Have You Met[in Person] Any Other Trans-people

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

It’s ‘poll junky’ Jendar here, just getting her fix…I've put this in the 'coming out' section as it seems to the best place for this thread...

I know that some members are friends with other trans-people in the real world-and that some have never met other trans-people in person -only in cyber space…

Just out of interest how many of Laura’s members have actually met with or are friends with know other trans-people[ in the 'flesh' that is-not just in cyber space]…

Over the years I’ve gotten to know quite a few trans-people but I don’t interact with them that much, occasionally I bump into a trans-lady who lives on the island[bumped into her a couple of weeks back in a local café], every now and again I see a trans-male friend who comes to the island once a week for his work…

In December I’ll most probably attend the ‘To Be Who I Am’ get together held at the Human Rights Office in the city, where I’ll catch up with some trans-friends…Other than that I’m just happy to immerse myself in the ‘cis’-world…

Metta Jendar

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kia Ora

I work with a transwoman. We work in different departments so I don't get to interact with her that much. She is a really nice person. I do hope to get to know her better in time. Also, one of my eldest daughter's friends is a transman. I have met him a couple of times (passes really well, I might add).

Well, for me, that is about the extent of it for me.

Brenda

[Guest SusanKG]

No, not to my knowledge. I hope I've met many that were in deep stealth, although I can be pretty oblivious at times. Ask me after tomorrow night. I'm attending my first TG Support Group meeting. I'm extremely anxious - this is my first time out, that is where I'm not sneaking out in the middle of the night, and that would have been many years ago. (insert favorite chicken emoticon here)

SusanKG

[Guest CJwar]

I've -seen- some people, where I wondered...but I have never...actually. Nevermind. I take that back.

A long time ago I met a MTF, who was my boss back when I worked for Cingular Calling Center...I didn't even know that about her, until the rumors started circulating, and then I started to notice...I just thought that she was a big woman..and not big as in size or weight.....but big as in tall. I mean...she was really really tall, and she loved to wear heels. I only spoke to her about work stuff...

And of course I've had transwomen pointed out to me by other people, I don't know why I can never tell...Maybe cause I see them as they want to be seen, where as the people who point them out, see them as they use to be. But...that's the only transwoman I met in person.

I plan on going to a DC Trans masculine Meeting this December...so I'm hoping to meet lots of guys like myself...

[Guest AshleyRF]

I have several FtM friends here that I hang out with. I finally met one Mtf girl here who is not yet living full time and she acted totally excited to have found someone else and said we were going to hang out and stuff but now we don't talk to each other. I dunno what I did to her, but obviously she doesn't like me for some reason. I even got her in with my therapist and doctors so she could get on legal hormones. I tried nothing more than to be this girls friend and she acts this way. I just don't think two MtF can really get along. To much competition between us I think. So I was happy for a brief moment... thought I had a friend who I could really talk to and hang out with and that I finally had found that person to be my best girlfriend, my go to girl when I have a problem, my shoulder to cry on and that I could be all those things for her. Apparently she felt differently.

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I too have noticed this that we tend not to hang together for some reason or another. I think it may be that we are trying to blend in and when we are seen with someone who doesn't it blows our cover. I had an experience the other night when I was with another Trans Advocate going to a Remembrance vigil and my friend does not pass. Well we went into a restaurant that is in a very gay friendly neighborhood and a couple of lesbians started laughing out loud at my friend and pointing at the two of us. It was quite embarrassing for me because I haven't been laughed at in over two years. But I think we just don't like being compared to one another and that has allot to do with it IMHO.

Charlene Leona

[Sally]

I have several trans friends in real life (what ever that is).

Before my highly publicized meeting with Lizzy and Donna Jean I had met the girlfriend of my electrologist who I only knew was trans because she had told me about accompanying her to Florida for her surgery with Dr. Reed.

I then met three wonderful ladies (two pass beautifully and third makes me look petite) who run a support group out of the GLBT center that I go to for my HRT check ups.

I do not spot trans people on the street or even suspect, I notice people for what they are doing or wearing but I don't try to decide trans or not, because it couldn't matter any less to me.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey Sally!

Me too...

I was with you and Lizzy for a whole week...living together and being full time 24/7...that was like a dream!

Also I've had Paula a mod here and her friend Jayden, a Transman here at the house twice for dinner! She is so sweet!

