What Do You Do When Everyone Makes You Feel Like You Are Inherantly Evil?

[Guest Nicki]

I have never known my dad well. However lately he's come back and since I told my mother about my feelings that I should have been born female. She told dad. I feel the need to please him more than her because he was never really around and I always wanted to know him. Now he treates me like I am evil now.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Oh Nicki Sweetheart,

I am sure that your father does not think you are evil. He maybe confused as to how to treat you now since he knows about your feelings. That coupled with the fact that he has been away for sometime now and is back. He maybe unsure as to how to deal with everything.

I don't know the entire dynamics of your family life. I would suggest that everyone give each other some time.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Javey]

Yup, Brenda pretty much said what i was gonna say.

[Guest AllisonD]

I have never known my dad well. However lately he's come back and since I told my mother about my feelings that I should have been born female. She told dad. I feel the need to please him more than her because he was never really around and I always wanted to know him. Now he treates me like I am evil now.

He doesn't know you, just like you don't know him. But he had expectations, just like you do. It is clear that you being his daughter did not meet his expectations and he is expressing disappointment. Frankly, he has little right to be disappointed since for whatever reason he was not there to appreciate just who you are as you developed. In order for a relationship that works to form between you, both of you will have to learn to accept the other for who he/she is.

It is natural for you to want to please your parent, and to seek his acceptance. Do what you can to foster that connection, it can be invaluable. But ask him to do the same, to reach out to you, and accept you for who you are just as you are doing for him. If both of you can do that, accept each other for the people that you are then a strong, loving relationship is possible. It is worth the effort.

You certainly are not evil for being trans. I am sometimes naïve about just how diverse reactions to us can be, but this is the first I've ever heard of trans being evil. So perhaps it is an overreaction based on surprise or misconceptions and you can help him through that. Try. Having a supportive father is definitely an advantage. Be yourself, and show him you are not evil, and are in fact just as lovable as a girl as you would have been as a boy.

Allison

[Carolyn Marie]

Nicki, you said your mom told him about you. It doesn't sound like you've talked to him

yourself. If true, I strongly encourage you to sit down with you dad and have a heart

to heart with him. If he hears it straight from you, I'm sure he will feel better about it,

and about you.

No one who is not trans can understand well enough to explain it to someone else. Only

you can adequately express how you feel to you dad. Give it a try.

I wish you all the best.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Evan_J]

All of the advice given should be taken. Seriously, it's good kiddo.

[Guest StormBird]

Nicki sweetheart,

you know in your heart you are a lovely caring person.

Your father may have some difficulty adjusting and may not intentionally be percieving you as 'evil', even though it's hard not to feel that way.

As long as he tries to make an attempt to adjust, understand and geniunly care about you that's what really matters.

It will take him time, be patient and hang in there.

If he doesn't want to understand nore respect who you really are (like my father) it is hard to deal with but it will end up being his loss, not yours.

Hugs xo

[Sally]

Most people equate different or in disagreement with them as evil because they tend tp see themselves as inherintly good, when in fact the very act of judging others is concidered to be an act of evil in itself.

It is hard not to be overly concerned as to what your parents think but that can in no way effect your need.

Be yorself and talk to him as his daughter and if he is not interested in a relationship as such then as Jacci aya, "it is his loss."

Love ya,

Sally