Coming Out To People

[Guest Amy LeBlanc]

Just a question on how exactily do you come out to certain people?

I have talked about this to my therapist and she has told me that I do not have to come out to everyone and that I should tell a few people on who I can really trust and see who will accept me. I was told to start out slow and to see how people are in general with the subject of crossdressing before I even let it out. Plus I was told to see if the individual person who I want to tell can keep the seceret who if they will blab it all out and make me emberased.

So that is just my question, is how exactily would I be able to come out and feel comfortable?

Hope to hear from you all

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Amy

Well first I like to try and feel them out. Sometimes I rent a movie with a transgendered theme and watch it with them or show them an article on the same subject. Then I see what their reaction is and base my decision off of that. Some people with a poor reaction I choose to tell last, the ones with the good reaction I introduce the idea slowly and hope for the best. When someone accepts me it gives me courage to confront the next person. All the time I'm talking with those that are understanding I'll introduce little hints to those that are not. Some of the hints could range from bringing the subject up in a discussion to pointing out a piece of clothing in the store. One of my favorites is putting in all of my earrings and when they get accustom to the little ones I'll put in a pair or two of long dangly ones. As far as the actual conversation that is something you'll have to work out on an individual basis, as everyone react to things differently. All I can say is when the time comes you'll know it, be honest and the words will come to you.

P.S. expect to do a lot of shaking when you have that conversation, it's one of the most frightning conversations you'll ever have even when things are going well.

Hope this helps

LUV

Jean

[Guest InkCloud]

Hi Amy

Well first I like to try and feel them out. Sometimes I rent a movie with a transgendered theme and watch it with them or show them an article on the same subject. Then I see what their reaction is and base my decision off of that. Some people with a poor reaction I choose to tell last, the ones with the good reaction I introduce the idea slowly and hope for the best. When someone accepts me it gives me courage to confront the next person. All the time I'm talking with those that are understanding I'll introduce little hints to those that are not. Some of the hints could range from bringing the subject up in a discussion to pointing out a piece of clothing in the store. One of my favorites is putting in all of my earrings and when they get accustom to the little ones I'll put in a pair or two of long dangly ones. As far as the actual conversation that is something you'll have to work out on an individual basis, as everyone react to things differently. All I can say is when the time comes you'll know it, be honest and the words will come to you.

P.S. expect to do a lot of shaking when you have that conversation, it's one of the most frightning conversations you'll ever have even when things are going well.

Hope this helps

LUV

Jean

WOW!! Women are TACTFUL! It's impressive, really. Gawd, I just blurt it out when I decide to tell someone. Sort of like "Oh by the way, I'm transsexual. Could you please refer to me as he/him?" Okay, I'm not that blunt. But movies, articles, clothing? And what on earth are hints? JK JK. You impress me Ms Jean.

I'd say take Jean's approach. Feel people out, get the general gist of how they will react. You never can predict it, of course. Sometimes the most close minded can be insanely accepting, and the most open minded can look at you like you grew an extra arm and it's coming out of your ear. So even if you do feel people out, never assume that it's a sure thing. You take a risk every time you tell someone. I've just started coming out myself, to be honest. Only a couple people so far. It's important to build a support behind you before telling anyone who is really close to you if you fear they will not take it well. In my situation, that would by my mom. She will be one of the last people I'll tell, because I'm terrified of our relationship changing. Which it inevitably will, but that scares me to death. I've also had others advise me to go to people armed with information. Be able to answer any and all questions about being trans. Having some printed stuff apparently does not hurt either.

But take your time. I don't imagine that rushing the whole coming out process is a good idea.

Good luck!

Justin

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Amy,

I don't know what your circumstances are but I wouldn't tell anyone unless absolutley necessary.

The old adage about telling one person your secret and it will remain a secret no more is true in most cases.

I have only come out to my wife and it was the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I only told her as it was necessary to do so.