Outside of that..not much out where I live...Heck, the directions to my place is to drive to the middle of nowhere, then make a left and go 8 miles...Turn by the sleeping dog.....

I never really try to pick a trans person out in a crown as I would not want to be singled out, either!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest qRachelp]

Kia Ora,

It’s ‘poll junky’ Jendar here, just getting her fix…I've put this in the 'coming out' section as it seems to the best place for this thread...

I know that some members are friends with other trans-people in the real world-and that some have never met other trans-people in person -only in cyber space…

Just out of interest how many of Laura’s members have actually met with or are friends with know other trans-people[ in the 'flesh' that is-not just in cyber space]…

Over the years I’ve gotten to know quite a few trans-people but I don’t interact with them that much, occasionally I bump into a trans-lady who lives on the island[bumped into her a couple of weeks back in a local café], every now and again I see a trans-male friend who comes to the island once a week for his work…

In December I’ll most probably attend the ‘To Be Who I Am’ get together held at the Human Rights Office in the city, where I’ll catch up with some trans-friends…Other than that I’m just happy to immerse myself in the ‘cis’-world…

Metta Jendar

Metta Jendar,

On the 1st Saturday of every month Transsexuals from my area meet at my therapist's office for a communal get together. December 5th will be my first time to go, and it's gonna be so AWESOME to actually make friends with like minds "in the flesh". My therapist made it sound like there are about 8-12 people who show up every month. And it's less than five miles from my house. (I love my therapist.)

XX,

Rachel

[Guest]

I was always taught that looks weren't everything but is that true? I used to go to support meetings but some people put me off. Sure they were nice enough but they were dressed inappropriatly. I always dress very conservativly with either long skirts or slacks and try to match my colors. Some though dressed in mini-mini skirts and fishnets with colors clashing everywhere. One had on enough rouge to rival a stop light and another had a black beard shadow poking out of her makeup with a blonde wig too short to hide her black hair and sideburns. Most others though did dress appropriatly. It was just a few that didn't. The blonde complained about being thrown out of ladies rooms numerous times. I wonder why? They acted proud of their appearance.

Most of us at least make an effort to pass so we can blend in, stealth. More people pass than they think they do if they at least make an effort. If the other person sticks out like a sore thumb are you likley to go to a restauraunt with them? It's not likley because you fear being outed because of your companions appearance. Do I sound superficial? Yes, partly and I feel guilty about it but it has kept me from meeting some otherwise nice people.

I think the worst part is I didn't have the guts to say anything to them although i'm sure that would have started a fight. Probably we shouldn't place so much importance on appearance but it does make an idelible first impression which could lead to more friendships. Sorry but i think that had to be said. I think it's important to realize that each of us represents the transgender community. When we look inappropriate we all look inappropriate. Let's not give the public ammunition.

Laura

[Guest qRachelp]

I was always taught that looks weren't everything but is that true? I used to go to support meetings but some people put me off. Sure they were nice enough but they were dressed inappropriatly. I always dress very conservativly with either long skirts or slacks and try to match my colors. Some though dressed in mini-mini skirts and fishnets with colors clashing everywhere. One had on enough rouge to rival a stop light and another had a black beard shadow poking out of her makeup with a blonde wig too short to hide her black hair. Most others though did dress appropriatly. It was just a few that didn't. The blonde complained about being thrown out of ladies rooms numerous times. I wonder why? They acted proud of their appearance.

Most of us at least make an effort to pass so we can blend in, stealth. More people pass than they think they do if they at least make an effort. If the other person sticks out like a sore thumb are you likley to go to a restauraunt with them? It's not likley because you fear being outed because of your companions appearance. Do I sound superficial? Yes, partly and I feel guilty about it but it has kept me from meeting some otherwise nice people.

I think the worst part is I didn't have the guts to say anything to them although i'm sure that would have started a fight. Probably we shouldn't place so much importance on appearance but it does make an idelible first impression which could lead to more friendships. Sorry but i think that had to be said. I think it's important to realize that each of us represents the transgender community. When we look inappropriate we all look inappropriate. Let's not give the public ammunition.

Laura

Well-said, Laura. To pass is the Transsexual's ultimate objective, and once THAT is out of the way, we can then enjoy being ourselves.

