Is It Really Worth It?

[Guest AmyB]

On Monday, Sarah and I are off for my first appointment at Dr Curtis's clinic in London. We're going to get the ball rolling on HRT and will be pleased have an expert on our team. But... in a chickening out kind of way, I'm wondering if it's really all worth it. I really want to be a girl; I am a girl in my mind and I'm much happier when I'm girly and not treated as a guy, but even with HRT, FFS, GCS, laser, voice training etc and the best doctors in the world, I still won't be a real girl. I know my mind is a real girl mind, but body-wise and socially, there's no way for me to be a genetic, natal girl ever. The only thing possible is to approximate it, and it seems a gamble whether the approximation is sufficiently good to be able to live life as a normal female and for other people to accept me as naturally female. (It's that "Will I look naturally female?" question again, I guess )

Whilst I'd much rather have a body that matched my mind, I'm pragmatic enough to know that I'm lucky to have a good and healthy body. Even if it isn't of ideal gender, I have all my limbs, I'm healthy and with no life threatening conditions. That's more than a lot of people.

Perhaps what I'm really asking is "is it worth it?". If you've gone through it all, do you still see females and feel sad that you'll never be a "real girl" like they are? Or are you happy and satisfied now your body matches your mind more? Will people really treat me like they would a natal girl? Can I really look good afterwards and have a decent life?

Can you tell I'm trying to find a way for me to chicken out and not need to go? (Of course I've got to go really!)

[Guest Jean Davis]

Honey

Let me tell you a little about when I went out this halloween. I got to the bar and meet my friend, I was dressed as myself and having a good time. I noticed a woman that I could have swore was a MTF and I asked my friend, she told me that she was a genitic female and a close friend of hers. As the night progressed the bartender commented on how I was dressed and said that I made a better woman than she did, Ohhh and not to say anything because he was her friend also. No one there cared that she didn't fit the normal female image, they liked her for who she was. She was comfortable with who she was and it showed, all through the night she was having fun with everyone and I'm sure that it will be the same with us. Sure the people that are close will know but they will also support us and will make it very clear to others that we are female. I thought that she may be MTF in the begining but at the end of the night all I saw was a woman. It's amazing how a couple people can change the way you view a person.

LUV

Jean

[Guest viv]

On Monday, Sarah and I are off for my first appointment at Dr Curtis's clinic in London. We're going to get the ball rolling on HRT and will be pleased have an expert on our team. But... in a chickening out kind of way, I'm wondering if it's really all worth it. I really want to be a girl; I am a girl in my mind and I'm much happier when I'm girly and not treated as a guy, but even with HRT, FFS, GCS, laser, voice training etc and the best doctors in the world, I still won't be a real girl. I know my mind is a real girl mind, but body-wise and socially, there's no way for me to be a genetic, natal girl ever. The only thing possible is to approximate it, and it seems a gamble whether the approximation is sufficiently good to be able to live life as a normal female and for other people to accept me as naturally female. (It's that "Will I look naturally female?" question again, I guess )

Whilst I'd much rather have a body that matched my mind, I'm pragmatic enough to know that I'm lucky to have a good and healthy body. Even if it isn't of ideal gender, I have all my limbs, I'm healthy and with no life threatening conditions. That's more than a lot of people.

Perhaps what I'm really asking is "is it worth it?". If you've gone through it all, do you still see females and feel sad that you'll never be a "real girl" like they are? Or are you happy and satisfied now your body matches your mind more? Will people really treat me like they would a natal girl? Can I really look good afterwards and have a decent life?

Can you tell I'm trying to find a way for me to chicken out and not need to go? (Of course I've got to go really!)

Hi Amy,

Absolutely nothing wrong with asking all those questions you have on your mind, we all do at one time or another.

I know beyond any shadow of a doubt gender "correction" is not just right for me but the thought of me living out the rest

of my life in " lie mode" would be such a waste of my life. So that"s me Amy, you should take all the time you need to be

certain. Some of our sisters here will be able to give you more advice re doubt etc . So Amy , last thing to worry about is

these thoughts -they wont harm you , its just your mind needing to know this is right for you. All will turn out right for you,

promise. Luv, Viv

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Is it worth it? HOLY BATMAN, Robin!!!

