I Feel That I'm Just Wandering Through Life.

[Guest Melisa]

I sometimes or almost all the time actually feell like I'm wandering through life with out really being connected to anybody or anything. The fact that I don't want to be a male, and never wanted to be in the first place, and really dislike doing the samething that this gender does that I happen to be part of at the moment. Like the way they relate to one another, the complete unemotional attachment that exists with them(Even if they were able to connect emotionally I wouldnt want to do be part of them,) because I can't stand having the same body as them, I want a female body. All of these reasons make it very unbearable and heart-wrenging for me. My ultra conservative and not understanding family has totally isolated me from them. I try to relate to females in the way I feel comfortable, emotionally connecting with them, just hanging around with them and having fun, but they just see me as a male trying to get with them, or if they do try and connect with me as a women it's somehow not the way I want it to be because afterall I am still a male for now unfortunatley. Maybe when I start living full-time as a women this will change hopefully, instead of just dressing in womens clothes in my appartment. I wear womens panties, shave my whole body, etc when I go out but this doesn't portrait to them who I am.

Melisa

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Melisa

I'm sorry to hear your family has you isolated and doesn't understand you but we are a large family here that does understand our peers. It sounds like you have a very good idea of who and what you are. The first thing that we recommend is finding a gender therapist so you can start to work out your gender issues. They will help you figure out yourself even more and diagnosis you one way or the other. It does sound like you do have an idea of who you are and you have found a wonderful resource to work out your issues. You will find us a great bunch of girls and guys who are loving and understanding. We are a moderated board that makes sure all the haters & admirers are kept out for everyones safety. If you need anything don't be afraid to ask one of us Moderators and after 5 post you will be able to send private messages.

Take Care Hon your Home

Charlene Leona

[Sally]

Melisa,

That feeling of detachment is all to common in our world we don't belong in the group that we look like and aren't fully accepted into the one that we really are until we look like them.

This is truly a case of "you can't judge a book by its cover", we are so much more than is on the surface but society is very superficial so we are stuck until we can transition and present in a manner that they can understand - "you look just like me!"

This only interacting with people who look just like you is also the basis for bigotry.

We must focus on our goal and continue in that direction without faltering and then one day someone will open up to you and connect with the woman you are and this dreary old planet will take on a whole new appearance as well - trust me after 58 years of stormy weather the clouds have parted for me and the skies are blue (I never knew that) and it only took my friend a year and a half to get through to me.

There is meaning to life, it is different for everyone so I cannot tell you what it is but when you find it you will know.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Melisa]

Melisa

I'm sorry to hear your family has you isolated and doesn't understand you but we are a large family here that does understand our peers. It sounds like you have a very good idea of who and what you are. The first thing that we recommend is finding a gender therapist so you can start to work out your gender issues. They will help you figure out yourself even more and diagnosis you one way or the other. It does sound like you do have an idea of who you are and you have found a wonderful resource to work out your issues. You will find us a great bunch of girls and guys who are loving and understanding. We are a moderated board that makes sure all the haters & admirers are kept out for everyones safety. If you need anything don't be afraid to ask one of us Moderators and after 5 post you will be able to send private messages.

Take Care Hon your Home

Charlene Leona

Charlene,

Thankyou for your inviting message. The truth is I do see a gender therapist and also I've posted on here quite a few times. Also, I'm suppose to start HRT in a feww months(only becuse the endrocinologist is booking his appointments so far out) But also my posts on here I don't know, they didn't seem to go anywhere or generate the kind of response I was looking for, so again thankyou for your message.

Love

Melisa

[Guest Melisa]

Melisa,

That feeling of detachment is all to common in our world we don't belong in the group that we look like and aren't fully accepted into the one that we really are until we look like them.

This is truly a case of "you can't judge a book by its cover", we are so much more than is on the surface but society is very superficial so we are stuck until we can transition and present in a manner that they can understand - "you look just like me!"

This only interacting with people who look just like you is also the basis for bigotry.

We must focus on our goal and continue in that direction without faltering and then one day someone will open up to you and connect with the woman you are and this dreary old planet will take on a whole new appearance as well - trust me after 58 years of stormy weather the clouds have parted for me and the skies are blue (I never knew that) and it only took my friend a year and a half to get through to me.

There is meaning to life, it is different for everyone so I cannot tell you what it is but when you find it you will know.

Love ya,

Sally

Thankyou so much Sally,

Reading that message makes me feel great, and gives me so much to hope for.

Love

Melisa

[Guest viv]

Hello Melisa,

Oh hun, I got a good idea what your goin through. I am isolated from family

and unfortunately bridges have been burned . That can hurt , but you know what I found

to help ? become completely absorbed in your transition. I dont get to see an endo till

next March, that means it will be about June when I start t blockers , so how do I get

absorbed ??.Well, diet and fitness is big in my transition. When I am examined by

the doc I will be in good shape, that means quicker hrt start time imo, and being fit

feels good too. Then theres Laura"s, I am on every day and it truly gives me such a

thrill to hear good news from one of our family . Only this morning (my time) I read

a post and it put me in such good form I bought myself a three quarter length cardigan

this afternoon (broke now ). Feeling a bit down is something all of us go through

periodically and thats the time to make sure your talking to us here /heck, even one or

two of my replies make a little sense (ok mods ,,,one??). So Melisa, I know you got to deal

with feelings re family but try not to **tie** them to everything else, give them their own

space in your head so when you need to work on em they are not invading your other

stuff, this is a system of thinking that works , I swear to you hun , practice that to

perfection and you will be so much stronger . I hope theres something in this for you hun.

But you remember this !!!we are here for you 24 hours a day 7 days a week all year round/

this sisterhood truly is unbreakable, you wont feel down for long with us , we wont let that

happen. Talk to us again soon hun, Luv,viv

[Carolyn Marie]

Melisa, it really is hard when you are in between worlds. I am in this position too.

I have a wonderful female colleague at work. We are kindred spirits in many ways, and I feel like I can tell her anything and she would understand.

But of course I haven't told her my big secret yet, but I yearn to do so. I know I will eventually, and then we can, hopefully, be real girlfriends.

Until then, I feel like I am on the outside looking in. It seems like you feel the same way.

I know it hurts to lose your family ties, but in time they may come back into your life in a good way. Until then, like my sisters have said, you have

this wonderful family here to be your lifeline. We are always here for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ricka]

Melisa, Hon---Kat is sooo right, we can choose our real family and we are naturally "tribal" and made to be connected with others. Feeling isolated is terribly painful and we all of gone through it, and continue to go through it to various degrees. You have a loving, understanding and supportive family here at Laura's and though we are in fact a cyber-family our love and understanding is entirely genuine as is our connection with each other.

Hon---the female inside of you does not have to stay trapped inside a male body. That is really more about your head than your body. Rather than seeing your body as your enemy make peace with her as a she regardless of what she looks like---touch her and soothe her and feel her respond as a female.

Sunny days will come. Look forward to them and cherish them when they do come and stay connected with your family here.

Ricka