What Didn't You Know?

[Guest MrAwesome]

I have a question for all the other Transguys out there. Obviously, most of us here were probably raised Female - and we might not have been exposed to some things that most guys are. My question is, what are some general "Guy things" that you wish you had known more about before transitioning, or that you weren't really exposed to?

Example - My mom has raised me by herself since I was 4, I was never exposed to sports, I didn't even understand the stuff in gym class. I wish I had learned more about them before transition, I might not have really been interested in them - but it would be nice to be able to join in if some guys were messing around playing football, or even just to be able to take interest in something other guy friends might be interested in.

[Guest Eck]

I wish I had been exposed to some of the finer details...like when you buy a suit at the men's store, they ask you if you dress left or dress right. What does that mean? It refers to which way you position your man parts as not to crush them with the seam of your pants. The man that was helping me was kind enough to explain that. Not embarrassing event #1 in my life, but it could take a while before I really get the fine points of a male education. Fortunately, I can laugh about it now. A few years ago I would not have been able to laugh about it quite so easily.

Hmmm... I will have to ponder what other man details I missed...

More to come!

Eck

[Guest Robin Winter]

I wish I had been exposed to some of the finer details...like when you buy a suit at the men's store, they ask you if you dress left or dress right. What does that mean? It refers to which way you position your man parts as not to crush them with the seam of your pants. The man that was helping me was kind enough to explain that. Not embarrassing event #1 in my life, but it could take a while before I really get the fine points of a male education. Fortunately, I can laugh about it now. A few years ago I would not have been able to laugh about it quite so easily.

Hmmm... I will have to ponder what other man details I missed...

More to come!

Eck

LOL, I was raised male, and a suit-wearing male at that, and I did not know this.

[Guest Anhelanti]

Haha, how about just about everything? But honestly, I think the main thing I missed out on was male companionship. I never had many friends, and none were guys because a) gender segregation and I desperately wanted to be one of them, but knew that if I hung out with guys I would be the "girl" of the group. I finally have a lot of guy friends in college, and it's absolutely wonderful. I feel so much more at ease with guys than with girls, and have a lot more in common with them. However, because I was raised with girls, it's been very difficult to get used to interacting with guys as a guy. So I wish I'd had that opportunity.

The other thing I wish I could have had was more of a relationship with my dad. I wish he'd been the one to teach me about sex (learning about the female side of sex and reproduction from my Mum was brutal), and shaving, and all the other guy-stuff.

Being involved in sports would have been nice, too. None of my family is big on sports, but I really could have used a physical education. Losing 30lbs when you're almost entirely done with puberty and have never really had any kind of longterm exercise is really quite a challenge.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I have a question for all the other Transguys out there. Obviously, most of us here were probably raised Female - and we might not have been exposed to some things that most guys are. My question is, what are some general "Guy things" that you wish you had known more about before transitioning, or that you weren't really exposed to?

Example - My mom has raised me by herself since I was 4, I was never exposed to sports, I didn't even understand the stuff in gym class. I wish I had learned more about them before transition, I might not have really been interested in them - but it would be nice to be able to join in if some guys were messing around playing football, or even just to be able to take interest in something other guy friends might be interested in.

definitely that. as well as video games, and more general knowledge about mechanical stuff like fixing people's cars...

I guess that kind of overlaps with having more guy friends (i.e. more male friends = more opportunities to play video games? ) I also wish I grew up having more male friends. For some reason I started out in pre-school with more male friends, transitioned to more female friends around elementary school, stayed that way til college, probably because of this

But honestly, I think the main thing I missed out on was male companionship. I never had many friends, and none were guys because a) gender segregation and B ) I desperately wanted to be one of them, but knew that if I hung out with guys I would be the "girl" of the group. I finally have a lot of guy friends in college, and it's absolutely wonderful. I feel so much more at ease with guys than with girls, and have a lot more in common with them. However, because I was raised with girls, it's been very difficult to get used to interacting with guys as a guy. So I wish I'd had that opportunity.

The other thing I wish I could have had was more of a relationship with my dad. I wish he'd been the one to teach me about sex (learning about the female side of sex and reproduction from my Mum was brutal), and shaving, and all the other guy-stuff.

