Update

[Guest HaidyBearxx]

So. First, UPDATE:

My expulsion trial hearing thing is at the school city building tomorrow at 10.30. God im so nervous. Why am i so stupid!? <rant> i hate this crap iuugghh i need to think more so many things could be going well if it werent for my lack in common sense!!</rant>

Im really scared. I hope i dont get expelled or ill seriously lose iy and fall off the face of the earth. Ive been stuck in my room for almost two weeks already and im going crazy! Not to mention the exhausting chores.

(so i forgot to add my dream. Flippin iPod not letting me scroll down!! D:< anyways. I had a dream last night that i finally got to start T and get boys clothes and etc. Also, somehow or the other i got a chest surgery and a waitig bottom surgery fer free for having a severe sometuing or the other?? XD insurance covered it completely. So yeah. Needless to say, in my dream, when i was at school no one talked to me. And anyone who didnt know who tried to talk to me, like thus fictional hott chick named stephanie, they grabbed them and yelled "hes trans its really a chick!" and then that person would make a disgusted face and leave. Then it was likr a year later and it was the summerfest, and i met a group of girls n guys. I went up to a guy and was like "if ur gonna stare at me pay me or scram this freakshow isnt for free" and he said "i just thought yu were cute" then we sat togethrr and someone yelled out to them and i started to leave before they could yell at me, and he said "we dont care. Yu look like a boy dress like a boy sound like a boy so to us yur a cute lil teddy. (thas how i got my nickname everyone associates me with teddybear). So. Self taugh lesson through my dream? Im scared poopless that no one is going to accept me but i know eventually some will come ariund or ill meet new people who know and dont care. And im ohk with that. )

Im seeing a therapist, a Dr. Abby Smith next tuesday. Shes one psych Ihavent heard of. Hhmm. Suspicous acticity on my parents' end. Anyways, my mom said i gotta go cuz of my "increasing bad behavior, compulsive lying, lack of self help, relapse, and self image issues.". Well, cool, but im not a compulsive liar, i just didnt tell them everything, yeah, actually beach i am helping myself, uhh, what the heck am i relapsing into, cuz im not. Hopefully the self image issue is the "gender mix up situation" as she puts it. Fingers crossed!? Opefully this psych will actually listen to me and not be so much my last, who was, Captain Obvious!!

Ita friend: ita=in the area: i told my first friend, dusty, about me and my decision. She said "bet ur parents are happy" lol and said she kinda figured(o_o????) and that we need to hang out sometime.

Tell a friend in my town: SUCCESS.

Also, i might just possibly be gone for a while most likely a month. Only if i get expelled, though. Because my life will, undoubtedly, end more so than now. I havent seen anyone outside of my house for two weeks now. Ive watched almost every movie inthe house. Im not allowed on the pc or phone. (im on my iTouch they dont know yu can get on the internet) and honestly this is the only thing keeping my sanity. That and emailing my girlfriend.

Update: my girlfriend found out i cheated on her in our first/ second motny of dating (i was drunk. No worries no sex!) and shr still loves me!! ;_; i so do not deserve someone like her. Shes beautiful Nd the other day i spent like an hour trying to convince her shes got a cute fce and a hot body. XD hahah. Tmi, huh..?

Love ya!

-Haidy

[Carolyn Marie]

I wish you luck, Haidy. It sounds like you want to make a fresh start and do all the right things. Thinking it

and doing it are two different things altogether. You have to show your parents and the school officials that

you arent't just singing their song to stay on their good side. You have to mean it. I hope that you do.

We are pulling for you, hon. Do what you need to do to stay in school and stay out of trouble. We will be

here to support you all the way.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie