What Was Your First Androgyne Memory?

[Guest Lionheart12]

Can you remember back to when you first realized you weren't a boy or girl or a boy and girl or somewhere inbetween?

[Guest April63]

I can remember when I first started questioning. i wanted to be Britney Spears

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I dont remember the first memory but I do remember being much of a loner in school, feeling that I didnt belong (either in my skin or school) and not knowing why I felt that way. Now I know....

[Guest Ryles_D]

My memory is really pathetic, so not really. But for as long as I can remember, I never really understood why I was considered a girl. I got annoyed when people told me things they wouldn't tell a boy, called me cute or pretty or whatever, had to mark the "F" on tests or forms, etc. But I never thought that I was supposed to be getting told the things they'd tell boys, called handsome or whatever, or mark the "M". I just knew I wasn't a girl, the thought of being a "boy" never occurred to me because that wasn't right, either.

[Guest Itzika]

Hm... I didn't consider the possibility that I wasn't a girl until senior year of high school, but looking back, I found various things about myself amusing or odd since middle school or maybe third grade. Middle school, I became the only girl in the advanced math class (one of two when my friend came out as MTF senior year); before that, a boy confessed his love for me when I was eight, but I didn't like him that way--I just liked hanging out with him. It was a lot of fun, that was all. When I was three I was Christopher Robin for Halloween. The first bike I ever picked was a boy's bike, and I didn't care when my mom or grandpa or Larry (I forget who I was shopping with) explained that to me. I wore dresses when I was little (nothing but), and was rather fond of the uniform look when I was about nine, but I only wore jeans and unisex T-shirts all through middle school. About half my friends have been male (again, MTF friend came out senior year so male, yes; guy, no) since about third grade, but I tend to make really close friends with girls. I used to do Irish Dance, and maybe I'm projecting, but I seem to recall being envious of the guys being able to do clicks and wear the shoes they did. So maybe that.

I grew up with only my mom around, and she doesn't care how I dress or if I don't care about fashion or makeup. (I sadden my grandparents by never asking for anything girly, but they expect me to be social, so we've firmly established that they don't get me.) So I guess it never really mattered whether I acted like a girl or a guy enough for me to care. And the body thing... I have no brothers. I didn't know what was involved in male puberty until sex ed sixth grade and not really until I found out the effects of HRT. So I guess there was never really an issue there either. (Until now. Thanks so much education; now that I'm fully aware of the differences, it bothers me greatly.)

[Guest CJwar]

I've got a similar story to itzika...

I remember when I was a kid playing with my two girl cousins. We would play house, and I wanted to be the father, all the time. I remember that I always did the male barbie. And they never questioned it, they just accepted it, and they always wanted me to play that role, and because that's what I wanted then it worked. That was like...7 or 8.

Another time, was when me and my friend wanted to go out for the wrestling team, but were turned away because we were "girls", and she's the one who wanted me to try out for our football team, but once again...turned away. It was really here that I realized that I could never do anything that I wanted to do. I loved playing football, loved wrestling, and I struggled with it hard. I was unsure of why I wanted these things, but I knew when I did get to play them in the backyards with all the boys...it felt right. I believe I was tougher and rougher than them, now that I think about it.

I think I really started coming out as a guy was online and over video games. I always introduced myself as Chris, and loved the fact that I was accepted. Yeah they gave me grief about my voice...thinking I was some prepubescent boy...but I didn't care. I did this online for about 12 years...online was the only place I could really be myself. It wasn't one night a few weeks ago that I started to hate my life, and my body, that I googled the words "A man trapped in a female body." And low and behold I learned what I've been feeling for years. Learned that I was a trans, and spent every moment learning everything I could from that moment on.

I had always heard of transsexuals but I never knew what it actually meant, I thought it was just a physical thing, I had no idea it was mental...excuse my sheltered mind...but ever since learning that I wasn't the only one..I've been feeling better about myself every day.

[Guest Thorndrop]

I remember an old journal entry I made when I was about 12 or 13 years old agonising over the possibility of me being transgender because I was always being told I should be more feminine but I didn't want to be.

[Guest Crow]

Depends on whether you want actions or just knowing here....

When it comes to actions... As a young kid, I had never wanted to pick when it came to activities. At a young age, I was watching both sailor moon and teenage mutant ninja turtles. I picked a pig suit when i was younger over a snow white dress but I did sometimes wear dresses.

