How Do I Keep Myself In Good Spirits

[Guest WalnutObezyana]

Since being a child, I've done "secret eating", which is basically when I pick at food between meals, but not in front of people. I remember being a child and sneaking an uncooked hot dog. Looking back on it, I feel ashamed. It's not even like it was a worthy food to sneak--for goodness sake, it was cold processed meat!

I never really dropped that habit. Even today, I'll compulsively go to the kitchen and grab whatever I feel like eating (no matter the health content), but I don't want my parents to know that I did. Because of my secret eating and large lack of exercise over many years, I'm overweight. I so badly want to weigh less, but I'm just not mentally built to motivate myself. I hate thinking about my weight because then I feel like a failure.

On top of that, I have two messages stuck in my brain. From my mother's side of the family, the message is, "You need to lose some weight." (I'm paraphrasing, of course, but this is the basic message.) From my father's side of the family, the message is, "You should do what makes you happy. If you want to lose weight, that's fine, but don't expect us to change our eating/exercising habits because you want to." At my mother's house, I feel like I'm under pressure to lose weight. At my dad's house, it's like a smorgasbord of fat, sugar, and salt (the three main food groups of comfort food), and I end up letting off steam from my mom's house by eating at his.

I know that if I have an eating disorder, the best measure is to see a professional, but until that day, I need some way to keep myself in good spirits so I don't spiral downwards into more binging. Does anyone have any advice for how to keep self esteem above ground level? Thanks in advance

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Walnut

We've never met, so I would like to extend my hand to you and say welcome!!

Now hon, there is no indication that you have an eating disorder. So lighten up on yourself about that OK?

A proper diet is important for good health (both mental and physical). Many people enjoy eating when they are not hungry because it gives them comfort.

I will say this... try to only eat when you are truely hungry. If you really want to munch on something between meals.. then munch on celery. Did you know that it requires more calories to eat celery than the number of calories in celery? Anyway that is just a thought.

If you consider yourself to be overweight, and you are not happy about it, then this is truely something you can change.

The average person requires about 2000 calories per day. If you stick below that number you will lose weight. Light exercise like walking around the block will not only help you loose weight, you will feel better too.

No problem is insurmountable. You can do this!!! When you meet challenges and overcome them, you become stronger.

You are young. Learn to overcome challenges now. Life is full of challenges.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Tomgirl]

Dear Walnut/Alex

There are many similarities between your eating disorder and mine.

About “secret eating” if your family members are not stupid they already know since a long time that you are the hungry mouse of the house. So don’t mind on that.

One question is why do you have this overeating problem ? Only you may find out the answer knowing the answer may be or not be a part of the solution but it’s a step that you can not switch.

When I was your age I was in the same situation, I was eating at the meal and between the meals, I’ve eaten frozen pizzas, I’ve eaten uncooked rice or even cold tripes at the breakfast so don’t bother about an uncooked hotdog that I would have enjoyed as well …, I was far more nearer Homer Simpson than you are. The worst I’ve been was 105 kilograms.

Why was I an overeater? At first eating have always been for me an enjoyable activity since my early childhood, the other reasons were lack of perspectives, boredom and the fact that I didn’t mind of a body I considered ugly anyway.

You can not say at the same time “I so badly want to weigh less” and “I’m just not mentally built to motivate myself“ be honest with yourself, if you really want to weigh less then you have the motivation inside you. An overeating child is never completely responsible of this fact. The more intelligent you became, the more responsible you are. So stop blaming someone else about your fatness.

If one day your desire of losing weight is really strong then you will lose weight.

My mother was harassing me about my weight (among other things) but I was so much in conflict with her for many reasons that I didn’t mind and in a certain way losing weight would have been obeying her and admitting she was right about me. So this harassment didn’t have any effect.

A shock in the beginning of my thirthies gave me the strength to lose weight, fat was not only spreading my thigh or my belly for instance, too much fat was going in my liver and was destroying it, so it was a matter of life or death for me : whether I lose a lot of weight, whether… I made my choice and I’m still alive.

In your post you asked for advices, from my experience here are mines :

The first step is to get information about food, you’ve got to get a book that tell everything about the food composition, just go at your local library, you must exactly know what are the proportion of lipids, proteins and glucids of anything you may eat, you must know as well, that some kind of fat, polyunsaturated fat is not as bad as saturated fat. For the manufactured food it’s most of the time written on the package. Before eating anything you must know exactly what you’re eating.

The second step is to see your family physician, not a specialist but a doctor who knows you well, who knows your family since a long time to who you can speak frankly and that may keep your secrets; tell him you have took the decision to lose weight. Ask your physician to measure your weight, ask him/her for a blood analysis because it can show some blood disorders related to fatness. Ask him for appointments as long as you are on a diet. Your physician is the most likely person after you to provide some help and advices but do remember that it’s only YOUR WILL that will make you lose weight.

The third and last step is to EAT LESS AND HEALTHIER

Of course all the advertisements about a miraculous method you can found in newspapers are not useful and male bovine crap.

Some diet food with artificial sweeteners or full of agar-agar for instance may help to go through a sudden raging hunger episode.

Some food rich in fibers like original weetabix or wasa fibers are useful because they fulfill your stomach and not too much calories.

Buy yourself your food, so go to the supermarket with your mother or by yourself and choose healthy food.

