Hello Everyone

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Hello Everyone

Before I begin, I'd like to say in case I word something wrong, or do not understand certain things please do not think it is me being rude or anything like that. I want to learn how to cope with loving someone who is transgendered and be able to understand what it can be like for someone who is, as well as how to be a supportive girlfriend. Well some background information, I am currently 17 as is my partner and we've been together two years this month, let's call my partner E. I know we are still very young but I truly love this person, which is why I want to accept E's true identity. Now as you've probably guessed I am currently having trouble accepting, when we began dating E identified as female and was my first female partner and it finally felt right. Fast foreward to about a year into the relationship and E revealed the truth about who E really is. I admit at first I was in denial and then very depressed, I still feel depressed at times, but the worst part was anger. At times I would feel resentment and anger toward transgenders in general when before this I never had, and I realize now it was out of ignorance and the hurt of finding out after a somewhat long period of being together. I have been trying to not be angry as much but I just wish I could feel the same for E as before, I mean everything else would be E just not the body and maybe some thinking pattern, it's just the sexual and attraction aspect that hurts. I just feel so guilty because I feel being attracted to E's previous body is selfish and I feel like a B*** for it, it's just so different now I cant touch breasts of any other female identified areas and even when I want to I try my best not too because I don't want to hurt E. All I want is to feel the same as before because I love E very much and E deserves all the love I can give.

Sorry for my long speil lol, thank you for listening.

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Hello Everyone

Before I begin, I'd like to say in case I word something wrong, or do not understand certain things please do not think it is me being rude or anything like that. I want to learn how to cope with loving someone who is transgendered and be able to understand what it can be like for someone who is, as well as how to be a supportive girlfriend. Well some background information, I am currently 17 as is my partner and we've been together two years this month, let's call my partner E. I know we are still very young but I truly love this person, which is why I want to accept E's true identity. Now as you've probably guessed I am currently having trouble accepting, when we began dating E identified as female and was my first female partner and it finally felt right. Fast foreward to about a year into the relationship and E revealed the truth about who E really is. I admit at first I was in denial and then very depressed, I still feel depressed at times, but the worst part was anger. At times I would feel resentment and anger toward transgenders in general when before this I never had, and I realize now it was out of ignorance and the hurt of finding out after a somewhat long period of being together. I have been trying to not be angry as much but I just wish I could feel the same for E as before, I mean everything else would be E just not the body and maybe some thinking pattern, it's just the sexual and attraction aspect that hurts. I just feel so guilty because I feel being attracted to E's previous body is selfish and I feel like a B*** for it, it's just so different now I cant touch breasts of any other female identified areas and even when I want to I try my best not too because I don't want to hurt E. All I want is to feel the same as before because I love E very much and E deserves all the love I can give.

Sorry for my long speil lol, thank you for listening.

Ah sorry just finished the rules and realized I broke one with the blanked out swear word I apolagize for that, should have finished reading first.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi and Welcome!!!

I am glad that you have joined and are supportive of E. I encourage you to look around in the forums to get a better understanding of who we are, and what Laura's is all about.

I also encourage you to have your partner E join Laura's too!!

Laura's is fun and it is free!!!!

Here's a link that I think will help both of you

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Thank you very much Brenda I was worried people would take this the wrong way, but I understand people on these forums, infact any type of forums have to deal with flamers who just want to go out of their way to hurt people. Thank you so much, much love Shan

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Laura's! It's great that you are here, because it shows how much you love your partner that

you would want to help him and understand him better.

Don't get down on yourself for your initial feelings. It is very confusing and traumatic to find out that

the person you care for is not who you thought they were. Feelings of anger and betrayal are

very common. But it seems you've gotten past that, and that is what counts. You've stayed with

him and are standing beside him during this difficult time for both of you. You deserve a LOT of credit

for that.

There is a forum for significant others of transsexuals. Please check it out. post questions, and

learn all you can. As my sister Brenda suggested, have your friend join too.

Best of luck to both of you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Evan_J]

Welcome Shan. You're definately welcomed. First , let me say, definately take all the information and help offered, some of it is AWEsome. There're a million peeps who'll probably be along to give you all kinds of support, info and perspectives. For me, all I'd like to say is what you're feeling is entirely normal. If you didn't feel it -including the anger, including the feeling cut off from your partner intimately- you wouldn't be normal. In fact I'd probably think you weren't in this situation at all. What I can offer you is the probability that E either didn't really know exactly what was up with himself, or didn't want this to be what actually was up. I don't think it was a precalculated lie or anything. Nobody actually "wants" to be trans if they are. Why would you? To be ridiculed? Possibly outcasted? Lose a great girl maybe because it hurts her? No. E wouldn't hope for those things. Unfortunately, the first "impression" most trans people themselves get about being trans is the same that the majority of the mainstreet gets; its something undesireable. It takes quite a while to be willing to give yourself that label. I'm guessing that's actually what happened to your partner. Hopefully though, both of you will be able to get to discover that its not a "horrible thing". Different? Yes. Even disruptive in the sense that things won't be exactly the same. However, whatever happens between the two of you, I hope you can find your way as two people who get to know that one of you is trying really hard to actually be more honestly who they are and in so doing be a better friend and potentially a better partner.

Best of luck to you

Evan

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Thank you as well Carolyn, I can already tell people on here seem to be nice and understanding. While things may not be the same between myself and E we are still together and working through things, actually I have to start planning something for 2 yr anniversary it's usually something small but special. Ive read up on surgerical procedures and such, but I do not have a lot of knowledge when it comes to other aspects of FtM's and was a little frustrated with lack of information on some sites but I also understand it is a topic not commonly covered. Well thank you very much for the support and welcome.

[Sally]

Shan,

It is so good to meet you, I have the greatest respect for the partners of transgendered who make an effort to learn rather than judge.

Like Evan said we are all trying not to admit to ourselves that we are trans, not trying to fool anyone else.

I remember when I was battling that issue, I thought of all trans as wierdos and really undesirable freaks - but you know what, I had to face that I was transsexual and I thought about myself that way with total disgust until I actually started to talk to transsexuals - and I found out there are some weirdos, some disgusting freaks, some sweet, wonderful, caring people - we are a cross section of society, all races, all religions, social classes, nationalities, good people and bad people - we are just that people so now that I know that, I am at peace with myself, maybe that will help you with accepting E.

The most important thing is that you are trying and that means more to E than you will ever know.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Thank you Evan and Sally, sorry about leaving randomly lol I hadnt slept in over 24 hours and ended up going to "lay down and rest for 1 second" which ended in me waking up at 9 this morning lol. I appreciate any information or support found on the forum and hearing from another source helps me understand perhaps how my partner is feeling at times. Thanks evryone and good morning.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Youve come to the right place Laura's is all about support, love and helping both the transgendered or transsexual as well as the family. All of us either spouses, SO's or the transfolk ourselves have been through that awkward spot where your not sure where your life is going, or who you are going to spend it with. We've all been through a version of the hate and recrimination that comes with coming out, some of us have managed to salvage long term relationships, others have seen them morph into somthing new and still others have lost them all together.

I'm glad that you decided to find your way here and seek support for your situation, and I would second the motion of the men and women here that you try and have your partner log on. Dont worry too much about one bleeped word, if you accidentally let one slip the word police will get it (and probably make it look silly). Case in point, in one article I wrote i used the expression curve b.alls (without the .) the word police made a total hash out of it by turning it into curve testicles. Funny, yes, but it destroyed the meaning of the title.

[Guest FtMsGeeEff]

Thank you Joanna and everyone else again thank you for the welcome and understanding as well as the links, It is much appreciated.