Ok, Here It Goes!!!

[Guest Kayliegh]

Well, I;ve not been as lucky as some of the women here at Laura’s.

I’ve not been posting and have not been involved as I was prior to coming out to my SO.

The reason? – She wants’ nothing to do with me any more – she sais “my husband is dead!”

I never knew that war coming, and I can’t really believe in it now – it was a complete blow to me!

I knew it could be a “long, straight, trip”, but I never expected what happened!

Just thought I’d let you all know –

Hugs!!! - Kayleigh

[Carolyn Marie]

Kayleigh, honey, you and I have talked a lot about this.

I am so sorry that things have turned out this way. It started out so well and turned ugly so quickly, and it has affected your entire family.

There is no way you could have predicted this outcome. Nothing you could have done would have prepared you for it.

I know the natural tendency is to blame yourself - you must not.

You had no choice but to act on the feelings that have been inside you all these years. You had no choice but to be the woman you are and were

meant to be. Doing nothing would have likely destroyed you, and then your family would have been far worse off than they are now. It is not your

fault, dear Kayleigh. Your spouse had a choice, she could have supported you or at least accepted your decision and found a way to coexist. She

chose not to. Her decisions were not within you control.

Please PM me if you need to talk, or we can get on the phone tomorrow. I'm here for you my dear friend. Always know that.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, I;ve not been as lucky as some of the women here at Laura’s.

I’ve not been posting and have not been involved as I was prior to coming out to my SO.

The reason? – She wants’ nothing to do with me any more – she sais “my husband is dead!”

I never knew that war coming, and I can’t really believe in it now – it was a complete blow to me!

I knew it could be a “long, straight, trip”, but I never expected what happened!

Just thought I’d let you all know –

Hugs!!! - Kayleigh

Kayleigh....

Sweetheart....

OMG...I'm so sorry to hear this from you...

I feel just awful about what you are saying..

This path can be hard on us and our spouses....but dang it, Hon...I wish I wasn't hearing what you're saying here...

Please come to us for support...we'll do our best to help....

LOVE & HUGGS....

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Kayleigh,

I am so sorry to hear about this and I know just how it feels because my wife left me as well.

It was not a long marriage but we were together for almost six years and she left without saying another word, still hasn't just lawyers.

I have gotten to the point that I know that I am better off without her and beginning to become myself at last.

But I still am alone at the end of the day.

So I come here and talk to my friends.

So come here as often as you need and we will be here for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Kayliegh]

Thank you all for your kind words – CM has told me I should reach out to my sisters, but I’ve been kind of dazed and confused – keep it coming – Lord knows I’m going to need it!!!!

[Guest yvonne]

Kayliegh,

I'm so sorry to hear this. We're all exposed to great peril in our journeys. We can try our best to be who we're not and deal with the horrible consequences, or we can press forward.

We sure didn't ask for this, but we each have to deal with this and a lot more.

The best thing for us is to share our feelings and support each other. Thanks for sharing this, I'll be here for you when you need support. I wish you didn't need it, I wish it would be different.

Special hugs,

Yvonne

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kayleigh hon,

I am so sorry to hear this If it is any consolation for you, what you have experienced is actually the majority of outcomes when one comes out to their spouses either directly or indirectly. Speaking from someone who knows all about getting tossed out, I feel for you hon.

PM me if you want to talk

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Kayliegh]

Well my sisters, I'm doing what I usually do, I’m self-medicating right now.

Why is it that we need to loose everything – our kids, our home, etc?

We never asked to born the way we are, we just are who we are!

I know that I’ve not been in the best state of mind over the last few weeks and I’m sure the posts I’ve made show that – but all I want and need is to be me!

Is that a crime? I didn’t ask to be who I am; I just know who I am!!!

With time, maybe there will be acceptance, but at this pint I doubt it!

Love you all and thanks for being there for me - Kayleigh

[Guest angie]

Well my sisters, I'm doing what I usually do, I’m self-medicating right now.