-

I'm still slightly more female friends-wise but I'm closer to my male friends and also feel more comfortable around them.. and yes that stuff was brutal, it probably scarred me for life.

[Guest MrAwesome]

Geez what did your moms tell you guys? O_o

[Guest CJwar]

hmm...if I knew then what I knew now.

I always liked guy stuff. I always played with the boys, but managed to have a few friends that were girls too...I wish I knew what was gonna happen to all my guy friends when puberty hit. It seemed that everything was fine and dandy with them until that happened...

I remember one day I went to play football with them, like I always did..hell I was their quarterback. And they told me, " We can't play with you anymore...because our mom said that we could hurt you." And that was that. They went off to do boy things, and I was forced to find girls to hang with....which, I think I did a good job pretending.

I wish I could have known about transitioning when I was 12 or 13. You know..started T back then. I feel like I was cheated, my dad is like 6'5", and they always thought I would be as tall like him...but I never got that tall, and I feel like maybe if I would have been on T I could have continued growing, and then all the stuff that comes with girl puberty wouldn't have happened.

So I guess knowing more information about what I was.

[Guest ChalenAustin]

Geez what did your moms tell you guys? O_o

You on't want to know- we can discuss it over PMs.

We might get in trouble otherwise!

[TassieTiff]

If you want to learn the 'ropes' you have to be a BOY SCOUT or a trucker.... I was both. Perhaps you should compare notes with the M2Fs... Cause we missed the girl socialisation too...I am now bloody 52.... I am collecting soft toys and Dolls..... I am too darned old for puberty a second time LOL

Being a Male is all about Attitude and lots of it.... some arrogance in the mix too.....It isn't all about Macho though.... Cause Gals Like guys with feelings... SO don't throw the baby out with the bath water.... You Don't have to be Arnold Swartzenneger to be a bloke..... Tom Hanks types are quite acceptable too.

If after transition, any of us turn out to be stereotypical then it was a failuse.... Individuality is the key. When you try too hard to be a IDEAL then you won't find happiness or fulfillment.... AND isn't that what it is all about ?

[Guest Miles]

Men's locker room dynamics are NOTHING like girls locker room dynamics.

holy moley.

I don't even know how to explain it. It's like a different world... it's a weird balance of solidarity and trying to not seem "gay" ('don't drop the soap' jokes) but also being friendly enough to impose your masculinity over others...

sorry if that doesn't make much sense. I really try to spend as little time in the locker room as possible, even though I'm on the swim team which meets three times a week

And I also have no idea about sports, but I don't like playing them or find them interesting at all. Being a gay transguy is a ton easier than being a straight one (in my opinion) because I can excuse all of my non-traditionally-male behaviors as just me being a queer

[Guest hayden_jude]

Things I wish I had known...

I think mostly just male etiquette. What's "normal" for guys, etc. Like "the nod". Or for example, on first impressions, girls are generally supposed to be very excitable and fun - something I've just recently picked up on. Whereas guys are allowed to be more chill. If you are a girl and you are chill - forget it.

I think that knowing those things would have helped me.

Also, knowing my options as far as the future. Surgery options, the process of getting a therapist and a referral, etc.

And just knowing that you don't have to fit a certain "stereotype" to be trans. Like knowing that being trans does not mean that a person must be in pure agony over his or her biological gender every minute of every hour of every day. Because that was one of the things that made me question if I was really trans at first. And it took me a while to realize that it doesn't necessarily have to cause constant pain and anger and sadness to be a problem. So I guess it would've been nice to know from the beginning that transpeople are the most varied and definition-defiant group of people on earth. That one FtM might have horrible top dysphoria, whereas another might have overwhelming bottom dysphoria, and another might have more of a social dysphoria rather than a physical one....If that makes sense.

[Guest Quinn]

I'm just wishing hard right now that I had/knew how to have guy friends. I had almost exclusively guy friends when I was younger and up to the last year of elementary school my best friend was my neighbor Sean, who didn't treat me like I was some gentle girl. He treated me equally; I know some of us guys weren't allowed to play rough, so I definitely appreciate that I did get those few years with Sean playing war and spies and running through woods just rough housing and getting scraped up and dirty and "capturing" the bad guys and all that.

