The Intimidation Of Passing

[Guest The Only Me]

First I want to say excellent site. Many people referred me here, and everything I've seen so far lives up to its reputation.

Well, my problem is that I am a young brown-skinned male who fears that If I undergo the process, I will finally be the gender I was supposed to be, but not pass in public. I feel I have no feminine features, and I am uncomfortable with FFS simply due to the reason that surgery on my face makes me uneasy. Do hormones help in any way with facial features assuming I would start in my mid 20's?

And my hair is a whole different issue. It grows into an Afro, but is it still possible to straighten? And anyone have experience with extensions?

I have a few years to think about this since I have to finance it myself and my family is in no way receptive of this, but I would just like an idea.

(And if you wonder why I felt the need to say my skin color, it is because I see so many beautiful transsexual women who are light-skinned, but all the darker skinned ones I've seen are porn stars and probably couldn't pass at all, and that makes me uneasy as well)

[Carolyn Marie]

Well, Only Me, the first thing I want to do is welcome you to Laura's! I'm really glad you sent our way.

You're going to find this to be an amazing place full of wonderful and helpful people.

One of my sisters will be along in a bit with a tray of warm cookies and a cool glass of virtual lemonade.

So sit back and relax, OK?

You are absolutely correct that you have lots of time to consider your options and your timing. There

is no rush. Probably the first thing you need to do is look for a gender therapist in your area, because

they are an essential part of the process of becoming who you were meant to be, and will guide you

along the way. If you want to see one before you're 18 though, you'll probably need the consent

of your parents.

Don't stress about your appearance, hon. Many of my trans sisters didn't start transitioning until their

50's, and they are lovely. Hormones can change your appearance - not the bone structure, but the

skin and soft parts of your face. You should be able to do whatever you want with your hair, I doubt

if hormones would get in the way of that.

Make yourself at home, hon, because you are.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Me,

First hon, let me welcome you to Laura's!! I'd give you some cookies and cocoa, but I will wait on that for now.

Sweetheart, I know you have mnay questions. Let's take this one step at a time... shall we.

Hormones can do wonderous things!!! The key about HRT is to go through an endocrinologist. Without proper guidance via a doctor, hormones will have no effect and can quite possibly kill you. Herbal hormones are a complete waste. Never ever consider DIY HRT!!!

I would also strrongly recommend that you see a gender trained therapist!! Many of your questions can be answered by them with accuracy.

In the mean time hon, have you experimented with shaving (your whole body), loosing weight, wearing nail poish, perfume, makeup, wearing womens clothing, carrying a purse, wearing heels, pantyhose, panties? I think that you will find that doing these things will help make you feel better (it is what gets me through!!!).

Welcome sweetheart and join in the fun at Laura's!!!

And above all!!! Post, Post, Post!!! Post to the forums!!!

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest angie]

Sweety,

Welcome to the playground and all the wonderful support you get being a member.

I am also a brown skinned person,have been my whole life being of mixed heritage.

I was so very masculine and hugely muscled,plus had a goatee and mustache as my

old self.When this journey started many eons ago,I felt there would be No Way I could

pass without some form of FFS.But the wonders of cross hormone therapy changed Everything about me.Including my slowly evolving facial features.Now I pass with flying colors.

Passing Is About Confidence...Know you are a woman,and you do, simple as that.

Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from following your heart.If a 53 year young

woman can do this every single day,after living a lifetime as a male,so can you.

Welcome once again and look forward to future postings.

Big Hugs,

Angie

Oh,what female name are you thinking about using? Once we know,that is all you will be called.

Here you are safe,and can be yourself.

Ang

[Guest ricka]

Sweetie----first of all welcome! I am fairly new here myself. You couldn't find a friendlier, sweeter bunch of peeps! They make u feel good about being who you are just by their love, acceptance and understanding!

I work in a community where the majority of people are brown-skinned----Latino and Native. Personally I prefer being around brown-skinned people. My boss is a gorgeous Native woman (she is trying to hook me up with her uncle, LOL). Brown skinned people are beautiful. Fact is I just bet you are gorgeous yourself and you don't know it. I have dated African American men, Hispanic men and currently am seeing an East Indian man so you know where my preferences lie.

