I Have An Honest Question, Curiosity

[Guest lordpheonix]

first off, i am not or plan on becoming a transexual. i just have an honest question. no part of this is ment to be insulting or demeening, i am just curious.

last night, i watched this thing on bbc about this 18 y/o who wanted a sex change. he looked like a girl, granted a really tall one, but still had a.... well, you know. to be honest, i wouldnt have minded dateing her, she was pretty convincing. iv seen way uglier natural woman then her.

while they were talking about the surgery with the doctor, the doc was saying how he was gonna take the skin from the head and make a clit', using extra skin for the labia, etc, etc. i got to thinking.

again, not being sarcastic or anything, just lack of better words, but do they really make a vagina out of nothing? to put it simply, do they really create a new "pocket" that would serve as a vagina that is FULLY FUNCTIONAL like a natural born woman? i dont understand how this could be done from a biological standpoint. and if they do make an identical one, does it actually work, can you get aroused and have an orgasm like a woman? what happens? when a guy goes, we all know what happens, but when a woman goes, there are fluids that expell from deep inside. obviously someone born as a man doesnt have these glands, so what happens?

i cannot express to you how much this is a serious question and not just someone trying to make fun or something. id really like to know how this works.

[Guest angie]

All right,

First,one doesn't become transsexual,or choose to be a transsexual either.

We are born this was just like any other birth defect that can be corrected.

Second,YES. When we have corrective surgery,a neo vagina is created from

existing tissue.As a pocket is formed in the perenium,and the male organs are

remade into all the parts that any gentic,birth,natural woman has.But no,it is

not the same as a natural womans in that we will not have a cervix,or the

interior muscles on the vaginal walls.But in all other ways it will look feel

smell,react like any other womans does.And that is the truth,point blank.

Good question straight man.

Angelique (a male to female transsexual)

[Sally]

Well, Angie has given you all of the facts and you have asked an honest question so if you wouldn't mind I would like to ask you a couple of honest questions.

These, like yours are serious questions and not meant to offend or make fun of you at all, I am curious as to the thinking of the non-transgendered mind as they are the ones that I do not understand fully.

First is I was wondering who had expressed to you the idea that one becomes a transsexual?

It is a widespread attitude and I was curious how it became so widespread.

The second is I would like to know why you became interested in the subject, do you know a transsexual and are researching for support?

Most people without a transsexual friend avoid such programs like the plague so I am glad to see that you are here to ask questions and learn.

I am just curious and certainly have no intention of embarrassing you.

I also am a Male to Female Transsexual but I am early in my transition, pre-op but already on Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Most male parts are analogous to some female part. Basically, when a baby is developing in the mother's womb, the same parts grow and position differently to make male or female genitalia. SRS tries to do the same thing.

An orgasm is more mental than physical. Some MTFs can experience feminine orgasms before SRS because they already feel so feminine. But it's not a for sure thing even after. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to orgasm even after surgery.

Most vaginal lubrication is just plasma seepage. Sometimes the body just sort of knows it has anew vagina and treats it like one. Everyone has different amounts of success.

[Guest Kayliegh]

I didn’t become a transsexual; I was born a female with a male body. I have a birth defect that will eventually be corrected.

You don’t “become” a transsexual; you are a woman and only seek to be who you’re meant to be.

I’m curious, too. How come a straight male is so interested in TG folks? We have such a “stigma” attached to us by many who do not know what transsexualisam is – what is your interest?

Just curious - Kayleigh

[Guest ChloëC]

lordpheonix,

I am going to give you the benefit of my doubt. I am not a transsexual nor do I plan on becoming one. I am however transgendered with a strong desire of cross-dressing and /actually/ a much less one of transsexual. We have been assuming that you're (for lack of a better term) straight, but I really don't know who you are, except you have some questions. Questions I had for a long time, before I started reading up on the subject years ago before there was any internet.

So, I'm glad you came here because I think we have very wonderful supporting caring group of people who won't judge you and will listen to your story and try to give you support or at least answers as best we can to your question.

If the answers provided are what you're looking for, good! If you need any thing else better explained, please do ask, and I'm sure there are many here that can help.

I'm curious too about the questions asked of you, but that is strictly your own decision to answer them or not, as you choose.

btw, I watched the BBC program too and I think the young woman was very remarkable for her attitude and desires.

