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Do I Have To Give Up My Friends For Stealth?


Guest Isabella

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Guest Charlene_Leona

You know to tell you the truth I don't honestly know, you would think that you would have to . But why give up those people who truly love and support you. Another thing you want to consider is that stealth is really next to impossible for us anymore with all the computer database's and such keeping track of us. Stealth has become more of a illusion these days and I know for myself stealth is going to be impossible because my art and photography has my old name all over it and I refuse to put 20 years worth of work away and start from scratch. Do yourself a favor and keep your friends and do your best to fit in, don't worry about stealth as much and live life the best that you can. This is my opinion from my own experiences, I'm not trying to talk you out of attempting to go stealth because if you can do it, go for it.

Love

Charlene Leona

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To truly go stealth...

You have to give up everything and everyone that you hold dear.

You can have no past,no friends or family,nothing to say who you

once were.It is our individual choice to accept that everyone will

know who you once were,or to disappear into stealth,while starting

a new life as your true self in another city,where you can remake

yourself into an anonymous woman.

Myself,I chose to be very out and proud.But I have a long history

with family I love dearly,plus friends and relatives all know who I am.

I have no want or urge to disappear,I am proud of who I am,a woman

name Angie and I like me as I am.

Hugs,

Angelique

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Guest AshleyRF

ROFL.... Stealth talks just make me giggle. Really, why give up friends/family who really love and care about you for some delusional feeling of being unknown. Does it really make you any more or less of a woman if some people in your life know? IMO the only ones truly living stealth are the ones who have been accepted into their own circle of family and friends (who really do love can care about them) as their desired gender identity. The rest of the world really doesn't matter honestly and if you are chasing a dream of being a Barbie..... good luck because that only happens with less than 1% of the GG population so what are the chances for any of us.

Just stick with your true friends and family. Finding people who really do care about you is so hard these days. Hold on as tightly as you can to those who do.

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Guest Donna Jean
ROFL.... Stealth talks just make me giggle. Really, why give up friends/family who really love and care about you for some delusional feeling of being unknown. Does it really make you any more or less of a woman if some people in your life know? IMO the only ones truly living stealth are the ones who have been accepted into their own circle of family and friends (who really do love can care about them) as their desired gender identity. The rest of the world really doesn't matter honestly and if you are chasing a dream of being a Barbie..... good luck because that only happens with less than 1% of the GG population so what are the chances for any of us.

Just stick with your true friends and family. Finding people who really do care about you is so hard these days. Hold on as tightly as you can to those who do.

I SO agree with you, Ashley!

And earlier I was talking with Sally about those of us who totally disconnect with our past and what some girls/guys do...such as destroy every picture of their past...some want to erase their past...but, how does one erase your mind?

And I have to assume that age plays into it, too...Those of us that are um...senior? We can hardly go stealth...too much baggage...maybe those in their early 20's. An MTF could marry a man and it would never be known that she was once other than she is now. Children? That's easily explained away..there are women that can't have children...

I think that "stealth" just means that most of those around you have no idea of your past...That happens daily in any gender!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest Joanna Phipps

I dont know what you would call how I live, afte all to the majority of the world Im just another woman. Only those who need to my story know it along with those who have known me on both sides of my tansition. Is that steath, probably not, but it is tigtly controled information. I dont use my trans status in my daily life unless to expain to doctor or something like that, I also would not dream of shouting it from the roof tops.

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Kia Ora Isabella,

Why on earth would you feel the need to give up on friends who love and accept you for who you are???

I've been living a 'semi stealth' life for around 9 years, I say semi stealth because shortly after I affirmed my gender I move to the island where I now live-Two friends who had known me for years offered to put me up because I had lost my job and had no money to pay my rent-They were the only people on the island [population of around 8 and half thousand] who knew of my past[apart from the necessary government departments with whom I still had to interact with]...I still occassionally see 'friends' on the main land who know of my past and now just accept who I am...

Donna Jean hit the nail on the head with her definition of 'stealth' "I think that "stealth" just means that most of those around you have no idea of your past...!" and that's exactly what 'semi' stealth means for me...

Also in my case I have children whom I still have a loving relationship with-when we are out in public they use my 'female' name but in private I'm 'dad'...

:rolleyes: Friends who know don't care and those who don't know don't care-[and why should I 'have' to tell them]...

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest AshleyRF

Semi Stealth.. I like that term. That pretty much sums up how I'm living. My family and friends know everything about me and they all totally accept me as the woman I have become. The rest of the world just looks at me and sees your average everyday woman. I'm perfectly okay with this life. :)

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Guest NatashaJade

When I was 20, I thought my choices were suicide or stealth. I chose stealth and completely disappeared from the world. I took a Greyhound and lived in Denver. I went to GID support groups and worked as a day laborer...lived in cheap motels and boarding houses and then chickened out. I needed my family in some way and didn't feel it was fair to punish them. I made up a story about "finding myself" which was quite the opposite because I actually ended up hiding myself away. I really made a decision at that point in my life that I just couldn't be trans and spent the next 19 years fighting that battle inside. I'm no longer fighting that battle, but I am not out to all. That will take some time. But I see no point in disappearing again. I love many of the people in my life and I have a lot to keep (and I plan to keep a lot). When I come out, people will know and they'll have to deal with it (as I'll have already dealt).

