God Is Awesome

[Guest AlexanderG]

- OK halfway through this got into a bit of a ... praise & prayer. & it's totally pro-God so if you're not into that be warned -

*to the mods, this is okay in this section, right?*

Ever since I got an ED I've been sort of setting Him aside because I am aware messing around with oneself like that isn't good and as a proper Father He'd want me to stop it.

But He never really went away to leave me to my own devices.

And now and then I realize, or I just have this insight in my faith that, up to here I've always ended up where I should be in life, and I expect that in the future this will continue. If it's my place to go to a School of Arts, I'll be accepted. Et cetera. I'm lucky and blessed, it seems: everything is always OK in the end.

It's such a safe belief, and I really do believe it. I'll be OK - I'll get wherever it is I'm going.

This morning - this just happens now and then - I suddenly thought of Him, feeling good about that, singing a bit of a song. It's just so great, and in those moments it just doesn't matter that I have no clue as to what He thinks of all those things the Church is 'against' (like homosexuality), because I believe He loves me.

& I realize that, if I would realize this more often, and accept it without questioning so many things, I could feel so much more love and kindness myself, towards the world.

And, though my ED feels like it's 'wrong in the eyes of God,' (which I know isn't quite true because it's a psychiatric disorder, not a choice) I don't get that feeling from this. Contrariwise, I feel I want God to be part of this, of these decisions. To lead me. And if I believe in a path being here for me, down which I walk, then how could I not believe this path I've been walking on all my life, which is GID (I think), is also something He knew all along?

I feel that I don't have to worry about whether or not God approves of my undertaking these gender-things. I don't want to think about whether He made me like this and all of this is a journey I'm supposed to be on, or if it's something mankind created by messing up with genetics or whatever. The given is the same. I'm wanting to be of the opposite sex. I'm wanting to be of the opposite sex AND I would be homosexual if I became so.

And God loves me. He will not abandon me. He will show me the way. If I am patient, I will get all the answers I need (differentiate need from want!). If this self-discovering journey leads to the conclusion I am indeed transsexual - that will be OK. If it doesn't, it will lead to whatever else is going on and that can be solved. Either way. I'll be OK eventually.

I believe I was baptized on November 24th, 2004. And I just came up with all of this. Check the date. Call it coincidence - it's great poetry, hehe.

If I ever forget I'm not alone, please do kick me in the behind but good! hehe.

"God made me for a reason, and nothing is in vain

Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain."

-- D.Parton's "Travelin' Thru" of the Transamerica Soundtrack

[Guest Jean Davis]

You are sooo right, you have so many good points I don't know what to add.

LUV

Jean

[Guest ricka]

God is just sooo much bigger than they ever told us He is!!!! His is the Upsidedown Kingdom where the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Remember it was NEVER about us but about Him!!!

ricka

[Guest imaftm]

Yes! God is awesome! No matter there're so many people say that I'm in the wrong of God's way. I always love Him. Never hate him. Or leave him. I feel his grace. But sometimes I feel sad, but the positive way is I become much stronger after that! God bless us.

[Guest chngnwnd]

Personally, I have found accepting that I am transsexual and coming out to people to be a faith affirming experience. I seem to e finding exactly what I need right when I need it without very much pain or effort (well much less pain and effort than I anticipate at least). Also, since I came out to my children, there has been a lot a joy and laughter in my house - I have not seen my kids so happy since before the marriage went sour. I know God has been at work in my life, I see it every day.

Bobbie