I... Don't Need A Therapist?

[Guest kyattei]

Hello everyone... How have you all been?

I've had a few (very) small advancements in the past month; I bought my first makeup and epilator, and I've been practicing my voice and can maintain a sort-of feminine voice for small phrases right now. But the really important big things have mostly ended in failure...

I contacted every therapist/psych I could find in my town, but only one would take transsexuals and did gender-issues therapy, but wasn't accepting any new 'patients' as well as avoiding my questioning if he followed the Standards of Care.

I later decided to try for Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto since that's the only place I've ever heard of anyone in Ontario successfully transitioning with... (I've managed to email two transsexuals in my area and they both said they tried looking for doctors in my town and had no results just like me, and to try Sherbourne) So I learned the schedules and routes for the buses and train I'd have to take, and then worked up the courage to phone and ask if they could help me. (really really hard for me since I'm so shy and nervous about talking with people..) The receptionist told me that I was out of their service area... and even if I was in their area, their waiting list is well over a year long....

So hearing that really made me want to cry... I didn't get a chance to though since fortunately (or unfortunately since I had to try to talk when I just wanted to curl up and die by that point ^^;; ) the receptionist was extremely nice and helpful and spent the next 20 minutes giving me all kinds of doctors to call and telling me about Toronto trans services and gave me a little peptalk.

The strangest thing they told me was that I don't need a gender therapist - they said that it's just a plain ole' family doctor that can prescribe hormones, and that it's just a matter of finding one who's comfortable with the idea. (And that Sherbourne's website offers a 70 page document on the matter to give to doctors about it if they want more information) The receptionist said that someone who wants to transition doesn't necessarily need any counselling, they just need hormones to help them live better 24/7, and that, if I feel I have no mental issues like depression, I should focus on trying to find a doctor who will prescribe me hormones...

That sounds like a wonderfully open-minded view on trans health but... how does that work in practice? Has anyone ever gotten their hormones through a family doctor or endo without a therapist's recommendation? Is it something I should try to pursue...? I really have no other therapists remotely within travelling distance to contact any more so it may be my only chance for legal hormones... but we also have such a doctor shortage that almost every doctor has a huge waiting list themselves for new patients, and I'm worried I'd end up waiting months or years to just get a chance to meet and talk to them, only for them to shoot down the HRT idea....

Thanks for reading...

[Guest Zabrak]

My doctor wrote a note to my endo to start me on HRT. There was only one Gender Therapist that was a whole day trip away and I couldn't afford him. Also, he was a bad therapist anyway. So yes, I did it. I spent along time talking to my doctor and letting her get to know me, we went over some things and then when she felt I was ready she wrote the letter for me. I've been on HRT for 11 months now.

However, I think its better to speak with a Gender Therapist if you can. You wont always find doctors or endos that are willing to talk with you and evaluate if you're ready to start.

[Guest Jess_W]

lol i wonder if that'd even work in america?

no fear though ,despite it being a large concervative town i livei n the 7th (i think) largest town in america, there's bound to be a couple hear, specially since i know a few women off these boards that have been through it all live near me

[Guest N. Jane]

There wasn't any such thing as a "gender therapist" when I went through the whole thing in Ontario back in the 60's. I found a gynaecologist who was understand and made arrangements for me to start hormones. He then referred me to a psychiatrist who simply determined that I was rational, well-balanced (under the circumstances) and stable enough to make my own decisions. The letter from the psych was all I needed for SRS.

I am not sure but a "gender therapist" might be required to get some coverage under government health.

[Guest erikka2046]

Hi Kyattei,

Thanks for your post. Actually I am planning to go to try Sherbourne too and hopefully able to see a GT and have a prescription for HRT maybe next year. Wow the waiting list is quite long, maybe is worth to wait? I'm no sure....

Don't give up, just try calling the doctors they gave you and hopefully you should able to get someone that can help you.

