Wondering

[Guest unsure]

hi so I know you all say that your are born female in a male body or vice versa but im curios as to roughly what age you definatly decided. I know most of you said you never felt normal and had an idea but when would you say it is definate? I am 20 going to college and not really sure what i feel. dont get me wrong i love my life but over the past probably 7 years i have had the question on my mind and for the past 5 years i have done on off Cross dressing. it makes me feel better about myself when no one is around. I know most of you will most likely tell me to see a therapist but at this point in my life i dont think that that would be a possibility. I want to know what people who have transitioned or want to transition feel? ( i use that term because im not sure of another way to say it sorry if it offends) i dont really feel disconnected from society, but at the same time when i see a very nice looking female most of the time i dont think wow shes hot im like i wonder if i could be that good looking. Thats not to say i dont find them attractive most of the time i go for personality but there is the odd occasion where the sight can still get my blood racing. Also if anyone is religous i would really like to hear you thoughts as i would say i am pretty religous.

Thank you

[Guest ♥Jess♥]

Hello hun. Gender Indentity disorder appears two differant ways. Primary takes effect at a very young age sometimes as young as 2 years old. Secondary GID takes effect at a later age sometime about peuberty or after. Often crossdressing is the first stage of secondary GID. You should not feel ashamed of who you are or what makes you feel comfortable. From what you discribed it seems to be that you are still trying to figure out who you are. May I suggest reading this article What is Gender. After you read that if you decide that you might possibly have GID and that you CDing is not just a personal fetish then I would suggest also reading Gender Expression, Stages of GID. I would also recommend that you see a counseler or theripist if this is affecting your life. Since you are in college most major colleges have some for of therpy program available free of charge to students. Also try talking to the LGBT group at the college. Do not be ashamed of who you are sweetheart. Normal is blending in with the majority of society's views and thats just plain boring

Hugs

Jess

[Guest angie]

To be honest Unsure,

A trans finding themselves can happen at anytime in their life.

I know ladies and gentlemen that are like myself and always

knew from earliest memory.Then there are the ones that have

an awakening event,that tells them why they always felt(different)

in their skin.There is no certain age,no one thing to say,it is

when your mind comes into alignment over knowing in your

heart who you truly are.Hope this helps,many more will add

their take and help clarify this for you.

Hugs,

Angie

[Guest Robin Winter]

For me, I always had tendencies toward being a girl, I wanted to wear what my sisters wore and play with their toys, things like that, and wasn't interested in many traditional male toys and games. Also being from a religious background (I was raised Jehovah's Witness), my interest in these things was unacceptable, and my father bordered on being abusive, so I was made to be afraid of these feelings. That didn't stop me from being conscious of exactly what I was feeling though, which happened about 10 or 11 years old. Still living with my father though, I did my best to suppress it, and continued to do so until a few years ago, when I couldn't ignore it anymore(I'm 29 now). I did try to deny it again after that though, to avoid upsetting my wife, but again, it only lasted so long. Now I've accepted it and realize that I'll never be a happy, healthy, whole person unless I can bring who I am inside to the surface.

That being said, I don't believe there is any specific age for people to discover themselves, there are too many variables involved. How a person grows throughout their lives determines it.

Hope that helps a little.

And welcome to Lauras

*Hugs*

[Guest AmyB]

Hi and welcome,

I believe in God too. I do understand that some religious people may worry that being transgender is somehow "against God" or similar, and that they say he might end up punishing transpeople for how they are. I accept that this is one interpretation of things, but my worry is the other way round! God made me how I am, and I'm worried that if I don't transition that I'll get up there and he'll be asking difficult questions and wanting to know why I chickened out and didn't transition when he intentionally made me transgender, supported me and provided the means to transition.

Maybe he'll be saying "What the heck were you playing at down there, Amy? You were supposed to transition! I didn't go setting it all up for you, so that you could take the easy option and do nothing! I had plans for what you were supposed to do afterwards! You know better than to do what's easy instead of what is right! So what's your reason for mucking up my plans?"

Ultimately, it is unknowable. You just have to do what you feel is right.

[Guest ricka]

I have a real problem with gender identity disorder as a psychiatric diagnosis. As it stands it's meaning is limited to people who experience a high amount of distress concerning their biological gender. This diagnosis is likely to be thrown out in the DSM V coming out in a couple of years. (DSM= Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.) The fact is diagnoses come and go and change with each edition! That being said, Unsure, there are really no "norms" if that is what you are looking for when it comes to gender identity (s) and sexual preference(s) other than societal norms. There are straight guys who are otherwise totally male who like to cross-dress all the way to males who feel they are females living in a male body and long to appear outwardly the way they truly are on the inside. And this is totally unrelated to sexual preference--whether you are attracted to males or females. It sounds like you are embarking on a journey of self-discovery. Wherever and whenever you land is anyone's guess but HORRAY!! You will find loving arms here on LP. ! Unless you are actuallly experiencing a high level of distress about cross-dressing I doubt you need a therapist.

ricka

[Carolyn Marie]

Unsure, I want to first welcome you to Laura's, as I see that this is your first post.

So please step in to the Member's Lounge and have some hot cocoa and some of Sally's famous cookies.

The smell of cookies always brings other members running over, so make sure they don't steal yours.

I think you need to take some time to look through the forums and the resource pages, familiarize

yourself with the terminology, find posts from others in your situation, and learn as much as you can.

