Outed

[Guest Donna Jean]

Me neither, Lizzy......

And, heck......

Give 'em my phone number.......

And that is Capital D....small "onna"

Capital J....................small "ean"

[Guest AllisonD]

Lizzy

There is so much advice here...

I agree with bits and pieces, some from most everyone, and disagree with some from most everyone.

It seems to me that what has happened is that members of your family have acted deliberately hurtful to you with other members of your family and you are wondering what to do about it. I think that who the particular members are, that they played the GOD card, and that they will refuse to be educated about your being trans are all red herrings. None of that belongs in your analysis of what to do.

They have attempted to cause discord between you and your wife. Deal with that first. With your wife.

They have attempted to disrupt your relationships with other members of your family. Deal with that second, call them (the members of your extended family) and give each of them the 5 cent version of what is happening to you. Just the bare minimum. They were going to find out anyway, so give them just enough to know that you are willing to chat with them further, without shame or embarassment, when they feel comfortable enough to discuss it with you.

These sisters pose a potential threat to a wider circle of your environment, but at this point they have fired their silver bullet - they no longer have exclusive ammunition to fire another. The word is going to spread regardless of anything you do. Deal with that last. I know you are not ready to come out to your wider environment, but it is going to happen anyway. It is not a secret, and more and more people are going to know. Much like Sally's bowling leagues. The word is going to spread. So prepare yourself to face people that have questions. Be honest (never lie), only answer direct questions, and only give the minimal direct answer. Share more with those that come back for more, as they feel comfortable with the answers and as you feel appropriate.

Angry calls, letters, lawsuits, mafia hit men.... none will put the cat back into the bag. You aren't going to win the God arguments with the extremely narrow minded. Leave those that fail to accept you, those that do not love you, behind. There are so many that do love you, they can be the core of your new environment. There is no percentage for you to waste limited energy and emotional resources on the hopelessly bigoted. Do not do it.

Remember, there are many many people that love you. You are not alone, and this was going to happen eventually anyway. Please do not rip yourself up over angry responses to the wrong that was done to you. It will not help you.

Allison

[Guest NatalieRene]

I am looking for suggestions on how to re-educate my sisters - and I KNOW they won't listen! GOD told them I was an abomination - at least in scripture somehow. BUT - hummmm... is it even worth the effort?

I'd really like for them to quote you the passage that says that, and honestly no it's probably not worth trying to reeducate them.

[Paula ult]

Much like Sally's bowling leagues. The word is going to spread. So prepare yourself to face people that have questions. Be honest (never lie), only answer direct questions, and only give the minimal direct answer. Share more with those that come back for more, as they feel comfortable with the answers and as you feel appropriate.

Allison

Allison i think you meant to say Paula's not Sally's bowling leagues, but everyone got your meaning.

Paula

[Guest again]

I am thinking about heavily editing your comments - altering the names - and SENDING THESE TO MY TWO SISTERS!

Is there anyone here who has an objection?

Lizzy

Great idea! No objection here---if nothing else it will show them how much support you have from others.

[Guest twinstar4]

Lizzy,

So much of this advice is really good. it's good to hear different perspectives too.

The #1 problem I see here is they wronged you. They have no right to be butting into your life like that. I don't care if they claim doing it for religous reasons, it is wrong.

I would have a face to face conversation if possible, phone if it is not, and tell them calmly but strongly that they had and have no right telling anyone anything about you and you expect them to never do that again and by the way, tell them that your wife and sis-in law totally support you. (I think they do from what I read) Tell them you are finished trying to educate them about transgender issues and from now on you will have contact with them only if they apologize and act positively toward you, because you have no more time or patience for their negativity.

I also like the idea of the cease and desist letter if it continues and ESPECIALLY if it involves your job.

Twinstar