Starting Out Or Not So Out

[Guest avirone]

I am working with a trans-gender therapist and am about to start hormones. My female partner is alright with sharing my journey as long as I stay closeted to friends and family. I'm not a kid and don't need to go as far as operations etc. Even my therapist agrees that their is a choice of where on the transgender spectrum one can feel comfortable. Here's my question; can anybody from experience relate to it even being possible to transition only through hormones (not surgery) and still go incognito as my partner would like?

[Guest ricka]

Hon---someone had posted on an earlier thread that their GT likened one's transgender journey to getting on a train at a certain point and then arriving at a certain destination---the departure and arrival points being a little different for all of us.

I am taking a slow train and enjoing the scenery myself. I have no idea where my desitination will be but I appreciate so much all my sisters here on Laura's who have traveled before me to various destinations and have shared their experiences openly and honestly.

Like you I am pre-HRT and SRS. At this point i honestly don't think these procedures are in the cards for me but I am keeping an open mind. I have naturally fully developed female breasts and my body produces a high level of estrogen. I am in a career where it is not practical to transition at work and I have no problem accepting this. My family lives a ways away and are not at all accepting and I also have learned to accept this: I am who I am and they are who they are. I feel very much a woman regardless of how I dress. And in male mode I know that I am regarded as being effeminate.

How far you go and how you go about transitioning really needs to be your decision and no one else's. Sounds like your partner has her own issues about your transitioning that would best be explored with a therapist both individually and as a couple. In the healthiest relationships each person gives the other the freedom and unconditional love and support to be who they are and to become who they are becoming. Other people's expectations of us become extremely heavy burdens to bear, especially for us trans folks.

Ricka

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Hello Avirone there are allot of us who only transition as far as hormones, we general call those folks non-ops and it's totally alright. As a matter of fact the Ver.6 of wpaths standards of care, says that is perfectly alright to do so. If it is alright with you that is all that matters is what you think and what you need to do to make yourself happy. You can also remain closeted as long as you want nowadays the SOC has said that as well. You can wear things under your drab male clothes and stay that way for as long as you want. Allot of us though have to come out and be that person our minds are, there is no way around it, but if you can be happy the way you are more power to you and your mate. Now the hormones are going to give you breast and soften your skin and face up, so it might be hard to hide everything from the world. Your thinking should start to change on HRT once you start as well so your mind and mannerisms may be really feminine and it's likely that some people will think your gay. Another thing is on HRT you equipment will eventually stop functioning normally you will stop ejaculating and getting erections will be harder to do. You will still be able to have an orgasm so you and your partner can still do what you do, but it will be limited.

Take Care

Charlene Leona

[Guest avirone]

Hello Avirone there are allot of us who only transition as far as hormones, we general call those folks non-ops and it's totally alright. As a matter of fact the Ver.6 of wpaths standards of care, says that is perfectly alright to do so. If it is alright with you that is all that matters is what you think and what you need to do to make yourself happy. You can also remain closeted as long as you want nowadays the SOC has said that as well. You can wear things under your drab male clothes and stay that way for as long as you want. Allot of us though have to come out and be that person our minds are, there is no way around it, but if you can be happy the way you are more power to you and your mate. Now the hormones are going to give you breast and soften your skin and face up, so it might be hard to hide everything from the world. Your thinking should start to change on HRT once you start as well so your mind and mannerisms may be really feminine and it's likely that some people will think your gay. Another thing is on HRT you equipment will eventually stop functioning normally you will stop ejaculating and getting erections will be harder to do. You will still be able to have an orgasm so you and your partner can still do what you do, but it will be limited.

Take Care

Charlene Leona

[Guest avirone]

I know the ejaculate will lessen but will that little blue pill work to help the erections?

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I know the ejaculate will lessen but will that little blue pill work to help the erections?