But once middle school came, guy friends were out. I was seen as just another girl, and it didn't help any that I moved away from Sean and my other guy friends in Georgia to go live in Massachusetts and start as a new kid for 6th grade. So I really have missed getting to really grow up knowing how to interact socially and comfortably with other guys. I have yet to have any male friendships thus far...hopefully I will be able to form some in the next few years and see how it goes.

[Guest Zabrak]

If you want to learn the 'ropes' you have to be a BOY SCOUT or a trucker...

I was a cub scout.

I get along with guys just fine I'm just getting use to have people around me all the time now. Work = being around the guys all day.

The one thing I wish I learned was more about cars as I design car wraps. Oh well, I'm learning all about cars now.

[Guest Shay]

I wish I had been exposed to some of the finer details...like when you buy a suit at the men's store, they ask you if you dress left or dress right. What does that mean? It refers to which way you position your man parts as not to crush them with the seam of your pants.

Are the pants that tight?

I think the things I'd like to know have more to do with what it means to be physically male. I remember growing up, I use to ask my guy friends what it felt like to get hurt *there* not because I was interested in being in pain, but because I just felt so "female" to not "know" what they all knew.

Even now, not fully understanding the pants reference. I mean, I get the reference and all and can imagine, but even now, my first thought was "what if you wear briefs?" where bio males are probably like "yeah, that's important to tell them."

Other than that, I think I was pretty well-rounded in female/male knowledge growing up. Wasn't good at sports, but did do them occasionally.. and had mostly male friends so I got my share of info! I also had very understanding parents. They don't know about me being FTM, but I would always tell my mom that I was never interested in having boobs, carrying a purse, or wearing girly clothes. She wanted me to, but never pushed it. My dad is beyond open (but still in a parent type of way), so any questions I may have had, he would have answered!

[Guest aadenr]

I wish I had been exposed to some of the finer details...like when you buy a suit at the men's store, they ask you if you dress left or dress right. What does that mean? It refers to which way you position your man parts as not to crush them with the seam of your pants. The man that was helping me was kind enough to explain that. Not embarrassing event #1 in my life, but it could take a while before I really get the fine points of a male education. Fortunately, I can laugh about it now. A few years ago I would not have been able to laugh about it quite so easily.

Hmmm... I will have to ponder what other man details I missed...

More to come!

Eck

Thats interesting, I didn't know this lol.

I kind of grew up more like a guy, so I didn't really miss out on anything. I had more male friends, and still do. I played sports, my dad showed me things like car stuff because I was always interested, and I just did more male things. So I'm not really sure. Maybe more finer details like Eck said.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thats interesting, I didn't know this lol.

I kind of grew up more like a guy, so I didn't really miss out on anything. I had more male friends, and still do. I played sports, my dad showed me things like car stuff because I was always interested, and I just did more male things. So I'm not really sure. Maybe more finer details like Eck said.

Honey...let me jump in here for a minute and then I'll jump back out....

When men are having a suit made..they are asked if they "Dress Right Or Left"....which esentally means ..which side do you generally put your man parts....

Then the tailor will leave some extra fabric on the inseam of that side to make it fit more comfortable.

So, near the crotch, one side will be slightly bigger then the other!

How do I know that?

Well I knew a man that had a suit made once!

TA-DA!

Donna Jean

[Guest kaydinface]

For a couple of years, I experienced a lot of that whole 'mean girl' thing, as in this girl at my church thought it would be fun to pick on me for a while. I didn't react in the typical 'girl' way, so that made everything worse.

Another thing is that I'm interested in cars, sports, skateboarding, all that stuff but my parents don't act like they know that.

If there's a car show down town, they'll take my brother and make me stay home or they'll take him to games and not me and they won't let me buy a skateboard.

Part of the problem is that when I was younger and didn't know about transitioning, I hid my interest in these things because it wasn't 'girly' or 'ladylike' so now my sudden liking these things is coming as a huge shock to them. Very lame.

