Always On The Mind: Bein Female

[Guest rosey]

i do this every a couple of months, dying to want 2 come out 2 afraid, but i think im ready or waiting for the optune moment but im afraid of reaction ik it couldnt be that bad but im like 10000000000000 million i am female on the inside but i need 2 come out start the process for college but then im conflicted bc im being recruited in my sport but unsure what i want 2 do so i need 2 see a gender therapist before college bc i need 2 know if im gonna do sport or not arg

i have no idea if my mom will flip but its like killing me always thinking about wearing somthing cute or bein all femine

any advice on coming out or like just in general im so confused on what 2 do or what method to come out or ARG

ive read everything about coming out lol or most ive been researching this for like 8 yrs so idk thanks

rosey

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Rosey,

I think it would be a good idea to see a gender specialist before making any decisions.

In your post you said you are being recruited for your sport, will provide a scholarship or other financial benefit to you?

If so then this may have a bearing upon your timing to come out.

If not then can you come out and continue to play in your sport?

At the end of the day only you can decide where your priorties lie but I wouldn't make any hasty decisions until you have explored all your options.

Rachael

[Guest Anna_SF]

Hi Rosey,

You sound like me a week ago! Wanting to go full-time so i can experience that freedom that seems to be waiting to come out right beneath my skin. To sort of calm myself down, so I don't make a rash decision, I read posts on LP, do a serious evening beauty treatment, and, although it's a little dangerous, I visit online retailers and look for clothes I might wabt to purchase. I rarely make the actual purchase but it gives me that moment to breathe and realize that there is a difference between 'coming out' and 'exploding'. The coming-out process is agonizingly slow at times but your ego/pysche needs time to adjust. Sometimes I feel that if everyday were Halloween I'd have it made, but that's not going to happen.

I sympathize with your plight, a therapist could help you with these issues but for the immediate future I would not do anything to upset the apple cart with parents/school friend. Try to take action everyday that will make the ultimate transition easier. Some days its just baby steps like looking up the name of an electrologist and other days it's exercise and voice training. The trick is to avoid spending the day overwhelmed and doing nothing and then a few days later feeling like you have to catch-up all at once, which leads to feeling overwhelmed again. On good days I practice on my voice, ask questions on LP,. On OK days I read posts here and windows shop, and on crazy days I read posts and shop and then feel that tinge of regret that I ought to spending my time & money on my voice, walk, gestures & smiling more!

A good way to take your mind off your self and your anxiety to reply to someone else here and try and help them. Everyone has something to offer.

late nite anna

- too much coffee!

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Rosey hon,

One has to be very careful about coming out. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it never goes back in. As with transitioning, coming out should be a slow and careful process. I do not recommend coming out to the whole world all at once. Before you come out you must be completely self-assured and accepting of yourself. If you do not completely accept yourself then how can you expect others to accept you? I would see a gender therapist first before you do anything. I would also recommend that you come out to family first, then friends, then others. Lastly, I woudl say this... Coming out has a funny way of working itself out.

These are all suggestions, based on my experience. These are only suggestions, I do trying to tell you what to do.

Coming out can be tricky. Start with those you trust the most.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Rosey hon,

One has to be very careful about coming out. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it never goes back in. As with transitioning, coming out should be a slow and careful process. I do not recommend coming out to the whole world all at once. Before you come out you must be completely self-assured and accepting of yourself. If you do not completely accept yourself then how can you expect others to accept you? I would see a gender therapist first before you do anything. I would also recommend that you come out to family first, then friends, then others. Lastly, I woudl say this... Coming out has a funny way of working itself out.

These are all suggestions, based on my experience. These are only suggestions, I do trying to tell you what to do.

Coming out can be tricky. Start with those you trust the most.

Love

Brenda

True it SHOULD be, but then you get a gender team like mine who threw me to the sharks for two months.. I survived and it only made me stronger.

[Guest Isabella]

Hi Rosy! Lot's of great advice here. Definely see that gender therapest! I think once you get to that place where you truelly accept yourself for who you really are then you have taken the biggest step, although there are many others along the way. Best of wishes to you, Isabella

[Guest rosey]

thanks but i doubt i have courage or actually ablity 2 c gender therapist

and the scholarship thingy is not really money its like club, bc mens rowing in college is mostly no funding by the school so no scholarships :/ so ya

[Guest cjnoble71]

I'd say I agree with any advice suggesting you see a therapist before coming out. I was lucky to have such a liberal immediate family (still kicking myself for not at least coming out to my folks when I was thirteen, because I could have with them) but other people were not so open and it hurt and I did not have the professional support that would have helped. I got over it, obviously, but I went through a dark time as a result and I would not wish that on anyone.

