Homophobia-phobia

[Guest Zenda]

On the island where I live there’s a large gay community-consisting mainly of lesbians with a sprinkling of gay men and to the best of my knowledge only two including myself trans-women.

Just recently at the supermarket I literally bumped into what I perceived to be a trans man ie, he smiled a sort of acknowledging ‘smile’ that said ‘same-same’ and said hi but not the ‘normal’ hi I receive from other strangers that I meet in the street or supermarket...Anyway[as usual] I’m digressing from the topic at hand-I have a number or gay friends both female and male and whenever we meet whether it be in the street or a crowded public place we hug and kiss each other…All the gay people I know on the island are ‘out’-that is ‘non’ gay islanders know they are gay…

Now the reason behind this post is in some posts I’ve read, I get the feeling that some trans-people [using the umbrella term here] suffer homophobia-phobia they ‘fear’ what society will think of them should they be ‘openly’ accepting of ‘gay’ people. I should explain what is meant by ‘homophobia-phobia’ when one has nothing against homosexual people but they don’t associate with them for ‘fear’ of society lumping them into the ‘same’ basket-you must be ‘one of them’ .

My question is… I know that sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things and that there are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, a-sexual and straight trans-people-

But how many of you ‘out’ there in cyber space have ‘gay’ friends or know any gay people on a personal level also are you comfortable with the concept of homosexuality ie, are you comfortable being around ‘openly’ gay people in public?

Metta Jenda r

[Guest Bethany]

Gah stop making me think! lol... Right now I dont care what the general public thinks and I wouldnt let their opinions keep me from making or maintaining a friendship, this is where I am in the here and now, to society I'm categorized as gay anyway. I must admit the potential for this to change, particularly in respect to how close one is to going stealth.

/hugs Bethany

[Guest matthew41]

Metta,

The simple answer is no, I don't have homophobia phobia. I have gay friends and I hang out with them in public. The only time I was mistaken for a gay guy was in college, 15 years before I transitioned. At the time I silently celebrated passing, even if thought of as gay.

Matt

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I don't have homophobia-phobia. I'd be pretty hypocritical if I did.

[Guest Claire]

hey Jendar,

First off, i live with a gay couple and well honestly if I have homophobia I think someone forgot to tell me... Just to add an interesting twist that some Gay people do not understand trans-gender people as in the case with the two I live with. They had the mind set that if you are a man in womens clothes you are a gay man who likes men and just dress that way to add a fetish to the mix.

I have spent many many many days and nights getting them to understand that a trans-gender MTF who likes men is a straight woman! I

just happen to be a lesbian and that conversation took another 3 weeks of therapy for them LOL

I feel Phobias come from perceptions people make about others and not all have these fears.

hugs

Claire

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Claire,

It's true...some gay people do see the world that way-but you could put the shoe on the other foot by telling your 'gay' flat mates that all gay people are 'really' transsexual but the reason why they don't 'come out' is fear of how society will treat them if they do...only joking but it's the same type of logic your flat mates are using...Think about it! Also tell them you are 'androphilic' you are attracted to men and your attraction has nothing to do with 'homosexuality' because you don't see men as the 'same-sex' as yourself!

Metta Jendar

[Guest Claire]

Honestly,

I have no attraction to men what so ever. I like them as friends but that is it. you can guess what side of the fence i stand on LOL

hugs

Claire

[Guest Zenda]

OOps Sorry Claire, slip of my cyber tongue...

Just switch the 'androphilic' to 'gynephilic' and men to women then...plus the 'you don't see men' to you 'do' see women as the 'same sex' as you

Metta Jendar

[Guest Rev. Michal]

Also, I've met transpeople who aren't accepting of nonbinary gender variants, like myself. Most of them either think I'm a girl playing dressup, or a budding FTM. The lattermost annoys me the most, because I heard one say "As soon as Mike figures out he's a guy, it won't matter."

Ridiculous, and insulting. I think I should explain to her that since she's a lesbian, some don't view her as a "real" transwoman. Also I've heard her say when I asked her if she knew of any jobs that didn't care if one were transgendered, she asked why I would want to take a job from a "real" transperson.

The idea of strictly binary gender doesn't work on strictly biological and chromosomal levels, much less the psychological one.

[Guest Ryles_D]

Never got homophobia. It seems vaguely like it's to partly empower gays- that they're something to be afraid of. Gimme a suffix that means "hate and willing to beat, possibly to death" and it'd be more accurate. phobia seems like arachnophobia where you'd scream or freeze if you saw a spider in the room, not where you're going to smash it.