That's true GP can prescribe many medications includes hormones in Ontario. The only thing is to get a GP that can work with you. If eventuallly GP is the only way, Sherbourne's site has a "Guidelines and Protocols for Comprehensive Primary Health Care for Trans Clients" which is a very good resource for a family physician. Since most GP have no experience on this, but if you have all the information and resources in hand, it should make it a bit easier. Maybe you can sign up on Sherbourne's waiting list and try to find a GP that can work with you in the meantime.

Luv

Erikka

[Guest kyattei]

Sorry to hear you had such bad luck with finding a therapist, Zabrak. I'm in a similar situation, there just doesn't seem to be any remotely near me. I'm glad your doctor was so accepting though and you got your HRT =)

"there's bound to be a couple hear, specially since i know a few women off these boards that have been through it all live near me"

Ah, good luck then Jess, I hope you have an easy time finding one. ^^

"I am not sure but a "gender therapist" might be required to get some coverage under government health."

I don't think so, Sherbourne sounds like it has doctors instead of therapists but OHIP covers their fees. But I don't mind saving and spending the money so much as long as I can find someone who actually will help me transition.

"Actually I am planning to go to try Sherbourne too and hopefully able to see a GT"

From what I understand between talking to the receptionist and those who have been there, Sherbourne doesn't have a gender therapist exactly, just actual family doctors (including at least one who is trans herself) who will very easily prescribe hormones. The receptionist told me they do have lots of trans programs, like a support-group-type meeting with about 10 MTFs and 10 FTMs one evening a week and such. But there no gender therapy counselling there. One transsexual I spoke to who transitioned there five years ago said that he just had an initial meeting with a man who asked him basic questions (ie - "Why do you feel that you're a man?") and by the next meeting he started meeting the doctor who is transsexual and getting bloodwork, etc tests done, and was on hormones a single month later. This is just what I heard from those I've talked to though, I've never been there myself so I may have misunderstood.

"Wow the waiting list is quite long, maybe is worth to wait? I'm no sure...."

I think it'd be totally worth it if you're close enough that they'll take you. Yes, it's a full year of waiting - but at least you know it's going to happen and that they'll be 100% supportive of you in your transition. Even if it's a wait, it's a secure wait. Browsing for other therapists/doctors to help you could end up taking a lot longer, or they may misdiagnose you, or you may never end up finding one... But if you know that Sherbourne is going to help you, you can budget around that and focus on things like hair removal and getting a wardrobe, etc. while waiting, instead of always needing to save money for a more uncertain future. And once they do take you, the process should be quick from what I've been told.

"Maybe you can sign up on Sherbourne's waiting list and try to find a GP that can work with you in the meantime."

Unfortunately, I can't even get on the waiting list because I live too far away. ._. I think that currently they only accept Torontonians or at least people closer than I am, possibly due to how many people they already have waiting for a doctor... Maybe as a last resort I'll try moving to Toronto to be put on the list. But then I'd have to find a new job and I'm not sure I could find one in a place I don't know, and I'm

Good luck Erikka, I hope your transition goes well and Sherbourne is what you're looking for!

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I was one of the lucky one's in that respect. My primary doctor at the time I came out was very trans friendly, he had treated two before he meet myself. So when I came out to him he wrote me a script for estrogen that day. I had come out to my psychiatrist and got locked up in a psych ward for 4 days when I came out until I proved to the doctors on staff I was safe. Needless to say I fired my psych when I ran out of that locked ward.

It was only after I had been on estrogen for a month that I was required to see an endo who could manage my hrt fully, and to see him I had to have a letter from a psych and had begun seeing a new doctor by then who wrote me one when I told him I needed it.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hey Kyattei

Honey have you thought of seeing an online therapist?

I'm pretty sure that there are some links to them here at Laura's.

I'm not exactly sure on where.

Perhaps you could look.

LUV

Jean

[Guest kyattei]

"I had come out to my psychiatrist and got locked up in a psych ward for 4 days when I came out"

Oh my gosh! That sounds so horrible! I'm so sorry you had to put up with that, and I hope that psychiatrist gets their liscense revoked... I am glad that despite that you got your hormones and transition though!

