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Guest StrandedOutThere

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Guest StrandedOutThere

Hi everyone! At first I thought this might belong in the FTM forum, but then I thought about it and realized that although the article is about transmen, it represents a deeper prejudice that touches us all. Just when you think that mainstream media is becoming more sensitive about trans issues, something like this shows up:

Horrible, offensive, insensitive, trashy article

I think the only appropriate response is to flood Seventeen magazine with intelligently written emails that point out how the article presents transmen (and all transgender people) in a negative light.

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Guest Charlene_Leona

I'm sorry but I don't think I got the same thing from this as you did. What I got out of it was Derek was the person totally in the wrong here because he had lied to his girlfriend about who he was. If he would of told the truth to her they most likely would of still been a couple.

When I came out I was afraid I would never be accepted by a strait man as a woman because of my Trans status but I decided from the get go to be truthful to whomever I meet from the start. I had to in my state to marry I have to disclose my past as a genetic male or my marriage would be annulled for one thing. Plus I don't this it's a real relationship unless your truthful with those your involved with.

I don't think this portrays us in any bad light it only portrays Derek negatively because he was a lying jerk. You would feel the same if that was done to you, wouldn't you?

The only way we are going to be seen a right in this world is by being truthful if we continue to hide behind the lies everyone else will look at us as fools. Another thing about myself, I can't lie it's just not a part of my character. If I tried to I would be read like an open book. So I try at all times to be truthful and by doing that I would hope others will treat me the same way.

I really hope you understand my point here.

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Charlene I agree with nearly everything you are saying, BUT this article is the Magazine equivilent of the jerry Springer show..... People love to generalise....And Derek may well be just one FTM.... BUT for everyone who reads that article.... And it is aimed at a young Demographic Audience ALL Trans Folks are the same.... they are Breeding the next Generation of Haters.... <_<

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When I saw this topic title, and started to read what it was about, I was waiting to see some sort of trans bashing or something like that...but after fully reading the story. I have to agree with Charlene.

Derek did lie. And she did say that she would have stayed with him had it told her the truth. I think that's what everyone wants out of a relationship, honesty. And if they had been together for a whole year, and he was already telling her that he loved her...then I agree he needed to tell her the truth about himself.

So yeah, it's not a bad article, it's just a bad love experience.

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hi Ains :)

Good to see you again!!!

Well, I read the article and I saw a young girl ranting about feeling betrayed by her boyfriend. I did not find it specifically anti-trans.

Obviously this article was from her point of view (cisgendered female) and did not understand transgenderism. She obviously was very much in love with Derek and is now very hurt and angry.

I found it interesting that she pointed out that if she "knew" he was a transman she would have stayed with him.

Ahhh, the whole situation is just sad. If Derek was not a transman and the break up still ocurred, do you think the article would really be any different? I think that she still would have considered her relationship a lie.

Certainly the article is not supportive of transgendered people, but I am not so sure that it is going out of its way to say negative things about transgendered people in general.

I read a girl venting about a break up with a guy she really loved.

Just my take on it.

Brenda

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Guest Jean Davis

I'm sorry to have to say, but I agree with Charlene on this one.

The article was well written and all pronouns were correct.

It's a shame that he didn't share his situation with her, I believe that she probably would have understood and supported him.

You just can't have a relationship with a secrete that big.

LUV

Jean

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I don't see it as that bad either. It wasn't a good story, but it wasn't inherently portraying transpeople as bad - the pronouns were right all the way through, and that beats the heck out of most articles you see about transpeople.

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Hmn...

I'm not a fan of this type of gossip article, but i must confess I've seen worse. It doesn't read to me as if the writer is making a massive deal out of him being an FTM for the sake of it. It seems to be an example of 'betrayal', and i think the fact that his gf said she would stay with him if he hadn't lied sends a good message - that we don't all judge a book by its cover.

Also, if it did read in a generalising way, check the bottom of the article: 'Sheri isn't the only one who's been blindsided by a guy. Check out the secrets of these guys [...]'.

So it's being presented like just another secret from the missus, and also it's refering to him as a guy - The writer could have actively aknowledged his origonal sex and used female pronouns.

A recent news story did that with someone recently departed in my area - Until the family took the newspaper up on their disrespectful article and had them change it and apolagise.

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Guest StrandedOutThere

In retrospect, I think that where the article was printed bothered me more than the actual content. It was reasonably sensitive. However, I do not think that is what most of that magazine's readers will take away from the piece. I imagine a bunch of teenage girls going "ewww gross! transman!" and not thinking much more than that. Also, I wasn't exactly excited about the stuff at the bottom of the page. Although it wasn't directly related to the article, I think it was this "guilty by association" thing. They were talking about getting "duped" by guys and lumped the transman in with other "bad stuff". Disclosure is a complicated issue and Seventeen magazine isn't an appropriate outlet. Sure, the dude might have been a little in the wrong, but there's more to it than that.