Anyways, never thought much on it. In terms of individuals- I really can't tell if you're gay or straight, I don't care, just don't ask me out or think of me in any sexual way. I think I'm more accepting of their relationships than hets' for some reason, maybe it's just the BL fantrois in me.

In terms of the all-encompassing, broadest brush, group- I'm still annoyed that my love of rainbows is answered with "what are you, gay?!", and why do they need that many days? Coming out, day of silence, ally week, etc. yeesh.

Maybe I need to get out more or pay more attention. I only met one person I knew was gay, because they told me, never met anyone I knew to be trans. Apparently we have at least 2 gay couples on campus, though. Not a big campus, either...

[Iria]

Jendar,

I have Gay friends, trans friends, Lesbian friends, Straight friends, Bi-friends. etc.

it's a non-issue where I live.

However, I do have to deal with homophobia just like anyone else in the GLBT community.

It is not really an issue where I live (Boulder) but in Denver (which is a very diverse city)where I go to school, there are all types of people, incl religious conservatives and bigots. as well as people who generally are homophobic.

At school it's not an issue, but I have gotten vibes from people on the way there on the bus or walking down the downtown sidewalks.

Mostly not though.

-Sarah

[Guest Damian]

"... how many of you ‘out’ there in cyber space have ‘gay’ friends or know any gay people on a personal level also are you comfortable with the concept of homosexuality ie, are you comfortable being around ‘openly’ gay people in public?"

*raises hand* I have several gay/bi/whatever friends. My best friend is lez, and she's got a gigantic "rep" for being extremely open about it anywhere she goes. Needless to say, I now have a rep for being gay too because of our friendship, but you know. My neighborhood is extremely conservitive, but I've never really acknowledged that fact, since it's better at school (kind of a haven thing - when there's a place you know you're okay, you can just sorta straw inhaler it up everywhere else if worse comes to worst).

So basically, yeah, I'm very comfortable around openly gay people. I actually don't think I could handle not being around at least a few openly gays... there's something in knowing you're not the only one in a given vicinity who doesn't fit the Status Quo, and when that other round peg actually flaunts it and is proud to be different, it kinda gives you a boost. That's what I think, anyway.

[Guest elenag]

...

My question is… I know that sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things and that there are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, a-sexual and straight trans-people-

But how many of you ‘out’ there in cyber space have ‘gay’ friends or know any gay people on a personal level also are you comfortable with the concept of homosexuality ie, are you comfortable being around ‘openly’ gay people in public?

Metta Jenda r

I don't have homophobia-phobia. I'm not concerned about looking too accepting. I really don't have any gay friends (or friends for that matter) so answering is theoretical for me. I do work with an openly gay man, but he seems to prefer ignoring me so I ignore him back. I think he liked me better when he knew me as male. It's peculiar that everyone at work thinks we should "hit it off" because we're both "something different", but I find that assumption kind of insulting. I am nothing like him and he's nothing like me. Being gay is so completely unlike being TS that it strikes me as joke when people force that connection.

I hate to change the topic, but I do have one fear, which is the TS stereotype. I think I go out of my way to prove I'm not. For me, the stereotype attributes are excessive makeup, poorly done makeup, overly feminine or frilly clothes, stilettos as everyday shoes, exaggerated mannerisms, speaking with a whisper, etc. I'd probably be better off not worrying about it, but I still do. I avoid those attributes like the plague so I tend to end up looking tom boy or sporty, wearing jeans + t-shirts or skirt + t-shirts. It's also one reason why I haven't put on a dress in 15 years.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia ora Elenag,

I too am a little transphobic when it comes to certain trans-people and how they dress, behave and 'choose' to stand out...especially when they have no desire to blend in...I still interact with them on a need to bases [which fortnately for me is very rare]...I perfer not to socialise with them long term...the fact being we just don't have much in common...

I fully realise that in some cases hormones therapy can make one 're-live' adolescence-where forty or fifty year olds feel the need to wear mini skirts and crop tops etc-each to their own I guess...But thankfully many grow out of it and become more conservative in dress .

A tall fifty something trans lady I know was into wearing mini dresses, fish net stockings and heels when she first transitioned-even though she's still somewhat 'out there' with her dress sense...she has toned down a bit...As for me I'm a 'plain Jane' type-no nail varnish not much in the way of make up-just moisturiser-mascara clear lip gloss-the occassional lippy I wear pants and tops alot but during the summer I like to wear light weight summer dresses as well.

I must admit I would feel more comfortable around a 'gyne-co-mimic' flamboyant drag queen than 'genuine' trans women who tend to dress somewhat flamboyantly

Metta Jendar