"Honey have you thought of seeing an online therapist?"

I've seen the online therapists on the list, but I'd prefer to find a real-life therapist if I can. A local one could recommend me specifically to doctors/endos who have dealt with transsexuals, and know other local services that are trans-friendly like lawyers for name changes and support groups, etc. While the online therapists sound like they can really only give me letters, I'm still on my own to find doctors/endos who would be accepting and take a recommendation from a doctor in another country.

I know it sounds rather immature, but I'd like to focus on getting HRT as soon as possible, while I have the money saved up (most people in my line of work and social class live paycheque to paycheque... I feel I need to get some physical part of my transition done while I'm still able to afford it). So finding a local therapist or doctor is my main goal.

And on more fickle notes, I don't like the idea of spending money on a therapist who's letters may not even be accepted in my country, and I also feel like it'll sound less serious if I go to tell my family about it eventually. I don't think they'd believe it if I said I was diagnosed and helped by an online therapist. ._.

Though I did try contacting the cheapest online therapist, gendertherapist.com, but he hasn't replied to the emails I sent three weeks ago.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Kyattei

You have some very valid points and I wish you the best of luck.

I kinda know what your going through I may be facing a 3+ hour drive to see one myself.

I just have to keep looking for someone closer.

LUV

Jean

[Guest angie]

There are some who do not need therapy but for long enough to get her or his

letter of HRT.But there are some docs who treat transsexuals without a reference

letter.By the end of the first interview,they know if you are by experience.I know

my doctor will.When I first went to her,after eight months doing it the wrong way,

she read my letter,smiled and said,"I don't need this,I can tell that you are."

(gentle smile at the memory of that moment in my real life)

Some need therapy,(I did),to help make the adjustments that changing sexes inherently

have as part of the journey.Try your hand at finding a gender friendly physican,and I wish

you all the best in finding one to take by the hand,to walk you through transition.

Angelique

[Guest erikka2046]

Thanks Kyattei !

Although I'm living 5-10mins North of Toronto, I will definitely drive down to Sherbourne to check it out.

I am seeing a psychologist now, he's trans-friendly but more a general type therapist. If Sherbourne doesn't have GT, I may stick to him or try another one maybe. Since Sherbourne has doctors experienced in prescribing hormones, I will probably go with them instead asking my own family doctor. One year waiting list is quite long, having been waiting for 30+ years already, if I have to wait for one more then I'll wait.

Hope you can find a therapist or doctor in your area. Toronto is quite a great place and you'll feel welcome here. Find a job here is not that difficult but daily expenses are more expensive. If you need more infomation about moving to Toronto, just let me know.

Luv

Erikka

[Guest kyattei]

"I kinda know what your going through I may be facing a 3+ hour drive to see one myself.

I just have to keep looking for someone closer."

Good luck! I really hope you're able to find someone nearby! It feel so hopeless and crushing when you can't...

"When I first went to her,after eight months doing it the wrong way,

she read my letter,smiled and said,"I don't need this,I can tell that you are.""

Wow, your doctor sounds amazing! I'm glad she was able to see you so openly and helped you.

"Although I'm living 5-10mins North of Toronto, I will definitely drive down to Sherbourne to check it out.

I am seeing a psychologist now, he's trans-friendly but more a general type therapist."

Oh, did you see the resource list on the transpulse website?(http://www.transpulse.ca/resourceGuide.html) There wasn't anything around Oshawa (I hate this town ._.;;; ) but there's looots of support groups and lgbt-oriented counsellors and such for toronto and the surrounding area. If you'd ever want one more specific to trans-needs than a general therapist, you may be able to find one there?

"Toronto is quite a great place and you'll feel welcome here. Find a job here is not that difficult but daily expenses are more expensive. If you need more infomation about moving to Toronto, just let me know."

Thank you very much! I'll keep that in mind for later... I don't think I'm going to be able to find any help here...