A Dilemma

[Guest chloehobbs]

hello to everyone on the forums, i hope everyone had a good xmas. i have not been around as much as i would have liked recently but things have got complicated.

I am in a dilemma, I have met someone who i really care about and who really cares about me. i have been trying to give the "normal" life a go but i keep going back to being Chloe and needing to move into my transition

I know i love this person but cannot move beyond my feelings of being female and knowing that although I am not in a position to come out and embrace myself as Chloe around others yet, it is something that will need to be addressed in the future.

the conflicting thing is that i don't know if to carry on as normal then come out to this person further into our relationship when i am in a better position to come out or to sit down with her now and talk about this and tell her how i feel.

i am worried that if i leave it until i am ready it will be worse for us than if we talk about it sooner but i don't know how she will react. i know she said she will love me no matter what but i also know that the intimacy is very important to her too and me being chloe may make things uncomfortable

I am feeling that being with her and being Chloe my be opposite paths but i don't want to lose either one. i don't like keeping secrets from her but i am conflicted in how to deal with it.

Chloe

x

[Guest Donna Jean]

This is very hard stuff, Chloe.....

I have to tell you, though....

Coming out sooner is better than later....so many of us wish we had been able to do it so much sooner, but , were conflicted....

If you haven't already...you'll need to see a good gender therapist and they can help you and advise you on how to break the news...

But, things just get more complicated the longer that you wait.

Sometimes there are no "good" answers....just "better" answers.....

Good luck, Sweetheart....

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

I agree with Donna Jean as usual. I have been with my wife now for 15 years. I knew then that I should have been a girl and did nothing about it. I sometimes wish that I could go back and do it all over again and tell her up front. I now have 3 kids and am having trouble myself coming out to her. I would not drag this out as it will only hurt you and her more in the end if it doesn't work out. Good Luck

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Difficult choices! I would stay with this person until you are certain you are deeply committed. Then you MUST tell her. You may lose her but she will have the options that she needs to have.

Remember a woman has a completely different agenda in a relationship (which you too will eventually adopt).

Best of luck.

Lizzy

[Guest Cris]

Hi Chloe,

As hard as it seems, You need to be upfront with the ones you care about. Even if it at this time in your journey you are not out in the open with your true identity, you still should talk to this person. My wife found out 12 years into our marriage and it wasnt a good thing. She found some things that I carelessly or subconciously left out...We still struggle today, 24 years into my marriage.... and one of the things that always gets thrown up in my face is I never gave her the chance to decide if she wanted someone like me in her life. Its never easy, but like others will tell you be upfront. If this person is the one that rocks your world, I think you will have such a better time together with a honest relationship than one of deceit. Good luck.

Cris