The Nightmare.

[Guest Adrian]

I told one of my friends down here where I attend Uni (Steph, her name is) and she was accepting of it, so I was buzzing with the possibility that perhaps a lot more people I know will be fine with my being a boy. It preyed on my mind a lot about my parents, especially my mother who I think only gave up having children because she finally had a girl! I really hope she can still be proud of me sounds babyish but very little of anything I ever did was good enough fior this women. Digressing slightly, I recently got a piece of writing published in a little literacy magazine - no biggie really, but she was all happy (I didn't let her read it though, because quite coincidently to this post, the story happened to be partially about transsexualism) and I felt good. Writing is the only thing I do well, and I can still do it as a physical male; in one respect my being trans improves my perception on things to make it more analytical than it might be, so it has it's uses!

Apolagies for that huge digression. Anyway, I went to sleep one night full of thoughts about coming out to my parents and I had this nightmare I was in this giant shopping mall. I was dashing in between the shelves trying to buy some personal items to ehlp me pass, but I was too afraid to ask where they were and felt intimidated by all the people around. I considered lifting because I didn't want to go to the cash register. Then I saw my friend, Steph, walking around and I went up to her and said I needed her help and needed to talk to her. We tried to go somewhere private, but out of the blue my mum pops out from behind the shelves and starts trying to talk to me. So I tell Steph I don't want to talk to my mother and we start running [if you knew steph, that would be a humourous concept ] But then my mum starts chasing us and she can't quite catch up and I feel bad that she keeps running like she's desperate to see me. I try to tell my mum that I can't see her right now, but sahe isn't listening. I feel rerally exaughsted and me and Steph have to stop running, so my mother catches up. I can tell that she is about to say she can't believe her own daughter would go to such painstaking lengths to avoid her. Before she can even speak I yell "I'm NOT your daughter, I'm your son!" and she just looks at me in shock but seems to understand. My father comes up behind her [doesn't look like my father though; or sound like him or speak like him] and he says "Whatever you need to do, son." and my mother immediately starts to ask me questions.

At that point I wake up, and I feel like this strange sense of relief like "I told them. It was awful but I did it!" Then I realised that I didn't, and I had this urge to make the dream a reality (minus the running!) but ui had to remind myself that even if my mother's reaction was accurate, my 'father''s certainly wouldn't be. I want to wait for a time when it's more relevent anyway - I haven't even started transitioning yet.

[Paula ult]

I hate nightmares and very rarely have one but i had one last night,

It started in a bar eating shrimp c0cktail ... hummm, i love shrimp c0cktail but have not had any in many years and i hardly ever go to bars these days, the next minute i was seated in a barber chair and a woman was cutting my hair, she did not listen to how i wanted it cut and i ended with a boys cut and left crying cause it took so long to get it to the length i had it.

I Woke up in a sweat and reached up to make sure my hair was still there, what a relief when i felt it.

Maybe the dream is telling me to go to bars and eat shrimp c0cktail but i am not cutting my hair.

Had to put a 0 in c0cktail to get past the filter.

Paula

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Yea Paula that's why I tend to cut my own hair is my lack of trust in those cutting hair. My moms a stylist and I wouldn't let her near me with a pair of scissors. I guess I wouldn't have a problem in my present city I live in since the have gender protections in the cities code. If they did something like that here I could have them arrested.

[Carolyn Marie]

Adrian, I don't know a lot about dreams or how to interpret them.

What I do know is that they usually indicate what is troubling your mind during your

waking hours, and that certainly seems the case here.

As long as this issue remains unresolved, you'll probably continue to experience them from

time to time. I would suggest that you not push yourself to come out until you feel you

are ready and prepared. Coming out to your parents because your dreams urge you

to is probably not the best reason.

Do what you heart tells you to do, not your dreams.

I wish you the best.

Carolyn Marie