Mannerisms, And Socializing With Other Guys?

[Guest MrAwesome]

Well, being a guy that was not necessarily raised as Male or Female, I'm just now starting to learn how to deal with people, and it seems every time I ask other FTMs about it I can't quite get the kind of answer that I need. I then realized that I have a whole forum of Girls that were socialized as Male at my fingertips.

I think I've mastered outward cues, like I walk a lot straighter with my head up, no longer looking at my feet like I've done for years. I walk kinda average, keep my feet shoulder width apart, and when I sit I don't keep my legs together like females do. Basic stuff, and I've mastered the handshake, I Think. I also can do the little head nod.

But how do I behave with other people? When and were should I "excuse myself" and when/were is it okay not to? When/were is it okay to scratch anywhere, and when is it not?

and basic greetings like "Sup" "wassup" "Hey" etc etc, how do you respond to greetings, and what should you originally say? (kinda difficult to word this.)

And everyone has emotions and it's okay to show that, how much emotion is okay to show, and under what circumstances? and how much is okay to say about yourself? how much is TMI? I'm just not sure sometimes were the boundaries are?

I in general just don't know much of how to be with people, and I need as much help as I can get? Got any advice Gals?

[Bulldog1948]

Well, being a guy that was not necessarily raised as Male or Female, I'm just now starting to learn how to deal with people, and it seems every time I ask other FTMs about it I can't quite get the kind of answer that I need. I then realized that I have a whole forum of Girls that were socialized as Male at my fingertips.

I think I've mastered outward cues, like I walk a lot straighter with my head up, no longer looking at my feet like I've done for years. I walk kinda average, keep my feet shoulder width apart, and when I sit I don't keep my legs together like females do. Basic stuff, and I've mastered the handshake, I Think. I also can do the little head nod.

But how do I behave with other people? When and were should I "excuse myself" and when/were is it okay not to? When/were is it okay to scratch anywhere, and when is it not?

and basic greetings like "Sup" "wassup" "Hey" etc etc, how do you respond to greetings, and what should you originally say? (kinda difficult to word this.)

And everyone has emotions and it's okay to show that, how much emotion is okay to show, and under what circumstances? and how much is okay to say about yourself? how much is TMI? I'm just not sure sometimes were the boundaries are?

I in general just don't know much of how to be with people, and I need as much help as I can get? Got any advice Gals?

Excellent line of questions. Now, we'll sit back and wait for the ladies to fill us in.

There's one thing that definately turns me off. I've been taught sine time imortal, that a man has a firm handshake; not one that crushes the bones, just nice and firm. Geez, I hate to shake hands with another man that has a shake like a fish or flim-flamy.

Mike

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

But how do I behave with other people? When and were should I "excuse myself" and when/were is it okay not to? When/were is it okay to scratch anywhere, and when is it not?

and basic greetings like "Sup" "wassup" "Hey" etc etc, how do you respond to greetings, and what should you originally say? (kinda difficult to word this.)

And everyone has emotions and it's okay to show that, how much emotion is okay to show, and under what circumstances? and how much is okay to say about yourself? how much is TMI? I'm just not sure sometimes were the boundaries are?

I in general just don't know much of how to be with people, and I need as much help as I can get? Got any advice Gals?

1. How do you behave? Like a guy, of course.

I'm not sure what you mean by excusing yourself. Like as in to break away from friends to use the bathroom or when you burp or pass gas?

and most guys I know only scratch themselves when they think noone is looking or they duck into a corner or bathroom (with their back towards people) and do a quick scratch

2. responding to a guy greeting. guy says to you 'sup' (or variation of), you can reply with that male head-nod acknowledgment, a "hey wassup" response or a quick "hey how ya doin" and say that as a sentence, not as a question. you don't really want to know how the other person is doing, you're just acknowledging they greeted you.

2a. if you're walking by and just in casual walking around looking around you accidentally meet eyes with another guy, you can be the one first to do the head-nod acknowledgment thingy or toss out a "hey wassup". (or for the advanced technique, do the head thing then the verbal acknowledgment)

3. emotions. guys almost NEVER show emotional pain. you can show anger, but crying...not in public. sadness, not in public. happiness you can show.