Chloë

ps - I'm intrigued about your screen name, the alternate spelling of part, is of a creature that died and came back to life. Not all that different than what some here feel they're going through.

[Guest lordpheonix]

ok. i see a general theme of questions here, so i will address them. i said "becoming a ts" simply because of an ignorance to the correct terms, not due to a insultive undertone, my apologies if any were offended, it was not intentional.

The second is I would like to know why you became interested in the subject, do you know a transsexual and are researching for support?

I’m curious, too. How come a straight male is so interested in TG folks? We have such a “stigma” attached to us by many who do not know what transsexualisam is – what is your interest?

my interest is mainly curiosity, or simply wanting to know. i am a open minded person. i saw the program and thought that i i had met her in the street i would never have know she was once a he. but you must understand my point of view. just as you say you were women born in a mans body, and thats all you ever known, i was born a man in a mans body, and thats all i ever known. so naturally when discussing a topic as "taboo" as this, (which i think isnt taboo at all, just another way of life) some words or term will inevitably come out wrong. iv often pondered the question iv been asked over my 33 years, " what happens if u fall in love, get married, and when the time comes for you to have sex u find out shes a he". usually i avoid this question to maintain the "status quo", but as i thought about it, it accored to me that, if i truly loved her, then what would the real problem be? instead of dumping her and wallowing in self pity so i could be accepted into the general kingdom of heterosexuality, to hell what others think, as long as im happy, thats all that really matters.

in the end, i dont care who you are, wherer ur from, who youd rather be with, what u do in your free time, or who you have sex with, as long as your civil and , for lack of a better term, "cool" with me, i am the same way with you, which is how the rest of the world should be too. im not really good with words, im a thinker, not a talker. hopefully none of what i said here will be misunderstood. i tried my best to answer as well as i known. i cant wait for the replies.

P.S. im painfully single. maybe its cause iv been looking in the wrong places, lol

[Guest AshleyRF]

I dunno about the rest of ya, but I kinda like this person. They are being very respectful and anything that would be offensive that they have said is purely from lack of knowledge on this subject.

Thank you very much for being so polite about this and it's great that you are curious about these things. I wish there were more in this world like you.

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi again, lordpheonix,

You actually might have seen her? That's sort of cool. And I agree she is rather feminine looking. But, you know, I've found that ts people basically are just like any average population, all sizes, shapes, feelings, attitudes, hopes and dreams. Years ago, I happened to watch a Lou Gordon show (he came years before the Springers, Jones, Banks, Dr. Phils, Oprahs) and he (or maybe his wife, because he died very suddenly) had several ts people on one show, and they were just very normal looking everyday people and that really hit home to me.

If I had decided to go in that direction, I realized that I didn't have to be a Caroline Cossey, or a Renee Richards, or any of the marginal celebrity types, which at that time were the only ones I knew about. I could just be me. Me! And that tremendously helped me understand who I was and what I really wanted.

I'm glad you responded back, because I feel the more people we can reach and help them understand that really, we're just like anyone else, the better this world can be.

It was really nice learning more about you. I hope you'll stay awhile, so we all can share even more.

Chloë

[Guest lordpheonix]

I dunno about the rest of ya, but I kinda like this person

just kinda?? Gosh darned, i was hoping for more, lol

jk

seriously though, i know there are more people wanting to say something.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Lordpheonix,

Hi.

Transgenderism is very complex and very broad. Simply put, one who is transgendered finds themselves in a dilemma where they are born in one biological gender but identify with the other gender. One does not become transgendered, they just are. One, who is transgendered can express themselves from everything to crossdressing to complete SRS. Those who follow their hearts and are true to themselves find complete satisfaction physically, mentally, as well as sexually after they undergo Sex Reconstuctive Surgery. These surgeries not only include gential reconstructive surgery, but also are part of a larger scope of surgeries that help in one looking and feeling the gender who they know they are. I am sure you have heard of FFS (Feminizing Facial Surgery) for example. Breast augmentation is another aspect of SRS. Getting one's adams apple smoothed down is another.

Whether one is sexually orgasmic after surgery depends upon many factors. They quality of the surgery is one. More subtley is the true identification of one's self as transsexual. There are people who slip through the cracks and succeed in recieving SRS, but were not honest with themselves and find themselves more depressed than ever, and consequently not sexually satisfied.

