An Explanation

[Guest Jean Davis]

Please bear with me on this.

Many of you have probably seen that I have not been posting as much lately or have not been myself. It's not that I don't want to, it's more that I can't right at this particular time. This has been a problem for me since I was young, I'm guessing that it had something to do with my upbringing. When I was very young my mother says that I was curious about things and very stubborn, and my mother has a temper to her. So when I wanted things I went for them over and over again and again. Well at first my mother would slap my hand or bottom to try and make me stop, but that never worked. I remember my mother telling me and others that she would slap my hand until it was red and I would still persist with what I wanted. She recognized that at times her temper would flare and she needed to figure out some other way to discipline me before she would do some real harm. Her solution to my misbehavior was to move the things out of my reach (if that was what I was after) and ignore me as a punishment. This continued until I moved out, after that she figured out that ignoring me had no effect since I moved out of town. So it changed, now if I would bring up a subject that she did not like she would say it was stupid or talk over me.

My father on the other hand, well lets just say that he never did try to take any interest in my life. I will always affectionately know my father as the over sized sofa pillow that knew how to use the television remote to turn up the volume.

Now don't get me wrong here, I love and respect my parents. They did the best they knew how to raise me, but with my temper and other problems that I was experiencing I wish I could have gotten some therapy. But I really didnt like that punishment that I got so I never brought up any of the problems I had, so they had no way of knowing.

As I grew up I developed a thick skin and a feeling that no one really cared about my problems. I learned to handle the problems I had by myself by isolating myself and working things out. The things I couldn't work out I could bury most of the time, but as most of us know those don't stay buried. Which brings us to now, I thought I would have been able to get through this with haveing all you wonderful people here, but appearantly I'm still having a bit of problems with it. I would love to talk with some one about things, but after so many years everything gets mixed together so much that all it comes to the surface as is an empty emotion that I can't put an explination to. Along with the thick skin I got I'm not even sure if I could talk even if I wanted to. Thus I'm having a hard time giving any advice or support at this time, I'm truely sorry about that.

So please bear with me during this tough time I'm having and I'll get back to normal in a bit.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Amy937]

Be strong girl! I know you can get through it alright. My parents were of a similar sort, they just ignore everything about me, so I've also become very self reliant, but I think it's a good thing, you get things done more efficiently. I have some times where things are though too but I just try to smile more and be positive, and things normally turn out alright.

[Guest nova]

I'll be thinking of you. I hope you feel better soon!

[Sally]

Jean, Sweetheart,

I am so sorry that you are feeling so down.

You do know that you can call me - I can talk enough for both of us!

You know I love you so don't shut me out, please.

Sally

[Guest mia 1]

Listen Jeannie these holidays suck the big one and people start reflecting on all the B.S. and crap that went on in their lives..the days are short especially in the norther tier states..so you have a bit of reflection and a peek into your earlier life....believe me we have all gone through this miasma of anger and a feeling of shortcomings and an outbreak of writers block....put on some lipstick go to the mall and but yourself a Christmas Present.....and sign the Gosh darned thing to Jean Davis with love

Jean and mean it..

Lovin' you kid.

Mom

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Jean Hon,

Please know that I love you, and I truely understand. For what it is worth (so that you know that you were not the only one raised with corporal punishment). My parent's used to use what ever was handly to beat me with. It could have been a cooking ladel, a hanger, a lamp, a plate, a fist, a belt, a broom handle, whatever. I remember when I was about 12 thinking that if I ever had kids, I would not do the same thing to them.

Having raised three children, I never raised my hand to them.

You can rise above all of this.

With love

Brenda

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my goodness, Jean....

I'm so sorry that you're feeling out of sorts...

I'll get with you and maybe we can have a beer together.....OK?

With love..

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hey Jean,

Im sure by now you have read the replies to your post . There is

a common theme running through same,,,, LOVE. There sure is a lot of

love here for you hun. Take up Donna Jean"s offer,,,, Mia made a good

suggestion too, buy yourself a nice present . If I can suggest to you Jean,

get as much help as you need to get through this time, these days are your

foundation days, get through this time and you will be all the stronger for

the future . You are not alone hun, we are all **lifers**, here together,

and so much stronger for that. Luv,viv

[Guest Robin Winter]

*Hugs*

Take whatever time you need. We've all been there and will be there again.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Thank you sooo much for your warm replys

OMG, My eyes are leaking. It's not very often I feel this emotion but I recognize it.

I can feel the love and support through your posts and it warm my heart.

Thank you it means soo much to know that there is some one out there that cares.

I wish I could be with all of you this holiday season.

Merry Christmas

LUV

Jean

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thank you sooo much for your warm replys

OMG, My eyes are leaking. It's not very often I feel this emotion but I recognize it.

I can feel the love and support through your posts and it warm my heart.

Thank you it means soo much to know that there is some one out there that cares.

I wish I could be with all of you this holiday season.

Merry Christmas

LUV

Jean

Sweetheart.....

Your eyes are leaking because you were being silly with me and Sally last night and we laughed 'til we cried...

It was wonderful....

I hope that you're in a better place today...If you're not, I may just have to call you again and tell you some more awful jokes! Got lots of 'em!

We care, Jean......you're loved!

HUGGGGGGGGGS!

Donna Jean