4. passing gas or burping (since I'm already thinking about it) - the only time I've heard a guy excuse himself in doing one of those is when a woman is present. otherwise if you're by yourself and you're the only person around...let it rip. (I can't believe I just said that, but it's true!) If you're by yourself but out in public and need to burp try to do it quietly and make a fist and put it up by your mouth (thumb towards your lips) in a polite effort to quietly burp into your closed fist. if you need to pass gas in public, first try to find a place where noone is around and try to do it quietly. if there are people around try to do it when something loud is happening and try to get it done before said loud noise is over. you can also try to sneakily pass gas into a chair but you'll have to do it quietly and into a chair with foam padding on the seat because a wooden chair will just echo the noise and you don't want to be identified as 'that guy who just farted'.

[Guest Zabrak]

Psht. If I have to burp and family/ family friends are around, male or female, I burp as loud as I can and say I win. I am king of the burps! lol

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Psht. If I have to burp and family/ family friends are around, male or female, I burp as loud as I can and say I win. I am king of the burps! lol

There goes my help out the window.

I was trying to teach him the polite way to do it....

but yeah like he said, if you're around guy friends..let it rip.

you can probably do the same around family, but your mom might yell at you for it.

just keep in mind most women (there are exceptions) don't find farting to be funny.

guys I swear think it's a competitive sport.

[Guest Zabrak]

lol fart jokes. My farts make my roomate gag so everytime I fart I make a big deal out of it. ZABRAK FTW.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

lol fart jokes. My farts make my roomate gag so everytime I fart I make a big deal out of it. ZABRAK FTW.

*/facepalm while shaking head*

Guys are weird.

[Guest MrAwesome]

HAHA!!

[Sakura]

most guys when they excuse then self are usually not shy about what they are doing in more friendly company most guys just dont care " imma go take a P*** * or drain the main vien guys come up with all kinds of stuff when reffering to bodily functions how ever in polite comapny most men if they are any bit respectfull just say i will be right back or they are going to the rest room most guys dont see the need for discretion like girls do

in the greeting department when inter acting with men you are more comfy with usally just slapping hands or giving a pound is enough if they say "sup" just be like " not alot" or somthing like that men dont normally spend much time in the greetings or good bye like girls do

also when your stroling along and make eye contact with a nother man you nod then break eye contact dont linger on it some guys can take that as a challenge or take it the wrong way all guys see other men as a challenge for the most part so maintiaing eye contact for to long may send the wrong message also somtimes younger guys just nod in passing older guys nod and throw somthing out there like the weather or might ask hows it going just say good you ? and they will reply same and just keep moving

i dont know if men fully grasp the concept of tmi usually around girls men keep it to them selves around other guys eeeeh not so much

scratching can go either way most girls exspect it and over look it most guys dont care they will probly join in with you lol

Sakura

[Guest mia 1]

i dont know if men fully grasp the concept of tmi usually around girls men keep it to them selves around other guys eeeeh not so much

scratching can go either way most girls expect it and over look it most guys dont care they will probly join in with you lol

Sakura

Bingo there is no such thing as TMI with guys,and when watching football,or playing a friendly game of poker, and guys guys have to go pee, they'll leave the bathroom door open and keep an ear out for the play by play,,or watch the other guys moves around the card table..making sure there is no double dealing etc.

And when they have to pee they'll just say it out loud..

Mia.

[Guest Madison_Always]

"What's up?" is a greeting and a response to a greeting always lol 99 percent of the time no deeper dialouge needed. Scratching? Just do it. And if you have to use the little boy's room just say so, but not like that lol.

[Guest NatalieRene]

"What's up?" is a greeting and a response to a greeting always lol 99 percent of the time no deeper dialouge needed. Scratching? Just do it. And if you have to use the little boy's room just say so, but not like that lol.

Just don't call it the little boys room.

[Guest yvonne]

Well, being a guy that was not necessarily raised as Male or Female, I'm just now starting to learn how to deal with people, and it seems every time I ask other FTMs about it I can't quite get the kind of answer that I need. I then realized that I have a whole forum of Girls that were socialized as Male at my fingertips.

I think I've mastered outward cues, like I walk a lot straighter with my head up, no longer looking at my feet like I've done for years. I walk kinda average, keep my feet shoulder width apart, and when I sit I don't keep my legs together like females do. Basic stuff, and I've mastered the handshake, I Think. I also can do the little head nod.

