Need To Let It Out...

[Guest Marc]

When I was young I was acting like a girl and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a girl. But as a I grew up, I didn't feel the need to dress up anymore. Because of that, I thought that maybe I was an androgyne. And now yesterday I took the Cogiati test and it said that I'm a possible transsexual. How can I be a transsexual if I don't feel the need to dress like a girl ? I'm just so confused and messed up, I don't even know what I am anymore... And since I'm a feminine guy people associate that to the fact that I'm gay, could I be feminine because I'm gay ? I just don't know what to think anymore and I needed to let this out....

Thank you for reading.

[Sally]

Marc,

Dressing like a girl is not essential for being a transsexual MTF, I have been dressing as male for a long time because of my work and will need to continue for as long as I can get away with it.

I have some female clothing, OK rather a lot and I wear it to sessiona and I do sleep in a nightgown but the trick is to forget stereotypes and dress in what feels good - I like nightgowns, they are very comfrtable.

I used to cross dress a lot when I was younger and it always started with the pantyhose but now I am older, heavier and less flexible so I seldom wear hose unless I'm wearing a dress and I have fewer of them than I do pants.

You might just be a Trans tomboy and that is just fine too.

Relax and don't let anyone dictate to you who you are or what you have to wear.

Does that help?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Marc,

I wouldn't be too concerned with you Cogiati test results.

If your gender identity confusion is bothering you too much than maybe you could make an apointment with a gender specialist to seek assistance?

I personally don't get too hung up on labels as the gender spectrum is quite wide and a lot of us move around on that scale for quite a while until we know exactly where we fit in on the spectrum.

Rachael

[Carolyn Marie]

Excellent advice from my sisters. Like they said, don't get hung up on labels and putting yourself

in some box. Just be comfortable with whatever way you feel is right for you. Things will fall

into place in due time.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Evan_J]

It not unusual to dress as a girl (if you natally are male) and wish to be a girl (wish to be a boy if you are natally female). Neither is it unusual if those feeling pass or deminish while the person grows older. Some people have even said that "most" people who have those thoughts/emotions as children do. Does it mean they aren't trans? Not necessarily. It just may mean that their disphoria eases with age. There is no law that says a trans person will feel the need to transition. The majority do not. They are able to work out a way of living and presenting that "works for them" and there are innumberable ways that can happen. As for the Cogatii. I know a LOT of people run and take it because they are looking for SOMEthing to "verifiably" classify them as something so they can stop feeling lost but I gotta tell you , my opinion on the test taken out of context of therapy and application by a skilled professional trained in gender issues is that it means about as much as a test taken on Icupid or anyother meaningless site. A therapist does not bring you in his office, not talk to you, give you one test, and say "this is what you are". The determination of a gender therapist is composed of multiple components, includes plural interactive sessions in which not only your answers but your demeanor and conveyance of personality are ALSO added into everything they assess ALONG WITH more than one prescribed method of (to use an inadequate word) "tests".

Are you an effiminate gay man? Those are two questions actually. Neither of which has to do with gender.

So set gender aside for a minute.

Realize you can be "gay" or "straight" and be transgendered first of all. Yep, that's right, there are MtF's who are attraacted to women just as much as there are MtF who are attracted to men. Honestly? I can't tell which is larger. I think at this point I think they are kind of even in numbers at least around here. Speaking of things being "even" there are some who are also bisexual.

So sexuality is going to have to be addressed by itself. Not as "part" or an indicator of identity.

Sexuality. Easy enough to examine. Who turns you on?

Are you effiminate? Again this one has nothing to do with being trans. There are feminine MtFs and "tomboy" Mtfs. Notice I dropped the "ef" before talking about the MtFs though? Since the letters MtF literally are just describing the direction her transition will take, she ends being female. And so like all females, it just is feminine. As far as effiminate , gay, natal males. Some are effiminate, some are masculine as all get out. So are you effiminate "stands alone" or you can use it as a descriptor for what type of gay male you are in the event you realize you are indeed gay if you choose to and its true.

[Guest Ryles_D]

People change as they grow up- and dress isn't a definite identifier of gender identity. There are also tomboys, and other girls who are very much female- but don't like dresses or skirts all that much, as well as men who prefer skirts. And everyone changes, some tomboys were girly as children but grew up to be more masculine, it's entirely possible.

On the male side- there's also a lot of feminine guys, both straight and gay (and masculine gay men). The stereotype of gay men being feminine might be somewhat true, but it doesn't mean that all feminine men are automatically gay. Unless you're attracted to men and are certain your gender is male or you're attracted to women and are certainy our gender is female, I kinda doubt you're gay.

I also wouldn't base too much on the COGIATI. It might be helpful for some people, but it goes a lot on stereotypes, too, so it's not great.

It is kind of scary, trying to figure out what your gender is, but you'll get there. Just try and push all the stereotypes and expectations out of your head and think about who you really are. Browse through definitions and blogs and other things and see if anything resonates with you. If the only reason you don't think you're a woman is because you don't feel teh need to dress- then that might not be the case. There are masculine women who prefer male dress but are very much women themselves, that might be more who you are. You don't have to be an ultra-feminine woman to be a transgirl, you just have to know in your heart of hearts that you are a woman.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Marc

Please don't take the Cogiati as fact, people are so complex that that test is very inaccurate.

Please listen to your heart with your decision and if you find that you are having a hard time being happy see a qualified therapist.

They are the only people that can actualy help you with the problems you are facing.

LUV

Jean