Im I A Transsexual? (mtf)

[Guest Davep000]

Hey, New Here

Ok My Thoughts Here (Sorry really long, can understand I you dont want to read it, but thanks if you do!)

Ok little embrassing thing to say the first thing

Im 21 and am a virgin and never had a date!

---------------

Latley

Last Six months or more

but has ALOT much worse from the weekend, before I was just able to get on with it and not think about it

not thinking about it, sorted that out

but what was said to me from the while I was visting my dads (Seperatered from my mum and has a women) And the women said something that was from the paper 'That too many teenages spend too much time on their computers' My sister and her then looked at me, and said yer we think we know who does that that dont we'

This is what has really pi**ed me off and sadly got me thinking and depressed like I am

Got me thinking that I am really lonely

Only have really three collages from work that I would go out with, which they never invite me out with them, or when I try try to ask them they say they are busy. So they know that I want to go out with them, but still never invite. Ok I would take me about an hour to go to their town has I dont drive, but even so they could offer a lift sometimes back and there.

Even when it comes to for example holidays and even for example the michael jackson tickets, or the captial ball tickets (Told them that I wanted to go to these, but still didnt book an etra tocket for me), or anything else . So In the amount of time I have worked there, your be luckly if I have been out just with them about 9 or 10 times I think, and I have been working there for about 4 to 5 years. Seems one of them latley too doesnt reply to my text eithier.

so basiclly these friends I wouldnt really call true friends

So to class up everything

- I dont have any really true mates

- Loney

- Depressed

- Dont have confidence

- Think I look horrible

- Dont really like myself

Now when I got depressed somehow (Dont know how) I throught maybe I may be transsexual

Some things I thought

- When I was young I played with my sister, I believe I played stuff like polly pocket and her dolls with her? is this normal, or just what a brother would do for her sister?

- Cant extually remember my childhood, tried to forgot it to be honest, brother was always horrible to me, even pushed me down the stairs and punched me in the head, would this have anything to do with it? I seem to remember my media studies teacher saying about my lack of confidence and somehow the talk ended up about my brother being nasty to be and she seemed to think that may be part of the problem

- Never likied to play play football or any pe activitys during school (about the only one I liked was badminition), always on pursure forgot my pe kit and even if that meant getting a detention

- Never really fit in during school, didnt have many mates and not many people seemed to like me (Well I think that) Mates I had I lost, my old best guy friend turned weird and really goth and started to hang with weirdos, and has alot of intrests I dont like now, like the anime cartoons, plus if I hanged with him, it meant I had to hang with his mates, witch I knew know of them and they were also the weirdo goths, and even they said I didnt talk and is very quite. So after a while I stopped seeing my best mate, because I felt ay too unconfoatable hanging with his mates has well (Didnt feel that conforable with him at the best of the times, has he now had different intrests)

He went to college, which I believed where he met all these mates, makes me think I should have went to college instead stright into an apprentship to gain more friends if I could, has I said I didnt have many, but still reckon I would have trouble, has I had five years in school to make lots of friends which didnt seem to happen.

Did lso have another fairly good friend but he also hanged about with someone I didnt like, which I saw he didnt like me at the time, which the theroy proved in the end. Everytime I called that mate he came with the person I didnt like, didnt didnt happend at the start because he moved from my side of the town to the village which meant where he was, so before when I called him, he came by his self. Also even when I just with him, sometimes even I didnt like that, has he brought the football out, which I didnt want to play with has I didnt like to play football. The theory of that boy I didnt like came true when he smashed our door window and drove away in his mates car) So I had to stop seeing the fairly good mate has well, because the perosn I didnt like made him to stuff, like he made him make the prank calls that happended not too long before the window got smashed.

- Dint really even talk to any girls eithier, there was two I little, but one had a boyfriend already and I didnt know what to say to them really (Again probley due to my lack of confidence and that I thought that I was no good for them.