Love you all and thanks for being there for me - Kayleigh

Whoa that opening line came as a shock.

You know that is frowned on here to say that you are DIYing it.

All I can say is be careful,follow a plan,know that more is not better.

And very much luck on your journey,I started the same way.

Welcome to Your Womanhood Kayleigh,(i totally understand)

Angelique

[Carolyn Marie]

Kayleigh, if you need to, go into Chat and talk with a mod. I can go in there with you too.

Hang in there, Kayleigh. We are here for you and will help you get through this.

It will get better, hon. I promise you.

Carolyn

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Oh my dear sister Kayleigh,

Please do not loose heart. You will still have a relationship with your kids. Although I have been divorced for years, I still have a very strong relationship with all of my kids. We are all still as close as ever! Now that my kids are grown they still are very much a major part of my life. I visit them as often as I can, and we still continue to share our lives together. We continue to be a family.

You will still be a family. Obviously the dynamics have changed, but the fact that they are your kids remain. They will always love you.

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Well, I;ve not been as lucky as some of the women here at Laura's.

I've not been posting and have not been involved as I was prior to coming out to my SO.

The reason? – She wants' nothing to do with me any more – she sais "my husband is dead!"

I never knew that war coming, and I can't really believe in it now – it was a complete blow to me!

I knew it could be a "long, straight, trip", but I never expected what happened!

Just thought I'd let you all know –

Hugs!!! - Kayleigh

Kayleigh

your SO is in the early stages of grief and grieving. To her yes her husband is dead, I faced the same and more with my wife and it hurt me badly to see her go through what she went through. Give her space and time she might come around to getting some understanding of why you had to do what you did. For those of us who manage to hang on to our marriages it is a long road to understanding and acceptance on the part of our spouses. As many have said we have had years to accommodate the feelings and knowledge but in one day we turn their entire world on its head. Mine put me on ignore as much as possible for the first 3 months then she started to come to the realization that she hadnt done anything to cause this and it wasnt some form of midlife crisis i was going through; it was something that had always been there and wasnt going to go away with out me doing this.

I might advise that you find a good therapist and get on medically supervised hormones. The ones from the internet can be a minefield

Good luck with your SO and your transition

we are here for you sweety

[Guest angie]

Kayleigh

To her yes her husband is dead,

No he is not.And she will find out this is the truth.We may change our outer features,

our sweeter disposition,even the clothes we wear.But the person that you are becoming

is still the same person you were,only a whole lot happier and healthier now.It took my

ex and kids a long time to figure this one out.For though I may be becoming a woman,

I am still the same person I always was,just wearing the right clothes.

Angie

[Sally]

Dear Kayleigh,

Well my sisters, I'm doing what I usually do, I’m self-medicating right now.

Please do not do that - it is very risky and defeats the whole purpose of transitioning if your health breaks first.

Why is it that we need to loose everything – our kids, our home, etc?

Simply because the world has spent so much time pretending that we do not exist and we have spent so long denying it to ourselves that our loved ones feel betrayed when we finally do accept it and tell them - leave the door open, they might come back into your life.

We never asked to born the way we are, we just are who we are!

No one has ever asked to be born but everyone asks why they were born - into a poor family, black, in a third world country, short, tall, with a disability, into an intolerant family, the list goes on and on and the answer to every one of them is, "Because that's the way it is."

You cannot change the way you were born but from there on life is what you make of it - so you decide, sit around and mourn all of your losses or move on and forge a brighter, better and happier future.

I know that I’ve not been in the best state of mind over the last few weeks and I’m sure the posts I’ve made show that – but all I want and need is to be me!

Now you are preaching to the choir, we all have those feelings and down times but in the end we are all here to discover exactly who we are and how to become that person in body as well as mind and spirit.

Is that a crime? I didn’t ask to be who I am; I just know who I am!!!

It is not a crime, just misunderstood and therefore feared and even hated - ignorance wields a great power with no sense of responsibility for whatever is crushed under its massive weight.

