Grrrr, I Can't Stop Crying..

[Guest Robin Winter]

Lately I've been crying over everything. I'm not even on hormones yet It seems the littlest things get me choked up. Even just kind words, or a sappy moment in a movie. I spent so many years wishing I could find it in myself to cry, and now that I have, I can't stop. I haven't decided yet if it's a good thing. I don't mind the crying, I just wish it was usually at appropriate times...I find it embarrassing to choke up during something like the Simpsons.

Seven Pounds was on tv the other night, and of course I had to watch it. Anyone who has seen this movie will understand, even if YOU didn't cry, but I started almost right from the beginning. I cried through the WHOLE MOVIE, and not just tight-throated silent tears, I was actually sobbing, which I almost never do.

I shouldn't assume this is related at all to my transition(if I can call it that yet), but I guess I do, so I was wondering, to all the people with similar experience, should I expect that this will continue indefinitely? Will it get worse with hormones?

*Hugs*

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well

here is my thinking, you have allowed the true you to emerge - hormones not included. You are now able to feel a connectedness with EVERYTHING - and life is soooo hard and beautifu and weird... you see that now.

YES

It is permanent. Welcome to womanhood.

BUT

You will learn how to better cope with all this. Just as a male you learned to cope with aggression. When you get on the hormones, your feelings of interconnecdness will increase even more (whoa) - but you aggressiveness will practically go away. Its a wonderful trade! BUT be prepared for a rollercoaster ride as you learn how women have to be and how we have to control our empathy. Sometimes we are so on the verge of crying all the time, we just have to laugh instead.

Lizzy

[Guest viv]

Lately I've been crying over everything. I'm not even on hormones yet It seems the littlest things get me choked up. Even just kind words, or a sappy moment in a movie. I spent so many years wishing I could find it in myself to cry, and now that I have, I can't stop. I haven't decided yet if it's a good thing. I don't mind the crying, I just wish it was usually at appropriate times...I find it embarrassing to choke up during something like the Simpsons.

Seven Pounds was on tv the other night, and of course I had to watch it. Anyone who has seen this movie will understand, even if YOU didn't cry, but I started almost right from the beginning. I cried through the WHOLE MOVIE, and not just tight-throated silent tears, I was actually sobbing, which I almost never do.

I shouldn't assume this is related at all to my transition(if I can call it that yet), but I guess I do, so I was wondering, to all the people with similar experience, should I expect that this will continue indefinitely? Will it get worse with hormones?

*Hugs*

Hiya Shilo,

And good morning to ya.

This crying" thing", Im the same , been like that all my life . I watched the movie Trans America a while back

and if crying where an Olympic event I woulda won the gold. Now that I am transitioning (not on hrt yet either) I allow myself to cry

and I feel lovely inside. So if I were you Id just accept it as part of you being a woman, oh , I imagine hrt will have ya leakin like

ship goin down enjoy honey ....its good for you. Luv, Viv.

[Guest yvonne]

Shilo,

Good for you girl. Elizabeth is right, it's part of being a girl and you're making progress. You're proof that you can start the journey without chemicals, just use your mind.

I've had trouble with this. I can get sooo close to crying, but something in me (guess who?) won't quite let me go there. Like you, I have had times when I did and it just wasn't appropriate to the situation. Well, ya gotta start somewhere.

You're struggling to control it, I'm struggling to let it out. It is truly a strange journey we're on, isn't it?

I do feel more relaxed and connected with things. I'm on a long trip by car right now and last night I ate in a "sit-down" restaurant. I NEVER eat in those on the road.

I relished (pun intended) the trip to the salad bar. I NEVER used to eat salads, I always said that green, leafy stuff will kill you.

Love the journey and enjoy a good cry.

Hugs,

Yvonne

[Guest angie]

I shouldn't assume this is related at all to my transition(if I can call it that yet), but I guess I do, so I was wondering, to all the people with similar experience, should I expect that this will continue indefinitely? Will it get worse with hormones?

*Hugs*

I was such a manly man in my appearance.But once I threw open the flood gates of my womanhood,I would get emotional over most anything.And I wasn't in transition in the physical sense yet either.Me thinks,transition starts the day we say I AM A Girl and know we mean to the bottom of our hearts.So cry all you want my sister,after all,that is what women do when we feel

like a good cry,we do.HRT will make you Very Emotional and can cry at a word said,read or over heard.Yeppa It Do.But it is different in one way,you feel so very feminine all the time,becoming

a woman makes it all better, and you can cry without worry,because women are expected to boo

hoo hoo.

Angie

[Sally]

Shilo,

I am going to tell you something that one of my closest friends told me once and this I have found is the truth.

"Your transition does not degin with HRT your transition began and was almost complete when you accepted who you really are the rest is just making the physical match."

He was so right, yes it was an FTM friend and he could see it in me and my posting when i was complaining about a delay in getting my HRt started I said I needed to start my transition and that was his reply.

Hormones do not make you have mood swings or depression or really much of anything mental - they just give you the excuse that you have been looking for to let all of those repressed feelings flood out and that causes the roller coaster - you have always been a woman with all of this bottled up inside, you have admitted who you are to yourself and the cracks are popping up untill the dam breaks and you are yourself.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Shilo,

"Your transition does not degin with HRT your transition began and was almost complete when you accepted who you really are the rest is just making the physical match."

