Surrendering To Your Womanhood

[Guest angie]

Beautiful Day Sisters,

I have been thinking on the presentation of this thread for quite some time.

I read once,that there comes a time in a Transwomans life...

Where the (need) to maintain the facade of masculinity just fades away.

I tried and drove for just that accomplishment for a long long time...years.

The younger you are the easier,far less baggage.

BUT...It still takes time.Unlearn all those habits of boy/manhood.

There Will Come A Time..When just putting on anything male feels so fake so wrong.

Now That...Is crossdressing to me...And about time too i might add.

That is why i have said,practice everything female.

Make it a part of Who You Are.(he is not me)

That doesn't mean that you have to be a girly girl.

Each of us,just like our paths to wholeness is varied and diverse.

So Are Our Women.

Just work at surrendering to your femininity totally,unquestioning,absolute...surrender.

You will know when this has happened by your willingness to interact as a woman.

To Where Being A Woman IS Normal.

No thought plan or anxiety...She Is You...Pure And Simple... You Are A Woman.

The level of acceptance i have received and the way others Do See Her in me.

Has set my woman in stone and there is no going back.(like i would want to.)

The defeat of my man came in incriments,tiny itty bitty baby steps that added up.

Ya know,i gave away all of my dress mans wear way back in April.

But,i kept all of my tee shirts and boys jeans plus tenny shoes and work boots(just in case)

UhHuh,Sure.That was the insecurity of how others would preceive me and accept me.

Now here it is November.

And i no longer need, feel or want anything to do with(him) anymore.

Of course,the backing i have received from my extended family,church and friends.

Helped this long anticipated event come to fruition tremendously.

I Surrender,I Give Up,I Seceed,I Aquisend,I Plead No Contest.

The Defeat Of My Man Is Complete.

And i never thought the day would come.

Over four years ago it was just a dream,a longing,a long held desire.

And Now, It's Reality.

And Thank You Too.

I Might Add.

Big Ol Hugs,

Angelique Michelle(Angie)

P.S.

I Just Wanted To Give You Something To Look Forward To(MmmmHmmm)

Ang.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Angie and well put indeed...I like it...

Surrender unto thee-whoever she might be...And allow the manliness to go-To where-I care not nor want to know !

Metta Jendar

[Guest Jenny]

Hey there, You hould send me links to things you write, they always fill me with warmth and comfort. Thanks Angie. I made a trip back just for you, despite having to deal with other people in here. You're worth it, lol.

[Guest Mrs. Miniver]

Oh so true your words. I find it so hard to think of myself as that other person anymore. Not that I despise that person, but I just don't have a need for him in my life. Could it be the separation is final.

[Guest silverpetals]

*hugs* angie!

i think, you know you're a woman when you stop passing.

[Cyndee]

This is a beautiful post Angie I found today and very inspirational from back in late 2007. I enjoyed reading it and related some below,

I have surrendered myself to the inner woman, she wins. So many decades of denial and conflict. It feels so good to be over the conflict and accept who I am inside, and what I am becoming. Now comes the changes, incremental changes, some faster than others, it becomes a balancing act at this stage of life, the internal feelings vs the external, all the responsibilities to myself and others. The inner woman takes over the emotional center, the learning, the behavior, the body sculpting, and the clothes for example. It feels so gratifying, so much to do, it is so nice to smell the sweet flowers along this long road.

Thanks and hugs

Cynthia Rae

[Guest angie]

Wow,I remember writing that piece a looooooooong time ago.

I am nine days from my fourth year in transition,and oceans

have run under my bridge since this post.Thanks Cynthia Rae,

reading it gave me a big ole smile,and brought me back to when

I first posted it.

Huge Hugs My Sister,

Angie

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

OMG!

I won't even say what condition I was in back when you wrote that!

DANG!

Dee Jay

[Guest Elizabeth K]

10 November 2007 - I was almost exactly a year away from my first meeting with my therapist (5 Nov 08) - I knew NOTHING about what I really was, and did not know Laura's existed. I certainly have never seen this!

WOW

Powerful.

Now I live as myself- the 'man' defeated in ways I can hardly explain. My path was similar, as you described, but I was different in a significant way, I think. The 'male' part of me didn't need to be wrestled, 'He' gave up early and was glad to depart. As in the early days, when playacting male, my real self kept rattling in my brain, demanding to be heard, this time... in today's time... there is NO 'male me' wanting to be heard. None.

So I guess he was never really there.

Good stuff, Angie, three and a half years later!

Lizzy

[Guest Miss_Construe]

That was amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Beautiful as the author.

Amy

[Carolyn Marie]

Angelique, we all change and grow in so many ways, and you have too.

But one thing remains constant with you; your amazing heart and soul. They haven't changed a whit from four years ago, and they never will. You continue to inspire and amaze, even from the depths of the past.

Thank you for posting it, and Cynthia, thank you for finding it.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

This thread is a Thing of Beauty, Angie!

Cindy Ann and Lizzie REALLY tell it like it is, for my experience is very similar. No way could I go back. Don't want to anyway. Yeah, granted, I'm not like many T-girls, but that's okay. Fulltime is SOON for me. Can't wait, and that's the plain truth.

What you say in your kick-off post here just ROCKS!

Lacey

[Guest angie]

Now I live as myself- the 'man' defeated in ways I can hardly explain. My path was similar, as you described, but I was different in a significant way, I think. The 'male' part of me didn't need to be wrestled, 'He' gave up early and was glad to depart. As in the early days, when playacting male, my real self kept rattling in my brain, demanding to be heard, this time... in today's time... there is NO 'male me' wanting to be heard. None.

Good stuff, Angie, three and a half years later!

Lizzy

I had a mission I had to fulfill in order to free up my conscious to follow the path

I knew was mine.Right when I came out my sis in law(whom I was very close to)was

diagnosed with colo rectal cancer,and was also the first time my father in law went

down for what turned out to be his long run to final his transition.It was without

doubt the most emotionally tough thing I ever took part in,both of these people I

loved with all my heart terminally ill at the same time.I devoted 4 years of being

there during chemo,radiation,surgeries and the long painful recovery of my sis in law

in small town Missouri.While also being there when my father in law went down a million

miles from home not six months later,and the intense life and death struggle to get him

back home that we,(my mother in law Pat,my youngest,and myself)endured and that lasted

6 months to the day I walked back in the front door again.He never fully recovered from

the experience in Missouri and six months later was back in hospital for the last go round,

and once again I refused to leave his side,this time until his last breath.Cissy passed a

meer four months later when the cancer finally won.It was then and only then that I felt

free to follow my heart and end up where I am today.I feel I truly paid my dues to get to

be the woman I am today,and I earned it the hard way.

Angelique