Stealth And Lables

[Guest Cj Marie]

I was accepted into a gender program when i was 19, which now was almost 19 years ago. Besides being totally poor, the idea i had the biggest problem personally was how stupid it seemed to "fee" like a woman. That just made no sense.. I also had issues with being told how to carry myself..ie dress behave. I felt like, i do not care how i dress, i just "want" to have my body and be myself. I could not come to grips with being a woman and so i continued my quest to be a man. I was in the army, i got married, have kids, and a house.

It is now almost 2 years after starting the process over. I have been on HRT for year and a half. I have my name legally changed. I even transitioned at one of the largest food chains in the world (the first person ever) which did not end well. All along my journy thus far, i still get angry at the terms "want" to be a girl..I have no choice.. i am the same.. or the one i am writing about is being a transwoman. Why would a person go through all of this, just to become a subcategory? Why do people hold on to this? For me, something happened, i am now legally a female. Although it is great to no longer have male on my liscense at the same time, in becoming "normal" it is as if all of the struggles never happened. I am not trying for pitty, but sometimes, i wish people truly understood how hard it is to become, but now i look like a woman, i am legally a woman, how do i help people understand the challenge without "outing" myself? How do i fight for our cause without being "outed".

So why do people hold on to the labels?

[Guest rachael1]

I hate labels myself but I guess we all need something to identify ourselves by.

You are right that being trans is not a choice it isn't something we want it just is...

I would like to welcome you to the forums and hope you stick around and share with us some of your stories.

Love

Rachael

[Sally]

Hello,

I would just like to let you know that you are not alone in hating labels, I have long said that I am not a man, and I greatly dislike the term Transsexual because of where it takes the minds of the ignorant and let's face it they are the problem so I have made my own label and it is the only one that truly applies - Sally.

I do not necessarily wish to run around with a placard around my neck but once I have come out I will no longer hide myself from the world, I have had enough of that and I am working on literary projects that might help to enlighten those who still read.

You can work behind the scenes as a supporter without having to out yourself if you really do pass and that is a good place to start.

No one 'wants' to be a girl or a boy it is predetermined before birth, the lucky ones match body and mind and they are accepted for who they are - we are accepted for who they think we are and just 'want' to be someone else.

Opinions are hard to change and mistaken ones are the hardest to change because they cling to them with all of their might.

I will be glad to help you anyway that I can - I am always here for you.

I usually offer hot cocoa and cookies to our new members to make them feel welcome, if you would like to come in and relax a bit I will be glad to share them with you.

You are a part of our family now and no one here will judge you or call you by any label that you do not like.

Welcome to the family, my sister, you and I can work on ways to make the world a better place for the next generation.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest angie]

I live female,have everything pertaining to me saying female,have for some time.

Yet I am OUT- very.I feel it is my duty to bring awareness to the masses

of just who and why a transsexual really is.I do this by putting myself out

there, willing to share my story,unafraid of letting others know my past.It is

mighty difficult to help your brothers and sisters by staying in stealth,afraid

of being found out,other than being on line support in a place such as this ,

which is actually very helpful.Oh,welcome to the Playground my sister.

Angelique

[Guest viv]

I was accepted into a gender program when i was 19, which now was almost 19 years ago. Besides being totally poor, the idea i had the biggest problem personally was how stupid it seemed to "fee" like a woman. That just made no sense.. I also had issues with being told how to carry myself..ie dress behave. I felt like, i do not care how i dress, i just "want" to have my body and be myself. I could not come to grips with being a woman and so i continued my quest to be a man. I was in the army, i got married, have kids, and a house.

It is now almost 2 years after starting the process over. I have been on HRT for year and a half. I have my name legally changed. I even transitioned at one of the largest food chains in the world (the first person ever) which did not end well. All along my journy thus far, i still get angry at the terms "want" to be a girl..I have no choice.. i am the same.. or the one i am writing about is being a transwoman. Why would a person go through all of this, just to become a subcategory? Why do people hold on to this? For me, something happened, i am now legally a female. Although it is great to no longer have male on my liscense at the same time, in becoming "normal" it is as if all of the struggles never happened. I am not trying for pitty, but sometimes, i wish people truly understood how hard it is to become, but now i look like a woman, i am legally a woman, how do i help people understand the challenge without "outing" myself? How do i fight for our cause without being "outed".

So why do people hold on to the labels?

Hi Cj Marie,

Welcome to Laura"s. Got to agree with Angie , the more people are aware of us and why we transition the better for other or younger

trans women in future. Its because of women like us years ago we can have most of our documentation amended hun and you have to agree,

thats a "biggie", all that came from past generation trans women going public. Over the next year or so I will be " going public" as in I will be

informing my employers re my **gender correction**, yes I will get that "dentists waiting room" feeling of dread but I really feel strongly about following in

my sisters footsteps in the true spirit of who we are TRANSGENDER WOMEN ....AND PROUD !!!!!!!. So, Cj Marie, gonna put Viv the rebel back

in the box and go have dinner, loved talking to ya hun , lets do it again, Luv,Viv.

[Guest N. Jane]

I understand what you are saying Cj. As a child in the 50's and 60's I was just a "freak" - I couldn't pass for a boy no matter how much I was abused and cajoled and I wasn't quite a girl either. I didn't know what the @$#% I was - more what I wasn't (a boy).