There is no rush to figuring all this out. Nor is there a need to put yourself in one category or another.

Just come to terms with your feelings, learn from others experiences, and when you are ready, seek

out a gender-trained therapist who will help you sort through everything.

Post any questions you want, we don't judge here and any question is a good one. After five posts, you

can send private messages (PMs) to other members.

Good luck on your journey of exploration.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest angie]

Hi and welcome,

Maybe he'll be saying "What the heck were you playing at down there, Amy? You were supposed to transition! I didn't go setting it all up for you, so that you could take the easy option and do nothing! I had plans for what you were supposed to do afterwards! You know better than to do what's easy instead of what is right! So what's your reason for mucking up my plans?"

Amy,

That brought a big smile to my face.I really like the way you expressed that.

Smilin Still,

Angie

[Guest AshleyRF]

My earliest memories I felt I was a girl but didn't know how to express it. I didn't know I was trans then because I didn't have a word for it back then. I was probably around 10 when I first heard the term transsexual and knew what it meant.

[Guest Kayliegh]

I was four or five years old. I took baths with my two sisters, one younger and one older and always wanted to look like them. I played with their Barbie’s and would dress in their clothes, but eventually mom bought me GI Joe! (Barbie and GI Joe had a wonderful relationship!) ;-)

I’ve always wanted to be a girl, but always fought it. I thought if I bought more power tools or worked on cars, I could overcome my desires. I took up scuba diving and went to strip clubs (how degrading!), but nothing could (or ever will) overcome who I was meant to be.

One day, I’ll wake up and look in the mirror and see Kayleigh, and that’s what I’ve wanted all of my life!!!

Love and hugs - Kayleigh

[Guest N. Jane]

I was one of those who started out thinking I was just another girl (and acted like it to). It wasn't until age 8 when I realized something was TERRIBLY wrong and about age 13 I started fighting it. That was the early 60's and nobody knew from beans back then. When the term transsexual first came out (1966) I figured that's what I must be because it was the only thing that seemed to fit but I spent my teens wavering back and forth between "girl" and "freak". In 1974 I had SRS and found out I was right as a child, I WAS a girl after all.

[Guest InkCloud]

Hey! Well I'm female to male, but I can certainly relate to you so I figured maybe I'd post here, see if it helps. As in your case, it didn't really hit me that something was off until about 6 or 7 months ago. I'll be 20 in three days. For a while I questioned it, because almost every other trans person I read about on the internet knew from their earliest memories. I never felt right in my body, but being able to think of no real reason why, I chalked it up to being extraordinarily shy and having low self esteem.

It sort of hit me when I realized a pattern in my writing and day dreaming (something writers do quite often). I constantly viewed myself as a man. I even refused as a child to read books where females were the main characters. If I fantasized about being intimate with a guy, I could not for the life of me picture myself as a female. I was always a guy in my mind, and it finally clicked that I had low self esteem for a reason. I was in the wrong darn body!

So I researched, finally found this forum, and quickly learned two very valuable things. 1: People can find out at any time that they are trans. Just because you're not one of the people who knew it for a fact when they were three doesn't make the feeling any less genuine. And 2: There is absolutely no need to cram yourself into a box. I hovered in the genderless area for a while as I tried to sort out my emotions, and I took comfort in knowing that there was no need to define myself as anything right away. I had time to figure it out. The world would not end because I could not immediately identify myself as female or male or androgynous or transsexual or anything else. It gave me the freedom to just be me for a little while, and that was good enough. Still is. It was a very liberating bit of wisdom someone once shared with me, and I now pass on to you. So what if you're not one of those people who can say "I'm a woman in a man's body" without hesitation. No big deal. Just be you. For instance, I know now that I am a guy stuck in a girl's body. But unlike countless others I don't feel the constant torture. I would like to transition, but I do have days where my body doesn't get to me nearly as much as it can on other days. I try to keep an optimistic outlook on the whole thing. Yes I'm transsexual, but that doesn not have to run my life. There are so many other things that I am. It differs with everyone. There is no cookie cutter we can shove you in to.

I guess what finally made it definate for me is that I am ten times happier when I am perceived as a guy, and I feel like I'm finally free to be myself around people who I have come out to (I admit, there are only two, outside of the fourm ) as opposed to those who don't know.

As for the religious thing, I'm pretty religious myself. In fact, I'm LDS (Mormon), which is often conceived as being one of the least accepting religions. I can't speak for everyone who belongs to my religion, but for my part I think God loves me for who I am, He wants to be happy, and He made me this way for a reason. To be a stronger person, to experience something different, or whatever. In church and society, both, everyone is constantly told to be themselves, and if people don't like you for who you are, then they are not worth it. Well, society is hypocritical, but church certainly should not be. Does that help at all?

Whew, long post. Sorry about that. Writers have no concept of brevity, and fantasy writers are the worst. Also quite possibly one of my more serious ones. Alright, back to my lighhearted world. Hahaha. I have less than a month to plan an outline for a 50,000 word novel that must be both started and completed in a month. I'll probably disappear for a while in November. Hahaha.

Anyway, stick with the forum. The people here are great, and there is no better place to chill out and let your feelings sort themselves out. Don't worry, it'll come to you.

And finally, might I say welcome!!

Justin (Had to get the emote in there somewhere. Haha.)

[Guest unsure]

thank you all for your comments and advice.