With time, maybe there will be acceptance, but at this pint I doubt it!

Never give up hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it is a long tunnel and there is a curve near the end so you may not see it right now, but you must believe that it is there or you will never take another step in any direction and live out your life in darkness and alone.

Take my hand and I will help you to find that light, it isn't nearly as far away as it seems.

Love you all and thanks for being there for me - Kayleigh

You are welcome and just remember when you have transitioned into the beautiful woman that has been hidden for so long, come back into the tunnel and help guide another lost friend into the light, that is all we ask in return.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest nymphblossom]

Joanna wrote:

To her yes her husband is dead

Kayleigh, my heart goes out to you. I do not know the pain of rejection you are experiencing, but my wife and I are struggling every day to cope with my transsexualism. I can tell you it is very hard to accept, certainly not what I want to hear, but Joanna speaks the absolute truth from our wives' perspective. Our female self may be who we are, who we've been deep inside our entire lives, but that just isn't what we sold our wives. That isn't who they said "I do" to for the rest of their lives. Intentionally or not, the reality is that we did a horrible bait and switch.

My wife has often told me it would be easier for her to accept me if I had cancer or became paralyzed. At least I would still be me. I can certainly understand that the visual changes I have made to my body, the way I dress are disturbing, but even the things I think would be positives, like being more considerate, more caring are hard for her to accept. I may be the same person, but they are one more reminder that her husband is slipping away.

It is very hard medicine, but if you want to save your marriage, you must find a way to accept this. You must show your wife that you understand and care how she feels and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to find a way to make your marriage work.

I tried to capture what my wife is experiencing in a poem called For My Wife. You can read it at http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13157&hl=

Love,

Blossom

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Dear Kayleigh,

You are welcome and just remember when you have transitioned into the beautiful woman that has been hidden for so long, come back into the tunnel and help guide another lost friend into the light, that is all we ask in return.

Love ya,

Sally

That is the beauty of Lauras, those of us who are early on with our journey can look to our older brothers and sisters for help and advice and at the same time turn around and offer assistance to those who have just begun or are not as far along as we are.

love you all

[Guest Erin Quinn]

Kayleigh,

My heart goes out to you , keep coming here, we'll always be there for you. I cannot begin to wrap my head around how you must feel, but please, stay true yourself and remember why you're doing this and, as best you can, stay positive

many hugs and much love,

Erin

[Guest Kayliegh]

Thanks again to all of my sisters and brothers hear at Laura's!

Each day is a new day, and I just need to cope!

While my SO is still moving with the kids in January, yesterday she said that we'll still be married and this is probably only temporary- yet, after the last few weeks, I don't know if she's telling me the truth or if she's saying what I need to hear in order for her to move on in life with my support.

Thanks again to all - Laura's has been an inspiration to me - I never would have taken my first "step" without having the support I have here!

Love - Kayleigh

[Guest Angelgrlsue]

Dear Kayliegh

I'm so sorry to hear of this. I was married once as well and we divorced due to other circumstances, nevertheless it hurts and my heart goes out to you. I pray that your wife will come around and accept you as you are. Please stay with Laura's and post as often as you can. All my brothers and sisters here have been a tremondous help to me. We are here for each other.

Hugs

Suzie

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Kayliegh.

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened.

Please don't lose hope as you still may be able to salvage your marriage, she will need some time to adjust to the news and decide what she wants to do.

My fingers are crossed for you.

Love

Rachael

[Guest DeniseNM]

Kayleigh I am so sorry to hear what has happened and what you are going through. I know things are not easy for you right now but they will get better eventually. Your wife will eventually come to terms with what you are going through and hopefully you will still be with her but even if you aren't life will still go on. It took alittle while for my wife to come to terms with me being trans (and I think she is still coming to terms with it) even though she suspected long time before I came out to her (or even accepted it myself) and hopefully we will be together but the jury is still out on that part. You have friends here and you will have a relationship with your kids still. So please don't do anything to hurt yourself or run away from the world because we care about you here.

Denise