YES

stand by for a more emphatic reply - grin

Of course it is worth it - today? started my theraphy on 5 November 2008. Its my anniversary - I pass now - all the time. No surgery. I will be one year on HRT 10 December.

I am thrilled with where I am going, how far I have come - I will admit though, this past year was the hardest of my life.

And you won't ever be a girl?

WRONG

You are already a girl. The adjustments to the body are to help you have other people FINALLY see you for who really are - and always have been.

AND

If it isn't perfect - the final results - ehhh - heck with it. Close enough.

BE WHO YOU ARE!

Just an opinion or two

LIZZY

[Guest Donna Jean]

Perhaps what I'm really asking is "is it worth it?". If you've gone through it all, do you still see females and feel sad that you'll never be a "real girl" like they are? Or are you happy and satisfied now your body matches your mind more? Will people really treat me like they would a natal girl? Can I really look good afterwards and have a decent life?

Can you tell I'm trying to find a way for me to chicken out and not need to go? (Of course I've got to go really!)

Is it worth it?

Yes......

To be yourself?

Yes......

Do I wish I had been born a natal girl?

Of course......

Does that make any difference now?

No................

Now, put on your "Big Girl Panties" and get over there! You've got a lot to do!

You'll be just fine....we all have those nagging second thoughts along the way, after all, it's a life changing thing that we do....

But, we do it. Because we must!

If you didn't do it now, you'd do it later!

It never goes away!

I wish you the best, Sweetheart!

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Is it worth it? HOLY BATMAN, Robin!!!

YES

stand by for a more emphatic reply - grin

Of course it is worth it - today? started my theraphy on 5 November 2008. Its my anniversary - I pass now - all the time. No surgery. I will be one year on HRT 10 December.

I am thrilled with where I am going, how far I have come - I will admit though, this past year was the hardest of my life.

And you won't ever be a girl?

WRONG

You are already a girl. The adjustments to the body are to help you have other people FINALLY see you for who really are - and always have been.

AND

If it isn't perfect - the final results - ehhh - heck with it. Close enough.

BE WHO YOU ARE!

Just an opinion or two

LIZZY

Love ya Lizzy,

Your enthusiasm is so infectious. Viv.

[Guest Ariana]

Silly, you're already a girl! You might not look like it yet, but you'll be able to act as if you were born the right way from the start! Sure, you might not be able to bear a child (so depressing) or have a period (even sadder) but in every other way that counts, you're already completely a girl! So yes, it is worth it. Absolutely!

[Guest AmyB]

Fantastic, you girls are just I needed!

These replies have cheered me up no end. I'm so glad for all your replies. You're absolutely right Donna Jean, If I didn't do it now, I'd do it later. I'm sure of it. Big Girls Panties firmly pulled up! It's much better to do it now.

I'm delighted to hear that you pass 100% of the time, Lizzy If I could guarantee that for me I'd be there in a second and not a single thought otherwise! I'm pleased to hear that's it's OK to have those thoughts too, Viv, thanks for the encouragement. And Jean, thanks for your reply as well, I'm glad you bring up genetic girls who don't fit the normal female imagine and get on fine - I've been actively looking for tall females the last few months and I'm amazed how many there are that are 6' plus! And how many don't have feminine walks! Girls really do come in all shapes and sizes!

[Guest Heather taru]

I love the responses here. I don't have an answer, cause I recently was asking myself the exact same questions. I decided that I had to be ME. I can't bear to be Mr. anymore. I too have hitched up the panties and decided to go for it.

[Sally]

I guess you got the idea, well actually you mentioned it yourself - you are a woman, always have been you are just making a few alterations to make things more comfy for you.

Life is never easy or a straight line but it is a journey well worth the time and your path may be harder than most but remember the words of Robert Frost from "The Road Not Taken", "I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

We are on that road less traveled and it does make all of the difference.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest yvonne]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the group. I'm not sure I can provide the answer you seek, I can only relate my own experience. I'm newer to all this than you and am over 60.

All my life, I've been a "crossdresser" and the reason why I had these serious compulsions and seeming obsessions was beyond me. My brain was often like a blender and it was very difficult for me to control my thoughts and focus on things I should be focusing on. I seemed to be in a constant state of turmoil.