Love ya,

Sally

Shi....

Sweetheart....

I have a reputation as a "Crybaby"...Almost anything gets me to sniffing...

I cried at the movie Wall.E the little robot...And I also saw Seven Pounds,,,That was a blubber Fest for me....

And it's totally true about what the others have said....

I started crying the moment that I knew that I was female...when I accepted in my head and heart ...

That was a long time before hormones..

And since HRT , I can hardly turn off the water works..

I came home from work one day and hugged my wife at the front door...

I started to cry..

She asked "What's the matter?"

I said.."Nothin', why....."

Our connectivity with the world of emotion opens...

I asked my Therapist about all of this...I never had any of this before..

He said that I had always had it in me...I just didn't allow it to come out!

That's a part of the reason that women live longer than men...The stresses are relived unlike men who hold it all in...

Shilo...

Embrace it....

Next to my chair in the living room sits a large box of Kleenex..that was never there before.

The last time that I cried as a man was when my dog died....

This morning I cried because a Ladybug flew into my coffee and I had to rescue her....

My emotional side has exploded with a vengeance...touch, sound, light, love...it's all become vibrant!

Crying?

I do love it so...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Robin Winter]

Shi....

Sweetheart....

I have a reputation as a "Crybaby"...Almost anything gets me to sniffing...

I cried at the movie Wall.E the little robot...And I also saw Seven Pounds,,,That was a blubber Fest for me....

And it's totally true about what the others have said....

I started crying the moment that I knew that I was female...when I accepted in my head and heart ...

That was a long time before hormones..

And since HRT , I can hardly turn off the water works..

I came home from work one day and hugged my wife at the front door...

I started to cry..

She asked "What's the matter?"

I said.."Nothin', why....."

Our connectivity with the world of emotion opens...

I asked my Therapist about all of this...I never had any of this before..

He said that I had always had it in me...I just didn't allow it to come out!

That's a part of the reason that women live longer than men...The stresses are relived unlike men who hold it all in...

Shilo...

Embrace it....

Next to my chair in the living room sits a large box of Kleenex..that was never there before.

The last time that I cried as a man was when my dog died....

This morning I cried because a Ladybug flew into my coffee and I had to rescue her....

My emotional side has exploded with a vengeance...touch, sound, light, love...it's all become vibrant!

Crying?

I do love it so...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Yeah, i cried for wall-e too lol

Thank you all for your replies. I almost started to cry reading them *laughs*

[Guest madelane]

Hi Shilo

Having read through this thread and all the veiws posted made me realise yet again how many of us have been struggling, with little understanding, of our reactions to happenings throughout life.

As a kddied in primary school I was often called sissy boy and challenged toa fight to prove myself. I would agree to meet after school at such and such a gate and then slip away some other way and head for home. I had a dreadful time living with this what I at that time thought was cowardice. Time healed as it always does and I no longer worried that I would often silently cry at all sorts of things. I went home after seeing Frankenstein at a tender young age and sobbed my heart out for the injustice delivered to this poor creature and I have been like this all my life.

Despite years of denial, the big bad biker with all the hell raising that came with it, I still would cry inside at things that people did to others including the more joyous occasions.

So dear Shilo there is an awakening compassion and empathy that you have released within yourself. Hold onto it tightly girl for this will deliver to you much joy and heartache but it will ALWAYS be positive joy and heartache for you will grow to new heights within yourself.

Love

Madelane

with a tear in the eye.....

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Shilo, im crying more now than I ahve in the rest of my adult life. It doesnt take much for me to get going, and once i start it can be hard to stop. Its part of transition, part of womanhood... welcome to it GF

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Shilo,

Somewhere I've read that crying is a healthy release to emtions or tensions or something like that. I guess that's why I'm as healthy as I am. (it can't be because of my diet or exercize regimen, or lack!)

My mother will be turning 90 next year, and my sisters and brothers and me are starting to plan a party for her. I'm sort of the keeper of a lot of memorabilia including family albums, movies, mementos, so I'm starting to put together a video tribute of her life. Looking at the pictures, listening to music I'll be using, has got me in tears everytime I try to get something accomplished.

Over on YouTube there's a video accompanying the John Denver/Placido Domingo song 'Perhaps Love' and one scene is to the words - some say love is holding on and some say letting go - and the accompanying scene is a mother letting go of her child on a small bicycle. I am in tears right now, as I think back to scenes of both my mother and my children.

Silly, I suppose...but it's me.

Chloë

[Shannonline]

Wow..... this is going to sound strange but, I've been on E for four months now and I still can't let it out, I get close while watching some movies but I become aware of it and start to thing "wow it's finally happening!!!", and that makes it stop and go away ..aawww. :-(

I feel like there is a wall inside of me, I've noticed my feelings are starting to change but the taps are still tightly turned off :-/

My little doggy died a few months ago and it was horrible it sucked so much and I'm lost without her but I didn't cry at all. 14 1/2 years she was my world and I still haven't let myself grieve, it sucks I don't know if it will just one day happen like it's building up and the flood gates will one day burst *shrugs*. It kinda bothers me as I want it more than anything. *sigh* I've been horribly depressed since my early teens, but before that I cried endlessly.. I really do think it has buried them deep deeeeppppp down. I hope maybe over the next 6 months the hormones will become strong enough to break my inner shell.