[Guest Cal]

I kind of did my own thing as a kid. My parents never pressured me into girly activities and I did martial arts and played lots of computer games, played with legos, and played baseball. When I got older and teams stopped being co-ed, I just quit sports and focused more on computers and nerdy things like Dungeons & Dragons and World of Warcrack. I'm very grateful I was never forced to participate in "girly" things, ie ballet, piano, stuff like that.

I was raised by my single mom however, so I have absolutely no knowledge of things like sports and cars. The other day my friend got a flat (a friend I'm kind of trying to impress, at that), and I was completely unable to offer any kind of help or advice. We just kind of stood there til some manly man came by and offered to help. The whole experience was pretty emasculating.

[Guest Adrian]

Tech stuff.

Electronics. DIY. Carpentry, metal work.

Computers. How to maintain a bike. Car types and motorbikes.

Skateboarding. Gym etiquette. Pub etiquette.

Survival techniques... Boy scout stuff, y'know.

On top of all the mannerisms that make a man that you don't notice individually.

I could go on....

[Guest My_Genesis]

hmm...if I knew then what I knew now.

I always liked guy stuff. I always played with the boys, but managed to have a few friends that were girls too...I wish I knew what was gonna happen to all my guy friends when puberty hit. It seemed that everything was fine and dandy with them until that happened...

That reminds me, when I was little - like probably only about 6, I would have dreams that one day I go to hang out with my closest guy friend at the time, and he's suddenly completely a man... and I'm not. I had more than one of those dreams, they were kinda depressing.

@haydenjude

If you are a girl and you are chill - forget it.

what's wrong with chill girls? lol, me personally I get along so much better w/ "chill" girls than "very excitable and fun" ones, on first impression, I find if they are more laid-back they are easier to talk to... almost like they think more like a guy so I get them better

with over the top girly girls im ultimately just left like

lol.

[Guest hayden_jude]

Genesis -

Exactly my point. All my life I have had this issue of being very bad at first impressions, because I am a chill person and rather than being giggly or attention-grabbing at first impression, I typically enjoy a more comfortable silence. If that makes sense. And so I've just recently figured out that, as a "female", I am "supposed" to be excitable and fun. Girls expect it. It's some kind of unspoken code thing.

Whereas, with guys, it's perfectly ok to be chill. Like you said. Which is why I typically have better relationships with male friends. Because I get them better than the silly female ones.

Does that make sense?

There is nothing wrong with chill girls, or chill guys either, for that matter. I generally prefer them.

[Guest Adrian]

I was never forced to participate in "girly" things, ie ballet, piano, stuff like that.

Playing the piano = girly...?

Ironic, seeing as both my brothers and I played piano for years and they were miles better at it than me...

[Guest Jackson]

Growing up on a farm, my parents really just let me do what I wanted. Okay, so I didn't get to do Boy Scouts, but I got 4-H. Anyway, I really wish I'd have had a bigger interest in cars. I've always been a bit interested in them, but in the last five or six years, I've become very interested in automotive stuff. And the great thing is that a great friend of mine who is almost the same age as my father has been educating me big time about vehicles.

I dare ya. Just ask me about my truck...

[Guest ScifiComicDUDE]

I practically raised my self as a dude, despite being tortured by society, i didnt care. But since i was sent to a girls school and didnt have many male friends, i missed out on male mannerism and sorts:

One thing i wish i knew: Macho Companion - anyone ever noticed how all men/guys of different sorts seem to have like this universal laungage, were all guys just get on way without any effort at all. I notice it when i'm passing, other guys just treat me like im in their circle, and like I'm some kind of Buddie......i would like to feel like that for the rest of my entire short life...

[Guest AlexanderG]

I wish I'd been more exposed to technical stuff. That my dad'd let me look on or help more often when he was working on the car of a bicycle or stuff. & cars in general - I wish I knew a bit more about them, like when someone says *brand + type* and people know what they mean but I'm like 'whathee'?

& I wish I'd realized how interesting science is - I wish I'd worked harder on my maths!!! - which is not REALLY only a guys' thing but generally assumed to be MOSTLY so.