Like many crossdressers, I swore off it many times and tossed out all my stuff, I believe it's called "purging". It didn't work. I might as well have been trying to stop the flow of a river. The water just relentlessly keeps coming and there isn't just a lot you can do about it.

My fantasy was always that I was forcibly feminized by others. I finally realized that these negative thoughts really weren't good for me, so I worked to change them. I enjoyed being a woman, why did I have to have the negatives?

Over time, I realized the truth--I was a woman. I finally accepted my true self about a year ago and the awful thoughts and compulsions have disappeared. My mind is finally clear and the direction I must pursue isn't something I can do a lot about, whether I want to or not. I simply am what I am. I am a girl.

I am now twice the person I was at work, maybe 3 times the person. LOL I was really good before, but I've hit a level I thought was unattainable and it's all because I CAN THINK NOW!

I can't "not be a girl" right now any more than I can train a cat to not chase a mouse.

If I go back to what I was before, I'm afraid the pressure would pop a gasket.

You can do what you want and I'm certain apprehension is a normal response to such an important step. But if your past is anything like mine, you can postpone things if you want, but I don't think it can be stopped.

In my case, it's right, it's natural and, so far, it's been a wonderful experience for me. I even had to wait in line 20 minutes recently in a checkout line at a store and I did it without becoming upset. I was even nice to the checkout lady (it wasn't her fault they didn't have enough lanes open). 4 years ago, in that same situation, I might have made Headline News with what I'd done.

I'm mellow, I'm at peace and I'M A GIRL!

Hugs to you,

Yvonne

[Guest AshleyRF]

I know how you feel about not being a "real girl". I feel the exact same way. No matter how I'm treated and now well I blend in with the public, I will always know the truth and the truth is, I was not born female. I have always been, am now, and will always be my worst enemy in this transition I guess.

Is it worth it? I suppose it is. I'm far happier now and a much better person since my transition. I just wish I could forget about my old life and that I was ever any different.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Amy hon,

Your question is precisely why one must spend quality time with a gender therapist and honestly talk about your fears and hopes. Some people who do get prescribed for hormone therapy do not jump right in. They wait a while to be sure this is what they want. Expressing one's gender can be done in many ways. Think of HRT and SRS as tools to help you express who you know you are. No one is going to make you undergo HRT if you are not ready to.

I would recommend that you follow through and see this doctor and tell him what you have told us and see what he has to say. Keep in mind transitioning is a long series of small steps. Each step must be taken deliberately. If you are not ready for a step, then wait until you are ready.

As far as passing is concerned.... you bet you will pass!!! It is actually amazing what can happen with the right therapies

Take a look

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

Love

Brenda

[Guest angie]

Is it worth it Amy?

In a word YES...I could have stayed that very angry,unhappy (man),

and maybe saved myself all the heart ache and pain I experienced

for so many years.But...Looking back over the last thirty months of

my journey,I can truly say I have never been happier in my entire

life.Since going fulltime and jumping into RLE/RLT early in transition,

my life has opened up in new and exciting ways,and I once again,

look forward to living life each and every day.Becoming myself has put

that magic back into my life once again.(and that's the truth)

Hugs my UK Sister,

Angelqiue

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Honey

Let me tell you a little about when I went out this halloween. I got to the bar and meet my friend, I was dressed as myself and having a good time. I noticed a woman that I could have swore was a MTF and I asked my friend, she told me that she was a genitic female and a close friend of hers. As the night progressed the bartender commented on how I was dressed and said that I made a better woman than she did, Ohhh and not to say anything because he was her friend also. No one there cared that she didn't fit the normal female image, they liked her for who she was. She was comfortable with who she was and it showed, all through the night she was having fun with everyone and I'm sure that it will be the same with us. Sure the people that are close will know but they will also support us and will make it very clear to others that we are female. I thought that she may be MTF in the begining but at the end of the night all I saw was a woman. It's amazing how a couple people can change the way you view a person.

LUV

Jean

How right you are Jean, those who stay close to us through this trial called transition will often get involved making sure that we are seen as female even when we dont pass that well. I have seen my wife correct pronouns when others get them wrong and she has truly become one of my greatest supporters. There are things about me and about being trans that she may never understand but we both know and realize it. There are many GGs who dont look and act female but they are accepted as female.

[Guest nymphblossom]

If you have doubts, your gender dysphoria may not be severe enough to actually require transition. Possibly strong enough to warrant HRT, but not full transition. I'm assuming you have not already been presenting as a woman in public, so you can ask your therapist for some honest feedback on how well you can expect to pass. Resolving your need to be a woman by becoming a transsexual who cannot pass may be faaar worse than coping with your gender dysphoria. None of us can see what is around the corner. Take it slowly, one day at a time. And don't worry as much about where you are headed as enjoying the trip

Blossom

[Guest AmyB]

Thank you Ariana (I'd submitted my reply before I saw your message on the board) and thank you to everyone who has posted since as well. I've been happy all day thinking of the positive replies you posted, they're super.

I'll be sure to post about how we get on and let you know the gossip.

[Guest]

It's pretty normal to want to be the ideal woman. What's ideal? Most born women aren't ideal and most will tell you they are flawed even if they don't look it. The Playboy model is less than 1% of the female population. Besides 'Air brushes" and photo shop can perform miracles on a photo. With the work you want to do on yourself you will be very pleased with yourself. No one has to look like Dolly Parton to be a passable and good looking woman. No one is perfect. Think about makeup and why most women won't go out of the house without it. Why is that? Clothing also adds to the illusion. They are designed to accentuate positives and dininish the negatives depending on the outfit you buy. Remember that women come in all shapes and sizes.

The question is are you driven to be yourself more than anything? If you are that strength will carry you through. The rest will fall into place.

In my opinion being your "True Self" is all worth it.

LAura

[Guest erikka2046]

Hi Amy,

I am not sure if I can give you an answer since I start transition just a few months. So far I can say Yes it worth it. I feel much happier to let my body match my mind. I know no matter how pretty I look, how many surgeries I may have, I am still not a natural born girl. People may or may not treat me like a GG and future I am not sure, hope it will be a good one. There will be lots of obstacles lying in fornt of me, it worth it because one thing I am pretty sure is - I cannot live as a "he" for the rest of my life. Don't worry too much, I ahve the same questions as you in my mind before, seeing a doctor is a good start and will let you know a better view of your journey.

Erikka

[Guest AshleyRF]

If anyone is thinking they will be the ideal woman after transition then they probably really need to rethink things because it likely isn't going to happen. It's rare when it happens for GGs so even more rare for one of us. However that doesn't mean you won't look, feel, act, and be totally accepted as a woman or that you won't be attractive. Most of us end up being passable these days and even fairly attractive, but I don't think many of us will ever be asked to pose for Playboy. (though it's not unheard of)

Good luck to you. Hope you figure this all out.

hugs

Ash

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

If you have doubts, your gender dysphoria may not be severe enough to actually require transition. Possibly strong enough to warrant HRT, but not full transition. I'm assuming you have not already been presenting as a woman in public, so you can ask your therapist for some honest feedback on how well you can expect to pass. Resolving your need to be a woman by becoming a transsexual who cannot pass may be faaar worse than coping with your gender dysphoria. None of us can see what is around the corner. Take it slowly, one day at a time. And don't worry as much about where you are headed as enjoying the trip

Blossom

I know that there are several of us on here who, when we first started, would never have expected to pass. As I have said many times I am one of the taller ones here and fairly heavy as well, built more like a line backer than a model, and I still have no problems passing.

Alot of it is attitude, knowing you belong in that gender, some is knowing how to dress that is appropriate not only for your age group but also fashion sensiblilites (what is it your are comfortable in). There is so much diversity in the genetic female population that any body style can pass if the clothing and attitude match.

Many of us knew the path was right when we were first diagnosed and wanted to go full steam ahead, others may be concerned because they have questions which they want answered first. Yes there are those who may not want to fully transition, there are those for whom cross dressing might be enough, only time with a good GT can sort the issues out.

Speaking of GT's take all the time you need Amy, air all the issues you can think of before starting on a trail that is extrememly hard to back out of if you find it is a mistake.

[Guest nymphblossom]

Very well put, Joanna!

Blossom