Advice? Comments?

[Guest Bethany]

I am at a point on an issue that I just cant seem to find resolve, I am much to close to the problem and cant even trust my own motives. I am asking for others perspectives and opinions because of how much is at stake.

Not very long ago I made a choce to live, and restarted transition. The hurt in my families eyes years back, when I came out to them was compounded by the pain of loosing my ex was simply unbearable. I stopped my transition at that point curled up flat lined, and all but died. During those years I knew I'd lost my family, the birthdays and the get-togethers that I never got an invite to confirmed this. What I now realise is I lost my family because, not because I wanted to transition, but because I didnt... It hurt them to see my suffering.

Recently my father was hosbitalized, for basically the exhaustion of taking care of my mother, due to her multiple sclorosis she needs assitance, to do just about everything. here I am finally feeling able to acknowledge that I do have a future. I'm dealing with some guilt for being so self absorbed, and giving up, when I should have been there pitching in. now that my functionality is returning I am able and willing to help them by moving in and giving them a hand where ever and however they need. My father who is now home from the hospital can't do all by himself anymore. We talked about this I told him that my transition must continue, he was undertanding and reassured me that no matter what gawd awfull color I had on my toes, that he would still love me. His acceptance feels so good and I do so need to be needed. Wait a minute I dont want this to be about me... its about their need not mine even though the free rent will free up much cash for electrolysis, clothes ect. sheesh I feel so selfish.

anyway the question is this - is subjecting my parents to my transistion harmful to them? I can see them hurt from my Highs and my lows, for them to watch every little change in me could it do them harm? it may seem like a silly question but I dont even know if I'm looking at this realistically, I need a reality check...

[Guest kristan]

Bethany, i understand your concern for your parents, however, I must say you are lucky to have them and for your father to accept you for who you are is a huge step. You are not so called "subjecting" them to your transition. I think you are being too hard on yourself, go for it! and stay strong!

hugs

Kristan

[Guest Bethany]

Kristan thanks so much I needed to hear that...

Bethany

[Guest kristan]

you can do it Bethany.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Bethany,

As long as you don't rush the gender affirming process your parents will have plenty of time to 'transition' with you. Gender 'metamorphosis' should be like watching the grass grow- a 'gradual change' that's not too obvious-This slow approach will be easy for your parent's to digest...And it should also be easier for you because they already know what you are doing.

In Buddhism a fool is a person who does good deeds for others but does not reap any benefits when doing so-that benefit can just be something simple like a feeling of satisfaction...In otherwords it's not a selfish act to help and recieve help in return...You should only feel guilty if you are doing something wrong...and caring for your parents is in my book a good thing!

Metta Jendar

[Guest Bethany]

Slow lowkey gradual change is just what I'm hoping for. Yes looking at it as a win/win situation is much better then thinking it could be doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. I had forgotten that life can only be as sweet as we ourselfs allow. Thank you, I am gratefull for the advice

Bathany