Then there is examining my roleplay characters. I have an equal amount of guy and girl characters but I also have a couple characters whose gender isn't so clear. A demon turned angel who was once male and became female (and recently became male again). A alien who was both male and female but identified herself as female. My crossdresser who identifies himself as male but likes female clothing because they are pretty and character who has a male personality, amoungst her other personalities, that has to crossdress the body so it looks male in order to feel comfortable. I even played both male and female when it came to my beanies when I was younger...

Laura's playground is the only time when I really was kind of forced to confront the fact that I did have a male aspect suppressed... I'm much more comfortable with myself now...

So anyways, even if society has forced me to be female for a while, I still held connections to that masculine aspect. I don't tend to consciously think of myself as either gender unless I am forced to. I just am what I am. My Dad accepts that but my Mom still tries to make me feminime. Oh well, you win some and you lose some.

[Guest Xren]

I've kinda always known, except I didn't have words to describe it. I remember as a kid my favorite movie was the stage recording of Peter Pan, with Mary Martin--I felt a sense of kinship to the stage character because the role was played by a woman yet the character was an androgynous boy. I went through a stage where I was dead-set on not growing up, the implication being that I didn't want to grow up and be a woman (or for that matter a stodgy man-in-a-suit with a briefcase.)

[Guest brenda lee]

Can you remember back to when you first realized you weren't a boy or girl or a boy and girl or somewhere inbetween?

Lionheart 12 Sweetie , mine was when I was 5-6 years old . Those are the first i can clearly remember. I never like boy things , had to learn , always would have rather been my mommy's little girl. LOL Brenda Lee

[Guest childofwinter]

I remember being 8 or 9 and looking in the mirror and pretending I was a girl, so I suppose that's one of the earlier memories. As a child, I was more of a bookworm than anything.

I do remember that when I was very young, having a preoccupation with making sure my mother knew I was her "baby boy". Now, this is either because I have a few brothers who were born when I was 4 and 6, or that back then I somehow knew that I wasn't the same as other males.

[Guest Pica Pica]

A supply teacher used to come along when I was seven and she obviously saw herself as a female empowerment kind of person. Part of this was to split the class down the gender line - it was the first time anyone had forced that on me and I decided that I was special and could cross those lines with immunity.

[Guest Light Perpetual]

I was 16. I had recently realized that I really didn't think of myself as my biological sex and seriously considered, off and on, for a few weeks taking the steps to change my sex. I realized somewhere along *that* line that I still wouldn't feel *complete* as a person. As an artist, I occasionally do artsyfartsy representations of myself to get my thoughts down on paper--therapy, kind of. I drew something both androgynous and hermaphroditic (and I only knew this latter part because I drew it, lawl). It was something I felt was... accurate. Something I wanted to be. And it's something I still want.

I let it manifest in various degrees in fictional characters that I use for RP settings after that (more often than I did before).

[Guest Wendae]

I started with panties when I was 9 but it wasn't until I was 11-12 that I felt that this thing between my legs didn't belong and came close to ridding myself of it. Strangely I never felt like a girl. Years later and up until I was in my 40's I had thoughts of transition. That passed as I realized I had no attraction to men altho the desire to get all gussied up hasn't passed.I manage when the oppertunity arises.

[Guest Micha]

I don't know that it's the first, or when exactly it was, but it's really the first thing that comes to mind. One of my favoritest movies has always been The Never Ending Story, and I remember not simply thinking the Empress in the story was beautiful, but that I wanted to be her.

[Guest Jennyw157]

My earliest memories go back to around the age of 3 and I thought I was just like my 5 sisters and would grow up to be just like them. When starting school I began to realize I was being put into a group that I didn't want to be in or I thought I didn't belong in(with the boys). The older I got the more I hated being forced to be something that I felt wasn't right. I wonder sometimes if the feelings I had of being forced into a male gender role made me want to be a girl even more. For me gender idenity has been the main topic in my mind my entire life and still is, it seems to be screaming in my mind 24, 7, I don't think there is a second that goes by that I don't think of something that purtains to my wanting and needing to be a female.

[Guest Virginia_Blossom]

A half day interview and a thousand plus battery of questions confirmed my dysphoria about my maleness, to a level to indicating SRS. AND that I am equally dysphoric about my femaleness.

My earliest memories are of my female self. After a nightmarish adolescence struggling to learn to be a boy, I went into complete denial of who I am, suppressing my female self to the point of becoming completely unaware of it. Thirty five years later that side of me awoke with a vengeance threatening to take over. But as right as it felt to be a woman, I knew there were too many things I could never give up about being a guy. Ten months of battling with a GT who did nothing but try to ram transition down my throat and I was near suicidal with my GD. I was grudgingly referred for HRT. I was diagnosed as an androgyne by my new psychologist.

