Unconditional Love

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

This poll is for those who have come out to family, relatives and friends…[be gentle with me I might still not have quite gotten the hang of setting them[the polls] up properly]...

It’s great when reading some of the post and hearing that some trans-people are not alone on their journey of discovery…I for the most part have been fortunate to experience unconditional love from those that I hold dear to my heart-family, friends and relatives -even those whom I've outed myself too[ about my past 'male' life]…

When I had my surgery the psycho-surgical team and nursing staff at the hospital were amazed at the support and acceptance I had from my family-my sister and cousin flew over from the UK to be with me during and after surgery and shortly after the surgery my eldest boy came to stay with me for a while[he also came with me as my ‘support’ person when I had to fly back down to Christchurch for the three month check up]... My Ex and I are not quite bossombuddies but we are not enemies-we exchange pleasantries when I call to speak to my children- all my children have accepted the new me…My case is not unique but sadly I know that it is not the norm…

So how common is this ‘unconditional love’ when it comes to trans-people and their families and friends?

I know that not all of ones friends, siblings, relatives are going to fully accept the 'new' you, so the idea is to tick the box even if only 'one' person who knew you before your transition accepts you...

I hope this poll makes sense...Fingers crossed XXXXXXXXXX

Metta Jendar

[Guest Natalie92]

I've got a few friends who accept me. As far as my family goes, all of them are transphobic.

[Guest brenda lee]

Kia Ora,

This poll is for those who have come out to family, relatives and friends…[be gentle with me I might still not have quite gotten the hang of setting them[the polls] up properly]...

It’s great when reading some of the post and hearing that some trans-people are not alone on their journey of discovery…I for the most part have been fortunate to experience unconditional love from those that I hold dear to my heart-family, friends and relatives -even those whom I've outed myself too[ about my past 'male' life]…

When I had my surgery the psycho-surgical team and nursing staff at the hospital were amazed at the support and acceptance I had from my family-my sister and cousin flew over from the UK to be with me during and after surgery and shortly after the surgery my eldest boy came to stay with me for a while[he also came with me as my ‘support’ person when I had to fly back down to Christchurch for the three month check up]... My Ex and I are not quite bossombuddies but we are not enemies-we exchange pleasantries when I call to speak to my children- all my children have accepted the new me…My case is not unique but sadly I know that it is not the norm…

So how common is this ‘unconditional love’ when it comes to trans-people and their families and friends?

I know that not all of ones friends, siblings, relatives are going to fully accept the 'new' you, so the idea is to tick the box even if only 'one' person who knew you before your transition accepts you...

I hope this poll makes sense...Fingers crossed XXXXXXXXXX

Metta Jendar

Kia I have a wonderful mom who wanted a girl when I was born , so I know that she loves me for who I am . LOL Brenda Lee

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

When I say children of my 7 only two will talk to me, that started long before my transition, and of them only one is really accepting the other I may just have to face the fact that she will never accept it and either not see her or accept that she will out me every time she needs my name.

[Sally]

Jendar,

I am going to add a choice to the acceptance poll, you have non what so ever under no support but there is not a place to indicate that in the unconditional love support section and you have to enter something so it will only serve to help your poll be more accurate.

Guess where my votes are going.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest AllisonD]

I marked that I am supported by my parents, but only years afterwards, and that likely is not what you meant.

My spouse supports me, but then she knew (I was post-op) before we met, so that is likely not what you meant either.

I couldn't answer any of the others since they were inapplicable for some reason or other and I transitioned so long ago there is no one to ask about prior to transition.

So polls need more opportunities to say not applicable.

Allison

[Paula ult]

Jendar hon you done good on the poll this time.

My only living parent is my stepfather and he is accepting and is my anchor.

I have a stepbrother who never liked me before and since he received my letter neither him nor his wife have tried to contact me so i guess you could say nothing has changed, i mark as not accepting.

I also have a stepsister who sent me a beautiful card saying she understands why i need to transition, another acceptance.

My extended family i sent letters to in July and as of today have heard from only one, they say they are accepting of my change, the rest i have no clue on but i know they received the letters.

Really good friends for the most part are accepting, a couple do not understand but said if it is what makes me happy they are ok with it.

My neighbors and i were not real close but after i told them we are closer than before, more acceptance.

People in my bowling leagues, they are either accepting or just do not care so that is a mixed bag.

So the totals as far as i am concerned are mostly of acceptance in some form.

A person i know has an 80/10/10 rule that seems to hold true in my case for the most part:

80% of people do not care

10% of people will love you for no reason

10% of people will hate you for no reason

Paula

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

A person i know has an 80/10/10 rule that seems to hold true in my case for the most part:

80% of people do not care

10% of people will love you for no reason

10% of people will hate you for no reason

giggles and 5% really wont know where they stand

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

And thanks to those who have participated so far...

Sorry Sally & Allison, I thought I had it all covered=The acceptance part for those who 'accept' and the Non acceptance [which included 'none whatsoever'] which would I thought cover what you 'Sally' are going on about...

Allison I sure your reply will give hope to many young ones whose parents [at this present moment in time] are not accepting of their condition...

One as only got to look at some of the posts throughout the forum to see how people's attitudes are constantly changing when they 'look' at situations from a different angle... For example at first there might be acceptance from a loved one then after a while this acceptance begins to fad then pick up again this might continue for quite some time until it levels itself out ...

Remember-the future is unknown, it's just unfolding - 'NOTHING' is permanent...People are constantly "Changing the way they look at things-and in doing so the things they look at change!"

Please note...Parents and other cisgender people[love ones] are allow to share their experiences when coming to terms with the trans-person they care about...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I have support from some relatives, but not all of them.

Also, no spouse, no kids so I didn't check those boxes as they didn't apply.

I have friends who knew me pre-transition that are supportive and of course my in-transition friends are supportive.

[Guest N. Jane]

It was never any secret that I was "different" right from childhood, didn't match what I was supposed to be, but based on my childhood I would say:

Parents: Father sort of had it figured out and accepted it but mother never accepted or even tolerated my "difference". Rarely saw either of them again after I "transitioned".

Siblings: I had one sister and hid everything from her. What she knew, my mother found out and what my mother found out I got punished for. Now she and I get along fine, just like regular sisters.

Your Partner: Never had one before transition. Married twice since - first one didn't know, the second did and he never saw me as anything other than just a normal woman.

Your Children: No kids

Relatives: Not at all - haven't seen any of them since transition 35 years ago

Friends[who knew you before transition]: I have reconnected with a few, mostly girls. The guys are just weirded out by it all - I don't care - I have a great many friends I have made since who don't know