One Week Till Hrt

[Guest AshleyRF]

Congrats! Here is to a new life for you!

Hugs

Ash

[Guest rachael1]

Congrats Eth.

You will have to keep us updated on your progress.

Rachael

[Guest Donna Jean]

Eth, Baby......

Don't let anyone scare you with the horror stories!....lol

It is all worth it, trust me on this!

You'll be so happy that most of the side effects are of little consequence....

Hang in there, Sweetie!

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest Emily_MI]

Congratulations!!!! I got my letter a bit ago and I finally went to my Doctor to go onto HRT; however, since this is not her specialty she referred me to a local Endocrinologist but I will not be able to get to see the Doctor until March 11'th of 2010

[Sally]

Congratulations Eth!

I will tell you about the bright side.

I am doing pretty well, four months along and the development is happening but I have not been aware of an itch and painful only if compressed, touching them gently has a totally different sensation than ever before - not pain as such bit something very pleasing.

You will find out for yourself, we are all different and yet so much the same.

Good luck to you my little sister and remember your sisters, aunts and all have been along this journey and we are here to help you not to stumble.

And Emily - March is not that far away, really - I had to wait that long for my first Endo appointment, you can do it - it is worth it!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest viv]

Congratulations!!!! I got my letter a bit ago and I finally went to my Doctor to go onto HRT; however, since this is not her specialty she referred me to a local Endocrinologist but I will not be able to get to see the Doctor until March 11'th of 2010

Emily, Oh dear Hun, I know exactly what that feels like.....Grrrrr, like that ????

You see, I dont get to see the Endo till next may. Just picture the two of us

as a pair of Bridegrooms , sitting on a fence , waiting for Dr. Estro to visit.

Oh hun, we will get there , we will. Your friend and woman in waiting, viv

[Guest Robin Winter]

I think this deserves a hearty "Wooooot!"

Congratulations doll!

*Hugs*

[Guest Emily_MI]

Emily, Oh dear Hun, I know exactly what that feels like.....Grrrrr, like that ????

You see, I dont get to see the Endo till next may. Just picture the two of us

as a pair of Bridegrooms , sitting on a fence , waiting for Dr. Estro to visit.

Oh hun, we will get there , we will. Your friend and woman in waiting, viv

lol, yes a BIG Grrrrr but I have waited this long so just a bit more right? small steps.....Big Hugs.....

[Carolyn Marie]

Emily, 2010 is going to be a great year for you. I'll be sharing it with you too, as I'll be starting early next year myself. It seems to take forever,

but good things are worth waiting for, and this is the best thing ever. Honey, I've been dreaming of being a girl since I was 7, and I'm now 55,

so, yeah, I'm way past ready.

I look forward to sharing our journeys together.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Eth]

I'm feeling similar grrrrr's right now too... I should be on hormones now, but I'm not. My dad forgot to call the doctors for a couple of days, up to the weekend, LAST WEEK, and the doctor's office still has not replied about a day for my bloodwork. ...

......Hopefully this gets sorted out soon. I want my hormones, dang it!

愛 Eth

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

......Hopefully this gets sorted out soon. I want my hormones, dang it!

愛 Eth

boy does that sound familiar, should have heard me in the months before i got approved for hrt... on owly woman

[Guest Donna Jean]

......Hopefully this gets sorted out soon. I want my hormones, dang it!

愛 Eth

Well, DANG and bummer, Sweetheart!

And at this point for you...being so close...it seems like an eternity!

But, Honey, it's just around the corner!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Eth]

Still no hormones. Not sure what else to say besides that. My blood test results still aren't back.

So much for "one week"...

愛 Eth

[Guest sarah f]

I am sorry to hear that you don't have your blood test results back. Hopefully you will get them this week. Let us know when you get them so we can celebrate with you.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Robin Winter]

It won't be long now, and it'll be worth the wait. Chin up! Just remember, you're a heck of a lot closer than I am

*Hugs*

[Guest Eth]

Now my dad is saying I may not get in until March, and talks as though he has no intention of pushing for it any sooner. I know I have an official appointment in March but the Endo told me I was to start sooner than that. They said 7-10 days... I should have started a month ago! Now my dad is saying I might not get in at all for aother month and a half?

This is ridiculous. Especially when more and more changes keep coming and I don't know what to do. Facial hair is growing in faster than ever - I've started getting real "5 o'clock shadow"... as in I shave, and it's clearly back by 5 o'clock. I feel disgusting and I feel like all of this could be prevented and no one is even TRYING. I don't know what to do. I was so incredibly happy on the day they told me I could start in a week - my panic attacks went away. Now they're back and worse than ever. I don't know what to do.

愛 Eth

[Guest Kieri]

I wonder if something is going on that you don't know about. Has your dad been the "middle man" for you the whole time? I don't know your situation and everything, but is he okay with your transitioning? It's just with the things you have been saying, it sounds (to me) like he is really hesitant about it at the very least and could be resisting behind the scenes by messing with your appointments or maybe isn't telling you everything. And then, I could be completely wrong... but food for thought.