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Guest StrandedOutThere

Oh...and just to mention my own perspective. I disclose up front. I wouldn't get into anything more than a casual relationship without the other person knowing. That's just me. I understand that other transmen live in a different world from the one I live in and trust them to do what is best in their situation. Cisgender people don't understand that, to some extent, disclosure is a safety issue. I can easily see a transman letting it go on too long because he doesn't want to disclose and then get dumped. When you get dumped for being trans, people tend to talk. It's a delicate game.

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The point of the article is trust ans truth..trust and truth at 18..very tough...hard to come out to even your closest at any age..so it is extremely tough for a trans person to say up front what they want to say to their life spouse as most all of us have found out..how can you expect a kid in H.S. to be honest.

Just ends up as fluff in this girl's opinion...

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Hi,

I read the article, then read this entire thread, and then read the article twice more.

After that, and some thought, I mostly agree with Charlene's view on the article itself. Actually, the final sentences on the text leave things quite clear:

The thing is, I would have stayed with him if he'd been honest. I loved him that much. But the fact that he lied to me for so long when I'd given him my secrets, and my heart, was unforgivable. When you love someone, you love all of him. But it was Derek's lies that really broke my heart.

IMO, that states clearly enough that the issue was the lies, not transsexualism. Isn't it clear?

Well, that depends on the reader: a mature enough reader would get the message "I can cope with transsexualism, but not with lies". But the article is not aimed at a mature audience: it's aimed at teenagers! I'd bet the idea most of the readers will get from that will be something like "he was trans, and he cheated".

Sure, the article doesn't link these facts to each other, but leave that to the reader's brain: arbitrary association is an area where the human brain really shines. Add to the mix a less-than-mature audience, the generalized ignorance issue that transgendered people have to face, and the rather unfortunate footer with examples of cheating cases, and we got the recipe for an unintended hate detonator.

In conclusion, I do not think the article is prejudiced or homophobic at all; but it shows a good deal of either carelessness or ignorance towards the huge amount of prejudices and homophobia that's already out there. It doesn't attempt to convey any prejudice, but for an already prejudiced reader (as, unfortunately, most people still are) it may strengthen those prejudices too easily. That is an issue, and I'll mail the magazine about it tomorrow (it's already quite late on this side of the Atlantic).

Regards,

Ethain

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we are the most misunderstood minority group in Society <<< FACT

Some TV Documentaries that are Educational help us all by Bringing the General public up to speed

Shows like Jerry Springer and Maurie Povich Send us back to the dark ages

HOW can the next generation learn to accept and respect us if they read this tripe ?

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Guest ChloëC

I read the article and in and of itself, it really is just a simple story. girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy accuses girl of cheating, boy is the actual cheater, girl learns boy lied about his past, girl is upset about the misrepresentation. And as others have said, the right pronouns were used and the girl seemed to want to keep the relationship going except for the 'lying'.

Actually a very straight forward article, with the misrepresentation being birth gender. (I find the cheating to be at least as significant as well as the way the new couple physically confronted her, odd that those didn't carry as much weight in her assessment. My daughters would have been livid.).

What I find upsetting is what would have happened if one substitutes other misrepresentations in place of birth gender. Do so, and then consider if the story would still have been published. And why or why not.

Economic status - probably not, being poor isn't much of a story and we do understand the plight of the economically disadvantaged.

Religion - probably not, don't want to step on anyone's toes and it is an age old story

Race - most likely not, still a very volatile subject

Now let's look at the almost-made-it categories (the ones listed at the bottom of the article)

drug addict - close but it's been done a lot, but there is a ewwww! factor

Age differential (and having children) - a lot more ewwww! factor

Perversion - an awful lot of ewwww! factor.

The problem as I see it with the article is that if the story itself didn't elicit a ewww! from the readership, then the editors apparently decided 'let's hit them over the head with it by giving three more examples. There, that should get all those young girls going ewwwww!'

That is what's wrong with the page (not the article). Dump the bottom, or replace them with non-ewww! misrepresentations. Oh, that's right, none of the others work very well. Sleaze always seems to be an attention grabber. Even if the editors/writers/publishers don't understand what it actually is themselves.

Chloë

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Guest AlexiThink

I don't think that this article is bashing transsexualism at all, but encouraging young people to be open with each other in relationships. Lies only lead to blocks in communication, and if left unresolved, resentment.

The focus of the article was not Derek's gender identity, but the fact that he lied to the girl he claimed to love.

And I for one think that many of you are underestimating the minds of teenage girls. I'm still only 19 myself and if I can speak on behalf of my peers, we are a very liberal generation which does not condone prejudice or condemnation. We were taught in schools about different lifestyles (including homosexuality and transsexualism). And what we were taught was acceptance of all of these lifestyles as natural. Homosexuality is not the taboo that it once was.