Mr Awesome,

You definitely came to the right place. Welcome.

When you sit, you NEVER keep your legs together. If you want to cross your legs, ankle on the knee is preferred. Remember, there's a load between the legs, don't squish it. lol

This is terrible on your back, but most men slump when they sit, they rarely sit with their backs straight, like women do. This is mostly because men's hips tilt back, while a woman's pelvis tips forward, so it's difficult to sit with the back straight.

The handshake is a real key. I was always taught a handshake should be firm at all times and NEVER squishy. Proper handshake etiquette is to return the firmness you get. In this way, a gentleman can give a lady a firm handshake and not cause discomfort, but still convey the image of manhood. You always look a man in the eye when you shake hands. In college, we had a joke that we'd play on each other. When someone did something great or you wanted to convey congratulations to someone, you said, "Congratulations, that merits a firm handshake", then hand them a 'limp fish' for a hand. It really got a reaction of eeeewwwwww! and got a laugh.

The head nod is the classic man greeting and is always proper.

But how do I behave with other people? When and were should I "excuse myself" and when/were is it okay not to? When/were is it okay to scratch anywhere, and when is it not?

If you're with the guys in a casual setting, you never excuse yourself, like others said, just let er rip. If you fart, you can either make it quiet or make it a "room clearing event". lol If it really smells, we used to yell, "Oh no, it's a tracer!"

When a group of guys is together, scratching is always fine. After all, you're guys and things itch, why should you not scratch?

and basic greetings like "Sup" "wassup" "Hey" etc etc, how do you respond to greetings, and what should you originally say? (kinda difficult to word this.)

A recent development in male conversation is to call another man buddy. Only if he's a friend or you want to display friendship, as in Hey, buddy, how's it goin'? Again, no one cares how it's goin', it's just a greeting or a farewell, as in, See ya buddy. It's best not to use this with strangers, as men don't want to be too familiar with each other, it's too much like showing emotions.

And everyone has emotions and it's okay to show that, how much emotion is okay to show, and under what circumstances? and how much is okay to say about yourself? how much is TMI? I'm just not sure sometimes were the boundaries are?

The boundries on emotions are easy--you never talk about how you feel, unless you're mad as h*ll. The fastest way to get the subject changed with the guys is to start talking about your feelings. lol Guys could give a rip how anyone feels, it doesn't affect them. Guys are competitive, which is why they like sports. Guys are activity-based, not emotionally based.

You never cry and you NEVER let anyone see you cry, unless you're seriously injured and then everyone will tease you about that forever. Instead of crying, get mad. Put your fist into the wall or something. (not really, you could get hurt, but you get the idea). OK, it might be OK to shed a tear at a NASCAR event when they play the national anthem and the planes fly over real low, but that's a once a year event.

If you have to, get surgery and have your tear ducts removed. That's what every little boy is taught from birth--boys don't cry.

I in general just don't know much of how to be with people, and I need as much help as I can get? Got any advice Gals?

Last thing on going to the bathroom. If another guy gets up to go to the bathroom, don't go with him unless you have another motive, like inviting them out for a smoke or buying them a beer afterwards. Otherwise, wait a minute before you go, even if you're dying to go.

OK, I got one for you--What is TMI?

I hope you appreciate this, I just got all creepy thinking about this stuff.

I'd like a followup later, to see how you felt this stuff works. I'm interested in your feelings about this.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

and don't forget, when you're with a group of guys it's ok if you see a woman with a large chest to comment to other guys (when the lady is not within earshot) and mention it. or her butt.

or if someone mentions to you "hey did you see the (part) on that one?", respond with a "oh yeah!" because..well..guys objectify women and you're part of that club now (but we don't hold it against you).

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Something terribly wrong here and it took me a while to grasp it. I have always said to the MTF people - think like a girl and you will act like one.

BUT

Does that work for FTM? May not. As a male I could be "King of the World" by default of birth. Everyone treated me as a male and I could chose to accept or reject that treatment. But I earned it everyday. As a male you have to be in a pecking order of do or die. You CANNOT show any weakness - females are weak, not guys. Then you have to show you are a top-end male. It's constant and NEVER lets up for even a second.

So there is the problem here. Mannerisms and Socialization? - be a rooster!