- Never was really intrested in the boys toys, ie action man, fake plastic guns, think I only like the lego out of all the boys stuff

- Like to take sometimes take my sisters cloths (without anyone or her knowing) out the washing bin and wear them in the bathroom that is locked ofcourse for a few minutes wishing I could be a girl, havent dont it that many times, fault I may have been just a thing (Cant do it now even if I did want to, for somereason I dont see much of her cloths in there anymore,Only the bras and underwear most of the time) So not be able to test that out for a while. Also when I did use to do this is use to sometimes (please dont laugh, its embrassing enjough to say this) I mastarbate with the cloths on and imagine myself turing into a women and have intercourse with another woman) Ok Im told a little lie, when I go into the shower very latley (this week) I like to put her bar and underwear on (Only things in there, otherwise I would imagine it may be more on) for a few minutes and mastarbate again thnking the same think without the intercorse bit with the other women has I dont last that long before it comes out any more. (Sorry if im going too far)

- Even today when I went to the mall I was loking at the the girls when I passed them, wishing I could be them

- Or is this just a thing, because I thought I may be a transexual this week (The mall and wearing the bars and underwear this week?)

- Thats a point another thing has got be a bit more dpressed today, is that I went to the optical express to see if I could get my eyes lasered, but they couldnt beacuse they rckon my eyes has changed too much since the last test (Witch is five years ago!) Which they just told me to come back in 1 year to check again and recommend me to buy newer glasses even I said I havent wore them in the last 5 years and said I dont like wearing them lol, that why I was asing for my eyes to be lasered (Yes I know im young for it to be done) Dont think I could deal with those lens things you put in your eyes. Would you say it us risky to go to a different place and say I have never had glasses and havent got my last eye test sheet? which means they cant tell me the same thing??

Thinking maybe if I was a women I would be more confident and maybe fit in more?

Think thats it, if you managed to read this, anything comments would be great, way confussed at the momment, any help would be good

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Dave,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

You've had a difficult life, and I'm sure there are lots of others here who can identify with that. Being shy, not happy with oneself, unsure of just who you are.

I don't think anyone here can tell you if you are a transsexual, that should be left to a therapist, but a lot of what you've written about your life, many can see some similarities. If you can, you should find a trained therapist to talk to, and work out some of your concerns.

There are lots of people here who will listen and share with you, so we're glad you're here.

Chloë

[Guest Davep000]

Thanks Chloë

I put the same post on another two forums for good measures

Looks like it may be thepory, must people on another forum has sugguesed this too

Dont know if I have explained myself decent, has im not a great writer

But any other thoughts or comments from people would be great all so, more the better

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Dave....

How are you this lovely evening?

I'm Donna Jean and I'd like to welcome you to the Playground...(Chloe already has, but I have to earn my pay!...lol)

Why don't you sit back and right now seems like a real good time for some hot coco and some of Sally's delicious cookies!

It's kinda late, but, I'm sure that a few more folks will stop by to say "Hi"...!

Gee, Hon...you sure do have a lot going on in your head...and Chloe said just what I would tell you, too!

Gender therapist!

Yep...that is the way to get to the bottom of everything that you're feeling and find out where you really need to go in life.

So, do look into that soon....OK?

Be sure to post plenty and look at all of the other posts for hints and information that will be helpful to you.

Enjoy yourself!

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Davep000]

Hello, Dave....

How are you this lovely evening?

I'm Donna Jean and I'd like to welcome you to the Playground...(Chloe already has, but I have to earn my pay!...lol)

Why don't you sit back and right now seems like a real good time for some hot coco and some of Sally's delicious cookies!

It's kinda late, but, I'm sure that a few more folks will stop by to say "Hi"...!

Thanks For the warm welcome jean

Gee, Hon...you sure do have a lot going on in your head...and Chloe said just what I would tell you, too!

Gender therapist!

Yep...that is the way to get to the bottom of everything that you're feeling and find out where you really need to go in life.

So, do look into that soon....OK?

Yer looks like I will have to, seems the only and best solution

Be sure to post plenty and look at all of the other posts for hints and information that will be helpful to you.

Yer bean reading a few forums that I have bookmarked, havent bean making comments yet, only this thread atm

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Dave, and welcome to Laura's. I see you've met my fine sisters Chloe and Dee Jay already. Good way to start.

Like they said, look around the forums and read up on what other people have said and I think you will gain a lot of insight. But only you

will know what the answer really is, with the help of a therapist.

The things you mentioned from your childhood and recent past could be indications that you a gender-gifted, or they could mean something

entirely different. Any one particular thing, like playing with dolls, doesn't mean you are transgendered, but it could be an important clue.

You don't need to worry about putting a label on yourself. What is important is that you be happy with yourself, whoever you turn out to be.

With the help of friends that you'll make here, I'm sure you will walk the path towards self-discovery and happiness.

Please post any questions or comments that you might have. I look forward to hearing from you. Oh, and after five posts, you can send

private messages (PMs) to other members.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

OK now dear Dave

Let's slow down a minute OK?

First, let me welcome you to Laura's Playground. Here at Laura's we provide support in a safe environment. So do not worry.

Maybe you are a transsexual and maybe you are not. It is all OK!!!

For starters, may I suggest taking the COGIATI test (available online and free) to get a sense what that test says. The test is not definitive, but it does give you pointers to your gender identity.

You are 21. So that means that you are legally an adult and you can make therapy decisions for yourself. You are not legally dependant upon anyone else to make those decisions for you.

If you have the time and resources, if you can talk with a therapist (gender therapist preferred). I think that things will be more clear to you if you talk to someone professionally.

Laura's has many links to articles that I am sure will help you. Additionally, Laura's also has chatrooms where you can also seek advice and assistance.

The fact that you are talking to us is a good sign Keep posting sweetheart!!! Everything will become clear to you!!!

Love

Brenda

[Guest yvonne]

Hello Dave,

Welcome to our little corner of the world, where we can freely share our thoughts and be free from ugly people and nasty comments (most of the time....)

In your case, I wouldn't obsess about the need to settle the issue whether you are or aren't in any neat little category. This is a broad continuum and there are many different gender identifications that we embrace, from one end to the other.

The advice to seek a therapist is very good. What you need most is just some help sorting things out in your head.

I know first hand how the mind can trick you into thinking something else because the truth is not acceptable to your upbringing and training. I suffered many times over my life wrestling with the issue of gender identity and have finally answered my own questions. This has brought me great peace.

I hope you can begin to find your own peace within you that allows you to move forward with your life and actually have some dreams you can reach for.

Please join in, read about each of us and share your experiences with all of us. Each of us has their own story and each has great compassion for others.

I'm new here, but have come to love and cherish this place as a special place with special people. I hope you find it to be the same for you.

Learn to love yourself first, for until you love yourself, you can never love others. Love yourself, accept yourself and be yourself. That's the first step to enlightenment.

Yvonne

[TassieTiff]

G'Day (DAVE?),

Welcome to the OASIS that is Laura's Playground...... The Coffee and Cookies are free and so is the advice.... If you work out you are MTF we really have to work on a NEW name for you.....

Regards, Tiff XOXOX

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well - yes - things are difficult for you. Yes - you feel put aside. Yes you do seem to have some gender idenity issues.

The short answer is to ask you if you will consider looking around here at Laura's. I think this would really help you.

DON"t try try to pin a label on yourself for a while. And post again on what you feel.

And DO STAY with us - we want to help.

Lizzy

[Sally]

Hello Dave,

I just wanted to remind you of a few things that my friends have told you, a gender therapist will help you to find your place on the gender spectrum it isn't just male or female and everything in between from both to neither.

And the most important thing is that there is no rush to find out exactly who you are, life is a journey not a race, take your time and try to enjoy all of it that you can.

The path ahead is unknown but if you approach it as a path of opportunities it is a wonderful and inviting journey.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Davep000]

ok I try and get a appointment for a gender therapist when I can

gussing I have to get referred from my GP? (Dont know much about how my services work over here, dont think I have ever been to my GP since we moved, which was like 10 years back!)

cant take time off work, has I work in a school, and my holiday time is the half term, so that may make it diffcult to get a time I can attend

[Guest Davep000]

G'Day (DAVE?),

Welcome to the OASIS that is Laura's Playground...... The Coffee and Cookies are free and so is the advice.... If you work out you are MTF we really have to work on a NEW name for you.....