Be well.

Gin

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Semi Stealth.. I like that term. That pretty much sums up how I'm living. My family and friends know everything about me and they all totally accept me as the woman I have become. The rest of the world just looks at me and sees your average everyday woman. I'm perfectly okay with this life. :)

That is where I am and how I live my life also Ashley.

If you know me,I am very out,if you don't,I am just another lady out and about doing her thing.

Angie

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Guest Joanna Phipps

Living a a woman, doing all I need to do as one yep semi-stealth seems good but then isnt that the way most of the world lives. ONly a select group around us knowing the full story of our lives? If so then we are living normal lives

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Guest Donna Jean

When the whole thing gets down to it.....

I'm a woman...

I want to go shopping, be called ma'am, have the door held open for me and be mostly ignored...

It's all that I wanted in the very first place...

It's where I'll be....

Donna Jean

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When the whole thing gets down to it.....

I'm a woman...

I want to go shopping, be called ma'am, have the door held open for me and be mostly ignored...

Donna Jean

Exactly Donna Jean!

To just be in public going about your business and to be seen and treated like any other woman.

The coolest part is we are very aware of our surroundings,eating it up that we are living our lives honestly and loving every second of the experience.Me thinks it will take years for the thrill of

being a woman daily,for the exhilaration to go away anytime soon... ;) I love being a woman.

HUGE Hugs Dee Jay,

Angie

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I'm mostly stealth in that there are people who have to know that I'm trans so that I can have a job, get medical treatment, etc. But no one knows who doesn't absolutely need to know.

As far as the giving up your friends and family, I've basically done that. I'm on a different continent. You do make new friends, so that part ends up not hurting so much. Like they say though, it's no walk in the park.

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Kia Ora Joanna,

:rolleyes: It's true that's why I like my semi stealth life which is a 'normal' female life...

Stealth=Avoiding detection by moving carefully...By my appearance alone I 'avoid' detection of my past life and I'm 'careful' whom I disclose it to...In other words I have all the benefits of being seen and treated as female plus a safety release valve when dealing with friends who know...

Many times I find myself in situations where I'm in the mix company of friends who know and friends who don't know..It's quite a surreal experience ... B)

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest NatalieRene

I think that as long as my existing friends (not very many sadly) and family accept me and get the pronouns right I'm ok with them all knowing. I couldn't imagine going through the rest of my life without my parents and sisters. I'm not going to advertise myself as trans and I would prefer for people not to know but it's inevitable that some people like my doctor will need to know. There isn't any point in hiding it from them. They need to know if they are prescribing medicine so they don't affect the delicate balance of chemicals. But a person like a dentist I wouldn't tell. If I am ever fortunate enough to find myself a significant other be it male or female I feel if the relationship is serious enough I would have to tell them.

I guess what I'm saying is I think stealth is impossible but that doesn't mean that everyone that walks past you on the street will or even need to know. I'm just going to tell the people that need to know and hope that they love and respect me enough to be discreet about it.

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Hi,

I don't want to seem like a total downer, but it seems to me me everything I say on hear has some depressing or negative ring to it. The thing is I feel like I'm living in stealth already, I told my father about my wanting to be a women when I was 15- years-old,of course he told my mother after that, but the look on my fathers face after I said told him that was not anything anybody would want to have to go through believe me. I guess it wasn't a total shocker to him though because he came home about 1-year before the time I'm talking about right now: he saw that I shaved my legs ( He even mentions that now and how horrified and discusted he was by it. That was 27- years -ago, and I'm pretty sure that all our problems and why he could never get along with me or even want to was because of that. As far as the rest of my family or extended family, well that was pretty much destroyed along time ago; my father of course( I know it might not sound to believable) but he pretty much made sure they wouldn't have anything to do with me. As far as anybody else; there isn't really anybody that is to important to me that I wouldn't be able to just disappear on and never see again, exept my girlfriend; she already knows about me, but her and I both are not sure were she stands with it yet. So I would look forward to living in stealth. Dissappearing and just living as a women were nobody would me, I would love that. Not that I'm happy I have no family or friends to speak of, thats very dis-heartening to me, but I have to trie and not think about it, thats just the way my life turned out.

Melisa

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Guest AshleyRF
Kia Ora Joanna,

:rolleyes: It's true that's why I like my semi stealth life which is a 'normal' female life...

Stealth=Avoiding detection by moving carefully...By my appearance alone I 'avoid' detection of my past life and I'm 'careful' whom I disclose it to...In other words I have all the benefits of being seen and treated as female plus a safety release valve when dealing with friends who know...

Many times I find myself in situations where I'm in the mix company of friends who know and friends who don't know..It's quite a surreal experience ... B)

Metta Jendar :)

The perfect female life. I am enjoying the hell out of it. :)

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