A Little Overwhelmed

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Waking up this worning (middle of the night really, but i crashed out through exhaustion last night) and feeling just a tad bit overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of what's ahead.

Biggest hurdle at the moment, is facing my doctor, i've been thinking about it all weekend and still don't know how or what to tell her. My plan was to write a letter, hopefully supported by a letter from my care worker, (care worker sounds like i'm 80 and living in a home, but I don't know what else to call her) and then schedule a double appointment to let her ask her questions / follow up etc.

But right now I can't even find the words for a letter, do a write her a life story? or do I keep it short and factual, this is what i am, this is what i'm doing, this is what i want from you as my doctor. That is do I need to justify, rationalise my actions for her. I suppose I need to be thinking about getting that eventual GID diagnosis, not that i really want any more labels stuck on my medical record, but i'm going to need this one.

it has to go well, my past bad experiences have left me incredibly phobic, and i absolutely need this, there is just no alternative.

Also on my to do list for the near future

find some way of covering my shadow, I can shave so close that I bleed for an hour and I still look, uugh. I think I otherwise have quite feminine facial features and it'd make me feel a whole lot better about myself to look in the mirror and see someone who dressed right might actually pass.

Get the very first haircut I've ever paid more than £10 for.

Find a less masculine coat / jacket - tho i really like my corded jacket

In the new year I hope to be able to afford my first laser session. (i've always wanted rid of my facial hair anyway, so even in the increasingly unlikely event that change my mind, i'm not going to want my stubble back)

Well on a happy note, I bought a pair of jeans yesterday (UK) size 16, I was very, very chuffed, and my sister was totally jealous i've lost about 20 pounds in 6 months. Have about the same amount to go again, but i'm really going for it now, I'd love to get down to a 12, but i'm 5'10" so i think I might look, and possibly have to be sick to get that thin, I have unfortunately rather broad shoulders.

[Carolyn Marie]

Sam, whether to tell your doctor in person or write her a letter is up to you, obviously. You know best whether you handle such things better verbally

or in writing. Either way, I would just lay it out in chronological order without a lot of drama. Tell when you first started feeling like you are a girl,

and exactly how you felt that way. Come all the way up to the present. Explain that you have done a lot of research on it, and you are pretty certain

that you are TG. If you've had issues with depression or other symptoms, mention those too. Be as honest as you can. Honesty cannot hurt you, but

dishonesty can.

Good luck, Sam.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest julia_d]

GP's (from experience) don't like letters.. Mine thought I was avoiding them and trying to pull a fast one when I had to write once instead of seeing them in person. (work pressure really but) They flat ignored it until I went and spoke with them in person.

They don't bite, if you are scared of talking about your matters with them then that is something you have to deal with. It's not easy going talking about it. Best thing sometimes is have a think first about what you need to say, then make an appointment and go and say it. I'm not going to tell you what to say, but my doc at the time .. well.. we had a good working relationship and all he said in return was "about time" .. so there it was.. as easy as that.

What you want is a referral to a shrink.. to get the all clear for any other mental health problems that might be a block.. GIC's are a problem right now... CX may be the only option, and they suck. You should be able to do everything through your GP .. informed consent is a good term to throw about.. I had a blazing argument with my last doctor on a matter of informed consent vs ethics and neglect.. resulting in me writing a formal complaint to the PCT and changing my doctor. Just about any psych can authorise HRT monitored by your GP, if that is what you want, but try to steer clear of the general mental health service.. they have some pretty messed up ideas.. Be warned that pathways will be forced on you against your choice or desires. It's unacceptable but there is nothing we can do about it right now..

[Sally]

Hello Sam,

I am not to sure about all of the steps necessary in the UK so I will only address fully the telling your Doctor issue.

On your next visit, just tell him.

I went to a new Doctor, I had been taking my parents to him for a couple of years and I thought that I might want to have a doctor before I started HRT (my Endocrinologist is in another city and couldn't really do much for other types of medical needs anyway) so I set up an appointment and when he had started the exam I told him.

I just said that I was a transsexual and I was planning on starting my HRT very shortly and I wanted to be sure that he was OK with that.

He looked at me without any change of expression and said are you planning on going all the way to a sex change? (not the current terminology but obviously he had understood me and believed me)

I told him yes and that I was looking (at that time) for an Endo - he had told me that he would help me as best he could but had no experience with reading the blood tests and what to look for so he was relieved when I told him that I would have a specialist for that.

Good doctors are at heart very compassionate people, they are in medicine to help and to heal and are not about the money, some doctors are just about the money - they will be less understanding.

I hope that you have one of the good ones - but either way don't make a big deal out of it and worry about it, just do it.

Good luck.

Love ya,

Sally