Interesting Christmas Card

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Well not so much that the card was interesting but the messages inside it were and revealed a lot about my acceptance around the family. My brother was writing the card (mum went blind a month or so ago); there were two messages in the card, one from mum and the other from my brother and his partner. The one from mum was addressed to oldname and wife's name, the one from my brother was totally accepting and gender appropriate. My gf and I had a good chuckle about the dual message. In the same vein I talked to my brother and mother over xmas, mum ended up talking to her son (even though it hurts its a battle im not going to fight), then when I started talking to my brother the tone changes; he accepts me as his sister and we got to talking bout me walking to work in heels (something I wont do due to distance and rotten road surfaces) and other things that I could never talk to mum about. All in all it made for an interesting series of christmas conversations.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, Hon.............

sometimes the parents have their own denial.....and many think of it as a parenting failure.

We know that not to be true, but it's a hard cycle to break.

Just live your life and in time mum may come aroung and just want you to be happy...

Elderly parents don't change as easily as the younger ones...

It's so hard for them to wrap their minds around....

I'll bet that in time she'll come around to you...just keep living your life....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Dee Jay, like I said its a battle Im not going to fight. She is nearly 80, went blind this year and has a cousin who is in the terminal stages of breast cancer. There is enough going on in her life with out me trying to at least get her to recognize Joanna. She refers to me as her son, in our calls, tells everyone she has two sons neither of whom are normal, what ever that means. If I ever do meet her again, I will go as me because I dont have any more male clothes and refuse to get any, and let the chips fall where they may.

[Sally]

Well I am going to say something that may sound cruel but sometimes that is just the way that life is.

Don't bother buying any male clothes, just tog to see your mom as you, wear something tailored with slacks and no ruffles, don't wear nay breast forms (that may not help for much longer) she is blind and to the touch a lot of womens tailored suits feel like mens without a close inspection.

That sounds so wrong and I am not being insensitive to your mother's blindness but my mother is 86 and has lost a great deal of her vision to glaucoma I am not so sure that she would notice if I arrived at her house wearing make up, dangle earrings and any other accessory as long as I wore pants and did not carry a purse, she has lost the ability to see details unless they are very close.

There is no need to confront her and force her to call you anything different, it is something that you have the strength to deal with while she might not - that is how I treat my mother but unlike you, I live nearby and am called on to drive her places as she cannot and my 89 year old father has never gotten back up and around after his knee replacement a year ago so I will have to talk to her about it again before too much longer as a hug will give me away before too much longer.

You can do this and it is the best thing for your mother right now - you are being a good daughter by letting her think you are her son - that doesn't sound quite rigth but you know what I mean.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Joanna

Take love anyway you can get it. BUT DON"T COMPROMISE. You must be who you are.

Lizzy

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

You can do this and it is the best thing for your mother right now - you are being a good daughter by letting her think you are her son - that doesn't sound quite rigth but you know what I mean.

Sally only in the trans community would that statement make any sense at all. It is how I am going to be, the battle is not worth fighting in my books.

Mum has only a little periferal vision left so there is no way she could really see me at all, I would agree that showing up wearing my favorite Jean Paul Gaultier perfume would not be a grand idea, by my pant suit would be good, she would have to feel the ruffles on my blouse but I can get one to to with that suit that doesnt have ruffles.

@Lizzy I will not go back to being male even if for her benefit i have to spread a lil white lie and let her think I am. She does know about me being trans but doesnt support it. Im not sure if that is the case or if she is just having a rough time with it given everything else that is going on in her life.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, Hon.............

...just keep living your life....

Huggs

Donna Jean

Dee Jay, like I said its a battle Im not going to fight.

Joanna....

That is exactly what I am saying...she knows about you as Trans...

She calls you her son...

So, don't fight it with her...just live your life...

You said that it's difficult to see her....

Just let it play out!

Good luck....

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Hi Joanna,

I have total respect for trans women who "do the right thing" , you know ,

take a responsible line and inform those close family members and friends.

You risk ridicule and loneliness ,between that AND trying to live our Trans

lives ,,,,aint easy is it ?? Sorry re your moms sight. My advice ???? you have

done the difficult stuff Joanna, take the path of least resistance from here on in,

you deserve that imo, Luv,viv