Just Come Out To Parents And Girlfriend's Parents

[Guest AmyB]

Hi,

Background: I'm 25, from the UK, my girlfriend (Sarah) is supportive (we've been together for 3.5 years+ and plan on spending the rest of our lives together, having kids (freeze my sperm)), I live with my parents as I'm saving money to buy a house when Sarah has finished university and I've finished my PhD (two years away). With that said...

Last Friday I came out to my parents as gender dysphoric and transgender! They'd just come back from holiday and we hadn't seen them for three weeks. We decided that I needed to come out as I'd unplannedly slipped into living as a girl for those three weeks (haven't lived as a girl for anything like that length of time before) and I was scared and mortified at having to go back to being a boy. (I've felt like a girl and wanted to be a girl since I was about 5, but not told my parents.) Interestingly, we hadn't even really noticed that I'd slipped into living as a girl, until we were at the end of the second week. Sarah has been using female terms for me for sometime now anyway. When we were out in public I was wearing boy's shorts, but they could just as well have been girls. I wasn't passing as a girl (wasn't trying) but was on the girly side of androgynous.

Initially my parents seemed okay about it, they were shocked but supportive. The four of us talked about it for two hours. But mum and dad have got less understanding since. Everything is still friendly, but they're uncomfortable about it. I think they're still in shock. I've had to tone down my girlyness around them to help, so no bras, no tops with girly necklines, etc. for the moment. But I am still wearing girlfit t-shirts, underwear, jumper, pyjamams etc.

Sarah told her parents on Sunday when she went back home (we'd been living together for the three weeks). They were also shocked and surprised, more so than we expected, but I'm still welcome there.

I plan to try living until Christmas as much as a girl as possible and increasing my girlness around home to see how I feel and then review things then. I feel that I do want hormones but I am frightened about all the baggage that goes along with transitioning. I'm scared I might not be passable as a girl even after hormones anyway, even with FFS and voice training. I keep saying to myself that if I'd done it when I was younger then I'd stand a much better chance.

I'd be grateful for any advice,

Thank you,

Amy

[Guest Robin Winter]

My advice? You're doing just fine! Congrats on such a big step. I've seen some amazing transformations in the albums on here, I think you needn't worry about whether you'll be able to pass.

*hugs*

[Paula ult]

Amy congrats on telling your parents, that is one of the hardest things you will ever do, you have known pretty much all your life and have had time to come to terms with it but your parents just found out so it will take some time for them to get their heads around it. They may feel guilty that they did something wrong in your upbringing, i would advise taking things slow around them and not push the limits too much at least for awhile.

Paula

[Guest Amy's Girl]

Hi! I'm Sarah, Amy's girlfriend.

I love her and am really really proud of her. I think we're doing well - both sets of parents are good, understanding people and although it's a shock for them, it will be okay. I don't mind what gender she is, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She's wonderful.

Sarah

[Guest Edu]

First of all, welcome Amy and Sarah.

And congratulations for such a great step. I wish you all the best for your future.

I advise to both of you to have patience with all of each one's parents. This topic is often shocking and most times hard to understand. It may also help if you (especially Amy) are willing to answer their questions with patience and accuracy: they'll probably have quite many questions they'd need answered before they can properly understand what's going on.

If your parents love you, and they manage to properly understand it, their respect and support is almost guaranteed.

But, above all else, patience is key.

Regards,

Ethain

[Sally]

Welcome to the forums.

I am so happy to see you here and with the two of you together is wonderful.

Let me welcome you in my usual manner by inviting you into the member's lounge for a little conversation, cocoa and cookies.

Sit back and enjoy yourself.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest AshleyRF]

Grats on such a huge step. I wish you all the best in the future.

Hugs

Ashley

[Guest Kayliegh]

Hello Amy –

I’m impressed with your openness to your parents and your GF’s parents!

It takes quite a bit of courage to take those “steps” and it’s great to hear that while maybe their “shocked”, they didn’t give you a hard time!

Welcome and Congrats! - Kayleigh

[Guest AmyB]

Thanks for the replies and welcomes.

I have my first counselling appointment tomorrow. They're not gender specialists as far as I'm aware, but they know why I'm going and they're happy to see me. We'll see how it goes!