My Girlfriend...she's Not Taking This To Well.

[Guest DJ Smurf]

I told my friend I was considering transtioning and taking the steps necessary to get started. She was awesomely supportive and she's behind me 100%. The point with that is she gave me the courage to tell my girlfriend(we've been together for almost 2 years), because I've been moody about myself and everything. I thought she deserved to know why. Uh...so it went from awesome to crap real fast. She's called me a liar, she says she can't love the real me and she's sad all the time. So as a compromise I told her i would hold off on any major decisions. Except therapy becuse that's something I know will be benifical for us both. But like no matter what I say she's not happy. I don't know what to do. I regret my decison to tell her. And I kinda wish that I had buried it like before. Then again, I'd have to deal with this sooner or later. I just don't want to lose my girlfriend because of this. I'm at a lost.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's helping that I have a place to work out my thoughts.

-DJ

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

They say that misery loves company; I dont know if it will help but you are facing what most of us face when we come out to spouses/SO's the rejection born of fear, uncertainty and the fact that what she is getting isnt what she signed on for. She fell in love with a man, now with you on the verge of transition to the woman you are, she doesnt know if she can walk that road with you. Give her lots of space and time to digest what is happening and what it means not only to her but also to you as a couple. She may decide that she can live with it and then start figuring out how to make things work or it may creep her out too much and she will have to move on.

My wife had just accepted that I was a woman and figured that she could deal with that and still stay with me, then I had to go chuck a spanner in the works by coming out as lesbian as well. Now everything is up in the air again, frankly this time I doubt it will find any kind of recovery. Although she hasnt started fighting with me she is with drawing. This is the second and probably more painfull coming out, well may be with yet more time and space she can accommodate this as well.

[Guest DJ Smurf]

Thank you Joanna. I know it's fear and that she really doesn't understands it, then on top of that she's trying to adjust to the face that she won't be a lesbian anymore. Cause I'll be a heterosexual male once I start transitioning. I'm just at a lost on everything.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey, DJ....Dee Jay here.....

This is one of the stubbling blocks of our process...

We change ...and that leaves our S/O questioning where and what that leaves them. They, too have a lot on their plates when we spring the news...

My wife and I have been married 30 years...but, when I came out she was adament "I AM NOT A LESBIAN!"

Well, as I see it I am...so there ya go...

We'll stay together...too long together to split, but where am I now?

See?

No simple answers, Hon....

You already told her and you can't put that genie back in the bottle....now you have to work with it...give her time and love...

Let's see what happens......OK?

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Sally]

Hello DJ,

I will tell you from personal experience that you can be as loving, caring, supportive and patient, and you must be but in the end a relationship survives or collapses based on both people - you can not keep a relationship together with someone who does not attempt to understand or makes no effort to accept.

You can only control yourself, be kind, patient and loving - it is up to her if she will stay or not.

I wish that I could tell you a sure-fired way to preserve a relationship but there is none, we all think for ourselves.

Love ya,

Sally