As a MTF I can just let that competition change to 'conspiracy." Women conspire on how to make it through life, while men essentially go it alone.

So I just ease up on my competiveness - and suddenly I am in great company with people like myself, kind, considerate, loving.............bittchy women! Grin!!!!

You FTM? You gotta LEARN to man-up! NO WEAKNESSES - never let them see you sweat! Hit your finger with a hammer - curse a blue streak - then say - awwww it don't hurt (NEVER admit to pain). Your dog dies - say, I am sure gonna miss ole "spot" - and then go buy another, more intimidating dawg (NEVER show your heart is broken). You get sick - NEVER go to the doctor! "I feel kinda crappy, but I am going in anyway (to work)." Men do not see doctors until the buzzards start to circle.

So you MTF - just relax and be yourself - most likely you will slip into womanhood without a trace.

You FTM? God help you! You get all those priviledges, but you have to CONSTANTLY SHOW you deserve them! YIKES You are suddenly a member of the male race (men are NOT humans you understand - more likely a double breed like the Chow dog - half bear and half canine).

So frickin go out and MAN UP!

That gangrene that is developing in that chain-saw accident - its just a scratch.

A woman you love done left you for another man with more money and a bigger... ummm... car? She didn't desrve you anyway - screww it!

And your mom was runned over by a train while driving your pick-um-up track. Awwwww - terrible! You had that truck detailed out and everything!

So go bite a tire - pisss in an alley - get so drunk you ALMOST tole your buddy you kinda like his company, but at the last moment you just puke on his shoes - [and he hits you with his beer bottle - didn't hurt - frickin' askhole!]

So you guys do your thing and enjoy... I am going to go soak in a bath with salts, lights out - candles all around and. ahhhhh ... let it go.

Lizzy

[Guest DeniseNM]

Well you have gotten some good advice so far, and Lizzie I agree with you guys can be weird. MrAwesome some of the things you have asked about are also a little different depending on what part of the country you were raised in. Like for me I am southern (born and raised in AL even though I live in OH now) and the way southern guys greet other guys is a little different than say a guy from the north would. One of the best things to do is go to the mall and just sit back and watch how guys your age interact with each other, with people older than you, younger than you, and with females. Well that is my advice, hope it helps some.

Denise

[Guest cjnoble71]

*/facepalm while shaking head*

Guys are weird.

That's a small part of the reason I don't want to be one. LOL

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

A woman you love done left you for another man with more money and a bigger... ummm... car? She didn't desrve you anyway - screww it!

I believe the correct response for that is: typical woman. all they're after is your money and your stuff anyway." as well as "I don't need another ex-wife I'm still paying for the one I had before!"

The comments guys make about ladies when we're not around are disgusting, piggish, deplorable, sexist, rude.....

....and you better pick up on it quick, Mr!

[Guest yvonne]

Lizzie, you are too funny and that was too true. My sides hurt from laughing at the thought....

[Guest MrAwesome]

Haha, Lizzie, I'm not doing that! However, there's an idea, toughen up a bit. But not too much...

[Guest viv]

Well, being a guy that was not necessarily raised as Male or Female, I'm just now starting to learn how to deal with people, and it seems every time I ask other FTMs about it I can't quite get the kind of answer that I need. I then realized that I have a whole forum of Girls that were socialized as Male at my fingertips.

I think I've mastered outward cues, like I walk a lot straighter with my head up, no longer looking at my feet like I've done for years. I walk kinda average, keep my feet shoulder width apart, and when I sit I don't keep my legs together like females do. Basic stuff, and I've mastered the handshake, I Think. I also can do the little head nod.

But how do I behave with other people? When and were should I "excuse myself" and when/were is it okay not to? When/were is it okay to scratch anywhere, and when is it not?

and basic greetings like "Sup" "wassup" "Hey" etc etc, how do you respond to greetings, and what should you originally say? (kinda difficult to word this.)

And everyone has emotions and it's okay to show that, how much emotion is okay to show, and under what circumstances? and how much is okay to say about yourself? how much is TMI? I'm just not sure sometimes were the boundaries are?

I in general just don't know much of how to be with people, and I need as much help as I can get? Got any advice Gals?

