What Was Your First Androgyne Memory?

[Guest Evania]

Since around 3-4 years old I suppose. I wondered why my mom didn't give me skirts like the other girls. When my teacher asked, "Girls, please raise your hand." I would raised my hand, to be laughed at by my friends soon afterwards. In my dreams, I sometimes emerged as a girl, in beautiful dresses. I love such dreams. I also play girls games with other girls, and for them, they feel like they're playing with a girl. I could blend well into their thoughts.

Later on, I develop some "hybrid" things. The good part: having good things of both worlds. The bad part: mental confusion and ever-burning desire to recognized as female.

[Guest GwenMichelle]

Can't really remember the earliest for questioning, but my main memory though was from about 7yr to 12yr(and sorta still today) I really wanted to be a Ballerina *the girl way, e.g leotards, tutus, and later on dancing pointe*

xoxo

[Guest GKay]

It was a slow realization for me- no ton of bricks or anything like that. I started questioning a couple years ago and finally got it sorted out recently. Although, looking back the signs were there. Since I didn't feel female I went the other way, from how I dressed to how I acted... all of it was more male and eventually I settled somewhere in between. I used to be enormously partial to the flatter chest of males, though, and wanted mine to be same. Still do, in fact.

Hello, by the way. I posted an introduction but feel a little strange just jumping in like that.

~GKay

[Guest Luna Selene]

I wanted to play soccer in elementary school with one paticular group of girls because I thought they were popular. No matter how hard I tried to be friends with them, no matter how many similar interests we shared, they just wouldn't play with me because boys have cooties. When I shamefully went back the boys they shunned me because girls are gross, and I was weird for talking to them. My thought? "why does it matter, I just want to play with someone."

[Guest Micha]

That's so sad. . .

[Guest Luna Selene]

I ended up being friends with the gross girl who had a similarly 'make-fun-of'able name. We have the same birthday and we both liked writing. She ended up being smokin' hot in high school, guys thought she and I had dated, (not in elementary school obviously) and tried to get me to hook them up. I laughed and suggested they try themselves, and every one she shot down I had to grin harder. It was almost like our own little nerdy revenge. *sigh* I'm not really sure where she is now. :/

_Luna

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Wow ... what a fascinating thread Lion Heart!

When I was about 3 or 4 I had a terrible nightmare .... I don't remember the details of the dream exactly but I awoke in the morning with my heart racing and the knowledge that I would grow up to be physically like my Mother. I also had the distinct belief that my twin bother had the power to allow me to also become a boy. I was frantic ... in an absolute panic ... We were in bunk beds and so, I woke him up and begged him to help me to become a boy. I was shaking his arm and crying ... pleading actually, and he was very frightened by my intensity. He ran to wake my father and told him that I had asked him to turn him into a boy. My father was very angry ... I have no idea what he thought was going on but it was clearly not good . My father moved my bed into a separate room that day and I felt terribly betrayed and isolated.

Throughout my childhood, I never spoke of my wish to be a boy again.

When I was about 5, my twin bother and I were looking itno a mirror and he said that he should have been the girl and I should have been the boy ... I nodded but said nothing more.

I was the stronger twin both emotionally, intellectually and physcially. I protected my brother from violence at home and in school and I grew thankful that I did not have his body as it seemed weak and inferior to my own. At this point, my lower body dysphoria faded and was resloved ( with the exception of my dyshporia with menstruation) I still had nipple and later breast dysphoria and so, I guess that the transition from FtM to FtA occured and the point in which I realized that my female body was more powerful. However, I never fully crossed over to what I guess could be called cis or possibly MtF because I could not accept the inevitalbe changes that puberty would bring.

I think that I have been androgynous since I was about 7 or 8 years old. I began menstruating at 10.

Interestingly, my body eventually seemed to reject (and reverse) puberty. But that is a different (and much happier) story.

Best,

JB

[Guest Alder]

want to give you so many hugs for that Luna!

Though.. I was kind of similar.. I had my small little group of outcasts whom I was friends with..and was shunned by the others (this group...oddly enough consisted of tomboy girls, and 'delicate' boys....)

[Guest Micha]

Bugger.

*HUGGLES TO ALL!*

I can't express with words what I'm feeling for everyone. . .

[Guest Abner]

I don't really have an androgyne memory. I just know I never really liked my dad's attempts to make me conform to my assigned sex.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Hugs to ALL.

Yes, Luna .. I can relate. I spent much of my time chasing lizards at the edge of the school yard when I was very young. I just could not fit in to any social circle. I kind of felt like a big Ogre .. kids woudl come and get me if they needed me to lift them swing them around ( I was sometimes used as a machine .. kind of) or if they needed someone to hold the end of the jump rope, climb a tree to get a ball down etc. or mostly to protect them form bullies. I had some friends ... a boy who had open heart surgery.another boy who was "special" a boy who had a terrible over-bite and had lost his parents in a car accident and one very tough and messy looking girl but they all seem to be from unstable homes and always moved away. At home, I played with my brother.

I wanted to clarify something that I thought could be mis-interpreted ..... I do not feel that any person, male, female of androgynous is inferior or superior to anyone else in any way .... There are times when one body may be more suitable for certain situations ... as in when I was small, it was of great benefit that I was stronger and bigger than the boys because I was not only able to protect myself, I was able to protect my brother and other other smaller children. Naturally, after puberty, most of the boys were bigger and stronger than than I was.

One more HUG to ALL!

JB

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Welcome Gkay!