoa to drink, just our way of saying welcome to the forums.

We are very friendly here and we do not judge so put your feet up, kick off your shoes and wait for the others to come by.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest gwenthlian]

So glad you made it to the forums talk to you soon

*hugs*

Gwen

[Guest LightNebula]

Welcome. I hope your legal problems will be sorted out soon, too.

Well that is a very complete introduction.

Yes, it is. "Very opposite" from mine.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Justine....

Welcome to the playground, Hon!

Nice intro...now we know all about you....

I see that Sally got you fixed with treats and I hope you are back here again tonight!

I know that the is a "Little" time difference between you and here!.....lol

Make yourself comfortable and we can all chat when you get back.....OK?

Nice to have you here!

HUGGS

Donna Jean

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Justine

Welcome to the playground, so nice to meet you.

LUV

Jean Davis

[Guest mynw]

welcome welcome welcome Justine

This is Lizzy way for greeting here hope she

accept that ,,if she is here she will welcoming you sweet more,,

glad to see you at laura site family,,

I am amazed by your way of posting and intro your self,,I read all that

and you are Lucky by your family mammy and brother,,

hope for you all the best,, at all your life,,

the main things that you take fix fast decision after all that time,,

hope for you long happy life honey,,

love ya

Bul...

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Justine!!!

Holy Moly!! What an introduction... Wow!!

Well sweetie, I just want to congratulate you on all of your progress. I do hope that your contracts get sorted out.

In the meantime... Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!! Keep posting sweetheart!!

Love

Brenda