Don’t hesitate to cook, some kind of cooking are healthier. Manufactured food is most of the time unhealthy so when you’ve got time, prepare a healthy meal for your family, any mother would enjoy it.

Sauces are most of the time unhealthy so do prefer spices.

Fish is often healthier than meat.

Food full of water like cucumber (without sauce of course) may be helpful as well (I don’t recommend celery because I hate celery but if you enjoy celery eat some as bernii told you)

Be careful of coldness especially in winter at this season your body wants fat because fat is a good protection against coldness. So wear a good and heavy pullover so your body wouldn’t know the winter is there. Be careful of summer and heat as well, sodas and ice-creams are unhealthy so drink pure water and eat real fruits.

Going at your father’s home is a kind of trap, the only way is to bring healthy food from your mother, if you do that there is some chance that your father give you some money to buy your own food when you are at his home. Just manage to get a private place in his refrigerator.

About your mother do not lose weight for her, do it for YOU, for your health, for your image, for any reason that is valuable to YOU.

Just remember over eating is a life time problem like alcoholism, the difficulty is that with a lot of motivation an alcoholic may stop drinking alcohol and then he have to be very careful at any temptation but it’s quite easier, but you can not stop eating and the temptation of food is everywhere so every day, every hour of your life you have to be careful about yourself.

During the last two years because of professional stress I gained 8 kilograms, my liver was suffering again so since seven weeks I’m on a diet and I’ve already lost seven kilograms, one each week. And by the way I’ll get ride of my male potbelly.

About self esteem and good spirit, you’ll get them when you manage to do something really difficult and being on a diet is difficult, my spirit is good because of that. When you do spiral downward a good spirit or self esteem is never given, you must find out in yourself your own life instinct. Your life instinct is far more powerful than you can imagine (Only love may be as strong and powerful, In august 1943 John Fitzgerald Kennedy did not spiral downwards inside the Pacific ocean, his life instinct and his love gave him the motivation to became a war hero, those forces are inside you as well I’m sure of that).

Changing the size of your pants may be a victory or a defeat.

I know you can be victorious because I’m sure that you are not a failure and that inside you there is the power and the will to change your life

Big hugs from Tomgirl

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hey Walnut

I got a few ideas that might help.

First of all lets tackle your family, I think it would be a good idea to get both sides of your family on the same page. After all it is your health that they are involving, I'm sure that they would not like to hear that your health has suffered because of the peer pressure they inflicted on you. Perhaps you could sit down with both sides of your family and explain how important it is to you to bring your wieght down to a healthy range because you fear the medical implications that may incur later in life. I'm sure that they will understand and try to help, but they may need some help along the way with reminders and perhaps some healthy recipies. After all they will have to make those changes if your health declines to the point that your doctor insists on change, then they'll have no choice.

Next lets look at some of the main reasons for being over weight that I have seen or heard of.

First is genetics, the worst of them. This is one that is kinka easy to see, if your whole family seems to have weight problems it's probably genetic. This is the hardest because in many cases your body is kinda preprogramed to produce fat instead of muscle or burning extra calories. You could ask your doctor to run some tests on your thyroid glands to see if they are working properly. Otherwise it's all in your hands, limit yourself to 3 meals a day, eat properly, little or no snacking (or perhaps celery like Brenda suggested), and try to make your biggest meal of the day breakfast and your smallest being supper. Also limit your meals to one plate full, perhaps take a walk after your first plate (some people it takes a bit longer for their mind to regester that they are full and a short walk gives the brain time to catch up) and of coarse exercise, it usually doesn't have to be anything extensive just something to let your body know it's being active. After awhile your body will reprogram itself knowing that you are going to be active after you have eaten; it will start burning more calories, your metabolism will increase, your stomach will shrink a bit and it'll be easier to keep a healthy weight.

The other reason is that people tend to substitute food for something that they are missing in life. This is better in many ways if you can find out just what the initial problem is that bothering you, if you know what it is you can take steps to fix the situation. Otherwise perhaps try a hobby to substitute you bad habbit of snacking. Will power is sometimes not enough alone to break this cycle so either find yourself a hobby that's really interesting to you that you can bury yourself in or find a good friend that can help you with this. Sometimes the problem will surface on it's own but if it doesn't try talking to a therapist, they are good at finding the problem that is sometimes buried in the subconscious and bring it to the surface where the both of you can then deal with it.

Sorry about being so lengthly with this but since you said that you have been doing this since you were young I wanted to give you all the info I knew of. I hope this helps.

LUV

Jean

[Guest again]

Hi Walnut,

Since most of what has been covered so far concerns your diet (not a diet just your diet), I will get into the exercise aspect of weight loss and how fabulous it makes you feel mentally! Maintaining a healthy weight is 70% what you eat (diet) and 30% what you do (exercise). But that 30% if of the utmost importance in keeping your weight down and feeling good about yourself. Once you get used to exercising regularly, the mental benefits are out of this world---I could not face the day without it! Secret is to start slowly; don't overdo it and either join a gym or get an exercise buddy to keep you both on track. Walking is great to get started---adding a weight lifting component will ramp up the calorie burn---just keep it at low weights/high repetitions and you will burn the calories and tone the muscles at the same time, without risk of injury. Take a look at this website: http://sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness.asp It is free and no sign up required---lots of good exercise video routines for just about anything you want to do---if you have health issues, please clear it with your doctor first. Good luck; you can do it---just remember: slow and steady wins the race:))