So sorry you have had to wait so long I would be extremely depressed in your position. *hug*

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

try talking to the doctor directly and try and get the truth as to what's going on.

[Guest Eth]

try talking to the doctor directly and try and get the truth as to what's going on.

I haven't got any access to any of these doctors except through him. Well, besides my therapist - but she's already done all she needs to do. I have my letter of recommendation - I'm just waiting for the rest.

I wonder if something is going on that you don't know about. Has your dad been the "middle man" for you the whole time? I don't know your situation and everything, but is he okay with your transitioning? It's just with the things you have been saying, it sounds (to me) like he is really hesitant about it at the very least and could be resisting behind the scenes by messing with your appointments or maybe isn't telling you everything. And then, I could be completely wrong... but food for thought.

So sorry you have had to wait so long I would be extremely depressed in your position. *hug*

I don't think my dad would directly interfere with/limit my transitioning, because if he would, he would do it point blank and outright. He (probably) wouldn't get me set up and then randomly delay it. See, I know that I have a March appointment with the Endo - that was set up a month ago. However, the Endocrinologist told me I would be good to start on hormones in 7-10 days (of course he said this 6+ weeks ago), and that all I needed to do was come back with my blood test results and a letter of recommendation from my therapist. He implied that I needed to schedule another appointment - this one sooner than March - in order to start on hormones, and that the appointment in March was to do more blood tests and check on my changes and things like that.

What I WOULD worry about with my dad, is that if there appears to be any opposition or roadblocks with my transition, he would go with it. I don't think he would initiate the opposition or roadblocks, but if one happened to present itself... He wouldn't stand up for me or push for anything. That's what's happening here, I think, and that's a problem because I am incapable of standing up for myself when I lack the money, the voice (literally), and the contacts. The problem here is that my blood test results still aren't back, even though it's been an inordinate amount of time that we've been waiting. I mean, generally it should back in 1-2 weeks, from everything that I've heard and from what I understand they are doing. When it hit 3-4 weeks, I was willing to go "Okay... it's the New Year, the lab was probably shut down for awhile, I bet they're backed up with many people too who wanted to hurry up and spend their insurance money before it became void, etc."... But at 6+ weeks and counting it's getting to be a little ridiculous. So now when I ask my dad "When we get the blood test results..." (SERIOUSLY HOPING THAT WILL BE SOON) "...We'll schedule an appointment with the Endocrinologist to get the prescription for my hormones, right?" and he seems to be leaning towards "Well you have a March appointment so it's no big deal now anyways, right?".

Like I explained in my last post, it's a HUGE deal. There are changes going on that some of which aren't easily reversible and many that aren't reversible through HRT alone - like the rapidly growing facial hair. I am feeling so much more disgusting in my body every day and I'm having SEVERE panic attacks again. I'm awake to write this right now at nearly 9:30am because I haven't slept yet. Last time I didn't go to sleep until it was past 11:00am. This is becoming regular for me. I'm scared to lie down because I keep having these relentless, intense panic attacks. I keep telling my boyfriend I'm scared, but there's nothing he can do all the way over in Australia. Sometimes I feel like all I want to do is go be held by him, which I know he'd be more than willing to do for me... but we've got this huge body of water and stuff between us, and I'm not that good of a swimmer.

I try to convince my dad/step-mom that this is a big deal, and that I need things to hurry up and we need to at least try to figure out what's going on so at least I'm not sitting here feeling like this is going to stretch on to infinity, but my dad tells me that I'm melodramatic and that it's "not that bad". I tell him I have panic attacks, and he asks why. I tell him the same thing every time: "Because I'm stuck in the wrong body and all of these changes are occurring and..." the list goes on as you've all heard, and in more detail than that. Instead of listening, he just seems to grow 'bored' with getting the same reply, as if I'm supposed to have a new or more "valid" (in his mind) reason every time. As for my step-mom, she's thoroughly convinced that I'm a "gay boy" who WANTS to "become" a girl. She cannot wrap her mind around the whole 'female brain, male body' concept. Because of that, she can't understand why I feel pain or sincerity or why there is a dire need for me to transition. To her it simply "must" be a WANT... not a need. So therefore putting it off or denying me access to it isn't a big deal. To her it's like denying a child candy -- when in reality it's more like denying a burn victim access to medical treatment.

I wish I could make them get it, but I've tried for about two years now. I've explained things to them time and time again, but they just can't wrap their heads around it. They'll never fight for me, defend me, or truly support me as long as they refuse to understand me. It's incredible that they're letting me get hormones at all (although I already know that's only because they're cheap. My dad made it quite clear he wouldn't allow it if they weren't cheap - and not because we can't afford it. My step-mom is taking a specific asthma medication that costs us like $200 (I think it's around that) every time. It cost like an eighth of that before but when it went up they didn't seem to have any problem continuing to buy it). I just don't know what to do.

