Something That My Therapist Told Me

[Guest qRachelp]

YES, Laura. I thought I was attracted to women, too. But I wanted to BE them. And, in my case, I KNOW that when I become completely woman, I will love men (though I may not be adverse to being "close to women", perhaps because society was never brainwashed into thinking that women kissing women is wrong). But right now, with having the body of a male, my mind doesn't want to get close to other males.

XX,

Rachel

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

My attraction to women hasnt changed, and wont change, it is simply that now I am a woman who is attracted to women, for those who like labels that does make me lesbian. The big switch for me would be if I had an interest in men, which I have only toyed with in the past and never felt quite satisfied with. Most of the men I have known, including my old self, seem to put too much emphasis on the act and not that much emphasis on the intimacy and feelings.

[Guest ricka]

I had previously "assumed" I was a gay male, but I never quite fit in with other gay men and always felt different from them, especially when it came to romantic feelings and what I experienced emotionally and physically during sex. It was a huge epiphany for me when I realized that I am hardwired as a heterosexual woman. The proverbial lightbulb came on and it changed everything in terms of how I see myself and how i relate to men. A good friend confirmed this only the other day when he said out of the blue, "you know you are a totally heterosexual woman." As a woman I feel so much more self-confident and free to be myself with a man. This goes far beyond actual sex but how I respond emotionally being with a man. The awesome thing is that the more I am myself the more I am treated as a woman. As this same friend commented, my aura is totally feminine and this brings out the manliness in a guy.

ricka

[Guest qRachelp]

My attraction to women hasnt changed, and wont change, it is simply that now I am a woman who is attracted to women, for those who like labels that does make me lesbian. The big switch for me would be if I had an interest in men, which I have only toyed with in the past and never felt quite satisfied with. Most of the men I have known, including my old self, seem to put too much emphasis on the act and not that much emphasis on the intimacy and feelings.

Joanna- That makes sense. I guess the "right man" would have to be the kind that is only in fairy tales; in love with you sooo much that they'd do anything for you. THEN, I guess they'd care enough to try some real intimacy.... Or is even THAT also only in fairy tales?

XX,

Rachel

[Guest qRachelp]

I had previously "assumed" I was a gay male, but I never quite fit in with other gay men and always felt different from them, especially when it came to romantic feelings and what I experienced emotionally and physically during sex. It was a huge epiphany for me when I realized that I am hardwired as a heterosexual woman. The proverbial lightbulb came on and it changed everything in terms of how I see myself and how i relate to men. A good friend confirmed this only the other day when he said out of the blue, "you know you are a totally heterosexual woman." As a woman I feel so much more self-confident and free to be myself with a man. This goes far beyond actual sex but how I respond emotionally being with a man. The awesome thing is that the more I am myself the more I am treated as a woman. As this same friend commented, my aura is totally feminine and this brings out the manliness in a guy.

ricka

ricka,

THAT, my friend, what you just said, is the main point of this thread. And I am the same way; and so I am making my body WOMAN like my mind.

XX,

Rachel

[Guest My_Genesis]

While the "match up" group HAS to be heterosexual, physically, but complications occur when certain people in the "match up" group feel that they are the opposite sex than what their physical body actually is.

So one can reason, perhaps, that certain people from the "object" group can be, in their own mind, the opposite sex of what their physical body is. Yet their mind is hardwired to allow them to couple with members of their own physical sex, even though in mind they remain the opposite (eg., a gay guy can be a girl, or a bottom, in his mind, and his mind is hardwired to where he can accept love from and give love to another gay guy who is a guy, or a top, mind-wise).

I'm still a bit unclear about how this works, but from this explanation I would fit in the match up group, I understand exactly what is being said here. My situation though was that I just have always been uncomfortable with the thought of even dating guys (so yes since I guess elementary/middle school I have felt this way about it.) And sure it's because of the aspect of gender (and also later, physical) dysphoria and all that, which also was in issue with figuring out my sexual orientation in general: I was never comfortable identifying as lesbian, and it took me quite a few years to actually realize I was attracted to girls. I guess I suppressed it or something. The thought of anything sexual (girls or guys) just disgusted me though I knew that I definitely had some sort of sex drive... The problem I was having was I was pretty much trying to picture myself as the girl in sexual scenarios.. I guess I simply couldn't do that. So finally, and for some reason I felt like I was taking this giant somewhat risky leap when I did this (probably because I had a feeling it would change everything completely) I started viewing myself as male, including in sexual situations, and all the weirdness and disgust that came with anything sexually-related basically just disappeared.

..However I am still ultimately too physically dysphoric to be in a sexual relationship that doesn't negatively affect me. I have a friend who's mtf and supposedly doesn't struggle with this, and identifies as lesbian. So I guess this whole thing does kind of make sense.

All that aside, I am still a bit confused, I'm not sure I'm even understanding this all correctly...