Hun, do you have an artistic female friend (well it could also be a male friend---I have several who are beauticians) who can help you with your hair and make-up? You might be surprised what a "do" and make-up can do and what a boost it would be to your self-confidence and self-esteem. The very features you are uncomfortable with can make you very striking as a young woman given the right makeup and hair style. Make-up and hair is an art. Find someone who will help you transform yourself into the beautiful woman that you are on the inside.

ricka

[Guest AshleyRF]

First of all, welcome to Laura's.

As far as HRT goes... it's wonderful and amazing. It does change a lot of things physically, but the physical changes cause by HRT are nothing compared to the mental changes. As far as "passing" goes.... I've never really understood it. I never understood how someone can tell if they do or not. There is no way of knowing what the person you are talking to is thinking. They could be thinking what you hope they are thinking ("Wow... this is a beautiful woman standing in front of me.") or they could be thinking what you don't want them to be thinking ("Wow... this is one ugly Transgender standing in front of me.") and are just being polite. I suppose some would say that if you are never questioned, gawked at, name called, etc.... then you pass and I suppose that is true. If the people around you in your life are just accepting and understanding, polite people who treat you the way you want to be treated, then isn't that all that matters in the end? To be treated with the same respect that you treat others?

I know I make this sound like I don't worry about passing myself. Believe me, I do... CONSTANTLY. I understand your concern over it completely. I'm always watching to see if that person I just walked by turns around and makes a funny face or if the 2 clerks in the checkout line I just went through are giggling and pointing at me after I've walked away. I will say that since being full time, my worries have become less and less.

[Guest angie]

I don't worry about what anyone thinks any longer.

Don't try to catch folks seeing,if they do...Big Deal.

Oh I see,yeppa I do,I just don't care any more.I am a woman,

carry myself, dress and look the part,and it is this confidence

that leaves them wondering.It does a body good to see someone

start to get that knowing smile,and you look them in the eye and

smile right back at them.You see their doubt written all over their

face...Is she,or isn't she?Doors will be opened for you,women will

say Hi just because you are one too,and men will fall all over themselves

just to check you out.Then you reach the point where you become invisible,

just another woman out and about.Once you step out your door for the first

time as your true self,the exhilaration of being in the world as a woman will

draw you back until it becomes natural.It takes time to get to this point,but

all good thing take time.

Angie

With two years of RLE behind her

[Guest Donna Jean]

Good morning, Baby...

How nice to meet you!

Hey...did you ever get your cookies and drink?...well if not, I'll get them for you....here!

Now, relax...

Sweetheart...please don't sell yourself short!

I have met some very beautiful, brown skinned women...Latina, Polynesian, Vietnamese, Lao, Filipinas, Native American, African American....

Beauty comes in all colors, Honey! Not just whitebread!

And tons of things can be done with your hair...things that you'll like very much...

So many girls haven such wonderful changes to their face on HRT alone that FFS is not needed at all!

So, please don't feel defeated before you even get a good start.......OK?

When you get 5 posts you can go to some of the girls profile page and look at their photos...

You will be surprised at the beauty and how well they do on hormones alone!

Heck, check out Lizzy (Elizabeth K) and just look at her..she is 62 and on HRT less than a year and passes all the time!

HRT is magic, Girlfriend!

You are gonna do just fine.

And listen to the girls advice above me....Gender Therapist.....doctor monitored HRT...take the right path and It will be way easier to make it!

Love (From a not too bad looking 'ole broad ....59)

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Well, I would just like to say hello and give you a little advice.

We all see ourselves as hideous and totaly unable to pass but bio girls see themselves as ugly, fat, awkward and anything else that they really aren't - we never see ourselves as others do.

Project an air of confidence and you can go anywhere and people will just accept you.

I am 58 now and on HRT for less than a month - I have posted pictures on my profile and album - I don't think that I come close to passing but everyone else here looks at them and tells me how nice I look and how easy it will be to pass - are they just being nice - not really, they are seeing the woman that they have know many oof them from their first day here, so to them I am the very nice lady who brings cookies and organizes big holiday parties in the forums.

That feeling makes them see me as a woman and passing 100%, the same thing comes from confidence, some pwoplw will be able to guess, but that is all it can be unless they know you because women come in all shapes and sizes and many are very masculine in appearance and they are just who they are.

Be yourself, there is no way to be sure that the future would be better if you remained male but your feelings about yourself will be better if you transition.

Just a little advice from someone who tried to fight her true self for way too long.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Sweety,

Welcome to the playground and all the wonderful support you get being a member.

