Stop Calling It A Defect!

[Guest yvonne]

Hello Sweet Sisters From Around the Globe,

My wife and I were talking the other night and I was referring to GID as a birth defect (as opposed to a mental condition) and she finally said, in a firm voice, "Stop calling it your defect! It's a condition".

Interesting choice of words and I have to admit she's right. It's a medical condition. It exists, it can be treated and it brings its own set of challenges. In the overall scheme of things, its not all that bad. Really. Look, its not Multiple Sclerosis, its not Cancer, its not paralysis (except of the psyche) and it shouldn't be life-threatening.

Its just a condition, a medical condition. I think too many of us spend far too much time worrying about "how did we get this way?", "what causes this?" or "why me?". None of that matters. The plain fact is, we're afflicted with it and we have to learn to deal with it.

It doesn't make us perverts, sexual deviates or pedophiles, for heaven's sake. Nor should we experience shame over it. In reality, it brings some unique perspectives to us. In some cultures, transsexualism is revered. Yes, you can move there, but the language barriers are significant and the TV reception sucks...

It seems to me the greatest pain of all comes from our inability to recognize it first and seek treatment, second. I wasn't able to accept it for years and it caused me great pain. Once I accepted it and began treatment, it was like getting a really good medicine that made me "feel better, fast".

So, for all of you beloved sisters who are suffering silently in pain, open up, forget the shame, disregard the potential pain to others and admit openly to those in a position to help you, that you're in pain now and need real professional help. If you have a broken arm, it matters not how adamantly you're told that you're fine, because you're not. Your arm needs medical attention and, until you get it, the pain will be nearly impossible to endure.

For those sisters who have done this and are now in the process of transition, as I am now, you should experience no shame of any kind, nor should you hate your body. As you get treatment, your body will change, your brain will change and relief will be wonderful. The fix is not instant, it takes years. Have some patience, for heaven's sake. It took you years to get where you are now and it will take years to fix it. Work on the fix, don't hate the condition.

I want to repeat this for effect: Do not experience any shame. There's no shame in having a broken arm and there's no shame in having a "medical condition". You are NOT a second-class citizen. There are those who would have you believe that and those same people probably make fun of people in wheel chairs. Feel sorry for those who can't accept it, for their own minds hurt more than yours.

I learned a long time ago that many people will tell you "you can't do that" when you share your dreams of success with them. When people give you advice, look at what they have, for it you follow their advice, that's what you'll get. If the person telling you that you can't do that isn't successful themselves, well, they don't understand success.

Those that reject you and treat you the cruelest will most likely be people who aren't successful in their own life, either. This validates what I'm saying--they're really miserable human beings in their own minds, so pay them no heed.

Be proud of who you are and where you're going.

A final thought--rather than thinking of yourself as a girl, think of yourself as a "girl who is....". By that, I mean think of yourself as a girl who is an airline pilot, a girl who is a CEO (Chief Executive Officer, as in a Corporation), a girl who is a professional, an attorney, an accountant. A girl who is....

You see, just being a girl isn't enough. It's not enough for a young boy to dream of becoming a man, he must dream of being a fireman, a policeman, a medical professional. A specific type of man.

We should be dreaming of being a woman, a very specific woman. This means planning your education, your training, your life in a positive direction.

Many of us struggle with jobs and careers and, much of the time, it's a simple lack of either planning or desire. We get so wrapped up in becoming the "women of our dreams", that it stops with being a woman. The woman of your dreams should be a very special woman. If you possess very special qualities, getting a job should be easy, as you have skills that are in demand.

We need to read books about successful women, watch tapes of successful women, to learn about them and what makes them special women, if we seek to follow them.

That's my new focus--not only how can I become the woman I've dreamed of becoming, but become the "woman of my dreams". I'm going to be the next Lynn Conway.

You see, I don't have a defect, only a condition. One that's treatable. And, if it's treatable, it's really no big deal.

Happy Days,

Yvonne

[Guest Donna Jean]

Ok...Ok...Condition!....lol

Sweetheart.......

Very uplifting post as yours tend to be....If you were ever down, I don't know who we'd get to make you feel better!

I just want to say that I agree with you so much here..

And nowadays I feel quite liberated and proud....

But, growing up was a different story.