Sexual satisfaction requires a sense of happiness with one's self. Many of those who completely transition are so happy now that sex is very rewarding. Granted MTF transsexuals cannot bear children nor have periods etc. Additionally FTM transsexuals cannot sire children. The state of the art of SRS prohibits some of the biological functionality of that of natal man or woman. SRS has come a very long way in the past forty years and I would not be surprised that more and more biological functions will be attainable.

Simply put, one is not transgendered out of choice (that is a common misconception). One has surgery to express outwardly who they are inside. Having surgery is not just about sex, it is all about being who you are from body to soul.

I would recommend that you read up on what being transgendered means and what transsexualism is really all about.

To get you started read this article. It is a quick read and gives a good overall explaination

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

Brenda

[Guest ricka]

Lord Pheonix---would love to hear how you chose your name BTW. My impression is that you could well be a prince rather than a lord and that your questions are sincere and without malice. My advice for what it is worth is if you fall in love with a transgendered person than so be it! People are after all just people and who they are. No need to try and categorize in order to understand a person's heart. You certainly are not the first straight male who fell for a transgendered woman. You might not be able to have kids together but oh! hon! the millions of children in the world without a mom or dad! One question that perhaps is not clearly stated is how would it be having sex with a transgendered woman. Someone mentioned that sex was more psychological than physical, which is to say you could both have a very rewarding and satisfying sexual relationship with each other. Remember that great sex is so much more than intercourse.

Ricka

[Guest Natalie92]

Hello lordpheonix, I see that you have already been given a lot of information on this subject already, but here is a link to one of the sites that I gave to my friends after I came out to them: TSfaq

Natalie

[Guest N. Jane]

I was born deformed and had corrective surgery in 1974 so let me answer your question this way:

I was married for 12 years, quite happily for most of that time, and my Ex and I remained friends after we separated. He lived with another girl for a few years and then they split. I asked him one day if life with her was any different than living with me. His response, with a BIG laugh, was "Not one damned bit!" That should say it all.

[Sally]

in the end, i dont care who you are, wherer ur from, who youd rather be with, what u do in your free time, or who you have sex with, as long as your civil and , for lack of a better term, "cool" with me, i am the same way with you, which is how the rest of the world should be too. im not really good with words, im a thinker, not a talker. hopefully none of what i said here will be misunderstood. i tried my best to answer as well as i known. i cant wait for the replies.

P.S. im painfully single. maybe its cause iv been looking in the wrong places, lol

You did just fine with your words and I am impressed that you have given it some thought and have reached a very progressive and healthy conclusion.

If more people could realize that we are just people they wouldn't be so terrified of us.

I am pretty sure that when you first came here with your questions that you would be attacked and made to feel unwelcome - but that didn't happen, you were accepted and people answered your questions.

I only asked about why you wanted to learn more because most cisgendered people just avoid us and learning anything about us until they have a friend or family member come out to them.

I hope that you are getting a better understanding from all of the answers that you are getting.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest lordpheonix]

To get you started read this article. It is a quick read and gives a good overall explaination

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

holy crap!!

im the kinda guy whod rather go to a chinese resurant vs an olive garden, simply because chinese resturants have all them pictures on the wall instead of all those words. i just point and say " i want that"

i had no idea they could not only make it look that real, or good, or,.. whatever, but to make it actually identical to a natural born womans. i gotta say, i loved the dildo lookin thing with the tape measure showing 8+inches on it. i was thinking they made it more or less just a sad copy of an original. lookin at all the other pics, i wouldnt be able to tell the difference between them and all of the rest of the women out there, not that im an expert on any of that, btw,, (sniff )

i dont meen to sound like a perverted sex deprived wierdo, i just tell it like i see it.

i guess that if i were to be the first one a post-op ts had sex with wouldnt be taboo or "gay" at all, rather id think id feel rather special and maybe even somewhat humbled knowing the pleasure i was providing was the fulfilling culmination of a lifelong dream spend in a nightmareish body. i think id really like to experiance that.

ive always had a list of rules i live by, 1 thru 30. number 17 is " better to wait a long time to make love then to hurry and have sex" i believe that sex is nothing more then a pastime, like bowling, or even a bad habit, like smoking, but making love to a woman is way deeper then just the physical act. its a connection of 2 souls, intermingling as one, i dont have the words to explain, i just know it when i feel it, unfortunatly, i havent felt it yet. my educated guess is that that is what it must feel like for post-op ts's when they finally experiance their moment they have waited for for a lifetime.