I am also a brown skinned person,have been my whole life being of mixed heritage.

I was so very masculine and hugely muscled,plus had a goatee and mustache as my

old self.When this journey started many eons ago,I felt there would be No Way I could

pass without some form of FFS.But the wonders of cross hormone therapy changed Everything about me.Including my slowly evolving facial features.Now I pass with flying colors.

Passing Is About Confidence...Know you are a woman,and you do, simple as that.

Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from following your heart.If a 53 year young

woman can do this every single day,after living a lifetime as a male,so can you.

Welcome once again and look forward to future postings.

Big Hugs,

Angie

Oh,what female name are you thinking about using? Once we know,that is all you will be called.

Here you are safe,and can be yourself.

Ang

I know that feeling Angie, doing it daily myself... the worst was early on but confidence, confidence, confidence... any lack of it will get you read faster than summer lightening; not what you want when you need to pee

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Nearly a month into HRT and 3 months RLE, its all about how you feel. You know you are a woman, you dress and, as well as you know how, act like one; thats all it takes. Confidence is the key, I was put onto RLE for two months before I even had a chance at hormones; I was not happy about it then but looking back on it, that just made me stronger and finally finished convincing me that I was on the right track.

Now I live and work full time as a woman and havent worn any men's clothes for along time, the last time I did was when all of my women's uniform pants for work were dirty and I had to wear one of my old pairs, the most uncomfortable things I ever put on. Like anything new it's one day at a time and the more you do it the more confident you get.

welcome aboard

[Guest AllisonD]

First I want to say excellent site. Many people referred me here, and everything I've seen so far lives up to its reputation.

Well, my problem is that I am a young brown-skinned male who fears that If I undergo the process, I will finally be the gender I was supposed to be, but not pass in public. I feel I have no feminine features, and I am uncomfortable with FFS simply due to the reason that surgery on my face makes me uneasy. Do hormones help in any way with facial features assuming I would start in my mid 20's?

And my hair is a whole different issue. It grows into an Afro, but is it still possible to straighten? And anyone have experience with extensions?

I have a few years to think about this since I have to finance it myself and my family is in no way receptive of this, but I would just like an idea.

(And if you wonder why I felt the need to say my skin color, it is because I see so many beautiful transsexual women who are light-skinned, but all the darker skinned ones I've seen are porn stars and probably couldn't pass at all, and that makes me uneasy as well)

Hi

You have already been welcomed so many times, but let me add another.... So WELCOME.

And you have been referred to the best place to be. I love it here.

It sounds to me that you already have some idea of who you are and where you should be. The other ladies have explained that a gender therapist can be of assistance, and even tho I have never seen one from what I have learned it is a good idea for those that are not already dead certain of their precise path. There is a lot of conversation here about hormones, but please do not get ahead of yourself. When it is time, if they are right for you, you will know. The gender therapist can be essential to getting hormones, so another reason to consider starting up with one.

As to your skin and hair, I can be somewhat encouraging even tho I have never seen you. I have personally been stunned by the beauty of dark-skinned trans women, jealous of their achievements to pass better than I do, and I have been passing for decades. You would not be the first woman with hair of similar texture to have a beautiful do. You would not be the first with similar skin to warrant a magazine cover. It is not unusual at all, certainly far less than you seem to think. I think that you may have a little extra difficulty with beard, and so if it was me, and I was sure, I would start thinning that out immediately. But for the rest, don't get so worried. You are at the right place, you will eventually chat with a therapist, and when you are dead certain of what you need to do, you will do it.

It can be tricky, but you are not the first here to go through this. There are many, including me, that have arrived, no reason you cannot too.

Allison

[Guest cjnoble71]

Hello Only Me;

I'm kind of new here myself, but let me welcome you. In the short time I have been coming here, I have noticed a general trend towards openness and compassion, so I think we have come to the right place.

As far as passing, I share your apprehension about facial surgery, though perhaps not as strongly because if I ever do have the means to fund it, I have decided I will. But you would be surprised by how much the right make up is. I am no expert, and I would imagine different make up helps people in different ways. There are some awesome links with great advice at Laura's main site.

Keep your head held up high, and do your best not to wither in the face of adversity (hey, I won't say never do it, because sometimes it gets a bit much, but that is what we are here for.)

Christine