Well I honestly don't know the answer to that since I have no need or interest in using that part of myself. But honestly I can't see why it wouldn't. You might seriously talk to your endo about this I don't know what the physiological response would be with high levels of estrogen in your body. I couldn't take the blue pill because I'm on high dose nitrates anyway.

Charlene Leona

[Guest Vicky]

I am working with a trans-gender therapist and am about to start hormones. My female partner is alright with sharing my journey as long as I stay closeted to friends and family. I'm not a kid and don't need to go as far as operations etc. Even my therapist agrees that their is a choice of where on the transgender spectrum one can feel comfortable. Here's my question; can anybody from experience relate to it even being possible to transition only through hormones (not surgery) and still go incognito as my partner would like?

Hi dear, i am the way just like you too, I am not on HRT - yet - and I don't even think about SRS right now. I don't even know yet where I'll arrive but now i am focusing on my LOOK. I grow my hair, and I go to electrolysis for facial hair removal and paint my nails. I think the way you are or you are to be is nothing wrong with that.

Hugs,

Lily

[Guest yvonne]

I am working with a trans-gender therapist and am about to start hormones. My female partner is alright with sharing my journey as long as I stay closeted to friends and family. I'm not a kid and don't need to go as far as operations etc. Even my therapist agrees that their is a choice of where on the transgender spectrum one can feel comfortable. Here's my question; can anybody from experience relate to it even being possible to transition only through hormones (not surgery) and still go incognito as my partner would like?

Your female partner is trying to avoid a delicate situation. I've never understood why some gay people insist that everyone know they're gay. Personally, I never wanted to know what they did with their spare time...

I'm in the same boat as you, exactly. I feel the best thing for me and my wife right now is that only the people with a "need to know" know. Me (duh), the wife, my GT and my Doctor. Other than that, it's no one's business.

As time goes on, the changes will become harder to hide, so I can gradually emerge. It's a bit by bit journey. There's no reason to show up someplace in a flaming pink gown and expect the world to rejoice.

I've said I'll continue working in male mode and my GT asked me last week if I thought that would be a good solution for me, really, in my heart. I had to say, "probably not", but I won't know until I get there.

It's better to let your other accept things as they're able, over time, rather than turning her world upside down all at once. There's only so much any of us can digest all at once.

In my case, I only have to look at how long it took ME to accept the change. I certainly have no business pushing anyone else.

Let others finally ask me when the time comes or ask to speak to that little gay guy they talked to this morning.....

Yvonne

[Sally]

OK, it is time for Momma Sally to weigh in on this one.

It is possible to pass as male anytime for most of us, just hiding your breasts is enough because we already know all of the gestures, mannerisms and behaviors.

However, as to the little blue pill -I am not sure what effect it can have on a woman, because let's face it after a few months on HRT, that is what your body chemistry is - that is a question for a medical professional, trained in transgendered physiology.

In my opinion it might be a little bit too far in transitioning to go on HRT if you are worried about having sex as a man with your wife, those abilities and for most those desires wane rather rapidly on estrogen.

Think things through very carefully before you enter into something that you may not want to continue, there are some changes from HRT that do not reverse upon stopping.

In the words of Davy Crockett, "Be sure you are right, then go ahead."

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Once your antiandrogen really takes effect sex tends to be a take it or leave it affair, with the majority of us not having the desire to take it. For me it was relaxing to not have to worry about sex when I started thinking of intimacy, for me intimacy is a good cuddle or just holding my wife as we lay talking. Sex doesnt even enter the equation.

I would be tempted to echo the feelings of some of the others, if you want sex as a man then hormones and antiandrogens may not be for you.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Avirone...................

Honey.....

After a while on the estrogen and anti-androgen, you will lose most of the desire, the equipment shrinks and it will work to a limited degree if at all.

I caution everyone to take these things into account when considering transition...

Like Joanna, a good cuddle works for me...

And like others are saying, get off of the train at the poing where you are comfortable...

Good luck, Honey!

HUGGGS!

Donna Jean