Really Scared

[Guest Alicia Nicole]

I'm really scared and frightened right now. Living with my wife is really becoming more difficult by the day and I don't know what to do. I want to be able to tell her more about me but I'm afraid to, seeing as how this issue fills her with rage at times, at least it seems to. I wish to be able to find a therapist who can help me talk about it and work on talking to her about it, but I can't afford it. I'm on Medicaid and Disabillity, and the only therapist near my home charges $180 per session. *cries* Please, someone, I could really use some advice and support. Thanks, love ya'll.

Alicia

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Alicia sweetie,

I know that online therapists are far less expensive. If I remember correctly they average about $40.00 per session.

When you feel up to it, and when you think your wife is in a receptive mood, maybe you could talk to her about what is making her so enraged.

HUGS hon,

Hope some of this helps

Brenda

[Guest Alicia Nicole]

Alicia sweetie,

I know that online therapists are far less expensive. If I remember correctly they average about $40.00 per session.

When you feel up to it, and when you think your wife is in a receptive mood, maybe you could talk to her about what is making her so enraged.

HUGS hon,

Hope some of this helps

Brenda

Thank you so much, Brenda. I'll definitely try your suggestion at some point, but.... whooo... my wife is a Catholic, so it may never be a good outcome when I talk to her.... *shudder*

[Guest Kayliegh]

Alicia -

If you want to PM me, I'd be happy t talk to you about what's going on in your life.

I'm not a GT, but I mght be able to help.

Hugs! - Kayleigh

[Sally]

Alicia,

I am so sorry that you are afraid but I understand completely.

I am not a therapist but if you need a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or a comforting hug, you have a friend - PM me anytime as soon as I go to my computer I check Laura's and I answer every PM.

I know what is like to be in a relationship and the fear of the partner's reactions (my wife threw things - only mine but she still threw them).

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Edu]

I'm really scared and frightened right now.

First advise: take a deep breath. That should help a bit

Fear or fright is something natural: it's the way our primal instincts have to warn our consciousness about some hard to notice hazard or threat. Just don't let the fear control you, because then becomes panic and turns against you. You got the warning, good thing. Process it, identify the source (looks like you have already done so), and find the best way to react to it.

Living with my wife is really becoming more difficult by the day and I don't know what to do. I want to be able to tell her more about me but I'm afraid to, seeing as how this issue fills her with rage at times, at least it seems to.

I can't improve over Brenda's suggestion on this. Even if your wife is Catholic, she'll have to know sooner or later: can you really hide this kind of issues from her?

Try to answer this to yourself: which are the best and the worst possible outcomes?

Once you have an answer, the plan is simple: prepare for the worst, and aim above the best. Even if the "best" is still not "good", you should simply do your best and play your best aces so at least things don't get as bad as they can be. And, if they get, you would already be prepared anyway. You can control some factors (for example, choosing the moment and context to speak to her), but you can't control her reaction: whatever that reaction is, it's not your fault. If you are just being honest, you are doing the good thing.

I wish to be able to find a therapist who can help me talk about it and work on talking to her about it, but I can't afford it. I'm on Medicaid and Disabillity, and the only therapist near my home charges $180 per session. *cries* Please, someone, I could really use some advice and support. Thanks, love ya'll.

Alicia

Finding a therapist is highly advisable. As Brenda suggested, an online therapist may be an option. How near does "near my home" exactly mean for you? If you can drive or take some transport to some therapist a bit further to get a better pricing, maybe it'd be worth it (it's up to you to evaluate each option).

Here are a few suggestions that may help you until you can find a therapist, and also would be a good complement to therapy once you start it:

• Posting on these forums (bet you already knew about this one ).
  
• The chat here on Laura's (there is a link on the top right area of these pages, but just for case: http://www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm).
  
• Writing on a diary. If you are willing to share it, you may use the blog feature here on Laura's.
  
• Speaking to some friend or relative who knows about your issues and is supportive.
  

