Sexuality Cofusion, Do I Have A Sexuality

[Guest Jo1]

hello to everyone, sorry jumping in at the deep end here but its bugging me

see there are several confoundments im having at the moment. i am seeing someone at the moment and i love there company, but i have never been interested in full sexual activity, i just enjoy being held and kissing i find it nice. i think i like the sound of the stereotypical womens role in a relationship, but the way im with people at the moment i just cant do it and find it humiliating. i think it must be unfair to this person aswell and i should make a clear division, and turn it into a friendship, is this something that may begin to solve as i deal with gender issues or is this something all together seperate, im scared of being asexual i dont want to miss out on this different special kind of bond or closeness. im not sure if this makes any sense. kinda got lots of questions bubbling over

thank you all for listening x

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

hello to everyone, sorry jumping in at the deep end here but its bugging me

see there are several confoundments im having at the moment. i am seeing someone at the moment and i love there company, but i have never been interested in full sexual activity, i just enjoy being held and kissing i find it nice. i think i like the sound of the stereotypical womens role in a relationship, but the way im with people at the moment i just cant do it and find it humiliating. i think it must be unfair to this person aswell and i should make a clear division, and turn it into a friendship, is this something that may begin to solve as i deal with gender issues or is this something all together seperate, im scared of being asexual i dont want to miss out on this different special kind of bond or closeness. im not sure if this makes any sense. kinda got lots of questions bubbling over

thank you all for listening x

Hey Jo, how the relationship proceeds is actually up to both of you. If your friend is comfortable with your transition and wants to stay with you then let it grow in the way it grows. There will be lots of times where you will be glad to have someone there to talk to, whose shoulder you can cry on, or who can just hold you when the insanity of HRT begins. I see in you many of the same questions and confusions that a lot of us have when we start on this road, I would recommend that you find a gender therapist, or failing that a general therapist who is willing to learn about gender issues. They are the people who can not only help you figure out where on the spectum you fit, but can guide you along that path. How far along this path you wish to walk is entirely up to you.

Dont worry too much about being asexual, many of us go through that phase when we start on blockers and the testosterone drops to nearly zero. One other thing is that SOME of our sisters, myself included, actualy find they go from straight males to gay women. Not sure why, but it happens.

This is the right place to ask all of your questions; once you have 5 posts you can edit your profile and use the private message system. All of us came here with more questions than answers, and some of us have found that helping those just beginning trasition, or those not quite as far a long has be come a calling for us.

[Guest Fwip]

Jo,

It's perfectly understandable to have a low sex drive, or even none at all. A lot of cisgendered people, both men and women, don't have this strong desire for sex for whatever reason. Just like so many other things about people, we're all over the spectrum on this. There are people who have well-adjusted, healthy relationships who have sex twice every day, and there are also people in well-adjusted, healthy relationships who have never had sex and never intend to.

Often, a transsexual person has issues with sex due to his or her body, just like some people don't want to because they feel they are too fat, too skinny, too tall, or any number of perceived defects. Fortunately, most people get more comfortable with themselves as they transition, especially with hormones and surgery. Trust me, it's a lot easier to enjoy sexual things when you're not constantly upset over your body.

Regarding your partner, it's hard when two people in a relationship have different sex drives. Without knowing more about you two, I would tell you that the best plan is simply to be honest. The two of you can work together to find something that works for both of you.

And finally, Jo, you're still young. I'm only four years older than you, but I can tell you that in my last four years the kind of relationships I've been interested in has changed quite a bit! Don't push yourself to be someone you're not because you're afraid of missing out - there's a lot of your life ahead of you, after all.

~Fwippy