XX,

Rachel

[Guest Zenda]

I was always taught that looks weren't everything but is that true? I used to go to support meetings but some people put me off. Sure they were nice enough but they were dressed inappropriatly. I always dress very conservativly with either long skirts or slacks and try to match my colors. Some though dressed in mini-mini skirts and fishnets with colors clashing everywhere. One had on enough rouge to rival a stop light and another had a black beard shadow poking out of her makeup with a blonde wig too short to hide her black hair and sideburns. Most others though did dress appropriatly. It was just a few that didn't. The blonde complained about being thrown out of ladies rooms numerous times. I wonder why? They acted proud of their appearance.

Most of us at least make an effort to pass so we can blend in, stealth. More people pass than they think they do if they at least make an effort. If the other person sticks out like a sore thumb are you likley to go to a restauraunt with them? It's not likley because you fear being outed because of your companions appearance. Do I sound superficial? Yes, partly and I feel guilty about it but it has kept me from meeting some otherwise nice people.

I think the worst part is I didn't have the guts to say anything to them although i'm sure that would have started a fight. Probably we shouldn't place so much importance on appearance but it does make an idelible first impression which could lead to more friendships. Sorry but i think that had to be said. I think it's important to realize that each of us represents the transgender community. When we look inappropriate we all look inappropriate. Let's not give the public ammunition.

Laura

Kia Ora Laura,

I hope you're well...

Even though I'm more comfortable in my skin now, I still suffer a bit from trans-phobia 'phobia' especially when interacting with some older trans-women who tend to dress like 'hookers'...I can understand the concept of re-living/capturing lost puberty/youth, but many are just setting themselves up for ridicule...Thanks to free will we have a choice as to whether we interact with them in public or not...

Metta Jendar

[Guest]

Some people think that in order to pass you must look like a perfect playboy model. That's not true as that's only 1 percent of the population who is likely enhanced by airbrushing. Few are flawless and they all pass just fine whether they are tall or short. Most of us will probably look just average and that is fine. Fortunately there is help wearing age appropriate attire that flatters you. In makeup less is more. If you are transitioning do get electrolysis or laser treatments as soon as possible. You want to look the same at 8 O'clock as you do at 5 Pm. In short don't be sexist. Observe what most women are wearing. Cetainly we have to respect the gender we are and emulate.

Laura

[Guest nova]

I wasn't sure where you were going with this poll. But anyway, yes, of course I've met other 'trans' people. Maybe it's just living in San Francisco, but, I'ts actually hard not to met other trans-people. There have always been a few transwomen living in the same apartment building where I've lived. I'm not afraid or embarrassed to walk down the street with any of my trans friends no matter what stage of transition they're in. And, I've been sneered at (by other trans-women who thought they were 'real') for befriending a trans-woman who was just starting to transition. I think that they were 'real' shallow and I don't need or want friends like that. And, there have been times when I've been totally ashamed of myself for being afraid to speak up. Example: I was at the checkout counter at a little store which afforded a good view of the sidewalk. While I was paying for my items, a customer kept on flirting with me and wanted to take my picture. I was not flattered by his excessive horniness. Then, a 'trans-person' walked by the sidewalk who. . . let's just say, was dressed in a very non-conformist way. My admirer/masher turned his attention to this person and began to loudly and mercilessly mock her, and it made so so angry, I just wanted to strangle him--but, I just stood there like a bystander and did nothing. I try to live my life by my own principles and not by others anxieties and opinions about how I should live. And by the way, that person who nobody thought would ever "pass", passes better than the ones who shunned her and NOW they want to 'hang out' with her.

--nova

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Nova,

This poll is about meeting other trans-people but so long as comments are loosely connected with the topic, members are free to express how they feel…

In a perfect world a person should be allowed to wear whatever they want with no negative come back from other people, however we don’t live in a perfect world and whatever one chooses to wear out in public, one must ‘accept’ what attention their clothing attracts…We reap what we sow…I personally know some trans people who ‘dress like hookers’ some actually work in that profession…

Sites like Laura’s are good in that members new to transition have access to quite a bit of information of the dos and don’ts =what not to wear so to speak…The choice is up to the individual-“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink!”…

I intentionally put the last poll choice ‘No not really interested in meeting others’ for those trans-people who for the reasons Laura and I have mentioned don’t feel comfortable interacting with trans-identifiable people in public because of how they present themselves…

It’s true during the beginning of ones transition mistakes are made [euphoria creates the illusion that blurs reality-dress sense not matching age and body], but sadly some trans-people don’t learn from their mistakes and continue to dress inappropriately in ways that attracts attention…Some are prostitutes, some just exhibitionists but both types like the attention…

Metta Jendar:)

[Guest SusanKG]

As I said, in this post a couple of days ago, I've led a sheltered life. Perhaps more appropriately, one not overly concerned about just whether other people are as they first seem. Snyway, to the the best of my knowledge I have never met a Trans-Person except in the mirror, but was to attend my first support group meeting Saturday night. Now I have met one. At 63. At this rate I'll gain boobs at two hundred! I've really got to get somethiong going here.