The first time I actually became aware of my androgyny was about four months ago. It was amazingly simple incident but a HUGE realization for me. I was shopping for guy clothes and paused to look at the half dozen shirts I had in the cart. I loved the turquoises and fuchsias and purples- if I had been shopping for my girl's wardrobe. But I knew I could never be comfortable wearing them expressing myself as a guy. After 49 years, things finally began to make sense.

Virginia

[Guest Carden]

I don't remember the first memory but I have many from when I was young.

I was the biggest tomboy when I was a little kid. I used to climb trees, jump fences, and wrestle with my best friend at the time Josh. I was pretty sensitive though and I liked dresses and skirts (well, little punk get ups because my mom was still in her skinhead phase).

Once in kindergarten a kid was running around, trying to pinch all the girls with a stapler remover. He came after me and Josh punched him out over it. I remember being mad that I couldn't defend myself and was also mad that the boy was only coming after us girls just because we were female. I didn't even hang out with many girls at the time because I didn't connect with them properly.

[Guest Chrysee]

Yeah, I was 8. My parents had gone out to attend--are you ready?--Parents Night at the school. Now while they were hearing what a fine little man I was shaping up to be, back home I got naked, tied some of my mom's sashes around my middle and pretended that I was a dancing girl, dancing round and round the diningroom table. I don't recall feeling at all strange about doing it, just terrified that the front door would suddenly open.

Go figure. I was eight then, and it only took another fifty years for me to come out., even things you might have thought about again once done.

Thanks for asking.

[Guest Kazimir]

I remember when I was a kid, I didn't really feel like a girl at all, in general, for as long as I remember. I was just me-- a gender neutral thing, and thinking that I was a girl was kind of strange. I'd see the other girls and not feel like I was like them. Then, as a teenager, I sometimes felt like a boy, and sometimes neither (or "kind-of but not 100% a girl"). So I had the feelings of "not-girl" and "sometimes boy" together, so I thought that i was maybe trans, but now I think if I transitioned, I'd have "not boy" and "sometimes girl" feelings, and that I'm sort of inbetween androgynous/bigender, in that I have feelings of both, but also one side dominates.

[Guest nelo]

Um... I know I rejected dresses and went for the unisex look early on. I used to have hair down my waist (butt maybe?) in kindergarten, but a quite a few inches at a time every hair cut and by the time I was in first grade I had my hair "boy short." Since then I have had it much longer, and I always feel like weight has been lifted off my shoulders when I get it cut again.

However, I was conditioned to say "I'm a girl" whenever anyone said I was a boy (which was... all the time). I just didn't know there was any other option. I never thought of being a boy.

When puberty hit I pretended it wasn't happening.

When I was 15 or so I discovered the term agendered.

And that's all there is to it.

[Guest Hydraxide]

Probably when I went to secondary school from 11-18 and stuck out like a sore thumb. It was an all boys school and I never felt like 'one of the lads'. I didn't know at the time what 'androgyny' was and had barely had sex education classes. Its only in the last year or so that I've done serious research into this.

[Guest Lady.Violette]

I dont really remember my earliest memories, but I do remember when I was 13-14 y/old, I used to daydream that I could find a surgeon to change my sex (not knowing that there actually was such a procedure and there were people actually getting it done). I also remember around the same time, that I would strip naked in my room at night and use towels as skirts to see how I looked

Im not really too andro, but when I transition I'd love to play around, every now and again, with andro haircuts and clothes. Sounds like fun to me

[Guest symempathy]

I dont really remember my earliest memories, but I do remember when I was 13-14 y/old, I used to daydream that I could find a surgeon to change my sex (not knowing that there actually was such a procedure and there were people actually getting it done). I also remember around the same time, that I would strip naked in my room at night and use towels as skirts to see how I looked

Im not really too andro, but when I transition I'd love to play around, every now and again, with andro haircuts and clothes. Sounds like fun to me

I'm a little confused. Are you saying that you feel androgynous and want a female body at the same time? Does that mean after sex change operation, you become more androgynous than a simple female?

[Guest Evania]

Since around 3-4 years old I suppose. I wondered why my mom didn't give me skirts like the other girls. When my teacher asked, "Girls, please raise your hand." I would raised my hand, to be laughed at by my friends soon afterwards. In my dreams, I sometimes emerged as a girl, in beautiful dresses. I love such dreams. I also play girls games with other girls, and for them, they feel like they're playing with a girl. I could blend well into their thoughts.

Later on, I develop some "hybrid" things. The good part: having good things of both worlds. The bad part: mental confusion and ever-burning desire to recognized as female.