Hi Mr Awesome,

I am from Ireland and with you being an American I guess some mannerisms may differ either sides of the Atlantic , heres my 2 cents worth though,

hope there is something here for ya , every guy to another is "bud" , dont show emotion , you may be lauded for havin the testicles to show same at "that" time but believe me ,

the same folk will be backbiting ya later ...way it is . Excusing yourself...every guy on the planet thinks he is runnin the place so when you want to go you just go (any situation)

dont ask, dont excuse yourself...just do "it" . Talking about yourself, the way you carry yourself will say more then words which mostly are not welcome particularly if ya overdo

it ...(.Jeepers, I really am finding it difficult to talk "man to man " and thats without eostrogen, yipeeeee) oops, sorry Mr. A. hope there was something in there .

CHEST OUT, STRONG HANDSHAKE , SEEYABUD, oooooh, that hurt. hahaha. Best of luck , Viv.

[Guest My_Genesis]

and don't forget, when you're with a group of guys it's ok if you see a woman with a large chest to comment to other guys (when the lady is not within earshot) and mention it. or her butt.

or if someone mentions to you "hey did you see the (part) on that one?", respond with a "oh yeah!" because..well..guys objectify women and you're part of that club now (but we don't hold it against you).

see, that's what i brought up in a thread in the ftm section awhile back, but everyone convinced me there is a difference between objectification and the way a lot of male sexuality works. I still think I was right from the start

And Mr. Awesome I agree with most of what has been said here but I think your best bet is to do what comes naturally and not overthink things... I learned in college that all these "rules" I've been setting up for myself for how to act more "manly", have been violated so many times by so many guys I know, or just see around campus (e.g., "hey, that guy is showing that he's sad in public, and everyone's okay with that.") then again i guess it goes back to it really depends what part of the country you are in. Maybe it's just a college thing but where I am it seems very laid-back and people seem to be fairly respectful of the idea of individuality. I have guy friends on Facebook who will put up statuses about how they are upset/depressed about something.... and it's okay to do that. This kind of environment has really helped me loosen up a bit and not become so neurotic over how I behave all the time (which I still am, it's just helpful when you're in the type of setting i described as opposed to one that is rigid, close-minded and ridiculing...)

I also work with a guy who crosses his legs. typically a "girly" way to sit but no one ever seems to notice let alone care that he does it.

Also I agree with

One of the best things to do is go to the mall and just sit back and watch how guys your age interact with each other, with people older than you, younger than you, and with females. Well that is my advice, hope it helps some.

[Guest krisspykriss]

Here is my 2 cents worth.

The main things are your posture, voice, and attitude. The showing of emotions is OK, just don't wear your feelings on your sleeve. Down play them some, but don't bottle them up either.

Posture. Practice a many walk. No hip sway. When you walk your feet should always remain the same distance apart. This will give you a little bit of that manly swagger. Keep your head up, chest out and when you sway your arms, make sure your knuckles are forward rather than your palms. This bends your elbows away from your body rather than towards it and it makes you look wider/stronger. When you sit, take up as much room as possible without actually laying down. Arms or elbows out, legs spread, and if your on a couch throw an arm up an the back of it.

Voice and non-verbal communication. Talk deep and ALMOST monotonous. Make almost everything you say sound like a statement, rather than a question. The only time you ever really sound like you asking a question is when your conversing with a female. Get that rumble in your chest going as you speak. If you can feel vibration in your chest cavity as you speak, you are doing it right. When speaking with other males, make more eye-contact. Give it short breaks and then back to looking them in the eye. OK, something about that. Don't actually look them in the eye, look slightly above their eyes around their brows or even forehead. The more dominate and alpha you wanna appear, the closer your gaze will be to about an inch above their brow. If you want to appear more friendly and open, look at their eye, or upper eyelid. NEVER make eye-contact below eye-level. If your gaze is somewhere on their face, you appear weak. If it is farther down than that, they will think your looking at their chest, arms, what ever and the "gay alarm" will go off.

Attitude. Be strong. Be competitive. Guys compete in about everything from cars to women to work to burps. Brag some on yourself, but not tooo much. Its kinda a hard place to find the right level of bragging. All men though, are their loudest cheerleaders. When you conversing in a group, take an active part in it (especially if there is a female present). Try to dominate the conversation without being rude and over doing it. Most of all exude confidence at all times.

Hope that helps. It worked well for me when I was doing the man thing.

hugz

Chrissy