i hope someone understands what i meen. unfortunatly, as i said before, my words are a wholly inadaquite description of what my mind sees.

i was also thinking that maybe id like to see some face pics of people here if thats allowed. mine is here

[Guest lordpheonix]

P.S. ORIGIN OF Lord Pheonix

i am a master tech, master html encoder certified in all internet languages, over the years iv been an admin for many well known web services, most notably a high admin for Yahoo membership and chatrooms for 13 years. i picked Lord because, although there have been many people through my years in various websites and chatrooms who would like to think they are better then me on a computer, there were none who were.

Pheonix, (yeah i know, its really spelled phoenix) born of fire, risen from the ashes. its tatooed on my back, and has been a personal logo of mine for many many years.

[Guest Zabrak]

P.S. ORIGIN OF Lord Pheonix

i am a master tech, master html encoder certified in all internet languages, over the years iv been an admin for many well known web services, most notably a high admin for Yahoo membership and chatrooms for 13 years. i picked Lord because, although there have been many people through my years in various websites and chatrooms who would like to think they are better then me on a computer, there were none who were.

Pheonix, (yeah i know, its really spelled phoenix) born of fire, risen from the ashes. its tatooed on my back, and has been a personal logo of mine for many many years.

You web design? I do website design. I do both front end and back end. The art and the XHTML, java, java script and I also do flash. I work at a design firm now and make some stuff for the government as well.

If you ever want to chat with me I'd think it would be really cool. I'm just 21 and starting out, though.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

I didn’t become a transsexual; I was born a female with a male body. I have a birth defect that will eventually be corrected.

You don’t “become” a transsexual; you are a woman and only seek to be who you’re meant to be.

I'd like to note that not everyone feels this way. Not everyone knows from birth. Some people come to the conclusion well after childhood. It's not always clear if the gender identity was simply hidden during childhood or actually developed afterward.

I know I thought a lot about gender when I was little, but that was just about equality and arbitrary separation. I concluded that if a boy was girly or if a girl was boyish, or if anyone was anything, that'd be fine. I never really applied it to myself, though.

That's the only real evidence I have that I had a gender problem when I was younger. I didn't really start thinking about my gender until I started looking at nude pictures of women and envying their bodies

When I look deep inside and ask what gender I am, I get no response. I'm a pretty regular male, not particularly feminine at all. I'm plenty comfortable as my male self; thinking about being female just feels happier and more exciting. I want to have a girl's identity and body, not necessarily one's wardrobe or attitude. I don't thinking female trapped in a male's body. I'm just a genderless soul in a human body I want to change.

[Guest cjnoble71]

I dunno about the rest of ya, but I kinda like this person. They are being very respectful and anything that would be offensive that they have said is purely from lack of knowledge on this subject.

Thank you very much for being so polite about this and it's great that you are curious about these things. I wish there were more in this world like you.

Yeah, I'm with you on this. We need more people to sincerely ask questions without treating those that are different as though they are monsters. So thank you Lord Phoenix and kudos to you.

Christine

[Guest cjnoble71]

I'd like to note that not everyone feels this way. Not everyone knows from birth. Some people come to the conclusion well after childhood. It's not always clear if the gender identity was simply hidden during childhood or actually developed afterward.

I know I thought a lot about gender when I was little, but that was just about equality and arbitrary separation. I concluded that if a boy was girly or if a girl was boyish, or if anyone was anything, that'd be fine. I never really applied it to myself, though.

That's the only real evidence I have that I had a gender problem when I was younger. I didn't really start thinking about my gender until I started looking at nude pictures of women and envying their bodies

When I look deep inside and ask what gender I am, I get no response. I'm a pretty regular male, not particularly feminine at all. I'm plenty comfortable as my male self; thinking about being female just feels happier and more exciting. I want to have a girl's identity and body, not necessarily one's wardrobe or attitude. I don't thinking female trapped in a male's body. I'm just a genderless soul in a human body I want to change.

