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Love Vs Sex

Guest Justme

By Guest Justme,
in General Transition Issues

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Guest Justme

Guest Justme

Posted
Posted

For a long time now, I have been looking for that special someone in my life. The thing that has made it hard is....until I can find a way to complete my surgeries...i am not interested in having a sexual relationship. I want the love...the companionship....just sexually...I can't go there. Wondering if anyone else deals with this? Or is it just me?

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Guest AllisonD

Guest AllisonD

Posted
Posted
For a long time now, I have been looking for that special someone in my life. The thing that has made it hard is....until I can find a way to complete my surgeries...i am not interested in having a sexual relationship. I want the love...the companionship....just sexually...I can't go there. Wondering if anyone else deals with this? Or is it just me?

I dealt with that for years. We just agreed to ignore my factory equipment and we had a wonderful relationship. I had a couple of relationships that worked well that way, one in high school that lasted two years, another that started when I was 20 and lasted even longer. But I have to admit that Donna (we've been together 22 years) would not be with me if I hadn't already had SRS before we met. The trick with my earlier lovers was to simply establish boundaries about what we could do together and what we couldn't. It took some frank and open discussions but it worked.

So try it. It can work with the right lover.

Allison

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Guest Justme

Guest Justme

Posted
Posted

Hi Allison. thanks for the feedback. I had one person that was MTf that I was in a relationship for 4 years. Kept telling her there was a 'no go' zone body wise. We broke up because she saw that as me not trusting her. It's not that I did'nt trust her...it's just...I can't go there. For me ...that's just an extra reminder that i am not the man I want to be. It's my stuff...not anyone else's. And I'm thinking that because of that.....I will always be alone. And that idea really sucks.

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Guest Charlene_Leona

Guest Charlene_Leona

Posted
Posted

Larry is not interested in my birth defect which I'm happy about because one I'm not into gay men and if he were interested in it I don't think I would be with him. After all if he liked that he wouldn't want me to have my surgery and that is essential for my survival and healing. We are deeply in love with each other although we both look forward to the day when we be truly able to have sex as a man and woman.

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Guest AllisonD

Guest AllisonD

Posted
Posted
Hi Allison. thanks for the feedback. I had one person that was MTf that I was in a relationship for 4 years. Kept telling her there was a 'no go' zone body wise. We broke up because she saw that as me not trusting her. It's not that I did'nt trust her...it's just...I can't go there. For me ...that's just an extra reminder that i am not the man I want to be. It's my stuff...not anyone else's. And I'm thinking that because of that.....I will always be alone. And that idea really sucks.

Justme, she was not the one for you. Particulary a trans, if she could not understand your sensitivity to factory equipment issues she did not have your heart in hers. Keep looking. I have to think that statistically you have a much better chance than I ever did, and I did fine several times. I understand completely about not wanting to go there. I couldn't either but that didn't stop me from having very rewarding relationships. For example, I have to think of Davis (my essay Nostalgia talks a little about Davis) as a savior for me, she took me in when I was expelled from home, and through her I had lots of friends. After I moved to LA I found a new lover that was also very considerate of my boundaries, and we got along famously.

I had dry spells too, sometimes long ones, but that was mostly my own fault for being distracted with other things in my life. As long as you know what you want, can recognize her when you see her, and keep looking, then you will find her.

Allison

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Guest AshleyRF

Guest AshleyRF

Posted
Posted

My wife and I have naturally had sex many many times over the years with my OEM equipment, however it takes a great deal of imagination for me to be able to. I was always uncomfortable with her seeing that thing, and now since I have transitioned and am living full time, I won't let her see it or touch it anymore. (still crossing my fingers and praying for a Dec. 2010 surgery date)

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Guest tapiarachael

Guest tapiarachael

Posted
Posted

Yeah i feel that exact way too, and in the end, all that really matters is falling in love for who they are on the inside no? Here's to good luck for all of us :).

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Guest angie

Guest angie

Posted
Posted
For a long time now, I have been looking for that special someone in my life. The thing that has made it hard is....until I can find a way to complete my surgeries...i am not interested in having a sexual relationship. I want the love...the companionship....just sexually...I can't go there. Wondering if anyone else deals with this? Or is it just me?

I do big time.I have been alone and celibate for far too many years except for a brief period right

after name change.He was an FTM,and it was an experiment and experience for the both of us.

I would love to be with someone who cares for me,kisses,hugs and comforts me,have that wonderful warm body lying next to me when I wakeup.But...I just can't break through the fact of having the wrong genitalia between my legs.So it seems to me,I will continue to be alone.Unless

I find a lover willing to love and take me as I am.So no,you are not alone in how you feel my dear.

Warm hugs of empathy and understanding,

Angelique

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Guest Zabrak

Guest Zabrak

Posted
Posted
Larry is not interested in my birth defect which I'm happy about because one I'm not into gay men and if he were interested in it I don't think I would be with him. After all if he liked that he wouldn't want me to have my surgery and that is essential for my survival and healing. We are deeply in love with each other although we both look forward to the day when we be truly able to have sex as a man and woman.

I don't know why but that made me happy to hear.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Siobahn

Guest Siobahn

Posted
Posted
For a long time now, I have been looking for that special someone in my life. The thing that has made it hard is....until I can find a way to complete my surgeries...i am not interested in having a sexual relationship. I want the love...the companionship....just sexually...I can't go there. Wondering if anyone else deals with this? Or is it just me?

Hon its definitely not just you. I feel shame in this wrong body, and it's a total turn off sexually.

Siobahn

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