SusanKG

[Guest brenda lee]

Kia Ora,

It’s ‘poll junky’ Jendar here, just getting her fix…I've put this in the 'coming out' section as it seems to the best place for this thread...

I know that some members are friends with other trans-people in the real world-and that some have never met other trans-people in person -only in cyber space…

Just out of interest how many of Laura’s members have actually met with or are friends with know other trans-people[ in the 'flesh' that is-not just in cyber space]…

Over the years I’ve gotten to know quite a few trans-people but I don’t interact with them that much, occasionally I bump into a trans-lady who lives on the island[bumped into her a couple of weeks back in a local café], every now and again I see a trans-male friend who comes to the island once a week for his work…

In December I’ll most probably attend the ‘To Be Who I Am’ get together held at the Human Rights Office in the city, where I’ll catch up with some trans-friends…Other than that I’m just happy to immerse myself in the ‘cis’-world…

Metta Jendar

Jendar ,Sweetie I have at least once on my job. The way a co worker treated them I was embarassed. I apologized for that persons actions to our sister. In fact it was before I came out, and when I told our sister how I felt ,she was very understanding. It was truly a wonderful experience.LOL Brenda Lee

[Guest AshleyRF]

I too have noticed this that we tend not to hang together for some reason or another. I think it may be that we are trying to blend in and when we are seen with someone who doesn't it blows our cover. I had an experience the other night when I was with another Trans Advocate going to a Remembrance vigil and my friend does not pass. Well we went into a restaurant that is in a very gay friendly neighborhood and a couple of lesbians started laughing out loud at my friend and pointing at the two of us. It was quite embarrassing for me because I haven't been laughed at in over two years. But I think we just don't like being compared to one another and that has allot to do with it IMHO.

Charlene Leona

I really don't think that is the case with anyone hanging out with me. I've never had a single problem since transitioning and the few people I have come out to at various times, I had to show them proof (my old drivers license, legal name change documentation, etc....) to get them to actually believe me. I'm not saying I pass 100% of the time because who knows what someone is really thinking, but the average person has no clue about me.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I dunno why I feel it's so important for me to have a fellow trans girlfriend to hang with. Maybe it's because I've never felt really connected to anyone else in this world because no one else could possibly understand what it was like growing up this way. I just know I really want to be close friends with another trans girl. I want to be like sisters I suppose because I always wanted a sister growing up. I do have tons of GG girlfriends who totally accept me as one of them but it's not the same. I don't share the same childhood experiences they had, I didn't grow up the way they did, I can't totally relate to them like another GG could, therefor I always feel somewhat like an outsider with them.

Maybe I'm just more screwed up than I ever thought I was.....

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Ashley,

Some trans-people tend to live their life through the trans-community-there's nothing wrong with doing that, if that's what turn one on[it can give one a true sense of acceptance to have things in common ]...When I first looked into transitioning I attended a few support group meetings to get to know the ins and outs of things-like trans-friendly doctors, counsellors, etc...

Once I started the journey I didn't remain in contact with the support group...I lived quite comfortably in the female roll for around 3 years without any interaction with other trans-people, this non interaction would have continued if it wasn't for a friend of a friend contacting me asking me if I would talk with a friend of theirs who was going through an identity crises[similar to what I had been through]this was late 2003, since then I've had sporadic interaction with other trans-people-However I do have a good friend[who had the same type of surgery as myself-government funded] who lives in the south island[over a 1000 kms away] we have met a few times but most of the time we interact via the phone around once a week...