Jo;

By accident or design you hit on an important topic here: there is a vast spectrum of gender identity of which we usually only pick one or the other. Society picks our roles for us young and we are expected to stay that way ("boys don't cry", etc.) I find it amusing that even now, in the the twenty first century we like to fit people into nice, neat little boxes, often sometimes within the TS community (though must of the folks here at Laura's are really open minded.)

As for "knowing from birth," I don't think anyone knows from birth, but both major, accepted explanations for gender identity disorder (which do not seem mutually exclusive to me, but are treated as such by their proponents) refer to the causes occurring during pregnancy. So you may not know from birth, but you are, to the best of the medical community's knowledge, transsexual from birth.

Christine

[Guest Leigh T]

first off, i am not or plan on becoming a transexual. i just have an honest question. no part of this is ment to be insulting or demeening, i am just curious.

last night, i watched this thing on bbc about this 18 y/o who wanted a sex change. he looked like a girl, granted a really tall one, but still had a.... well, you know. to be honest, i wouldnt have minded dateing her, she was pretty convincing. iv seen way uglier natural woman then her.

while they were talking about the surgery with the doctor, the doc was saying how he was gonna take the skin from the head and make a clit', using extra skin for the labia, etc, etc. i got to thinking.

again, not being sarcastic or anything, just lack of better words, but do they really make a vagina out of nothing? to put it simply, do they really create a new "pocket" that would serve as a vagina that is FULLY FUNCTIONAL like a natural born woman? i dont understand how this could be done from a biological standpoint. and if they do make an identical one, does it actually work, can you get aroused and have an orgasm like a woman? what happens? when a guy goes, we all know what happens, but when a woman goes, there are fluids that expell from deep inside. obviously someone born as a man doesnt have these glands, so what happens?

i cannot express to you how much this is a serious question and not just someone trying to make fun or something. id really like to know how this works.

Hello lord,

By having as many of us explain our point of view, you will get a broader and more detailed description of our life and how we fit into society.

There are more than one methods of sex reassignment surgery (SRS) where each has the good points and bad points. The goal is the same: to be at peace with oneself and to have a body-to-soul connection. Sexual intercourse is generally further down on the list.

Transsexuality is a birth condition and most of us know we are different at a very early age. I had always felt off until my oldest sister dressed me in my older sister's dress one night when I was between 3-5 years old. My sister thought I looked cute but my mother was horrified. It was at that time that I knew what my mother thought about me was different than what I thought about myself. Add to that mix a controlling and hateful father hell-bent on making his two sons 'real men.' These ingredients are the recipe for turning out a child with a high degree of self-loathing.

Ask any natal woman and she'll tell you that she has to be mentally aroused before she could ever experience an orgasm. If she's not - she won't. In my previous life, there hardly ever a time when I didn't orgasm. Now, if I'm not properly stimulated mentally (what I like to call percolate), I will not orgasm. I will also tell you that my female orgasms are far superior to any I had as a male.

I doubt you'll meet too many girls like us that will have a long-term relationship, let alone have sexual intercourse, with a man before telling them their past. I've had quite a few opportunities to accept dates with guys but I don't. Why? Because I like being seen as a natal female. I like being treated as having always been a female as opposed to being treated like a female who used to be male. HUGE DIFFERENCE!! I don't accept dates for that reason alone. Many of us also don't date because if the guy ever found out, our life may well be in danger.

Many times our story is being told by someone who has only made a cursory attempt at research and mainly the mechanics of the 'transition.' Our emotions, feelings, fears, desires, pleas, etc. are edited out only to leave a cold description of our struggle to fix what nature has dealt us. Every time a straight person sees one of us (male or female) and uses pronouns which identify us to our birth sex when clearly we are trying to go in the opposite direction, it feels like we have been spit upon. Every time a straight person calls us perverted for trying to fix our birth defect, we feel subjugated. Every time a straight person hits or stabs us, for each blow we feel a hundred of them.

The bottom line is: we just want to fix what is wrong and get on with a normal life. I doubt that many of us would accept special treatment but conversely, we want fair and equal treatment with everyone else. We don't want to be fired from a job mearly because we make the person in the next cubicle uncomfortable. You'll find that most of us are not just intelligent, but highly intelligent. Many of us have attained impressive accomplishments before our transitions that pale the average person. Given an equal playing field, the vast majority of us will prosper. Whether you believe it or not, we are average people having to go through extraordinary means to feel normal in this society.

Who's next on the soapbox,

Leigh