I had SRS and transitioned in 1974 and just slipped easily into normal woman's life. The word stealth didn't even exist then - the whole idea and the whole concept was you BECAME the woman you had always been (psychologically), integrated, assimilated. I never wore a label and nobody ever questioned - I was just a girl. Ancient medical history and a few physiological "abnormalities" were irrelevant.

Maybe I was "trans-something" before 1974 but since? Just 35 years a normal woman. No labels for me thank you.

[Guest viv]

I was accepted into a gender program when i was 19, which now was almost 19 years ago. Besides being totally poor, the idea i had the biggest problem personally was how stupid it seemed to "fee" like a woman. That just made no sense.. I also had issues with being told how to carry myself..ie dress behave. I felt like, i do not care how i dress, i just "want" to have my body and be myself. I could not come to grips with being a woman and so i continued my quest to be a man. I was in the army, i got married, have kids, and a house.

It is now almost 2 years after starting the process over. I have been on HRT for year and a half. I have my name legally changed. I even transitioned at one of the largest food chains in the world (the first person ever) which did not end well. All along my journy thus far, i still get angry at the terms "want" to be a girl..I have no choice.. i am the same.. or the one i am writing about is being a transwoman. Why would a person go through all of this, just to become a subcategory? Why do people hold on to this? For me, something happened, i am now legally a female. Although it is great to no longer have male on my liscense at the same time, in becoming "normal" it is as if all of the struggles never happened. I am not trying for pitty, but sometimes, i wish people truly understood how hard it is to become, but now i look like a woman, i am legally a woman, how do i help people understand the challenge without "outing" myself? How do i fight for our cause without being "outed".

So why do people hold on to the labels?strongly

Hi Cj,

Viv here again, just re-read my reply to your post and I feel I opined a little strongly re my feelings on your subject, sorry about that hun,

shoulda put some more thought in there. I cant take back my core belief"s re work done in the past by trans women, I admire their courage

so much. I of course know there are women like us who just want to get their transition done and then quietly get on with their lives ...to

those women , I love you all. Being a Transsexual has had such a painful impact on my life there have been times when I wished I would just

not wake up in the morning, and then again I would not be a man , not for anything . Its this crazy duallity s..t going on in my head almost

all my life and so much more Trans related pain that has forged my opinion re us , and for me that means going public and fighting the fight

with and on behalf of my sisters . I hope you were not hurt or offended by my earlier reply and I sincerely hope you do it your way with

a great big smile on your face. , Luv, Viv.

[Guest Cj Marie]

That really is the conundrum for me... I found when i got my license as far as the public eye i am normal.. My normalcy came months ago, from a place i did not think was possible.... To finnally realize who you are, to stop questioning the why, the how comes.. is so just amazing. However even though i am not total the way i need to be for me, i want to fight for the others out there that suffer, when we all can make a difference. The sad truth is i do not want to now give away my sense of being female, to be Trans... I did not almost die to become whole, to become something no one wants to be. I do not mean that there are not people that are proud of what they have gone through, or are even ashamed of it, but i really question those that ARE trans... I never was trans even through my transition, and will not be with surgery...

It has been said, and i have read some of these post where people do not wish to become... I dont know that is true... but maybe it is.... maybe it is just as true to get us to point in our lives where it has to be good... that as far as we go... is a great place to be....

I was the type of person that never gave her all... it was better to hear people say..."if she had really wanted to she could have" then to say that was the best she had, and it just was not good enough.. To be me is the only think i have given my all, cried my all, hurt my all, and for some my all is not what they want... But on the one thing that i gave my all, i am not willing to give up on me....

[Guest viv]

That really is the conundrum for me... I found when i got my license as far as the public eye i am normal.. My normalcy came months ago, from a place i did not think was possible.... To finnally realize who you are, to stop questioning the why, the how comes.. is so just amazing. However even though i am not total the way i need to be for me, i want to fight for the others out there that suffer, when we all can make a difference. The sad truth is i do not want to now give away my sense of being female, to be Trans... I did not almost die to become whole, to become something no one wants to be. I do not mean that there are not people that are proud of what they have gone through, or are even ashamed of it, but i really question those that ARE trans... I never was trans even through my transition, and will not be with surgery...

It has been said, and i have read some of these post where people do not wish to become... I dont know that is true... but maybe it is.... maybe it is just as true to get us to point in our lives where it has to be good... that as far as we go... is a great place to be....

I was the type of person that never gave her all... it was better to hear people say..."if she had really wanted to she could have" then to say that was the best she had, and it just was not good enough.. To be me is the only think i have given my all, cried my all, hurt my all, and for some my all is not what they want... But on the one thing that i gave my all, i am not willing to give up on me....

Hi Cj,

I was just about to go to bed when I came across your last post . you know you have a point there hun, sticking together,

willing to talk good about each other makes us stronger and less of us suffer. As you also say you have finally stopped the

why me stuff, its great to get that one out of the way and move on. Cj, dont forget to celebrate how far you have come

now and then / it does you good and gives you strength for the next leg of the journey. Oh my , me getting old, its midnight

here and Im up at 5.30 am re work. got to go hun, look forward to talking to you again. Luv, Viv.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I don't put much thought into it personally. Stealth, out, post, pre.. who cares... just be.