At our age (you and I) there was very little available on our "condition" and no internet to find out about it!

While I grew up, it scared me to death and that's why I denied it so vigorously....because I felt myself as "perverted" or mentally ill in some way and there was nothing or no one there to tell me any differently!

So, no, it's not a birth defect....it's a condition that we have with a course of treatment and Therapists schooled in our condition and doctors that treat it medically...

We're no longer percieved as a pervert or mentally ill and there is no reason to think of ourselves as such...but it took me 55 years to get out of that hole...(from age 5)

So, again, Yvonne, thanks for helping us all feel better about ourselves!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hi Yvonne,

Very interesting and thoughtful opinion. I enjoyed reading

same and ,as usual your comments are very educational . thanks,

Luv,viv

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

ok I will play the devils advocate here, does that mean that any other condition you are born with is not a birth defect but a birth condition? In strict medical parlance can it be cured, or is it a case of the syptoms being managed effectively and thus alleviated to the point that minimal medication is needed, bearing in mind that we (MTFs) will be on estrogen for the rest of our days, full cure to my mind would mean no meds at all

[Guest ChloëC]

Being of Donna Jean's generation, I understand about people thinking of it as some kind of defect or problem to be cured (and I don't mean cured as in transition, here), mostly through therapy, or maybe through more intense means (commiting, shock, beatings, lots of possibilities). And being young at that time, it was all too easy to go along with the crowd and believe there was something wrong with me.

When my desires came back in full force (or maybe when I let them out) after some years of trying to suppress them, I was forced to look at what I was and think about it, and read about it, and look for possible answers. That's when I read all the biographies and stories and articles I list in my personal section (and lots more!), as well Dr. Benjamin's work. And the more I read, the more I thought, the more I read other medical type articles, I slowly realized it wasn't a defect that could be 'cured' (that is, forcing my mental and emotional states to accept my physical state), and I'm not even sure if it's a condition.

With 6,000,000,000 people on this planet, that leaves a lot of room for all sorts of possibilties. And I realized I was one of those 6 billion possibilities.

And I realized, I was me, nothing more, nothing less. I had/have certain abilities, traits, desires, all that, and it is and was and will always be my choice with what I do with them. Do I stay a cd? Do I look into transition? Given what I want in my life, and what I have, who I love, who loves me, I will always be considering where do I want to go now. Even on my death bed, probably.

The real problem is, that this is not a defect, and I don't even think a condition, unless you consider there are at least 6 billion 'conditions' in this world, and more being born every second.

That's what we have to get over, not that we should be trying to be the same as others, but that we are really all DIFFERENT, every single one of us, and more important, except for those that want to harm others, it's all right. There is no 'NORMAL', there never was. We've been fooled by a society that wants to believe that, and force it's belief onto everyone, so that they can single individuals out for being different.

We are who and what we are, and there comes a time when we have to take the responsibility for following through to where we can be happy. Some are lucky and do it quickly, for others, it takes longer. Just keep working at it, and believing, and hopefully, we'll all come to that place, where we can openly be who we really are.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest foxy]

i really wouldn't even call it a condition, to be honest most of the things we experience is souly due to society, and what is perceived to be right n wrong for ones sex. so... too bad their is almost no way of changing society to think differently. so... we get nice little labels slapped on us like we're abnormal, when in reality Normal in itself is a false label. nothing is normal, normal is just a group of people with simultaneity who portray them on others to folow those simultaneity. so in the end calling it a condition or a defect is really the choice of words we chose to use to explain to others the choices we chose and things we enjoy. in the end everything is just what we as individuals chose to say to explain to others our reasoning behind what we do.

so, for me its not a condition or a defect its just my way to think and act

p.s hope i didn't throw anyone for a mental loop upon reading that

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

While I agree with your analysis of our problem here is a condition, I still believe and will continue to call that useless growth between my legs a birth defect.

Charlene Leona

[Guest yvonne]

ok I will play the devils advocate here, does that mean that any other condition you are born with is not a birth defect but a birth condition? In strict medical parlance can it be cured, or is it a case of the syptoms being managed effectively and thus alleviated to the point that minimal medication is needed, bearing in mind that we (MTFs) will be on estrogen for the rest of our days, full cure to my mind would mean no meds at all

Hi Sweet Sister,

OK, I'll let you play the devil here, but you're not very good at being one....