My secret is safe with her as she has a vested interest in that she doesn't want anyone else to know either. Friends and some family members don't have these constraints and it is inevitable that they will out you one way or another.

Sometimes I have an urge to tell other people close to me such as my mother or sister but at the end of the day have decided that they don't need to know as I am very much in the closet.

Hope this helps

Rachael

[Guest InkCloud]

Be able to answer any and all questions about being trans.

GAG, I can't believe I did that. I feel like a giant assuming idiot. I didn't look at your sidebar thing before I posted. Stupid, stupid Justin. I apologize for that.

*slinks off to crawl under a rock somewhere*

[Guest Penelope]

Hi Amy,

I tend to agree with Rachael. Don't tell anyone unless you have to.

Wives / SO's are almost inevitable confidants if you are at all active; because sooner or later they will stumble upon you; or find evidence of your dressing.

Also you may need to negotiate time and space to be yourself if they are not keen on seeing it.

I am probably biased because I do not feel an immediate need to show myself to the rest of the world.

Hugs,

Penelope

[Guest Amy LeBlanc]

Thank you for all your advice. I have already come out to my sister and she is standing by hind me for support. I already know that there are people who I choose NOT to tell. If I tell those people, I would feel imberesed, ashamed. But I would like to get more outfits for me to ware and ware them alot more often but feel that I cant. I have tried to feel people out on how they will take the subject in general by asking them on what they think about the California Prop. 8 that was on the ballot. Then also I have watched the movie I know prounce you chuck and larry that plays Adam Salander and the movie aspect really did not work but I got alot of controvisioal over the question with Prop. 8

But well, I just suppose to take it slow and to try to figure people out.

[Guest Emily H]

Whatever you do, don't joke about it and don't tell it like its bad news. keep it slow, start with the basics, and stick to one point at a time. Be ready to be offended, but be aware a lot of times a person isn't meaning to be offensive, they just don't realize what they said was rude. Be ready for lots of questions.

~Love, Andrea

[Guest Emily H]

Thank you for all your advice. I have already come out to my sister and she is standing by hind me for support. I already know that there are people who I choose NOT to tell. If I tell those people, I would feel imberesed, ashamed. But I would like to get more outfits for me to ware and ware them alot more often but feel that I cant. I have tried to feel people out on how they will take the subject in general by asking them on what they think about the California Prop. 8 that was on the ballot. Then also I have watched the movie I know prounce you chuck and larry that plays Adam Salander and the movie aspect really did not work but I got alot of controvisioal over the question with Prop. 8

But well, I just suppose to take it slow and to try to figure people out.

And one last thing dear, don't ever feel ashamed about who you are. Trust me, its not worth it. And, there is nothing at all to be ashamed about.

[Guest Amy LeBlanc]

Thank you Andrea. I do like who I am and I do like dressing like a girl and how I want to be a girl. I just have that natural fear of people putting me down and not accepting me and that I will feel embarresed and ashamed.

I am just starting to find out who I am and that I like who I am and like the fact of wanting to be a girl.

hope to hear back

Amy

[Guest BeardedMan]

I am just starting to find out who I am and that I like who I am and like the fact of wanting to be a girl.

Well, that's the most important part. If you're thinking about coming out mostly so it'll make it easier for you to build your wardrobe, keep in mind that there are a number of discreet ways to do so without having to come out. Lots of threads here, in fact, deal with that question.

If you want to come out because you don't like being in the closet - which is totally reasonable - then you might want to show people movies that are more about crossdressing than about gay relationships (try Tootsie, The Associate, Victor/Victoria - you can find more at www.imdb.com if you search for keywords "crossdressing" or "gender disguise"). I'm only out to a couple of people - my SO, my lesbian friends - so I can only echo the advice that's already been given here: move slowly and consider carefully who you tell.

Good luck, and hold onto the fact that you already like yourself. Everything beyond that is pretty much secondary.

-- Beard