A Man Sayes He Wants To Marrie Me

[Guest Jonie]

I have a 27 year old man that says he is in love with me. he has ben telling me that for a while know.he has said that he loves me from the first day he has seen my pitchers that I have on one of my ads.he has ben wanting me to tell him that I love him but I can not do that because, I have never meet him in person.he wanted me to move in with him in new jersey and I just could not do it. he even said that he has a job for me in his store. I would really like that because I could be me working there.I stopped talking to him for a while because he was wanting to move way to fast for me.he got a hold of me last night, and says that he is going to move his business and get a house where I am.

My question if he dose do what he says he is going to do, and I don`t think it will work out between us. how would I handle it after some one goes threw all of that just to be with me. I could not just trow him away and feel good about it .what do yall think.

[Guest NatalieRene]

I have a 27 year old man that says he is in love with me. he has ben telling me that for a while know.he has said that he loves me from the first day he has seen my pitchers that I have on one of my ads.he has ben wanting me to tell him that I love him but I can not do that because, I have never meet him in person.he wanted me to move in with him in new jersey and I just could not do it. he even said that he has a job for me in his store. I would really like that because I could be me working there.I stopped talking to him for a while because he was wanting to move way to fast for me.he got a hold of me last night, and says that he is going to move his business and get a house where I am.

My question if he dose do what he says he is going to do, and I don`t think it will work out between us. how would I handle it after some one goes threw all of that just to be with me. I could not just trow him away and feel good about it .what do yall think.

Ok you've never even seen him face to face and he is telling you that he loves you?! You haven't given him your address have you? I hope that phone number is unlisted so he can't look it up in a phone book or reverse phone number check from a web site. He's setting off all sorts of red flags that scare me. I would proceed with extreme caution if at all.

[Carolyn Marie]

Jonie, I'm with Natalie on this one. This guy smells like bad news. He is almost certainly a predator and probably has a fetish for transwomen.

Do not go anywhere near this guy. Please, we want you to be safe. You know next to nothing about him. Its easy for anyone to say anything over

the internet and make up whatever story he wants you to believe.

Stay away from him, Jonie. Do not give him your phone number, address or anything else that can identify you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ChalenAustin]

There's no shame in calling the police on him. This is illegal and harassment.

Call them on his sorry rear.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Jonie

Well I agree with the others to keep your information safe. But if you're interested in him perhaps you could find a good friend that could do a background check on him. There is many sites on the internet that you can find out all about someone if you have a name and address on them. Though even if the background check turns out good I would still be cautious, perhaps only meet in well populated areas and don't allow him any information about yourself until you know him better.

Keep your safety first on your list and follow your instincts.

LUV

Jean

[Guest JoshuaJennifer]

Although I may come across as a tad confident saying this, but I think some may agree that you have to put aside any trusting and hopeful nature you have and, to put it simply, 'cut the cords'.

[Guest Javey]

Sounds like a stalker. I'd be REALLY careful.

[MaryEllen]

When in doubt, DON'T. This guy is bad news. Run, don't walk to the nearest exit.

MaryEllen

[Guest JoshuaJennifer]

Make sure this guy doesn't get ahold of any personal information he could use to locate you, cut as much contact with him as humanly possible and where you can't, literally ignore him no matter what on all occations (seems pointless but after a few weeks of you not talking, he might start wanting to move on).

If he starts getting more persistant and actually tries to find you, you could think about getting the law involved, but I don't know too much about that so don't quote me, but it's always an option.

[Guest Anna_Banana]

Jonie,

Please, do not let your heart intervene on this one. He may seem like he's nice, but he's most definitely a predator. No one loves you just by seeing your picture in an ad. People get killed this way. Stay far away and cease communication with this person. Don't even tell him that you are going to stop talking to him. Just stop talking. Informing him might get him angry, which can lead to danger. I promise you aren't the first person to be in this exact situation.

.Anna

[Guest CharlieRose]

Make sure this guy doesn't get ahold of any personal information he could use to locate you, cut as much contact with him as humanly possible and where you can't, literally ignore him no matter what on all occations (seems pointless but after a few weeks of you not talking, he might start wanting to move on).

Ditto.