For some people [like myself] a support group is just that-there to support you while you get things together, but for others it becomes a 'family' and there's nothing wrong with having an extended family...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Having finally managed to make it to a support group meetin in Albuqurque, yes I met 10 lovely trans folk, 8 mtfs, 1 ftm and a cd plus 4 folks from Sephora

[Guest AshleyRF]

Kia Ora Ashley,

Some trans-people tend to live their life through the trans-community-there's nothing wrong with doing that, if that's what turn one on[it can give one a true sense of acceptance to have things in common ]...When I first looked into transitioning I attended a few support group meetings to get to know the ins and outs of things-like trans-friendly doctors, counsellors, etc...

Once I started the journey I didn't remain in contact with the support group...I lived quite comfortably in the female roll for around 3 years without any interaction with other trans-people, this non interaction would have continued if it wasn't for a friend of a friend contacting me asking me if I would talk with a friend of theirs who was going through an identity crises[similar to what I had been through]this was late 2003, since then I've had sporadic interaction with other trans-people-However I do have a good friend[who had the same type of surgery as myself-government funded] who lives in the south island[over a 1000 kms away] we have met a few times but most of the time we interact via the phone around once a week...

For some people [like myself] a support group is just that-there to support you while you get things together, but for others it becomes a 'family' and there's nothing wrong with having an extended family...

Metta Jendar

I don't want a family of trans people. Just one friend that can relate to what I've been through, one friend who I can talk to when I'm having one of my "ugly" days, one friend to share everything with and to talk to on a daily basis. I think I'm just looking for a friendship like girls seem to have in school. Maybe those kinds of friendships don't exist for adults. Like I said, I've got a lot of GG friend, but they just don't fully understand me. I can admit that I'm not exactly like them. It doesn't bother me like it does some others, that I'm not exactly the same as a GG.

[Guest van-na]

I live close to the 2nd largest city in The Last Frontier. Alaska

Their are 30,000 people here, and I remember reading somewhere that a MTF TS is 1 in 30,000 in the US.

Well they must be wrong cause it is 1 in 15,000 here.

I guess they didn't know about me.

In the 51 years that I have lived here I have only ever seen one other lady of my caliber.

She was very obvious, but looked to be proud of who and what she is.

She dressed very feminine, more so than the other lady's around her.

I think that after being deprived for oh so many years we all must surly love being able to show our true selves.

I know I do.

vanna

[Sakura]

when i was new to this i used to think that i must surround my self with the community went to all the meetings would go to these little hole in the wall bars that they would all hang out at after the meetings

in a very short amount of time i realized i didnt have very much in common with them asides from being transsexual i would sit and think to my self OMG!! is this how i appear to the rest of the world ? flamboyant arguminitve militant trying to 1 up the lady sitting next to me i found that most of them dont care what you have to say they just sit and wait for their turn to talk

then after being kicked out or asked to leave these groups for simply pointing out alot of what laura mentioned in her post i decided to just go at it alone

because of the hormones i been injesting since i was a teen and having a crap load of female influence in my life i slipped into stealth for 3 years no problem not going to any meetings and asides from the play ground keeping my RL as trans free as possible.....

till i met tony which i happened to meet threw this site ftm and one of only two ftms i had ever met till that point and the only one i had ever really considered dating and he had a few trans friends in real life that he had met from this site hes the one that got me going to meetings again .....

though im still not keen on the meetings its not all bad threw him and threw the trans friends he had i made friends with two girls jamie and beth we became friends because we can sit and talk for hours and not even mention the word transsexual or transition

and also they pass physically and mentally as well as i do

though looks arnt every thing if you pass and the other girl across from you at the coffee shop dosnt and you are talking about tucking and passing and transition it dosnt take much for the avrage joe to put two and two together

so i dont mind meeting other trans girls but i dont actively seek it out either

Sakura

[Guest AlexanderG]

My teacher gave me his son's e-mail so I coul contact him to talk about transsexualism in light of my Master's thesis accompanying contextualizing essay.

I would like to talk to him a lot, I've seen him once when he came to class for family reasons, and my teacher said he'd said he was able to identify me straight away (well I'm the only girl who looks even remotely like a guy so it's not THAT hard if you know there's a transperson there).

But I don't think i can think of anything to ask about, really, cuz all with the procedures and stuff all hte questions I have I post on here or look up straigh taway anyway, or ask my counsellor or will ask the sexuologist.

I half feel the teacher gave me the e-mail & the 'excuse' of an interview as just that, an excuse. At the same time I don't want to be taking up anyone's time who's just living their own life and happens to be a transman.