Anxiety Issues And Stuff

[Guest My_Genesis]

Thank You!!!!

READ FABULOSITY BY KIMORA LEE SIMMONS!!!!!!!!!!!

I mostly blame my father- he was schitsofrantic and pychopathic.

I'm not related (adopted) but I know EXACTLY why I and where I get my quirks and panic attacks from (not just him) so I take control by visualizing who I want to be and actually start becoming that fully realized person NOW.

That's the real secret in trasitioning. It's only half physcial it's mostly being the kind of person you want to be INSIDE AND OUT!

Still nice to know I'm not the only one thinking I was seeing ghosts from my past yesterday, though.

I think love, support and tough love work best for me.

When no one's going to do it for me sometimes a good old fashioned kick in pants and do it myself attitude helps.

Makes you feel invinciable like I CAN DO THIS! Be warned you need good people to keep you grounded, though.

I kinda became this way out of life or death nescetity though.

My mom or dad couldn't help me after everything else they've inevitably done NOT help. (he controlled and brain washed her and she still tells herself things are better in a different way than they really are to help, and than believes herself.)

It's survival basically. Take control for yourself. Think old soviet athelete mentality.

haha way to completely masculinize the situation

[Guest Zabrak]

like my friend said today who's mtf, when we were talking about wanting better techonolgy etc. "I can almost guarantee 99.9% that it won't happen" (meaning having internal organs etc.) - because of immune system rejection and all that. but then I brought up these studies that were done in the 80s that this may i fact not be an obstacle for us, we may actually have a genetic predisposition that has compatibility with the chromosomal makeup of the opposite sex. and then i started talking about how one of the reasons i decided to become a biology major was to advance the technique on my own because i feel like i just cant sit around and keep my fingers crossed that it will happen.. and how i dont even know anymore whether a career in biology is what i actually want or if it's something im doing because i want the technology to improve badly enough to go through 8 years of school to do it myself. but really i do always see myself in some kind of biomedical career - though there is also fantasy vs reality to take into account...

so yeah i guess suddenly i feel like my life is very up in the air and i dont have a clear direction to move in - kinda scary to think about. because it's almost like im not even a real person at this point in my life, ive been going through the motions of living but havent actually lived. it's all very weird the more i think about it.

I think you are crusading for a noble cause. To be more nerdy then anyone else in this world, it has been said Lord Revan(who once was a great jedi...) did not fall to the dark side but sacrificed himself to it in order to strengthen the republic if it wanted to be strengthened or not, that or replace it with somthing that was stronger. In some ways you remind me of him.

Anyway....sorry.

I felt the same until I transitioned - I felt like I was a fake person who wasn't real. Some nights I sat there thinking how I could be living even. Sounds strange but its how I felt. So I get you there and I understand your fear. Just wanted to put that out there.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I think you are crusading for a noble cause. To be more nerdy then anyone else in this world, it has been said Lord Revan(who once was a great jedi...) did not fall to the dark side but sacrificed himself to it in order to strengthen the republic if it wanted to be strengthened or not, that or replace it with somthing that was stronger. In some ways you remind me of him.

Anyway....sorry.

Well I'll take that as a compliment