[Guest Kayliegh]

I agree with the other girls here - a GT is a must!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Rosey.......

It's a very confusing time for you, I know...

And some will tell you that when they came out it was like gangbusters....Damnn the torpedoes!

But, most therapists will tell you that is NOT the way to go....

Coming out should be careful, measured and purposeful....

Remember that others are affected by you coming out, not just you!

And what if you do come out to everyone and find out later that you are really a cross dresser that would be satisfied with dressing on the weekends? That happens, too....

I think that a Gender Therapist is the only way to go to start out...to find out exactly where you stand....

If you can't afford it, some will work on a sliding scale according to your income...

You might check with your local or school GLBT group for suggestions...

Just remember that without an OK from a therapist you will have a hard time getting hormones from a doctor...and you need a doctor to monitor you !

Please look into this.....OK?

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest AllisonD]

Rosey,

The responses you have received so far are all good. Take it slow, parents first, therapist, don't jeopardize school. But I see in your original post that you have been dealing with this a very long time, admit to being confused as to how to proceed, and for some reason don't have the courage or ability to see a therapist.

So I have a suggestion: Try it out in a limited way. Believe it or not, it is possible. Do you have an outfit that works for you, that presents well in pubic? Not necessarily passing, but that would be reasonable for you, for your age? Appropriate to be seen in?

My suggestion is to actually present yourself, as best as you can, to a reasonably accepting, limited audience, and try it out. You will have to take the time to permit others to begin to accept you, but then, once things have settled down, you can see if you like they way you are treated and the way you relate.

I came up with a list, I think I posted it here somewhere, of a number of activities and venues that one can be anatomically male and present as female and be safe and have some liklihood of reasonable acceptance. One of my favorites is an adult extension class in beginning sewing. All the students and the teacher will be female. You showing up (NOT looking rediculous in too much makeup, a leather skirt, and heels please) dressed in your girl clothes will cause a small stir, but if you show some courage and have a pattern and materials and a sewing box with your shears, pins, tape, &tc, the class will soon settle down and by the third class you will just be another student. This can be a fabulous, small group, lots of interaction and exposure opportunity. You can quit at any time without financial loss, you may actually enjoy sewing (it is very handy), and no one is going to hit you. You will get to the point that the other students treat you as they do each other, and you will get some real experience.

I actually did this one (and a number of others on the list). I was in 10th grade, so a sophomore. Clearly a boy in girl's clothes. I brought my own machine (my mom's, but they had plenty there if I didn't have my own), a pattern for a simple skirt, and I was chattering away with the other students and the teacher as if I had known them for months by the end of the first class. By the third class I was showing other students some techniques and the teacher had moved me onto an advanced bias cut dress, designed by me and her for me. When the course was over I wore that dress to the final class. A truly great experience all around. By the time I was a senior I had made a number of clothes in subsequent classes, including a prom dress that fit me like a glove (sadly, never wore it to prom, but I still have the dress).

And no one outside the class ever knew I went. So very limited exposure, and completely safe.

There are other similar venues and activities you can try, all great practice, all very good at helping you see for yourself if what you think you want is what you really want.

Allison

[Guest ricka]

Every one of these great suggestions---I would just add they apply to any of us, regardless of age as far as coming out in steps---a step at a time. For some of us family may never be a safe place to come out I would add. The whole thing is emotional safety. Who, what, where, when do we feel safest. And as has been already said so well the key is feeling a self-acceptance first of who we are as women---and not just acceptance but feeling good about who we are as women. It very well may take a therapist to help us to come to this point, or sometimes a dear, trusted friend with whom we can be completely open.

ricka

[Guest angie]

It very well may take a therapist to help us to come to this point, or sometimes a dear, trusted friend with whom we can be completely open.

ricka

There are those that walk this path without needing therapy.

But for many of us it takes having one for an understanding soul to help guide us on the path

to self fulfillment.Making friends is huge,especially trans friends,beit woman or man.Somebody

who knows exactly where you are coming from and can talk to honestly and openly with.For non

trans do not understand,they may accept you,but it doesn't mean they understand or ever will.

I am developing a close circle of friends,and we are all transsexuals in all stages of our journey.

Without them,I would be lonely,with no one who completely understands.

Angie

[Guest rosey]

hey thanks im still no where on coming out 2 family or seein a gender therapist lol :/

its just dont what 2 do go to therapist or family but then ethier jardizes my athletic sport but i have no idea what to do ...

i got nominated for home coming court lol

thanks for the help

basically wait for long time

tell mom

go to gender therapist

i cant go lgbt group-at school bc the kids there are really weird and all friends would know plus i would never trust one of them

maybe a girl thats been friend long time but then that ruins chances with them as g.f or as like good friend or w.es idk

thanks again