First off, I'm really addressing myself to our self-image, what's really wrong (mental or physical) and what's the "cure" compared to living with the condition.

Far too many of us have a poor self image as a result of our condition. To call it a "defect" implies that we're defective or NOT OK. We tend to think of ourselves as "not OK", while everyone else in the world "Is OK".

In my case, most of my adult life, I could only express myself as a cross-dresser and this caused me personal shame and conflict, as I saw this as a perverted behavior. I was unable to stop doing it, didn't understand for the life of me what drove me to do it, and was completely embarrassed as a result of it.

Simple things, like not wanting to use a men's locker room to shower because everyone would snicker because I had my legs shaved. I never felt comfortable around a group of men, although I was considered a very successful man, I still wasn't right and didn't feel good about myself. Therefore, to call it a defect was to put myself below other people. I wasn't "normal" and normal people surely didn't do what I did.

Now, what's really wrong is amazingly simple: I have a hormone problem. Easily corrected, but a terrible thing to live with and not fix. To NOT fix this is the real pain, the mental anguish and internal torment. We all understand this, but those of us who have not yet "seen the light" are suffering tremendously.

As a young person, there was no internet and the libraries weren't a lot of help. Believe me, I know, for I sought more information on many occasions. You just didn't talk about this to anyone. Transvestites--even the word sounds awful.

Far too many of us shy away from the "cure". Become a girl? Are you out of your ever-loving mind? You'll look like an ugly man in a dress, no one will talk to you, no one will hire you and you'll die of exposure living under a bridge without a friend in the world. That's no cure to me, I'll take the pain, thank you very much.

Most of us now know that to transition is a simple, logical process that can result in a normal life, or a lot more normal than living on the street.

So, you take medicine (hormones) on a regular basis for the rest of your life. Well, so do many who suffer blood pressure or heart problems. There's no shame in that. As long as you take your meds, you're fine, right? You're OK now.

Well, we're OK now. We no longer have to fear the fix. It's a lot better than the disease. There's no shame in that, either.

How'd I do?

Yvonne

[Sally]

Being Donna Jean's age (almost - she's old, oh no so am I ) I grew up in that totally repressive society and carefully taught to hate people like me - never trust them or even allow them to be themselves - this made calling it a birth defect was such a far cry above perversion and mental illness that I accepted it, condition sounds even better but I just prefer to think of my sell as a woman who is just a very late bloomer!

Just a quick note here - all post op transsexuals have to take hormones for the rest of their lives - FTMs too - the body needs hormones to function and once the major producers of the bodies predominant hormone E or T has been removed it must be replaced for all of the bodies organs to continue to function properly.

It's not a perversion, mental illness, birth defect or condition - it is a gift, the gift to see and live life from both sides.

Get a positive attitude everybody - it well make life so much happier - it is working for me!

We are Gender Gifted!

I love you all,

Sally

[Guest viv]

Hi Sally,

I think you got it there . Luv, viv

[Guest Leah1026]

ok I will play the devils advocate here, does that mean that any other condition you are born with is not a birth defect but a birth condition? In strict medical parlance can it be cured, or is it a case of the syptoms being managed effectively and thus alleviated to the point that minimal medication is needed, bearing in mind that we (MTFs) will be on estrogen for the rest of our days, full cure to my mind would mean no meds at all

I have been involved in a running argument with someone at Yahoo Answers about this.

Basically I agree with the original post: It is a birth condition. The difference is as far as people can see their is nothing physically wrong with us. Our condition is one that can't be seen with the naked eye, but it can be seen by anyone with an open mind and a heart. That said every day researchers are finding more and more clues towards a physical cause. Almost all gender experts now agree that gender identity is inborn and unchangeable. It's something that's programmed in during gestation.

When a person is born is born with a gender identity that is odds with their physical body that's called transsexualism. The distress caused by being born this way is two-fold:

Body dysphoria: We know our bodies are not right and we are acutely aware of how it should be.

Social dysphoria: Society treats us inappropriately because they see us as something we're not.

Transition can more or less eliminate both of those. A transsexual person is someone who's body and brain do not match. After transition that is no longer true and thus the person is no longer transsexual. Now this is the important part, read slowly:

Transsexualism is a medical condition, it is NOT an identity.

