Identifying Issues

[Guest Starkstrom]

Okay, I thought about starting this thing here, wondering if it's the right place...

I'm just at the beginning of my transition, no surgery, no T, not even a therapist yet.

At the moment I'm trying to come out as male to some friends and to my profs at college. While doing that a new issue occured; I'm always telling them that I don't feel like a female and that I'd like to be called by my male name. Well with the profs I just asked them to use my male name when taking presence and stuff...

I also wrote some huge letters (but never sent them anyway).

It suddenly occured to me that I can't get myself to speak about myself as ftm or trans.

Well, I can do it if talking to other transfolks, but not to "normal" people.

I don't know what it is... maybe it sounds so severe... maybe it has some kind of a sexual touch to it... I can't tell.

Not that I have problems with labels, they can be bad, but also they make things easier.

Without being prude or something, but I can't relate to myself as a sexual being.

I don't blush if friends tell me about who/how they ****** the last night, I actually find it funny sometimes.

It just kinda scares me off thinking about me as someone who should have been ****** aaaages ago (I'm getting 21 next week and I'm still a virgin... sounds pathetic, but I don't intend on changing that while in a female body... ever.)

I like looking at women as well as men, but there's no sexual attraction. I've been with both of them but as soon as it gets physical and the "female" role gets thrown at me, I take off. It insults me!

Now I'm a self-proclaimed asexual...

To be honest, I have no idea what's wrong with me...

Is identifying with "ftm" or "trans" a matter of getting used to it?

Was anyone as confused with his/her sexual orientation (respectively the lack of it) as I am at this time?

I just tend to think too much... I make a huge deal out of everything (e.g. my coming out) and I always suspect the worst to happen... I can't help...

Also I live in a difficult family situation.

Now on my own in a new city, 5246 miles away from home I'm trying to find myself... But I just discover new problems... It just SUCKS!

Sorry, I'm chatty today

Simon.-

[Guest Sergei]

I really wouldn't worry about your sexuality. Think about your gender first. I was the same, I always liked men, which really confused me, because I thought it was then right that I should have been born female. Eventually the gender stuff bothered me so much, that I decided I would fix that first, and then worry about issues like my sexuality later. I was the same as you. I'm 21, and I was a virgin up until 2 months ago. I've had no treatment either, but started living full time since the end of August 07. I think just the confidence and comfort I got from that helped me, feel more comfortable as a sexual being. Ironically I lost my virginity to a woman, even though I still feel more attracted to men! I try not to worry. Sort yourself out first, and then when you start feeling better about that work everything else out.

I've realised that being trans just means we do everything a little bit later than "normal" people. Puberty for one. We're just about to go through that. So relationships and sex we'll just have to wait a bit longer for as well. You'll work it out eventually. Don't feel you have to define yourself right now.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

Gender and sexuality are completely seperate, with the latter being relevant to the former, but it's not uncommon to get a mental link between the two.

You don't have to worry about your sexuality though. It's really not a problem right now... at least it shouldn't be.

[Guest Rika-chama]

For me I can't say the word transsexual out loud. Like it's some kind of taboo or something. I say it online a lot but never out loud. When coming out I say things like "I should be a boy" or "I want to be a boy" but never trans. I don't know why. It's just scary to admit such a thing

As for orientation I went through hell to figure out mine also. My best friend (guy) and I started dating about 2 years back and although I could tell he was happy I wasn't. I thought I was bisexual but I knew that I really wasn't. I liked girls not guys and I finally came out to everybody. Luckily I found acceptance and love even from him. About a year later I knew something was still wrong and I finally figured out why, I'm trans. Personally don't worry about your orientation right now. You have your gender to work on. I'm 18 and still a virgin so don't feel too bad there. Sex doesn't interest me at the moment because of my body and although I would love a girlfriend I am not pursuing one.

Personally identifying as trans took me forever to get used to. Don't feel bad about how you feel. It's tough to identify as something new to you

Ni-paa~

[Guest Ryles_D]

To be honest, I have no idea what's wrong with me...

Is identifying with "ftm" or "trans" a matter of getting used to it?

Was anyone as confused with his/her sexual orientation (respectively the lack of it) as I am at this time?

You want AVEN. asexuality.org Check it out. It's for asexuals, useful as anything, and pretty good people. We get plenty of "I don' tknow what I am"s, too. If you see RDraconis- feel free to say hi.

Honestly, nothing's wrong with you. Some people like sex, some people want nothing more than to be ina 24/7 orgy, some people don't care about it, some people don't like it, some people get completely repulsed by the idea of it. Like everything else, there's a bell curve and you just happen to be a bit farther to the "uninterested" side than most. And it's not necessarily permanent, either, it's just how you are right now. Don't worry.

I'm FTN, but realized the asexual thing first (I actually came across lauras because someone mentioned chest binders on there and I started researching). If nothing else, don't worry about the asexuality. Deal with your gender issues first, get everything there straightened out. When you've got a better idea about who you are and how you feel about that, then you can start worrying about who you want to sleep with, if anyone.