Regards, Tiff XOXOX

yer that would kinda be defo needed, that is a kinda a defo boys name

god knows what through IF this happens

I dont really like my surname eithier (Pritchard)

dont think much names match it

Suppose I shouldnt get that changed, family name

[Guest LottieZero]

ok I try and get a appointment for a gender therapist when I can

gussing I have to get referred from my GP? (Dont know much about how my services work over here, dont think I have ever been to my GP since we moved, which was like 10 years back!)

cant take time off work, has I work in a school, and my holiday time is the half term, so that may make it diffcult to get a time I can attend

Hiya,

yep, a referral from your GP would be the best place to start. With any luck, they'll refer to you to your nearest gender identity clinic, and you'll go on from there. You can get seen privately as well, say, through Dr. Curtis in London, here, but I've no idea how much he costs. (I think there are a couple of people who see him here - they'd probably be able to help). Alternatively, if you're prepared to drive to Glasgow for treatment, you could try the Sandyford Clinic, which you can refer yourself to (AFAIK).

Good luck anyway!

Charlotte

[Guest viv]

Hey, New Here

Ok My Thoughts Here (Sorry really long, can understand I you dont want to read it, but thanks if you do!)

Ok little embrassing thing to say the first thing

Im 21 and am a virgin and never had a date!

---------------

Latley

Last Six months or more

but has ALOT much worse from the weekend, before I was just able to get on with it and not think about it

not thinking about it, sorted that out

but what was said to me from the while I was visting my dads (Seperatered from my mum and has a women) And the women said something that was from the paper 'That too many teenages spend too much time on their computers' My sister and her then looked at me, and said yer we think we know who does that that dont we'

This is what has really pi**ed me off and sadly got me thinking and depressed like I am

Got me thinking that I am really lonely

Only have really three collages from work that I would go out with, which they never invite me out with them, or when I try try to ask them they say they are busy. So they know that I want to go out with them, but still never invite. Ok I would take me about an hour to go to their town has I dont drive, but even so they could offer a lift sometimes back and there.

Even when it comes to for example holidays and even for example the michael jackson tickets, or the captial ball tickets (Told them that I wanted to go to these, but still didnt book an etra tocket for me), or anything else . So In the amount of time I have worked there, your be luckly if I have been out just with them about 9 or 10 times I think, and I have been working there for about 4 to 5 years. Seems one of them latley too doesnt reply to my text eithier.

so basiclly these friends I wouldnt really call true friends

So to class up everything

- I dont have any really true mates

- Loney

- Depressed

- Dont have confidence

- Think I look horrible

- Dont really like myself

Now when I got depressed somehow (Dont know how) I throught maybe I may be transsexual

Some things I thought

- When I was young I played with my sister, I believe I played stuff like polly pocket and her dolls with her? is this normal, or just what a brother would do for her sister?

- Cant extually remember my childhood, tried to forgot it to be honest, brother was always horrible to me, even pushed me down the stairs and punched me in the head, would this have anything to do with it? I seem to remember my media studies teacher saying about my lack of confidence and somehow the talk ended up about my brother being nasty to be and she seemed to think that may be part of the problem

- Never likied to play play football or any pe activitys during school (about the only one I liked was badminition), always on pursure forgot my pe kit and even if that meant getting a detention

- Never really fit in during school, didnt have many mates and not many people seemed to like me (Well I think that) Mates I had I lost, my old best guy friend turned weird and really goth and started to hang with weirdos, and has alot of intrests I dont like now, like the anime cartoons, plus if I hanged with him, it meant I had to hang with his mates, witch I knew know of them and they were also the weirdo goths, and even they said I didnt talk and is very quite. So after a while I stopped seeing my best mate, because I felt ay too unconfoatable hanging with his mates has well (Didnt feel that conforable with him at the best of the times, has he now had different intrests)

He went to college, which I believed where he met all these mates, makes me think I should have went to college instead stright into an apprentship to gain more friends if I could, has I said I didnt have many, but still reckon I would have trouble, has I had five years in school to make lots of friends which didnt seem to happen.