It wouldn't be mean to cut off contact or call the cops on him if you feel you need to. This guy is not being rational and probably has some deep issues. You don't owe him anything. If you have to, give him one last strong and resolute NO! before you cut off contact. You don't even know him, and he doesn't even know you! He's not thinking clearly.

[Guest Anna_Banana]

f you have to, give him one last strong and resolute NO! before you cut off contact. You don't even know him, and he doesn't even know you! He's not thinking clearly.

Negative on that. Telling predators you are going to stop talking to them can get them angry. Angry people get desperate and sometimes track you down. Its better to just stop communicating altogether.

.Anna

[Guest CharlieRose]

Negative on that. Telling predators you are going to stop talking to them can get them angry. Angry people get desperate and sometimes track you down. Its better to just stop communicating altogether.

.Anna

Well, then, I take that back. (I don't have experience this, just saying what I would do)

[Guest NatalieRene]

Just going silent doesn't always work . A graceful way out might be in order. Something like a business trip that you have to go on and you'll be out of the state or country for several months and that you like him so much that you wouldn't want him to have to wait on you so you are releasing him. With any luck psychologically he will think he is calling it off as not to get upset and if not at least you now have the perfect excuse to go silent and not communicate with him a moment longer. You might also consider moving if possible and changing your phone number just to be safe if he has information like your last name, phone number or (I hope not) your address.

[Guest julia_d]

Really.. how long have you been communicating with this person? .. how much do you know about them.. like really know that is true?

It's a little worrying with this guys methods and pressuring of the situation. My relationship has grown from 2 people who had been friends for a long time to planning a whole life together. It's about 4 years on now and doing great. I'm pretty sure he fell in love with my stealth persona and when I eventually came out to him it didn't change anything at all. We started our relationship after that.. when the air was clear and we both knew where we stand.

Over 40's have different needs from a relationship... it's not all about sex, there is a love and respect and wanting to do stuff together aspect that younger people totally seem to miss. This guy seems to be all about the physical, like you are somehow seen as something he wants to own.. is not getting online and talking on irc or msn good enough to get to know somebody? With my guy it's all we have, and we will both make ourselves late missing appointments and trains because we are together all the time.

Unlike everybody else I'm going to suggest finding a lot more out about him without exposing yourself to danger. He seems very pushy.. so why not tell some white lies.. like the wrong district and stuff.. if he is on the level he will be totally open about himself.. who he knows, where he goes, what he likes socially and all that kind of thing. I think I'm being honest when I say that relationships are built on trust.. he seems way too forward for me, but that could be just his style.. I would tell him that I am interested in possibly being friends for now (more little white lies.. hurt in previous relationship etc) but I have to get to trust somebody before going any further. See what that does.. I have a lot of experience in these matters. The right person usually comes from in your circle of friends.. even online friends, but they are usually friends before anything else. My guy is my best mate, and at the same time the person I love and trust completely. We have no secrets from each other.. at all.. now.. after about 4 years.

I guess I read people well.. it's an experience thing. His methods are dodgy to say the least, but that doesn't immediately flag him as bad, just somebody to stand back from and look at in more depth. I like the business trip idea as a test of how much he really is interested.. try that one and post his response.. Give him a throwaway free webmail which you will be using on your "trip" and see how often he hassles it along with what he says. other people can learn from these experiences also. (if I was to post a chunk of my irc logs with my lover you would be shocked at the totally mundane junk we talk about.. tonight we have been talking about a pie shop near the airport.. of all things, along with the decor of the local dole office.. normal couples talk, just like we would if we were sitting at breakfast instead of 10,000 miles and 11 hours apart)

Not all people are bad, it's just some men are inexperienced at this stuff.. you need to get to know a lot more about what makes him tick before coming to any decisions to share real personal information. Phone number is bad enough.. hope he doesn't have your address yet. I'm not going to post my "detect a stalker" guide, but I have one and it has looked after me over the years.

Above all be safe.. This all sounds very hidden and behind closed doors at the moment. A relationship should be out and in the public eye.. it's something private that isn't meant to be. Furtive things are dangerous.. safety is in broad daylight. DO NOT let this guy come to your house.. if you want to meet at any time make sure it;s somewhere you are known and is very public.. also somewhere that has more than one way out and pointless options to take to check if you are being followed.. I have got on the wrong bus and gone a couple of stops before now.. just to check.