An unaccepting and ignorant society wants to believe it is, but it is not.

Medications: Lots of medical conditions require medications and, yes, some for a lifetime. But do those medications define the persons identity? No they don't.

Another point I need to make here:

You are NOT a transsexual (noun), you are a transsexual person (adjective).

What's the difference? The former indicates that you're buying into the wrongheaded idea that transsexualism is an identity (and by extension a choice). When one is in transition it's often difficult to tell the difference because we are all consumed with the nuts and bolts of transition. But guess what? There's going to come a day when you're done transition and you're just leading a "normal" life.

When you started transition did you say "I'm transitioning to be a transsexual"? Or did you say "I'm a woman (man for you guys)"?

I'm amazed when look back now. I literally have no idea how I managed to transition. The reason is I've forgotten how bad it used to be. Cognitively I realize it must have happened, but I can't recall the details. The distress I used to feel has been replaced with a great appreciation of how wonderful life is. I don't know how else to describe it and I hope you all have the chance to experience this kind of peace and fulfillment. Is my life perfect? No, but I am the woman I should have been. And isn't that the point?

[Sally]

Transsexualism is a medical condition, it is NOT an identity.

And let the church shout Amen!

Let's shout that all around the playground and to anyone and everyone that you know - spread the word!

Thanks, Leah!

You have such a great way of putting things into perspective, I am no more defined by that title than I am by my job or my height it is all a pert of me but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts - and I am so much more.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I have been involved in a running argument with someone at Yahoo Answers about this.

Basically I agree with the original post: It is a birth condition. The difference is as far as people can see their is nothing physically wrong with us. Our condition is one that can't be seen with the naked eye, but it can be seen by anyone with an open mind and a heart. That said every day researchers are finding more and more clues towards a physical cause. Almost all gender experts now agree that gender identity is inborn and unchangeable. It's something that's programmed in during gestation.

When a person is born is born with a gender identity that is odds with their physical body that's called transsexualism. The distress caused by being born this way is two-fold:

Body dysphoria: We know our bodies are not right and we are acutely aware of how it should be.

Social dysphoria: Society treats us inappropriately because they see us as something we're not.

Transition can more or less eliminate both of those. A transsexual person is someone who's body and brain do not match. After transition that is no longer true and thus the person is no longer transsexual. Now this is the important part, read slowly:

Transsexualism is a medical condition, it is NOT an identity.

An unaccepting and ignorant society wants to believe it is, but it is not.

Medications: Lots of medical conditions require medications and, yes, some for a lifetime. But do those medications define the persons identity? No they don't.

Another point I need to make here:

You are NOT a transsexual (noun), you are a transsexual person (adjective).

What's the difference? The former indicates that you're buying into the wrongheaded idea that transsexualism is an identity (and by extension a choice). When one is in transition it's often difficult to tell the difference because we are all consumed with the nuts and bolts of transition. But guess what? There's going to come a day when you're done transition and you're just leading a "normal" life.

When you started transition did you say "I'm transitioning to be a transsexual"? Or did you say "I'm a woman (man for you guys)"?

I'm amazed when look back now. I literally have no idea how I managed to transition. The reason is I've forgotten how bad it used to be. Cognitively I realize it must have happened, but I can't recall the details. The distress I used to feel has been replaced with a great appreciation of how wonderful life is. I don't know how else to describe it and I hope you all have the chance to experience this kind of peace and fulfillment. Is my life perfect? No, but I am the woman I should have been. And isn't that the point?

Leah let me start by saying I fully agree with everything you just said. I was trying, not very successfully, to interject some stuff that might have stirred some debate. Interestingly enough I dont even identify with transsexual anymore, though I know I am, in my heart, mind, body and soul I am a woman, pure and simple. For me and by extention also lesbian but that is by the by.

My dysphoria eases daily now the spiro and knocked my T down from in the hundreds to 23 Ng/Dl and the estrogen is doing its job. With a move back to Canada next year surgery is back on the table for me, and I intend to have it. My life right now is as normal as it can get, almost mundanely so, I do all the things that any other woman needs to do, looking after the house, shopping, work (yes I am fully out) my other life is just that something in my past that I dont really think about too much.