[Guest qRachelp]

I'm still a bit unclear about how this works, but from this explanation I would fit in the match up group, I understand exactly what is being said here. My situation though was that I just have always been uncomfortable with the thought of even dating guys (so yes since I guess elementary/middle school I have felt this way about it.) And sure it's because of the aspect of gender (and also later, physical) dysphoria and all that, which also was in issue with figuring out my sexual orientation in general: I was never comfortable identifying as lesbian, and it took me quite a few years to actually realize I was attracted to girls. I guess I suppressed it or something. The thought of anything sexual (girls or guys) just disgusted me though I knew that I definitely had some sort of sex drive... The problem I was having was I was pretty much trying to picture myself as the girl in sexual scenarios.. I guess I simply couldn't do that. So finally, and for some reason I felt like I was taking this giant somewhat risky leap when I did this (probably because I had a feeling it would change everything completely) I started viewing myself as male, including in sexual situations, and all the weirdness and disgust that came with anything sexually-related basically just disappeared.

..However I am still ultimately too physically dysphoric to be in a sexual relationship that doesn't negatively affect me. I have a friend who's mtf and supposedly doesn't struggle with this, and identifies as lesbian. So I guess this whole thing does kind of make sense.

All that aside, I am still a bit confused, I'm not sure I'm even understanding this all correctly...

My Genesis,

So, if indeed you are in the "match up" group, are you going to physically become male, which will then match your mind, so that you can be happy loving women with your male body?

XX,

Rachel

[Guest rachael1]

Like gender, I believe one's sexual orientation is hard wired in the brain and this also includes bisexuality, however for bisexuals they do have a choice as to whether they will settle on one gender...I have a friend whose bisexual but has been in a long term lesbian relationship for the past 20 years - she chose to commit...

Remember I'm not judging anyone [each to their own]-just stating what's flowing through 'my' mind when it comes to hrt and sexual orientation...

Metta Jendar

I agree that ones sexual orientation doesn't change with hormones as this has been scientifically proven when the medical profession tried to cure

homosexuals by giving them large doses of testosterone - This was a dismal failure and proved that our sexual orientation is genetic

If anyones sexual orientation changes after HRT than it is probably due to their own genetic inclinations.

There has been a lot of scientific evidence to support the supposition that a large majority of people have at least some bisexual tendencies.

Rachael

[Guest qRachelp]

Kia Ora,

I had better clarify what I meant by homophobia ‘phobia'

Roughly put, the term homophobia ‘phobia’ applies to those people who have nothing against homosexuality l but tend to keep their distance, that is don’t have much to do with homosexual people for ‘fear’ of the stigma attached if they were to interact in a friendly way they might have others thinking that they are also gay …

Again this is also quite common...I must admit prior to transitioning I did suffered from trans-phobia 'phobia' however I was comfortable interacting with gay people but felt uncomfortable when interacting with other trans-identifiable people...weird but true - the social stigma had taken it's toll...

Sorry Rachelp, for hogging your thread...hopefully what I've said is not too far off topic...

Metta Jendar

I don't mind, Metta Jendar; it's all about discussions that hopefully lead us to better perspectives on both ourselves and the universe around us, not who's thread it is.

XX,

Rachel

[Guest ChloëC]

Here, let me try again as I don't think my last post came across the way I'm thinking.

First, as anyone reading my posts all along can see, I'm suspect of most medical evidence when it comes to tg people. I just don't think all the variations and differences have been studied intensively or exhaustively enough. Partly because it's only lately that the medical profession has come around to understanding that it's not a disease, but a basic part of our make-up - though it's obvious we're still in the early stages of that, as there seem to be still many people in the medical profession who don't understand it or refuse to accept it. And partly, I still think the sexual aspect which has been totally misunderstood is still clouding a lot of minds from taking the many differences in our make-up seriously.

I do not believe I am bi-sexual in the least, nor anything other then hetero-. I have no interest in having liasons with other males, either presenting as a male or with a male partner knowing I am a functioning male (whether dressed en femme or not). I don't think it wrong nor any kind of morality involved (for example, I don't care to hunt at all - yes, I have caught fish and eaten them in the past - but I have no problem allowing hunters on my land to reduce the extremely overpopulated herd of deer. I see nothing wrong with hunting - if you're going to make good use (ie eat) of your quarry - I'm just not interested.)

At the same time, when dressed en femme, and imagining myself as a functioning female, I have little interest in my partner being another female. If I ever did transition, if the chance presented itself, I may experiment, but I would not actively seek out sexual companionship of other females.

Considering medical theory or 'evidence', I suppose I could just as easily say, because of the extensive cultural antipathy towards homosexual behavior in the past, since we are now 'enligthened' that it is no longer deviant, let's justify anyone who transitions and wants to continue having companionship of the same sex partner they were having before by presenting studies that support it as an accepted activity.

I don't need studies to justify why I am like I am (although they're nice to read) or to tell me who I should or shouldn't have sexual relations with or what it means if I go in one direction rather than another. It's strictly the business of my choice and my partner's (fully informed) choice regardless of what sex (or race or anything else) either one of us is. Basically, it's neither right nor wrong, neither moral nor immoral, it's only my choice.

I hope that is a little clearer.

Chloë

[Guest doodle]

Well I think it doesn't matter who you have or want to have sex with. I'm hetro yet live with a women and have for 27 years. Should I leave her just because I'm really want a man ? No -I do love her.. When we got together men were

walking death traps. As for the therapists theory I don't accept it.

kelly

[Guest My_Genesis]

My Genesis,

So, if indeed you are in the "match up" group, are you going to physically become male, which will then match your mind, so that you can be happy loving women with your male body?

XX,

Rachel

Yes. Well I'm actually impatient to transition in that respect (and in general but more so here), lol.