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Guest meridian

I was a big fan of Seventeen 40+ years ago, and it clearly was a different magazine then. It would never have printed this article in the way it appeared. My take on it as a parent is that there was much too much emphasis on the lying and the betrayal, and way too little discussion of what it means to be transgender. This was an opportunity for Seventeen to educate its readership, and they missed it. As the piece stands, readers of Sheri's article get that one little sentence at the end about how if Derek had told the truth Sheri would have stayed with him. But even I find that hard to believe, given the revulsion she felt at the revelation as well as the lying. The fact of Derek's trans status is presented in a sensationalistic way, too, with the coy hints about the binding and then the police giving the news. If the magazine wanted to print her essay, they should have paired it with another by an expert in transgender issues, explaining what transgender is and even why transgendered people might be fearful to disclose their identities freely. It could have dealt with societal prejudice and explained why transgendered people, like all people, need acceptance in our society. I'm with Stranded on this one (though I certainly agree that Derek should have been honest much earlier on!).

Meridian

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Guest Joanna Phipps
I'm sorry but I don't think I got the same thing from this as you did. What I got out of it was Derek was the person totally in the wrong here because he had lied to his girlfriend about who he was. If he would of told the truth to her they most likely would of still been a couple.

When I came out I was afraid I would never be accepted by a strait man as a woman because of my Trans status but I decided from the get go to be truthful to whomever I meet from the start. I had to in my state to marry I have to disclose my past as a genetic male or my marriage would be annulled for one thing. Plus I don't this it's a real relationship unless your truthful with those your involved with.

I don't think this portrays us in any bad light it only portrays Derek negatively because he was a lying jerk. You would feel the same if that was done to you, wouldn't you?

The only way we are going to be seen a right in this world is by being truthful if we continue to hide behind the lies everyone else will look at us as fools. Another thing about myself, I can't lie it's just not a part of my character. If I tried to I would be read like an open book. So I try at all times to be truthful and by doing that I would hope others will treat me the same way.

I really hope you understand my point here.

My read on the article is that it is about the lies and betrayal of a person who just happens to be trans. The story is a bit convoluted but thats how I saw it. I think the mag could have done a better job of education about transgender issues but then I dont know how the mag has handled transgender stories in the past.

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To me, it sounds like the cop was a jerk. Beyond that, I don't think it was anti-trans as much as it was someone ranting about a bad relationship. But that's been said already.

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Guest Ivan Le Renard

Like everyone else said, it's not really bashing transmen, unless the readers (Tweens and such) are somehow gullible enough to think that every transdude is like that.

I kind of feel bad for Derek though. If he were more open about himself, he would probably still be with the girl and this article wouldn't have happened.

Moral of this story: Being honest with people is a really awesome gesture. Seriously

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Guest Sakura_Stingray

i think those stories are made up by parents or people of an older age to scare the younger generation, mainly targeting girs, of relationship problems. they would hope the story sticks into the teens head the next time they have a relationship. besides.. for 20 something years you cannot tell me only teenagers make articles for the magazine... parents or someone ls thinks of worsecase scenario for stories

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I've been wanting to say something for days. Regardless of the reasons this article was even written, I read it from a friend's magazine and thought, "what are my friends thinking of me now?"

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Guest S. Chrissie

My comments towards this article on a friend's Facebook link.

It wasn't too bad, except for the other little "betrayal" story around it. In a sense, for transpeople like us, we understand what it was trying to convey, that we need to be honest with our SO in long term relationships. But to laypeople reading the article, I would think that they will have the mentality that transmen are "lying women" from it. "I felt like MY FIRST LOVE was a LIE" is open for interpretation and the title "My boyfriend turns out to be a girl" somehow would mislead people interpreting it. Well, that's how I take it, at least.

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Guest S. Chrissie

Oh yeah, we were discussing on that end whether it shows transpeople in a negative light and whether the article shows transmen and transwomen as "lying women and lying men, thus my reference to "lying women" in earlier post.

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Guest Natalie92

As everyone has said, it's not overtly trashing trans people, and if the story's true, I have no sympathy for Derek whatsoever. He didn't tell his girlfriend the truth, which he should have done, as hard as it is. She even admitted that if he was honest with her, she would've stayed with him. And what's worse is that he cheated on her (which DID make her first love a lie, because he lied when he cheated on her). There is NO excuse for that whatsoever. I may not have been cheated on by a guy, but I have been used by one, and it hurts. Guys like Derek make me sick and if you expect me to have sympathy for him because he's trans, you're sadly mistaken my friends. No excuses means no excuses!

That's my 2 cents.

Natalie Alexis

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