I have a rule.. it's from a James Bond book..

Once is happenstance

Twice is coincidence

3 times is enemy action...

See the same person or car 3 times in close succession in places they can't be by accident.. that rings alarm bells for me..

[Sally]

Jonie,

I am a little less paranoid than I used to be, I would give this person the benefit of the doubt that he might be very lonely and not a predator, However now that I have said that I will tell you why I would not want to pursue this relationship.

If he is a predator - bad news, if he is just that terribly lonely it is still bad news.

You have been in contact with him and seemed nice but to him he has probably picked up on the fact that you are lonely and would like someone to accept you, seeming needy or desperate is a great sign for men who haven't had much luck with love (trust me - I know, probably explained my marriage).

You don't want to settle for someone who sees you as someone with no place else to turn - you are better than that you aren't someone who needs pity nor someone who is desperate - you deserve better and without getting entangled with this one you will have the opportunity to find that special someone who loves you AFTER they meet you.

We so often sell ourselves short because we are trans and believe that we are somehow damaged goods - we are not so don't rummage around in the thrift stores for love when there is a Nordstrom's in the area.

I hope that you can gracefully let him down but I do not think he is not the type to meet you and then let you go, I believe he is too lonely for that.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jonie]

Jonie,

I am a little less paranoid than I used to be, I would give this person the benefit of the doubt that he might be very lonely and not a predator, However now that I have said that I will tell you why I would not want to pursue this relationship.

If he is a predator - bad news, if he is just that terribly lonely it is still bad news.

You have been in contact with him and seemed nice but to him he has probably picked up on the fact that you are lonely and would like someone to accept you, seeming needy or desperate is a great sign for men who haven't had much luck with love (trust me - I know, probably explained my marriage).

You don't want to settle for someone who sees you as someone with no place else to turn - you are better than that you aren't someone who needs pity nor someone who is desperate - you deserve better and without getting entangled with this one you will have the opportunity to find that special someone who loves you AFTER they meet you.

We so often sell ourselves short because we are trans and believe that we are somehow damaged goods - we are not so don't rummage around in the thrift stores for love when there is a Nordstrom's in the area.

I hope that you can gracefully let him down but I do not think he is not the type to meet you and then let you go, I believe he is too lonely for that.

Love ya,

Sally

I will have to say that every body agrees that this is not a good idea for me. in my heart I felt it to. I just did not want to admit it to my self.I will stop the contact slowly so that hopefully he dose not get mad at me and I will definitely be keeping an eye on my back.he very possibly dose know where I live. dummy me never thought about him looking it up in the phone book.my brains don`t think that far ahead some times. Thank you all for all of the advice and opening my eyes and head very much. Jonie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Jonie,

Sorry, but I am confused here. How does this person communicate with you? Email? Phone? How does he know how to contact you. If he only saw you in ad pictures then chances are that this person is a stalker and extremely dangerous!!!

How did this person know how to contact you? Was you contact information associated with your ad pictures? If so, have those pictures recalled at once. Contact information out to the public is opening you up for every kind personality climbing out of the wood work.

Please be careful hon.

Be smart. Protect yourself.

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Jonie]

Hi Jonie,

Sorry, but I am confused here. How does this person communicate with you? Email? Phone? How does he know how to contact you. If he only saw you in ad pictures then chances are that this person is a stalker and extremely dangerous!!!

How did this person know how to contact you? Was you contact information associated with your ad pictures? If so, have those pictures recalled at once. Contact information out to the public is opening you up for every kind personality climbing out of the wood work.

Please be careful hon.

Be smart. Protect yourself.

HUGS

Brenda

we started talking on the internet. then he ask me to call him on the phone becouse it was eser to talk that way than on the internet.and I never even thout about blocking my number when I caled him.I really just thout he wanted to just talk. I had not idiea that he was going to tell me that he loved me and all of that. I really did not.

[Guest viv]

Hi Jonie,

There is a very strong opinion running through all the replies to your post .

And that is you should back away from this one hun, time to get outa Dodge.

You will meet a kind guy sometime in the future, plenty of time .

Please make the sensible decision, walk away. No matter what the topic though

hun, nice to hear from you again, luv,viv