Did lso have another fairly good friend but he also hanged about with someone I didnt like, which I saw he didnt like me at the time, which the theroy proved in the end. Everytime I called that mate he came with the person I didnt like, didnt didnt happend at the start because he moved from my side of the town to the village which meant where he was, so before when I called him, he came by his self. Also even when I just with him, sometimes even I didnt like that, has he brought the football out, which I didnt want to play with has I didnt like to play football. The theory of that boy I didnt like came true when he smashed our door window and drove away in his mates car) So I had to stop seeing the fairly good mate has well, because the perosn I didnt like made him to stuff, like he made him make the prank calls that happended not too long before the window got smashed.

- Dint really even talk to any girls eithier, there was two I little, but one had a boyfriend already and I didnt know what to say to them really (Again probley due to my lack of confidence and that I thought that I was no good for them.

- Never was really intrested in the boys toys, ie action man, fake plastic guns, think I only like the lego out of all the boys stuff

- Like to take sometimes take my sisters cloths (without anyone or her knowing) out the washing bin and wear them in the bathroom that is locked ofcourse for a few minutes wishing I could be a girl, havent dont it that many times, fault I may have been just a thing (Cant do it now even if I did want to, for somereason I dont see much of her cloths in there anymore,Only the bras and underwear most of the time) So not be able to test that out for a while. Also when I did use to do this is use to sometimes (please dont laugh, its embrassing enjough to say this) I mastarbate with the cloths on and imagine myself turing into a women and have intercourse with another woman) Ok Im told a little lie, when I go into the shower very latley (this week) I like to put her bar and underwear on (Only things in there, otherwise I would imagine it may be more on) for a few minutes and mastarbate again thnking the same think without the intercorse bit with the other women has I dont last that long before it comes out any more. (Sorry if im going too far)

- Even today when I went to the mall I was loking at the the girls when I passed them, wishing I could be them

- Or is this just a thing, because I thought I may be a transexual this week (The mall and wearing the bars and underwear this week?)

- Thats a point another thing has got be a bit more dpressed today, is that I went to the optical express to see if I could get my eyes lasered, but they couldnt beacuse they rckon my eyes has changed too much since the last test (Witch is five years ago!) Which they just told me to come back in 1 year to check again and recommend me to buy newer glasses even I said I havent wore them in the last 5 years and said I dont like wearing them lol, that why I was asing for my eyes to be lasered (Yes I know im young for it to be done) Dont think I could deal with those lens things you put in your eyes. Would you say it us risky to go to a different place and say I have never had glasses and havent got my last eye test sheet? which means they cant tell me the same thing??

Thinking maybe if I was a women I would be more confident and maybe fit in more?

Think thats it, if you managed to read this, anything comments would be great, way confussed at the momment, any help would be good

hi, just read your post and you know what ???your no different than any other person who needed help in deciding whats best to

do in times of trouble. There are times when you just have to give in and go see a doctor , talk about what is making you feel

bad , as you did here, and what you are doing is, you are handing over all that stuff to someone else to help you put right , thats

the way it works . You see hun, when you go see say a therapist he or she will be very good at helping you to seperate all this

stuff thats bothering you so it wont look like one big mountain your trying to climb , you will be able to see your problems as a

few little ones and when this happens you will have the confidence to banish them. You talk too about your gender and how you

may feel better if you were female....well this is one place you can talk about that but you know what I did before I felt good

about posting at Laura"s ? I went to a Gender Therapist to help me make my mind up about the right thing to do and here I am,

happy in knowing I made the right choice / I hope you do too. Oh, and your eyes honey.....your gonna need them for a long time

so its best you leave their health in the hands of the doctors. Take care and let us all know how you are doing, Luv, Viv.