All I can really say is, things have gotten really horrible and I'm only just touching on it here. I just want something to be done but I know posting here doesn't make it happen. Maybe I just want someone to understand what I feel at the moment. But I dunno. I'm leaving out a lot because I think I'm borderlining the suicide/depression topic and a lot of that probably doesn't belong here, and the stuff that belongs there I don't want to post because I'm either ashamed of it or denying it.

I'm trying to get through this junk but I really really don't know what to do.

愛 Eth

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

You're still you no matter what. hang on to that. so you might end up needing a few hours of electolysis, but you're not going to stop being yourself.

Can you really not find your Endo's phone number or take a bus to his office and ask what's up, I would expect blood work to be back in a few days really unless a lab is particularly busy. Maybe it's a very small lab, but yeah certinaly not 6 weeks, it's more likely that the results got lost in the mail, or they were forwarded to the endo but you didn't get a copy, and a secretary somewhere should have but didn't call you. At this point tho, if you wait for the march appointment with no resuts, you'll probably have to have the tests done again and wait again for the results. so if there is a problem or if they've been lost and another copy can't be gotten then you want to arrange to have more tests done as quickly as possible.

In regards to your parents, at the end of the day it doesn't really matter if they believe it's a need or a choice, just have a little faith that either way they'll know it was the right thing once they see their happy, productive, normal teenage daughter.

[Guest Eth]

Can you really not find your Endo's phone number or take a bus to his office and ask what's up, I would expect blood work to be back in a few days really unless a lab is particularly busy.

No, I really can't. Others have suggested similar before but it's not possible for me. I can't call anywhere and it is not safe for me to take the bus anywhere on my own, really. This is a very dangerous neighborhood and I have personally been jumped before or felt like I was going to be if I didn't move quickly (had people start surrounding me almost like a pack of wolves, etc.).

I don't mean to be rude for not like, going into detail and all... but I really have many times before with others and I'm just sort of drained from explaining myself over and over... I want to just shorten it and say "my parents are very restrictive, I live in a bad neighborhood, I have severe anxiety problems when it comes to speaking, and I've tried to think of many ways to do things like this but I haven't found any solutions so no, I really have given up looking for them in that way".

愛 Eth

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Hey it's ok, i'm only just starting to get on top of my anxiety a little, I would never speak to anyone on the phone. Pretty much if it couldn't be delt with online it didn't get done.

Maybe I should dig through some of your post history if it's all been said before.

I left home at 16 so i've never really gotten the obeying parents thing. but I think we tend to get more rights quicker than you guys do.

It's a pity someone can't call on your behalf or something but it's medical data so they'd never discuss anything with anyone other than your family.

I think I'm just about all out of ideas then.

but try not to get down in the mean time, it's not really your body you see in the mirror, it's more like when you hurt yourself and get a big bruise, you'll heal eventually. I know the depression stuff is a nightmare, but you have a plan to be happy right? so doing anything stupid would really just be stupid

stick around, you sound like the kind of girl i'd really like to get to know a little more.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Eth....

I guess that i don't totally understand...

You mean that your parents let you go all the way through therapy and get your HRT letter and maybe even pay for it and then hold you back?

What's with that....

Can't you get them to understand that now you'r experiencing puberty and you need to stop the effects as soon as possible?

You obviously have computer access...Google is your friend...

Use it...

Find your Doctor...e-mail them...

Find the lab...e-mail them....

Don't sit and wait for this to resolve itself...it's YOUR life!

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hi Eth,

Im just wondering.....are folk just testing your resolve ???

you know , put a little barrier in your way to see will you knock

it down and carry on ???, .I also think you should be making

tracks hun. So come on Eth, time to get your rear in gear, viv

[Guest Eth]

Hi Eth,

Im just wondering.....are folk just testing your resolve ???

you know , put a little barrier in your way to see will you knock

it down and carry on ???, .I also think you should be making

tracks hun. So come on Eth, time to get your rear in gear, viv

I doubt it - I mean, that'd be REALLY stupid. Even for them. My dad has walked into my bedroom before and found me standing on a chair with a noose around my neck about to jump. That's not something that would make someone think "Gee, I really need to test this person's resolve! =D".

</morbid humor><insert="apologies">

You obviously have computer access...Google is your friend...

Use it...

Find your Doctor...e-mail them...

Find the lab...e-mail them....

Don't sit and wait for this to resolve itself...it's YOUR life!

That's actually a good point and I feel dumb for not thinking of that. I'm still not entirely sure because I don't actually know my Endocrinologist's name nor do I know the name of the clinic I'm going to yet. I mean, I went there once before but I didn't see the name of the place, and the doctor I saw had some unusually long name that I can't remember and he wasn't the Endo I would be seeing anyway - he said he had a colleague with 25 years experience treating transgender patients, and that THAT person would be my Endo. I wish I knew the name.

I'm also totally in the dark about the lab where my blood is supposed to be analyzed. My only connection to that is through my GP - but I might be able to get the information from them. THAT might work.

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow so I think I'll talk to her again and ask for more advice and bug my dad more about this before I go for that, but that's definitely an option now. Thank you very much!

愛 Eth