Hope this helps.

Regards,

Ethain

[Guest Robin Winter]

*sigh* Health care in the U.S. depresses me My therapy doesn't cost me a cent.

I agree with the writing of the diary thing. It gives you more time to formulate your thoughts and express yourself in the best way. Then when your feelings are down and sorted, perhaps then you could share it with her.

And yes, KEEP ACTIVE HERE. We're all here to find help and support, but we're also here to provide it.

Maybe you could even suggest to your wife to join the forum, it might help her understand better. I'm hoping to get my wife involved too at some point in the near future.

In the meantime, BIG hugs, know that people care about you.

[Guest angie]

I'm really scared and frightened right now. Living with my wife is really becoming more difficult by the day and I don't know what to do. I want to be able to tell her more about me but I'm afraid to, seeing as how this issue fills her with rage at times, at least it seems to. I wish to be able to find a therapist who can help me talk about it and work on talking to her about it, but I can't afford it. I'm on Medicaid and Disabillity, and the only therapist near my home charges $180 per session. *cries* Please, someone, I could really use some advice and support. Thanks, love ya'll.

Alicia

Oooo babygirl,

This is a very tough time for the both of you.She is about to lose the man she loves.Trade him in

for a woman she does not know.The anger she is expressing is the first part of the grieving process,

Denial.If you take it slow,don't push the transition thing,or force feed her with all things T,get counseling,a marriage couselor at the least,you may make it through this very tough time for a

trans waiting to happen intact.She is thinking that her whole life with you was a lie,that you lied

to her from the get go.By hiding your inner feelings before you married.And she has to come to terms with the fact of if she is willing to be in a lesbian relationship.For a straight woman,this is a hard decision to make.Be very patient with her and yourself.And I would suggest to take a row boat instead of the speed boat(we all want to take) on your way to making yourself whole.

Much Love and Understanding,

Angelique

[Guest Donna Jean]

Alicia.....

First off I want to say that everyone above had some REALLY good advice...This is hard stuff...no doubt about it!

But, here you can get help and support....

So let me give you this....

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

It's Laura's page of Gender Therapists...look it over good.

There are also on line therapist that are accepted now by most prescribing doctors...they will all help you work through this.

And spouses?

Well, that is never easy and probablly one of the hardest things to deal with in any transition...take it slow...

That is the MOST important thing!

Good luck, Honey...we're here for you!

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

I'm really scared and frightened right now. Living with my wife is really becoming more difficult by the day and I don't know what to do. I want to be able to tell her more about me but I'm afraid to, seeing as how this issue fills her with rage at times, at least it seems to. I wish to be able to find a therapist who can help me talk about it and work on talking to her about it, but I can't afford it. I'm on Medicaid and Disabillity, and the only therapist near my home charges $180 per session. *cries* Please, someone, I could really use some advice and support. Thanks, love ya'll.

Alicia

I would shop around, because that price is $34 more then what I pay and I'm in a more expensive area. That almost sounds like price gouging.

[Guest Alicia Nicole]

Thanks for all your advice everyone! It's taken me a few days to check your responses. I've been quite busy babysitting my daughter and going to school. Thanks again, ya know?

Love,

Alicia

[Guest ricka]

Alicia--in most states Medicaid pays for therapy from community mental health clinics. Is this not true in Conn?

Hun, another option would be a pastor from a GLBTQ welcoming church. Many of the pastors in these churches are trained to do counseling.

You might try to focus on accepting your wife's inability to accept who you are---in other words accepting her as she is and what she feels and focus less on her non-acceptance of you. And also accept the fact that this is not really about a "voluntary" transition for you, i.e being who we are is not about choice, and transitions for any couple can often be tumultous and painful.

In the end my wife chose not to stay with me (she was also Catholic) though I was determined to make our marriage work. Looking back she gave me the gift of freedom to be be me the day she walked out on me (my birthday!) and it was the best birthday present she could have ever given me.

ricka